NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 18 part 1
Chapter 18: Always Taste Like You
Phii Johan finally let me go after hugging and kissing my cheek several times, as I was practically dying from embarrassment under the many eyes watching, making me feel and act awkwardly, just bowing my head in embarrassment. I eventually moved to sit next to Phii Joe instead. I found myself leaning towards him.
I didn’t know what to do anymore. I was too embarrassed to look up, afraid of meeting the eyes of those watching, T^T
“Cute.” Phii Fah said, looking at me with a fond expression.
“Leave him alone.” Phii Joe said before pulling me even closer, as if I was trying to hide from something by burrowing into the person next to me, and Phii Joe was allowing it.
Wait a minute…
Wouldn’t this make people look even more?
Realizing this, I adjusted myself slightly but still stayed close.
Phii Arthit, who had been playing basketball, came back over. Even though he had been playing for nearly ten minutes, he showed no signs of being tired.
“Hill told you to play.” Phii Arthit said, taking off Phii Johan’s basketball jersey.
“Why?”
“Aren’t you in this club?”
“Then why didn’t you play instead of me?” “It’s your club.” Phii Arthit said, then took off the shirt and handed it back to Phii Joe. Phii Joe raised an eyebrow, looking slightly puzzled, “Here’s your shirt, what are you questioning?”
“You’ve already worn it. What am I supposed to wear for practice?”
“Wear mine.”
“No, you beast.” Phii Joe said firmly, “I’m going to burn it.”
“Hmph.” Phii Arthit cursed under his breath, giving him a dirty look, “You burn mine, what about the one the kid’s wearing?”
“Tell Hill I’m not playing.”
“Ignoring me again.”
“Joe, hurry up.” Phii Hill called out, looking somewhat displeased. He seemed busy selecting new members and talking with the professors. Phii Hill appeared to be involved in every activity, being the faculty month, university month, and also the president of the basketball club, which indeed had a lot of members, so many that I began to wonder if it was really just the medical faculty, how could there be so many people?
“I don’t have a shirt.” Phii Joe shouted back, but Phii Hill didn’t hear.
“What about you?”
“I said I don’t have a shirt.”
“Come here.”
“No, you come.”
“They’re going to argue again for sure.” Phii Tonfah said, shaking his head slightly in disgust, “Joe, stop bothering Hill, his shirt isn’t even sweaty yet.”
“Bothering what? If you had let Tit do it from the start, it would all be over.”
“What’s with you?” Phii Hill walked over, looking annoyed, and Phii Joe had the same expression, like they were about to have a real argument, “Isn’t this your responsibility?”
“Can’t Arthit do the selection?”
“Tit just wants to play around, he’s not interested in selecting first-years.” Phii Hill said.
“I’m not interested in selecting first-years either.”
“You’re a nuisance, you’ve been hanging out with Tit too much.” Phii Hill sighed in frustration, “Just help me out, I’m tired, there are too many people.” His irritated demeanor, combined with his sweat-soaked appearance, indicated he was really exhausted.
“I’m tired too, I haven’t slept yet.”
“Is that my problem?”
“Wow, you must care so much about me.” Phii Johan said, “With me, you’re so strict, but with Ter, you tell him to rest if he’s even a little tired. I’m nearly dead here.”
“You complain too much, just change your shirt.”
“What do I get if I help you?”
“What do you get? Isn’t it your duty?”
“Do my lab sheets for me.” Phii Joe raised an eyebrow and gave a slight smirk, “Deal?”
“…” Phii Hill didn’t respond, just made a disgusted face, before letting out a small resigned sigh, “Yeah, deal, I’ll wait over there.” and then he walked off. Phii Hill in his sports gear looked good in a different way, or maybe it was just him; he looked good in anything, from sports jackets to track pants.
“Okay, fine.” Phii Johan said before getting up, bending down to tie his shoelaces, then taking off his shirt and changing into the one Phii Arthit had just returned. It was a quick change, but the crowd around the court cheered just like when Phii Arthit changed. This was the first time I had seen Phii Joe shirtless, and I noticed his abs were really impressive. You could tell he seriously works out. “End up wearing Arthit’s shirt in the end.” Phii Joe said with irritation before walking onto the court.
“Do you know, Joe finished all the lab sheets. He cleared all his pending work before going to Boston.” Phii Arthit said.
“Yeah, that’s amazing, then why tell Hill to do more? Why does he like to bug Hill so much?” Phii Fah shook his head again, “If I were Hill, I’d have a migraine by now. Actually, as for me, I’m starting to feel one coming.”
Finished the lab sheets but tricked Phii Hill into doing more?
Whoa. If he were pranked like that, I’d be furious too.
I watched Phii Johan on the court selecting first-year students, both male and female, with the girls getting special attention. Whenever they got close to Phii Joe or Phii Hill, they’d smile broadly.
I overheard Phii Fah and Phii Arthit talking about the rain that didn’t seem like it would stop anytime soon, which was quite frustrating considering how heavy it was. Before I could think any further, my phone started to notify me of a call.
Duennao was calling…
I answered immediately.
“What’s up?”
(North, you asshole, you bastard, where are you?)
“At the basketball gym, why the sudden outburst?”
(You have my bike keys, damn it. Where did you go? To see your doctor boyfriend? If you want to show off that your boyfriend’s a doctor, fine, but return my keys, how am I supposed to get back? You left me stuck in the rain, and I’m soaked)
“It’s supposed to be cold, but you’re making me hot-headed. Go back with Tiger then.” I felt in my pocket and indeed found Nao’s motorbike keys because I had ridden his bike here, but I forgot to give the keys back and brought them with me. My forgetfulness was no ordinary level; I just recently forgot to pay my tuition, T^T
(And what about my bike?)
“Just leave it there.”
(What if it gets stolen?)
“Just buy a new one, you’re rich.”
(Yeah, right, rich as if money has no value, rich to the point where I don’t know what to do with the money anymore. And where am I rich? I’m nearly broke, almost at the point of stealing dog food from in front of the dorm to eat) Duennao’s words made me laugh out loud, how could someone be that poor, pitiful.
“I mean Tiger is rich, get him to buy you a new one.” I said.
(Spit. You’re at the gym, right? You better watch out, I’ll come find you.)
“Why? Are you coming?”
(Yeah, wait for the rain to stop, I’ll borrow Kyu’s bike to come see you. Or have Tiger drop me off.)
“Will the rain ever stop? What if it keeps raining until tomorrow morning?”
(Then I’ll just sleep here, damn it, I’m so pissed off, can’t even practice, and now I’m all wet) Duennao said. I could totally picture his face, Nao gets angry easily, quite the opposite of his name, he’s always getting heated.
“And what about everyone else? Who are you with?”
(With the football club guys, sheltering from the rain in a building, what building, I don’t know, it’s the closest one. But by the time I ran there, I was already soaked. Yeah, I’m hanging up now, need to save my battery, just called to vent my frustration to you.)
“It’s like I’m your punching bag, yeah, if the rain stops, we’ll talk then, you’re coming to get the key, right?” (Yeah, uh-huh, bye, hanging up.)
And then Duennao hung up. When I turned back, I couldn’t see Phii Arthit anymore. Only Phii Fah was sitting nearby, he seemed to have heard something about going somewhere.
“Where’s Phii Arthit?” I asked.
“Oh, he went out to smoke.” Phii Fah answered. I nodded to show I understood. I wasn’t too surprised about the smoking; I’ve heard that many who study hard or are under a lot of stress smoke, supposedly to relieve stress. I wonder if it really helps. If so, then Phii Joe must smoke too.
“Does Phii Joe smoke?” I decided to ask. Phii Fah seemed like the person you could ask anything, unlike some of the other seniors, because he has that kind of approachable vibe.
“Oh, yeah, he does. Most in our faculty smoke a lot, it’s quite stressful, but Hill quit, though, because of his boyfriend.” Phii Fah explained, “Don’t you like people who smoke? Joe is actually quite good.”
“Oh, no, not really.” I shook my head, “I don’t dislike it.” I said truthfully. I don’t really dislike people who smoke. If I say I both like and dislike it, would that sound strange?
“But it would be good to tell him to slow down, I think. If he keeps going like this, he might not live to see forty.” Phii Fah said about Joe.
“Why’s that?”
“He’s doing everything that people who die young do: smoking, overworking, heavy studying, not enough rest, high stress, coffee addiction, and lately he’s been having trouble sleeping. Even when he’s exhausted, he can’t sleep.” Phii Fah explained in a flat tone, sounding like a doctor giving a professional opinion. “No matter how capable he is, he’s still human.”
“Is he really that bad off?” I asked.
“Fairly so. Even though he still acts like a troublemaker, he doesn’t seem as cheerful as before. Deep down, he’s probably stressed, but he doesn’t show it much around us. It’s like he’s forcing himself. So how is he when he’s with you?” Phii Fah asked with a concerned look, which was understandable. He wouldn’t ask me like this if he wasn’t worried.
I’ve heard that Phii Fah’s family is all in the medical field; his father is the dean of the medical faculty, they own a hospital, his mother is a psychiatrist running her own clinic, so Phii Fah likely picked up a lot of doctor-like habits, like worrying about and caring for others.
“He seems…well, he’s always irritable, quick to anger, stressed, and doesn’t talk much. I’ve only seen him talk a lot when he’s with you guys, here.” I added that he’s also quite mischievous, but that part isn’t surprising. Sometimes when he scolds or teases me, he shows his playful side.
“Hmm.” Phii Fah bit his lip slightly, pausing as if in thought, “Then I guess that might be his current self.”
“How so?”
“Well, people aren’t just one-sided. During times of extreme stress, it can make us not want to talk to anyone, be in a bad mood, be easily irritated all the time, and angry. Joe is probably like that, but he chooses not to show that side much around us. He can still talk normally, but with you, he doesn’t talk much, right?”
I nodded.
“People under stress usually don’t want to talk a lot. It means he chooses to show this current part of himself to you, without forcing himself to act like everything’s okay, whereas many people do the opposite, they try hard to show they’re fine, even if they’re falling apart inside.”
“…” “Which do you think is better?” Phii Fah asked, giving me a faint smile. I think I understand what Phii Fah explained just now.
“I think…however he’s feeling, he should express it that way, that’s all.” I said, following my thoughts. This period might be tough for him, but with me, he doesn’t need to act like he’s okay. If he’s upset or irritated, I’ve never minded, that’s just how he is. Even if it’s bad, it’s okay.
My answer made Phii Fah smile even wider.
“Hmm, I understand now, that saying he’s good because it’s you, it’s true.”
“Yes? It’s good because it’s me?” Phii Fah’s words reminded me of Phii Prang, who said something exactly the same, “How is it good?”
“In many ways, I began to understand from the Jia incident.” I raised an eyebrow, looking confused, indicating I needed more explanation. Phii Fah understood, but I didn’t fully get it, “Have you ever thought that when he acts like this, it’s like he’s stressed from work and taking it out on us?”
“…?” I tilted my head, puzzled by what he said. Hmm…I’ve never thought about it that way, “Uh, no, I’ve never thought that. He’s really stressed, expecting him to be in a good mood isn’t realistic.”
“Exactly, that’s why it’s good that he is with you. You don’t overthink things. He doesn’t have to pretend everything’s okay, it’s easy to be around him, and he can express how he feels.”
“…”
I didn’t respond because I was trying to think. If what Phii Fah said is true, there are indeed people who pretend to be okay in front of friends, lovers, or family. But there should be someone with whom you don’t have to pretend, someone with whom you can show that you’re feeling bad, stressed, irritated, or angry without worrying about whether they’ll leave or not. No matter how bad you feel, that person remains by your side, and they don’t have to force themselves to tolerate being with you either.
But thinking about it…Phii Fah seems to understand everything, doesn’t he? Is it a special skill of medical students to always see through people, or is it just that I’m easy to read? Phii Hill is the same, Ter often tells me how easily he’s read too. And they do have psychology in their curriculum.
After nearly ten minutes of chatting with Phii Fah, I asked about almost everything, from Phii Joe’s work to his studies. It wasn’t much different from what I had thought; medical school is known to be very demanding. I just couldn’t picture it.
Phii Joe came back and slumped down in his usual spot, looking slightly exhausted.
“Almost dead?” Phii Fah asked immediately.
“Almost, or maybe already dead.” Phii Johan replied, “And what were you guys talking about so seriously?”
“This, being protective.”
“Talking about what?”
“Your stuff, I’ll tell you later.” Phii Fah said, “I get it now, what you meant when you said it.”
“Really?” Phii Joe raised an eyebrow slightly, then seemed to dismiss it, looking tired but not worn out.
“Where is Arthit?”
“He’s coming back now.” Phii Fah said, pointing at Phii Arthit who was walking back. “You’re really tough to kill, huh? Have you finished selecting?”
“Not yet, taking a break first, too many people, might have to continue another day. Hill is talking with the coach.” Phii Joe said, looking towards Phii Hill on the other side of the court. “Arthit, are you going to Miami?” “Yeah, you coming?”
“I have to go to Boston. Are you going with me?”
“Maybe.”
“Why go? What’s so great about Miami?”
“Just want to travel.”
“You’re rich, aren’t you?” Phii Johan said sarcastically, “You don’t even have to do anything and you’ve got money to travel.”
“That’s right.” Phii Arthit nodded, raising one eyebrow. “I’ll treat you too, Joe, if you want.”
“Really? Treat me then.”
“Quit your job and let Arthit support you, rich boy.” Phii Fah said with annoyance.
“Yeah, good idea.” Phii Johan agreed, nodding.
“Spit, how many millions would I need to earn monthly to support this asshole Joe?” Phii Arthit said with disgust, “He spends money like it’s paper, filthy rich, bastard.” That phrase sounds familiar, like I’ve heard it recently. “So you’re really not bringing the kid to Boston?” Phii Arthit asked again what had already been asked. “What if something happens and you die in Boston and never come back to Thailand?”
“I said no.” Phii Johan reiterated. “Gotta get through the school stuff first.”
Though it stung a little, I agreed. Prioritizing school was the right choice. For nearly two weeks, I definitely wouldn’t be able to catch up on the work like he could.
Just this is already risking academic suicide. T^T
… After a while, the basketball club session ended, but we couldn’t leave anyway because of the rain. Many had umbrellas or raincoats and were leaving. Phii Hill had already left, saying he was going to pick up Ter from the art club…
Art club
But I’m here, aren’t I?
Damn it.
I completely forgot about that…
During our first term, Ter, Phoon, and I joined both the art club and the football club, but that was just because the university required it. By the second term, the casual football club was no more, it became a serious sports day football club, but the art club was still around. Importantly, Ter signed me up for it because he got hooked on drawing. Initially, Phii Hill was there too, and he even signed up some other friends without their knowledge, but the art club’s advisor didn’t allow medical students to join, saying they were already studying too hard and didn’t need to join such clubs, just sports clubs would do.
“I’m heading out.” Phii Fah said, grabbing an umbrella, “If we wait for the rain to stop, it’ll take forever.”
“Yeah, see you.”
“See you.” and with that, Phii Fah left, leaving only Phii Johan and Phii Arthit, who clearly didn’t bring umbrellas. The parking lot was quite far, but the motorcycle was parked near the front of the gym. Earlier, Phii Arthit had ridden through the rain to get here.
“Are you going back?” Phii Joe turned to ask Phii Arthit.
“I can go back now, are you chasing me away?”
“Not chasing you away, just asking.”
“Whatever, riding in the rain isn’t a problem, what about you?” “I can ride too, but that’s not the issue.” Phii Johan said, then looked at me, “If I knew, I would’ve asked Hill or Fah to take you back.”
So Phii Joe brought his motorcycle today. That means when he said the problem wasn’t about riding in the rain, he meant the problem was me having to ride on the back of the motorcycle and get wet, T^T.
“Can you ask Fah to come back with his car?”
“Probably can, try calling him.” Phii Arthit’s answer made Phii Joe pick up his phone, looking like he was about to call Phii Fah, but I spoke up first.
“Uh, it’s okay, no need to bother Phii Fah.” I said. I told you I’m not fussy about getting wet in the rain. I won’t catch a cold, and making Phii Fah come back with his car in this traffic at 6 PM when everyone’s getting off work would be a hassle. The roads around the university are all congested right now.
“Are you sure?” Phii Joe turned to ask me.
“Yes.” I said, nodding to confirm.
“Are you going to wait for the rain to stop or come with me?” Phii Arthit asked.
“Wait for the rain to lighten a bit.”
“Normally, even with a storm, you can ride. Okay then, I’ll go. See you later.”
“See you.” Phii Johan replied. Phii Arthit waved slightly before dashing out into the rain, starting his sleek motorcycle and speeding off like a rocket.
Now, it was just me and Phii Johan sitting together, though there were still a few people scattered around the gym, and quite a few standing outside waiting for the rain to stop.
“Did you bring your motorcycle today?” I asked, even though I sort of knew the answer.
“Yes.”
“Did you wake up late?”
“Something like that.” “What time did you wake up?” I asked, noticing him looking at me with a slight suspicion. What, did I ask too many questions? T^T. In the end, Phii Joe didn’t say anything, just answered my question.
“Woke up at nine, for class at nine.”
“Wow, and what time did you sleep?”
“Almost six in the morning, I guess.”
“Do you have any work today?”
“No, unless something urgent comes up.”
“Oh…” I fell silent for a moment, not knowing what to say next. I didn’t look at the person sitting beside me, so I wasn’t sure what he was doing. The rain outside was loud, and the air was getting colder as evening approached.
“Should we head back? I think it might get worse.”
“Yeah, are you sure you won’t catch a cold?”
“Yes.” I nodded.
“Good.” That was all he said before he stood up. Initially, I wanted to give back the jacket, thinking the rider should wear it since they’d get hit by more rain, but Phii Johan didn’t take it. Eventually, we ran through the rain to his motorcycle. I struggled to get on, but finally, we managed to ride out of the gym area.
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