MYENGINEER, CHAPTER 50: Cram Session
[Bohn]
“Boss. If I eat the book, will I remember it?”
“I don’t think you’ll remember, Tee…but it’s worth a try.”
“Shall we try…”
“Don’t do anything stupid, you guys.”
“Ha. We’re definitely going to die…”
The whining came intermittently from Boss and Tee. Everyone in my group gathered at King’s house for him to tutor us. The exam season has arrived, the university gives students three days off to study, and in two days, we’ll be taking our exams. Time flies so fast, it’s been almost a month since Duen gave me the last rose.
Between me and Duen, nothing has changed. No, that’s not true…I love him more every day.
Today, as usual, Duen went to study at Tang’s house. Supachai is fixed now; turns out it wasn’t broken. Just some insect got stuck in the pipe or something, preventing it from running.
“It won’t kill you, just an exam, you drama queens.” Merk looked at Boss and Tee with disdain. Regarding studies and exams…if those two wanted to do well, they could, but they’re just lazy.
“You don’t understand! You. You don’t understand us. You too, Bohn, ugh.” Boss and Tee shouted at everyone in the circle one by one, in a blaming tone.
“Quiet down and get back to reading.”
“Yes…”
Shit, King Kantithat is so harsh.
I think King could easily be a teacher. His dad is a professor, but not at my university, he teaches at another prestigious one. It’s strange; his parents seem strict, but they raised him to be quite eccentric. Boss is another one, maybe they’re driven to madness by pressure…not good, I should take them all to see a doctor, the whole gang, including Bihn, Buhn, and Tee.
“King, why does this come out like this?” Bom asked while handing the book to the ‘god’ to look at. We didn’t go to King’s condo because there’s no place to sit…actually, the condo isn’t small, but there’s no seating because King uses ninety percent of the space for plants. Imagine, even the sink and bathtub are dedicated to plants.
“Let me see, oh…”
We sat reading and had King tutor us until almost six in the evening when he allowed us a break. The whole house was empty; Phii Kumfah and Phii Kaning got married and moved out with their husbands, while his parents went on business and won’t be back for another three or four days.
I like King’s house; the whole place is decorated with nature, giving the feeling of being in a forest. There’s a secret base in the backyard too. I’ve never seen it, but I’ve heard his mom say that King is very protective of it.
“Hey, god, what’s there to eat? I’m starving…”
“In the fridge, there’s pork, chicken, shrimp, squid, vegetables…we have everything.” The homeowner answered while walking over to sit on the sofa next to me. The TV in front was showing a cooking show, today it’s tom yum kung…interesting, lately, I’ve been learning to cook with Duen, he’s a good teacher…but I always mess up the ingredients. Don’t know why, haha.
“Shit, looks good.” Tang said happily when he opened the fridge and saw a variety of ingredients. From here, I could clearly see what was in the fridge, wait, how many people live in this house…
“But there’s one problem.”
“?”
“I can’t cook.”
“It’s not a big deal…I can’t either.”
It’s not just you; it’s better to ask if anyone in our group can cook. Me, King, Tang, definitely can’t. I can manage to boil an egg, but King is worse…he’s caused several kitchen explosions. Now our hope lies with Bom, Boss, Merk, and Tee. We should put our hope in Bom since his family runs a restaurant and his dad is a famous chef; he must have inherited some cooking genes.
“I can cook.”
We all broke into happy smiles, but the smiles dropped instantly, and we shook our heads when we saw who had spoken that sentence. If it were anyone else, I wouldn’t have reacted like this, but it was Tee who said it. Even if he can really cook, we’re not willing to take the risk.
“No thanks…” Merk said with his arms crossed, his face expressionless, and everyone else nodded in agreement.
I once saw Tee cook during a Boy Scout camp in high school, but we weren’t in the same group, I only knew that the teacher had to call an ambulance for food poisoning, with several victims needing their stomachs pumped, yet the chef himself was happily eating the deadly meal he had prepared…damn, what a killer.
“Really, I was going to let you try my special recipe.”
“Merk and I can cook.”
Bom
He really can cook; we’re saved!!
“Yeah! You’re our savior, Bom!” We went over to shake him in joy, actually wanted to lift him up and praise him like in a cartoon, but he’s too heavy. Just shaking is enough.
“Can cook…but right now I am sick, my taste buds aren’t quite right…”
“Damn it…”
“Should we order food?”
“Which restaurant would deliver here, it’s outside the city.”
“Yeah…”
Now it’s only Boss left. He doesn’t seem to have the aura of someone who can cook, just look at him now. He’s laughing and picking his nose while wiping it on Tee’s back, and the one being wiped on doesn’t even notice, your back is green, you bastard. Not green from being beaten or anything, green from Boss’s nose pickings.
“Really?”
“You can’t cook, can you, Boss…” I turned to ask him.
“I can.” O_O!!! “Really?!” We all asked in surprise. No way, I don’t believe it. Even though I’ve never seen him cook, my intuition was screaming, ‘Don’t let Boss cook…’
“Yeah, what do you want to eat? I’ll make it.”
“Shit, damn, Boss, can you really cook?” Bom went to find Chef Boss in the kitchen; the person being questioned nodded and acted cool.
“Yeah, why not. You guys think I can’t cook?” We all nodded in unison. Look at him, there’s no part of Boss’s appearance that suggests he knows how to cook.
“Wednesday, I’ve lived in a dorm since middle school, Bohn. If I couldn’t cook, how could I have survived until now?” “…” Right, dorm kids must have skills. “So, what do you want to eat?”
“…Anything, whatever you can make.”
“Can we have seafood fried rice?”
“Sure…I need to record this.” Tang held up his phone to set up the camera, interviewing the chef throughout the cooking process. Even though Boss doesn’t look trustworthy, he’s actually pretty decent at it, if we ignore his appearance, that is.
“Merk, come quickly! Your wife is cooking!” Bom shouted to call the person next to me, but Merk didn’t seem too excited about it, probably because he’s had Boss’s cooking before. Oh well, what’s with you guys.
“Uh…sorry.” Merk coughed quietly, he’s been sick for days but refuses to see a doctor. He doesn’t seem to like hospitals much, saying he hates the smell of cleanliness…in my understanding, Merk probably means the smell of alcohol and medicine.
“Who did you catch a cold from?”
“I didn’t catch it from anyone, I’m the one spreading it to others.” It’s not hard to guess who that unfortunate person is; who else but the kid of the food garden owner who got sick along with him? Oh, I told you not to share food with others. The other day, Bom asked to drink from Merk’s water bottle, and he warned him, but Bom wouldn’t listen, serves him right.
“You don’t seem excited about Boss cooking, have you ever eaten his food?” King asked with a mocking look, teasing friends is our job. Even if they’re just a couple, we don’t hold back.
Heh heh.
“No.” Boss’s husband sat cross-legged, watching TV comfortably. You seem too relaxed.
“Oh, then why aren’t you excited?” Tee continued the question.
“It’s not that I haven’t.”
“Are you messing with us, Merk?”
“What are you talking about? Have you or haven’t you?”
“I have.”
“Then why did you say ‘no’ at first? Are you still drunk, Merk?” Yeah, he’s definitely drunk.
“I can’t.”
“What? I’m more confused than before.”
“Boss can’t cook.”
“Huh!”
Flicker!
Upon hearing that, everyone rushed to the kitchen. From the sofa, all we could see was the fridge and the sink, Boss and Tang were out of sight, damn it. It’s not like King has already blown up the kitchen.
Oh my, the smell…
“Just a prank…just a prank…what’s that smell, Boss?” I pinched my nose as a strange smell hit us, the smell was indescribable, like many things clashing together until you couldn’t tell what was what. The smell was like…
“Welcome, welcome. So you guys want to watch the live cooking of Chef Boss’s fried rice?” Boss turned slightly to look at us before going back to stir-frying. That’s why Tang didn’t shout, he’s asleep. How can you sleep through this!
“What did you put in there, Boss? Even though I can smell it, and I’m sick.” Bom walked over to look into the pan while we watched from a safe distance, better safe than sorry, oh God…the smell is awful.
I stared at ‘that thing’ in the Teflon pan, scrutinizing it. It looked like rice grains, dark and brownish. Besides the rice, there were some orange things I thought might be shrimp…we could eat dried shrimp cut into tiny pieces if that’s what you call shrimp, smaller than wet tamarind seeds, damn Tee. Apart from that, there were…some round, green things, small like…Hey!! Damn, Boss. Did you put cherry tomatoes in the seafood fried rice!!! And what’s that, it looks like…mushroom fungus!! You bastard, Boss!!! What are you making us eat?
“Something special.” the chef answered with the pride. What special dish from which cookbook of yours!! Oh, I’m dying here…I get headaches from the people around me. I should move to Papua New Guinea to escape these folks…
“What’s this…”
“Lots of things.” I leaned forward to look into the pan again, and I saw something new in there, rough-skinned, round…damn, Boss, you put kaffir lime in there too!! And that next to it, is that cinnamon?
“!”
“What did you put in there?!”
“Well, there’s shrimp, squid, tomatoes, Chinese broccoli, eggplant, straw mushrooms, kaffir lime, lemon, cinnamon, onions, eggs, rice…” I looked for the ingredients in the pan as the chef described them. Yeah, those are there, but that’s not all. I think there’s more than he mentioned, ‘a lot.’
“And the seasonings…”
“Why so many questions? Just the usual, fish sauce, sugar, MSG, seasoning powder…”
“…”
“Oyster sauce, light soy sauce, dark soy sauce, black pepper, white pepper, chili flakes, palm sugar…” Wait, this is starting to sound wrong. Did you put everything in there, or what? But it doesn’t smell that bad, though.
“…”
“What else…oh, shrimp paste, fermented fish, Chinese’s fermented tofu, that’s it.”
“…”
“What did you put in there! You threw in the whole kitchen, didn’t you?” I yelled. From what he listed…I saw everything in King’s kitchen, damn. Never thought there’d be someone worse than me.
“Yeah, I wanted it to be diverse, so you can taste multiple flavors with one bite! You guys are about to enter a new dimension of taste!!” Boss made a proud face before turning to look at me. It might have many flavors…but none of them are delicious!!!
“You…what’s that smell, hey! Boss, the pan!!”
“Hey!!!”
“Damn!!”
“Mom!!!!”
You can probably guess what happened next, right? Because we were all talking, Boss didn’t pay attention to the pan, the result was…burnt, inedible.
“Even if I’m sick, I can boil eggs.” Bom offered, so we lost our ingredients for nothing. But Merk’s wife, the homeowner, didn’t mind; she was laughing happily. King, the host, said, ‘Boss, you made my house colorful and gave it a new, interesting smell, ha ha ha.’ I bow to you, King, this is not color, it’s smoke and chaos…
“Good…anything will do, I can eat anything.” Ping!
Duen: Have you had dinner yet?
I smiled when I finished reading the message. Duen is always so cute like this, always asking me, ‘Are you hungry?’, ‘Have you eaten?’, ‘Are you sleepy?’, it doesn’t annoy me, quite the opposite, every word, every message, every action from Duen makes me happy and smile.
Bon Ss: Not yet. Look at your Thai teacher’s masterpiece, attaches a picture of what Boss made
I took the photo when King was about to wash the pan.
Duen: Shit, your teacher is awesome, don’t tell me…none of your group can cook?
Bon Ss: Ye…yeah, that’s right, Bom and Merk can cook but they’re sick, their taste buds aren’t good.
Duen: So what are you going to eat?
Bon Ss: Bom will boil some eggs.
Duen: Poor you, lol, you’re at Phii King’s house, right?
Bon Ss: Yeah.
Duen: I’ll come make something for you to eat.
Bon Ss: You’re coming to King’s house?
Duen: Yup, I’ll bring some friends too, will Phii King mind?
Bon Ss: Do you know him?
Duen: Ram knows him, tell Phii King, okay?
Why does Ram know King’s house? Never mind.
“King, Duen and his friends are coming here.” I went to tell the homeowner who was in the kitchen. They were all cleaning up the mess left by Boss. I can’t believe Tang could fall asleep; he said he didn’t sleep much last night, so he dozed off while filming Boss.
“Huh? What for?” the homeowner asked, surprised.
“To make something to eat.”
“Wow…”
“Wow, a personal chef, huh.”
“Is your little brother coming to my house?” the god asked again, wiping his hands and coming over to talk to me properly. Boss made such a mess from the entrance all the way to the kitchen counter, damn.
“Yes, with friends. Will you mind?”
“I don’t mind, we’re saved then!!”
“Yeah!!!”
It turns out these guys are happy that the younger ones are coming. Normally, it should be the seniors cooking for the juniors, right? Why does everything seem to be turned upside down like this…
Bon Ss: Who’s coming?
Duen: Me, Ting, Tang, Phu, Ram, we’ll be there in ten minutes.
After finishing the chat with Duen, I went to help King and the gang clean the house. Boss was already asleep; Merk said he was tired, and the friends didn’t really mind, they even found it funny because Boss’s sleeping position was so ridiculous.
Merk’s wife was sleeping on the sofa, one leg over the backrest, the other properly on the sofa, his right hand lifting his shirt up to reveal his belly.
Damn, Boss…you’re so ugly I don’t even know what to curse you with. Yesterday, he bought a tattoo to stick on his right waist. At first, I didn’t say anything because I thought it was a cool design, like an eagle or something…but it wasn’t…it was a unique baby eagle. Behind that baby, there was a tattoo that said, ‘Chuk Kru,’ damn!
I’m exhausted…
Not long after, Duen and his friends arrived, carrying lots of stuff, mostly snacks and fresh ingredients for cooking. Oh, I forgot to tell Duen that King’s house has plenty of stuff.
“Hello, seniors.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Did you bring any snacks?” I walked over to peek into the bag in Duen’s hand; it was all fresh produce. I’m so hungry my stomach is growling, I want anything to snack on, I’m hungry!
“Are you hungry?” Duen looked up to ask me. He’s lost a couple of kilos recently because he’s been studying for exams, staying up late, waking up early, and not eating at regular times. I’m really worried about his health.
“Yeah, really hungry, I want to eat tom yum kung.”
“Really? I’ll make it for you, go eat some snacks first, I brought some, I bought tuna bread for you too.”
“Cute, heh heh.” I poked my lover’s cheek playfully, he knows my heart so well, believe me, no one is luckier than me.
“My love…he bought me bread with a miang kham flavor too.” Phu, with his shirt rolled up to show his belly, walked over to cling to his code senior arm in a flirtatious manner.
“So cute…Yod KhunKam’s ultimate love.” When they’re together, it’s always like this…
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