NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 16 part 1
Chapter 16: There, For You
I sat there, clutching my hands tightly, as my brain processed his words. A mix of emotions swirled within me, leaving me utterly confused. I sat in silence, letting the loud beating of my heart fill the void, hoping I was the only one who could hear it.
I was happy,
I was overjoyed,
and I was so embarrassed I could almost go mad…
The luxurious car was still parked in the medical faculty’s parking lot, not moving anywhere. I tried to take deep breaths to gather my thoughts. Phii Johan was someone who could make me lose all sense of direction, not for the first or the last time. Whether it was through his actions or his words, he made me feel like sometimes I wasn’t myself at all.
It felt like I could really go crazy. “Um…yes…thank you.”
I spoke softly, but inside the car, it was so quiet that my voice became the loudest sound. I really wanted to say thank you. I was so happy that he said that, thank you for considering my feelings. Even if I didn’t think much about it, having someone think about how you feel, that’s a really good thing, isn’t it?
And most importantly…
Thank you for having only me…
“Thank you.” I finally managed to say. At the very least, I should voice out what I felt in my heart.
“…” He didn’t respond. I didn’t dare look up, not wanting to meet his gaze, before deciding to change the topic to break the silence.
“Uh, Phii Joe, Ter and Phii Hill are going to watch a movie.” I mentioned. I wasn’t sure if someone like Phii Johan would usually watch movies, but like Ter said, it would be nice if we could all go out together sometimes. “Should we go too?”
“Watch a movie?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want to watch it?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Okay.” Phii Johan said without much thought. I was a bit surprised, raising an eyebrow slightly. I didn’t think it would be this easy.
“Really?” I said, delighted, “I want to watch a horror movie, but if you don’t want to, that’s okay. Or maybe we could ask Ter to join us, he said he doesn’t have anything special he wants to watch. Or do you want to watch something special?”
“Anything is fine…”
“Ah…okay.”
“But then, what do I need to do to go with you?”
…?
I looked up at the person beside me, confused.
“Huh?”
:It probably isn’t going to happen…
That statement immediately reminded me of last night’s incident, where no matter how much I pleaded or tried to push him away, Phii Johan wouldn’t stop. My head was spinning then, especially when he told me to count how many times we kissed. I told him I couldn’t count, until Phii Johan said if I wanted something, I should initiate the kiss first.
“Uh, I might not go then.” I said, making a face to myself, furrowing my brows when I understood what Phii Johan wanted. I glanced at him before looking away. Just thinking about it made my heart start to race again.
“Quickly.” Phii Johan said in a low voice, appearing as if he had no patience to wait from the start. This made me feel anxious. Oh no. I’m too embarrassed. My heart feels like it’s about to give out just from this!
“If I have to do it, you might end up with another split lip.”
!!!
Damn him!
All I could do was curse in my mind. He always resorts to threats and coercion. Why is he always like this? Now, I can’t think of any way to escape this situation. No matter what, I’m going to be forced…
I half-closed my eyes, leaned in slightly, moving closer to the person in the driver’s seat. I leaned my face closer and closer. Phii Johan stared intently at my eyes and lips without blinking. I closed my eyes when our lips were about to touch… When I gently pressed my lips against his soft ones, I intended to pull away quickly, but I was held back. A firm hand pressed the back of my head closer, deepening the kiss, holding it for a moment before letting me go.
“…” I returned to my normal sitting position, my breathing slightly quickened, unknowingly biting my lip, feeling a warmth spread across my chest and face, despite the car’s air conditioning being so cool that my hands were sweating.
Before I could think about it any further, there was a knock on the car window. It was Phii Hill knocking on Phii Joe’s side.
Oh no…
Did Phii Hill see us just now?
Well…but the car has tinted windows, it should be fine, I guess.
Phii Johan rolled down the window, and Phii Hill looked inside, letting out a small sigh.
“Am I interrupting something?”
!!!
“What is it?”
“Wanna watch a movie?”
“Sure.” Phii Joe said, nodding slightly.
“How about dinner?”
“What do you want to eat?”
“Ter said it’s up to North.” Phii Hill said. My eyebrows shot up in surprise at the statement from the person outside the car. Why did Ter throw it to me like that?
“Me?”
“Yes.” Phii Hill confirmed. “Then let’s meet up at the mall first.”
“Okay.” Phii Johan agreed before rolling up the window again. The luxurious car moved out of the faculty parking lot. The cool air from the car’s AC couldn’t calm my racing heart. Before this, Phii Hill must have known because my face was probably very red.
No matter how many hundreds of times this happens, I doubt I’ll ever get used to it. I don’t know why I’m supposed to initiate the kiss first, but I know Phii Joe seems to like it a lot.
And me…I’m super embarrassed having to do that.
“Damn it…”
Embarrassed to the point of wanting to cry, T^T
…
“How long has it been since we last had a meal together?” Phii Johan asked, looking at Phii Hill who was sitting across from him. Right now, the four of us are sitting at a steakhouse. Initially, we didn’t know what to eat, so Ter and I played rock-paper-scissors for a while until we ended up here. I’ve never eaten here before, but from the advertisement outside, it feels like if I normally ate here once, I’d have to eat instant noodles for the whole month after. “Maybe since our first year.” Phii Hill said while browsing through the menu. So I looked at the menu too. Does Ter usually eat at such expensive places with Phii Hill? I’m so jealous, having a wealthy boyfriend is nice like this, T^T
Hmm, but speaking of which, whenever I go out with Ter and Phii Hill, Phii Hill always treats me too.
“North. What do you want?”
“I don’t know, I feel full all of a sudden. Can I just order mashed potatoes?” I said half-jokingly, knowing that the mashed potatoes here probably cost a hundred baht or more. I could just mash and eat at the dorm, but I said it anyway as if it were a real option, “And you?”
“I don’t know either.” Ter said, shaking his head. “If you don’t like it, we can go to another place.” Phii Hill suggested, and Ter gave a small, polite smile indicating it was fine. “Nong North, you don’t need to feel obligated.” Phii Hill added, speaking to me. I nodded in acknowledgment, feeling a bit guilty that Phii Hill always has to treat me.
“Phii Hill, you always pay for me, so I feel bad, thank you.” I said, giving a dry smile.
“You’ve thanked the wrong person.” Phii Hill said, pulling out a black card and handing it to Phii Joe, “Here.” I watched, puzzled, as Phii Johan took the card. What kind of card is that?
“You’re really something.” Phii Johan said, shaking his head as he put the card away in his wallet, “Why are you staring?” Phii Joe turned to ask me, probably noticing I was looking.
“Well…Phii Hill just said I thanked the wrong person.”
“Oh, you should thank Joe instead, I haven’t been paying for you, it’s all Joe’s money.”
:!!
“Ha!?” I widened my eyes in shock, Phii Joe’s money? So that card was Phii Joe’s that Phii Hill used to pay for me. For several months now, every time we go out together, paying for every meal and buying lots of things too, it must add up to thousands.
“Is that yours?” I raised an eyebrow, turning to Phii Joe.
“Uh, why are you so shocked?”
“Well…”
I was quite surprised because at first, I thought Phii Hill had been paying for everything. If it was Phii Joe’s money all along, that means…he’s liked me for a long time. Plus, he…
Bought everything I wanted. “Joe does feel bad when you say you don’t want anything.” Phii Hill said, letting out a small sigh. “The owner of the money insists that I make you spend it quickly.” He spoke, looking at Phii Johan with a hint of exasperation.
Oh…that’s why Phii Hill asked if I wanted a house or a condo recently.
Oh my, that’s too much. Just feeding me is enough, and it’s only a few thousand, T^T
“Uh, thank you.” I said with a slight sense of embarrassment, but I had to express my gratitude. I’ve eaten a lot of good food because of him. If I have the chance and the money, I’d like to treat Phii Joe back, emphasizing if I have the chance and the money.
“Hmm.” Phii Joe responded, not seeming too concerned.
“May I take your order?” the waiter asked, stopping at our table. I decided to order something simple I’ve had before. Once the order was taken, the waiter walked away.
“North.” Phii Hill called me.
“Yes?”
“A hot compress might help.” Phii Hill suggested. I cocked my head, puzzled by his words, before he pointed to his own neck, making me understand instantly…
“…Yes.” I replied, nodding with a shy look. “Thank you.”
“Oh, Hill.” Suddenly Phii Johan called Phii Hill as if he just remembered something.
“What?”
“I’ve been granted the position, make sure to keep the work in order.”
“You got it for real? How many days?”
“About two weeks, almost three weeks.” “Isn’t that too long? You won’t be able to catch up with work and exams.” Phii Hill said, his face showing slight concern. From what I gathered, Phii Joe was about to go somewhere else, “How did they approve your leave?”
“Man, Fah’s dad nearly bled me dry to get it. He said if the medical faculty gets a new building, it’ll be all my money.” Phii Johan said with frustration. “I had to sign a ton of documents.”
“If it was easy, you’d just sign one document.”
“What document?”
“A resignation letter.”
“Beast.”
“And how are Joe and I supposed to work to support you, Joe? Seriously.” Phii Hill asked with a serious tone, feeling that the atmosphere at the table had shifted to a more serious mode, “There’s also the board exams.”
“Just do what you can, I’ll sort things out when I get back.”
“Yeah, when are you going?”
“After midterms.” Phii Joe answered.
“Alright, you’ll also have to study.”
“Work is piling up too.” Phii Johan said, not sounding too pleased, “I might end up dying there, and not long after I get back, it’ll be finals.”
“Take the junior with you.” Phii Hill said, glancing at me for a moment.
“What’s up?” I finally decided to ask, I had a general idea from their conversation, but I wanted some details too.
“You haven’t told him yet?” Phii Hill raised his eyebrows, slightly surprised.
“Not yet.” he answered plainly before turning to me, “I’m going to work, almost two weeks.” Phii Johan said.
“Oh.” I nodded, indicating I understood. From what I heard, that was about the gist of it. “Where to?” I asked.
“Boston.”
“Wow.” I said in shock, Boston, huh? That’s in America, right? Almost two weeks, how will that not affect your studies? Missing almost two weeks, especially in medical school.
“Can you take leave from classes?” I asked.
“Well, to get leave, Joe had to talk with Fa’s father several times.” Phii Hill explained.
“Phii Fah’s father?” Ter asked.
“Uh, Fah’s father is the dean of the medical faculty.”
Hmmm?
For real?! That’s amazing, the dean of the medical faculty, huh? Phii Fah is really something, I’ve heard his family is quite wealthy, but I didn’t think it was to this extent.
“And what did they say?” Phii Hill turned to ask.
“Lots. I have to submit all the work, catch up on all the minor exams and hours later. The point is about the donations; I donated enough to build a new building, I guess. You guys better thank me when you get to use the new equipment.”
Donate enough to build a new building? How much donation is that, T^T
“Will I get to see a new building named after you?”
“Maybe. If they don’t secretly take it for themselves.”
“Defaming your friend’s father.”
“Not really.” Phii Joe said, before the food we ordered started being served at the table. “Two weeks after two midterms, it’s just right for Sport Day, isn’t it?”
“Probably. You should participate in the competition too.”
“Make use of me to the fullest.” “Our faculty’s stand is next to the engineering faculty.” Phii Hill mentioned. I looked up from chewing my steak. If we’re talking about Sports Day, I have to cheer because it’s my duty as a freshman. I’ve been lying awake thinking about how to get through it.
“Really, our faculty’s stand is next to the medical faculty?” I asked.
“Yes, I heard.”
“Oh, I see.”
“Are you going to cheer from the stands?” Ter asked me.
“Every engineering student has to cheer. What about you?”
“I’m doing other stuff instead of cheering.”
“Nice, I said I wanted to participate in sports, but my senior told me I have to cheer too, practice for both cheering and sports. That’s insane, right? I’m just one person.” I grumbled to Ter, my face showing utmost annoyance.
As we talked about Sports Day, I learned that Phii Hill and Phii Johan are both in the basketball club, Phii Arthit is in the football club, and Phii Fah is in the tennis club. I probably knew this before but forgot. Second-years are in charge of the freshmen, so their workload is heavy too. And Phii Johan has to study, read, participate in activities, plus he has work.
Honestly, I was starting to get worried. This might be why Phii Joe is so addicted to coffee because he works so hard. Isn’t it too much?
“What movie do you want to watch?” Phii Johan asked as we stopped in front of the cinema. Earlier, Phii Joe treated me again, and while I wanted to say it was okay, I couldn’t afford to pay for myself either, T^T
“The Long Night, it’s a horror movie.”
“Afraid but still want to watch?”
“Uh, yes.”
“Idiot.” “…”
T^T
What’s that about? A lot of people who are afraid of ghosts still want to watch horror movies.
“What do you want to watch, Ter?” Phii Hill asked, wait, why is this so different from how Phii Joe asked me? What kind of standard is this?
“There’s nothing I particularly want to watch. How about watching a horror movie with North?”
“Sure, but won’t you be scared?”
“I am scared, but I still want to watch.”
“Okay. If you get scared, you can hug me.”
Damn it.
Get me out of here, T^T
“There are first-class seats available.” Phii Hill said, pointing at the sign above. That’s true. But what’s the deal with this first-class cinema anyway? I’ve never been in one, and you don’t have to ask why. Who would have that kind of money!
“Then I’ll book it.” Phii Johan said. Eventually, we all ended up watching the horror movie, which was great. I once watched a horror movie where I was the only one in the entire theater. At that time, I tried inviting others, but no one was available, and the movie was about to leave theaters. Watching a movie alone in an entire theater was really lonely, I was scared almost to tears, and the movie was terrifying.
“Do you want popcorn?” Ter nudged me, pointing at the popcorn sign, “It’s on sale too.”
“Nah. Last time I bought popcorn to eat while watching a horror movie.”
“And how was that?”
“Scattered all over, the asshole next to me is all tense.” “That’s awful.” Ter said with a laugh. Entering the cinema felt quite unfamiliar; there was a full range of food and drink options at the front, as expected for the price. Once inside, we found that there was no one else there, just us.
The first-class experience was quite luxurious, just as one would expect, but above all, it was very private, with sofas and thin blankets provided. I sat next to Phii Johan on the couch, while Ter and Phii Hill sat next to us.
The lights dimmed slightly before the advertisements started playing. I never thought I’d be watching a movie like this with Phii Johan.
“Do you often watch movies?” I asked quietly, since there was no one else around.
“No.”
“You don’t come to the cinema at all?”
“Hmm, the last time I came was years ago.”
“Wow, are you that busy with work?”
“Yes.”
I fell silent because I didn’t know what else to ask, until the movie began. The sofa was so comfortable, I could have fallen asleep if it wasn’t for the fact that it was a horror movie.
“Shit!” I tried to keep my scream as low as possible. It was scary, and why was the music so intense? I instinctively lifted my legs, fearing someone would pull at them like in the movie. I glanced at Phii Johan who looked completely unfazed.
Suddenly, the music cut off, replaced by the heavy breathing of the character. The heroine in a blood-stained white T-shirt, holding a flashlight, slowly walked into a storage room.
“Why go in there, fuck, get out!” I shouted when suddenly a shadow appeared at the window, and without realizing it, I burrowed into Phii Johan. Phii Joe didn’t seem too surprised; he just pulled me into a hug.
Then he hoisted me onto his lap, wrapped me in the blanket, and used both arms to embrace me from behind because the sofa was very wide, allowing me to tuck my legs up. I was scared of having my legs pulled, T^T
I wasn’t thinking much beyond hoping the heroine could finally get out of that storage room, which was used for some ritual, why did she go in there? Her child isn’t in there, come out!
“Aaaaah!” I screamed again when something popped up, but I didn’t see what it was. The next thing I realized, I had turned into Phii Johan again. Phii Joe didn’t say anything, just pulled the blanket over my eyes and gently patted my head.
I don’t know why…
Normally, whether watching alone or with friends, there’s always a sense of unease, feeling unsafe all the time, but it wasn’t like that this time. I felt comforted, though I couldn’t quite describe it.
Throughout the hour or so of the movie, I would usually make a fuss when being held on someone’s lap, but with the movie in front of me, I didn’t think about it much. Phii Johan didn’t say anything, just held and comforted me when I was scared, but he also teased me when I asked if the ghost had gone, Phii Joe said it had, only for me to open my eyes to find the ghost still all over the screen, T^T
…
“Phew.” I sighed with relief as we walked out of the cinema, finally over, adrenaline was pumping for over an hour.
“You screamed really loudly.” Ter remarked. “Well, there weren’t many people.” I said truthfully, because there was no one else, so I could scream. If there had been, I would’ve just muffled my screams like usual, “But I didn’t really get it.”
“How could you understand if you didn’t watch it?” Phii Johan chimed in, “You had your eyes closed the whole time.”
“It was scary.” I defended myself quietly.
“Where was it scary?”
“And why did the heroine’s daughter disappear at the end?” I asked, Phii Joe watched it like it was just another movie. No surprise or signs of fear at all, even during the peak scenes. He watched it like it was just an ordinary film.
“The heroine never had a daughter to begin with. What you saw was a hallucination.”
“Oh, really? Then what about the doll, they said the daughter loved that doll so much.”
“It represents the child she miscarried.”
“Well, how was I supposed to know that? I thought she had a real daughter.”
“…”
“Man, did you watch it or did I?”
I walked back to the room with Ter after we had our meal and watched the movie. Phii Joe seemed a bit rushed, but I didn’t ask why. On the way back to drop me off at the dorm, we didn’t talk much as usual.
“Ter.” I called out while Ter was taking things out of his bag, “Just now, during the movie.”
“Yeah?”
“Did we hug?”
“…” Ter looked at me with a surprised expression, “Why are you asking?”
“Answer me.” “Well…being hugged, what about it? Why do you ask?” Ter replied before showing a slight hint of embarrassment at my odd question.
The first time I was hugged, I thought it felt a bit strange, but as time passed, I didn’t feel it was so odd anymore. Until just now, it turned out that I started to feel good, warm, and I wanted to be hugged again. This feeling isn’t too bad, right?
“Have you ever felt like…you wanted to be hugged again?” I asked him, which made Ter even more confused. He shifted his attention from his bag to sit beside me, looking at me with a surprised expression before giving a small, teasing smile.
“What do you mean by that?”
“Answer first.” I said, not wanting to be teased just yet.
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