NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 20 part 1
Chapter 20: Until You
“Phii…no! Ugh!” I tried to object, but my lips were pressed with another kiss, this one more forceful than any before, as if all restraint had snapped. I closed my eyes, fearfully, my heart racing, about to burst through my chest any moment, my body temperature rising due to the fever. The warm breath from the person in front of me became quicker, indicating he was getting aroused too, which made me feel like I was going crazy.
“Ugh.” The touch of the hands on my body grew more intense, the grip on my thighs tightened as he moved up my back, causing an even stronger emptiness in my lower abdomen, the pain in my core intensifying. I was breathing heavily through both my nose and mouth as I couldn’t handle the sensations anymore, the hot tongue exploring without regard for how close I was to passing out.
“Ah!” I gasped out loud again when suddenly I was pushed down onto the bed, and Phii Joe straddled me, kissing me quickly without giving me a chance to breathe. The warm touch from one hand moved up from my waist, slowly lifting my shirt, while the other hand gripped my waist, massaging around my hips.
My sanity was scattering, every touch felt overwhelming, and I couldn’t resist or oppose it. I was truly going mad.
Why does he…
“Ughh!” When he moved his lips away, sliding his face down to my neck, using the tip of his nose to press and move around. I held my breath as his warm breath played around my neck and ears, slightly startled when he bit to leave red marks, and even more so when Phii Johan started kissing down from my neck to my collarbone, repeatedly kissing my chest.
“Uh! Phii…no, please stop.” I tried to push him away, but the fever had weakened my body, and my head started to feel heavy. Even so, my body still responded to his touches. I started to feel a headache more intense due to the worsening fever. “Phii…uh. I…can’t, please stop.” I tried to say again, my voice weak from exhaustion. Phii Johan slowly stopped his actions, shifting slightly, then moving back to straddle me, leaning his face close, touching my lips gently before pulling away. His sharp gaze looked straight at me, and with the dim light, I could see him to some extent.
Strangely, this time, I didn’t want to look away like before. I returned his gaze, this wasn’t the first time I’ve looked at him this closely, but it was the first time I dared to look into his eyes like this.
His eyes are so beautiful.
His nose too.
His lips as well.
Seeing him this close made me even more sure, he looked perfect in every way.
“Do you want me to stop?”
His deep voice asked, that slight smirk making my heart skip a beat again. Everyone says they can’t resist Phii Johan’s smile like this. I never thought I’d be one of them until now.
And I guess I’m completely defeated by everything…
“Yeah…please.” I whispered.
“Hmm?” Phii Johan whispered near my ear. I flinched at the deep sound.
“What should I do then? If you want me to stop?”
“…” I looked back in confusion, before he lifted me back to the straddling position, making my eye level close to his. This felt like I was being forced not to look away, and soon I felt I couldn’t withstand his gaze, but when I tried to look away, I was pulled even closer. I found myself placing my hand on Phii Joe’s shoulder.
“Ah!” I was startled when he grabbed my waist, pulling our lower bodies even closer, making me more embarrassed, “Uh…I mean, what should I do, you mean…what?”
“…” Phii Johan didn’t respond, just looked back at me, his eyes filled with mischief and malice. I didn’t know what to do, wanting to move away because I was so embarrassed by the way I was straddling him, especially this close. My heart still hadn’t calmed down, and I was breathing heavily.
What to do…when you want to ask for something…
I decided to lean down slightly, bringing my face closer to his, gently touching my lips to his. He responded, but unlike before when he led, this time it seemed he wanted me to take the initiative.
And I…had no idea how to do it.
“Ugh!” I let out a small sound when he bit my lower lip, but Phii Johan still allowed me to continue kissing awkwardly. After a while, I stopped and pulled back.
“Just that?” he raised an eyebrow, his arms around my waist. Looking down at him like this felt really strange, and he looked up at me with an expression that suggested he was enjoying teasing me.
“…”
“Ugh, well, I don’t know.” I said, turning my gaze away, unable to meet his eyes out of shyness.
“Again.”
“Huh…What?”
“Do it again, I’m not satisfied yet.”
!! Cute… I looked at the person in front of me, trying to kiss me while visibly embarrassed and unsure. My face, already red from fever, felt even hotter under his touch. My body temperature was higher than normal due to illness, but it seemed to get even hotter when he touched me.
Seeing that I was sick, I should be patient…very patient, ever since I snuggled into him asking for a hug. But someone like me didn’t know how long I could endure this. My mouth said to stop, but my eyes were saying something else, his soft, inviting skin all over, the faint sweet scent, the sweet voice whispering in my ear, calling out to me.
I was the one who was about to go mad.
I glanced at the red marks I had left on him with satisfaction; they stood out starkly against his fair skin. There were marks all over his neck and down to his chest, more than last time, almost without realizing how many I had made.
And they were marks of ownership too.
“Uh, Phii…can we stop now, please?” he asked softly, his hands that were clinging to my shoulders starting to lose strength, his eyes half-closed, breathing heavily and exhaling warm breath.
Every reaction when I hugged, kissed, or did more, it made me want to do even more, to the point where I said I wanted to leave him covered in marks.
Oh, but I guess he’s already quite marked up…
…
“No.” I said, before turning my gaze back to his eyes, and he looked away again. I noticed he’s never been able to meet my gaze head-on, only a few times he dared to look back, but only briefly.
He leaned in cautiously, pressing a light kiss once more. I felt the touch was hotter than usual, his hot tongue trying to slip in, but when I didn’t respond much, he didn’t dare to do more. He pulled back again, his face flushed and his lips tightly pressed together.
“Phii…”
“Hmm.”
“Uh…Phii. I really don’t know how…I’m serious.” he said quietly, still looking away.
“…”
“Phii…can’t you do it first?”
“Do what?”
“Well…”
“…”
“A kiss.”
“Ask properly.” I said, the corner of my mouth twitching into a slight smile when I heard that. I understood what he meant. I just wanted him to say it.
“Uh…it’s just that…”
“…”
“Phii…can you kiss me, please?”
“…”
♣♣♣
Ugh…
Hurts…
I woke up groggily due to the sunlight filtering through the curtains, the first feeling being a slight headache from the fever, but more than that,
My lips
And the marks he left on me last night. My lips hurt… He said if I wanted something, I should kiss him first. Even though he said that, he was always the one to initiate the kiss. When it was my turn, I didn’t know how, and it was so embarrassing. He probably wasn’t that pleased with my attempts. So, I thought it was better for him to kiss me first.
Ugh, so mean. I’m sick, why can’t he be gentle for once?
I couldn’t see Phii Johan anywhere, guessing he might have gone to the exam. It was around nine. I also had classes, but I definitely couldn’t go. The fever seemed slightly better after resting, but it would have been better if last night hadn’t…Ah, no, I won’t think about it. T^T
I slowly got up from the bed to wash my face. Even though I tried not to think about it, it was like there was a replay in my head. Ugh, why so cruel. One day, I might die of a heart attack, or worse, I might have died already. Looking in the mirror, I saw the red marks indeed covered my neck and extended to my chest; some spots still felt tender. Why was he so rough? T^T
After washing my face, I sat down on the sofa, feeling a bit dizzy but able to walk. Initially, I planned to make something to eat, but once I sat on the sofa, I felt too lazy to move. I decided to just sit here for a while, idly watching TV for about ten minutes.
Then I heard a knock at the door. I quickly got up to open it.
Is Phii Joe back already?
Why did he finish the exam so quickly?
Oh, no.
It’s Phii Prang, isn’t it?
“Wait, what does that look mean? Are you disappointed that it’s me who came to see you?” Phii Prang said with a frown, holding bags full of something. “Phii Prang, hello, uh, Phii Joe isn’t here, he went for an exam.” “I know. Joe sent me to check on you, and look, I brought some food too.” Phii Prang said, showing me the bags which contained porridge, some snacks, and various medications, “Oh, wait, dear.”
“Yes?”
“This is…” Phii Prang looked stunned for a moment, staring at my neck. “Oh my, wait, scream, my little one.” Phii Prang started to fuss in surprise. I quickly covered my neck with my hand because I didn’t expect anyone to visit, so I didn’t wear anything to cover it up. This is bad. T^T
“Did Joe do this!”
“Uh…yes.” I nodded, feeling embarrassed.
“Oh my, you’re sick, Johan, the junior is sick, why would you do this, why are you so cruel, why so intense, what’s with men like Johan?” Phii Prang said, twisting her body with excitement, “It’s so harsh. Not gentle at all with someone who’s sick…and don’t tell me…Uh, you two went all the way…”
“No, no, not to that extent.” I shook my head to deny it immediately.
“Really? Even with marks all over your neck like this?” Phii Prang said before going into the kitchen area, pouring out some porridge for me, “Really, you’re not lying to me, right? I told you not to be embarrassed with me.”
“Phii Prang, I’m not lying.” I said, dragging my words, why do I have to be asked something like this? T^T, before thanking her for bringing me porridge, but when I tried to eat it…
My mouth hurts…
“Oh, my dear, does it hurt? Can’t even eat, your lips are cracked too, why is Joe so intense?” Phii Prang said, scooting closer to sit beside me and gently patting my head, “Why do I find you so adorable, my dear?” “Wait, Phii Prang, am I now like your child?” “Uh. You’re just so cute. Look, your neck is all red, and your lips are cracked, did you guys kiss?”
I didn’t dare to answer, just nodded slightly instead.
“Oh my, oh my, I’m going to faint, kissing until your lips are cracked, does Joe have to be this intense? And someone like Johan, he doesn’t do more, oh, I admire his restraint. Kissing like this, how much self-control must he have?”
“Restraint?” I raised an eyebrow, echoing her words.
“Yes, restraint from doing more. Normally, it wouldn’t be possible.” Phii Prang said excitedly before taking a bite of the snack she bought. Wait, so the snacks are for her?
But…
He was restraining himself, huh?
So he was restraining himself. I’m already covered in marks. T^T
“And when did you start dating?” Phii Prang asked while I was trying hard to eat the porridge, it hurts, no matter how I try to eat it hurts. It wasn’t this bad last time.
“We’re not dating.” I answered truthfully, which made Phii Prang look extremely surprised.
“Wait, you guys aren’t dating yet? Why? You both like each other, right? Or do you not like him?”
“Uh…I do like him.” I answered based on my feelings. Yes…I think I’m liking him more and more, to the point where I might even call it love.
“Have you ever told him?”
Well, no.
I’ve never told him. I think he might already sense it. Even if telling him would make it clearer, I haven’t had a good opportunity.
“I’ve never told him.”
“Go on then, tell him, so you can start dating.” Phii Prang said. “Wow, dating?” I muttered to myself softly. Honestly, I can’t really imagine what dating him would be like. I don’t know if things would stay the same or change, “Probably not right now.” I said, shaking my head slightly.
“What do you mean?”
“Dating, I guess it’s not going to happen anytime soon. He seems pretty busy.” I explained. He really does seem busy, with work and exams, and then he’s going to Boston too.
“Wow, are you being too understanding? Don’t you want to ask or push a little? You’ve come this far, if I were you, I’d be freaking out, at least one of us would want to know where we stand.” Phii Prang said with a slight hint of irritation, “But, yeah, seriously. If you push or make a fuss, Joe might just get annoyed.”
“But I think he wouldn’t mind if it’s you.” Phii Prang said, then patted my head again.
“Really? I’m not worried about Phii Joe getting annoyed, it’s just…I feel like, how should I put it, it’s okay like this, whatever makes him comfortable.” I said, following my thoughts. That’s how I truly feel. With all the stress of work and study, I don’t want to add to his worries with my own issues. I’d rather be someone he feels at ease with, “But maybe when the time comes, I’ll ask.”
“Ask about dating?”
“Yes, I guess I’ll have to wait for the right moment.” As I’ve mentioned before, I want to know him better too, “Phii Prang, could you tell me more about Phii Joe?” I figured Phii Prang might know more about Phii Joe than I do. It might be good to hear stories from her; there might be things I still don’t know, like details about his job. I learned about those from Phii Prang.
“Oh. Well…what should I tell you? You know everything, about his work, the company, what else do you want to know? Joe is in his second year at medical school.” “I know about his studies, something else, anything, just tell me.” I said before taking the last spoonful of porridge, it had been the most challenging meal of porridge I’ve ever had.
“Uh, about what? One thing that really impressed me is, you know, Joe, who’s the chairman’s son and the future president of the company, he greets the security guard at the company entrance. Did you know that? I was really shocked when I saw it, it shows how respectful he can be to those he should respect.”
“Wow, really?” I said. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe it, just that it was somewhat surprising, but indeed, it’s impressive. I thought that before picking up the medicine packets Phii Prang bought to look at them.
“These medicines, Joe ordered them. I don’t know what exactly, but yeah, and also, my work is quite busy. At first, I couldn’t have come to see you, but Joe paid me to come, tempted me with a bonus. No matter how tough the work was, I managed to make time, and had to beg the colleagues next to me to help clear my work.”
“Wow, thank you.”
“That’s how it is, Joe needed to rush off for exams. Don’t be mad at him, okay?”
“I’m not mad. Even if Phii Prang didn’t come, I wouldn’t be angry. I could have cooked something myself. It’s just a fever.” I said. Why would I be mad about something like this? Everyone has their studies and exams, right?
“Wow, you’re really good, huh? And about the story I was supposed to tell, hmm, there is one, actually. Before you met him, you’d never encountered him, right?”
I nodded.
“When I was first transferred to be Joe’s secretary, Khunying, uh, Joe’s mother, she often talked to me. She’s a very beautiful lady and extremely kind, but the president is quite strict because he’s the head of the company. You know, his stern side can be really scary. Joe is becoming more and more like his father every day. I started to fear Joe more and more.”
“I see.” I nodded to show I understood, imagining how intimidating that could be. But now I’m curious about how beautiful Phii Joe’s mother must be for her son to be so handsome.
“Joe is the only son, so he’s the hope of the president, with all the pressures as I’ve mentioned before. You know, before university, Joe didn’t live here, right? You’ve been to his house before, right?” I nodded in response, “This is where the president and his wife live together, but there’s also a big house where the grandparents live.”
“During middle school, he lived there with his grandparents, and the president and his wife would visit sometimes, because both were busy with work.”
“Oh…” So, because both parents were busy, he had to live with his grandparents instead?
“And you, when did you first meet him?” Phii Prang asked.
“When I was drunk, that’s when. Before that, I had seen him a few times because he’s friends with my friend’s boyfriend.”
“Friends with your friend’s boyfriend…” Phii Prang repeated my words and pondered for a moment, “Oh. So before that, you don’t really know how things were between you two.”
“Yes.”
“Have you ever asked him?”
“Yes, but he wouldn’t tell.” and I think he definitely won’t tell the story.
“Maybe you met but you didn’t recognize him?”
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