MYENGINEER, CHAPTER 48: Happy Birthday to Big Brother
[Bohn]
“Where to next?” Duen asked. Initially, I was going to drop him at home because of the hot sun. I didn’t want the other person to get a tan, but thinking about it, I completely forgot that tomorrow is Buhn’s birthday and I haven’t bought him a gift yet…Buhn, I’m sorry.
“Can you come with me to buy a gift?” I put down the cake box before looking up to ask the person next to me. Earlier, I took Duen into the cake shop, and his face was redder than the strawberries on the cake, even though I promised not to flirt…But the sign outside the shop seemed to beckon, ‘Go ahead…flirt with him’…so I did a little, heh.
“A gift? Sure.”
Should I buy something fake, superficial, for Buhn? He already has too many fake things. He has fake plants too. How about fake cockroaches? What would Buhn do with them? Ha ha, wait. Maybe Ben would buy fake cockroaches for Buhn.
Speaking of Ben, his [siblings] are damn hard to kill. I tried putting the box in the water hoping they’d drown, making it look like an accident, but damn…they survived. Should I just burn them and tell Ben, ‘They wanted to explore the wide world’?
Where were we? Right, Buhn’s gift. So, what should we buy for him…
“What are you going to buy?” Duen followed me slowly. Not for any reason, he’s still sleepy, so he can’t walk fast. Watch out, he’s about to bump into someone. Why are there so many people in the mall today, is there some event?
“Duen, be careful when you walk.” I reached out to grab his shoulder and pull him close, then bowed my head to apologize to the person he almost bumped into. He didn’t scold us; he seemed more amused.
“Sorry! I’m sleepy…” The person whose shoulder I was holding rubbed his eyes. Right now, in my eyes, Duen looks like a lazy cat, his voice groggy and even growling, will he bite me?
“Just a moment, we’ll be done soon.” I gently patted his head before leading him to Buhn’s regular store. It’s not some fancy, expensive shop.
Buhn’s regular store is just an ordinary shop that sells only fake items, from fake nails to fake tanks. Buhn frequents this place so much that the owner made him a VIP card to use for buying things in the store…sounds special, but actually, Buhn is the only one who shops here, ha ha. “Welcome, oh, isn’t that Buhn’s younger brother?” John, the shop owner, greeted us while hanging something on the shelf…Hey, that’s…a…a…
…fake missile.
“Yeah.” I nodded in response, then looked at Duen again, who had already laid down on the sofa. Understandably, after eating, you get sleepy, especially with the cool AC.
“Make yourself at home, just ask if you need anything.” Phii John, the shop owner, said kindly…his name fits his appearance. Not handsome like a foreigner named John, but scruffy like his name suggests, with all that hair and beard covering his face. Looking at him, he reminds me of my code brother, is this some trend they’re into or what?
“Tomorrow is Buhn’s birthday. So, I want to get him something fake, something that will amaze him when he sees it, something he’ll like, do you have anything like that?”
“Oh, it’s Buhn’s birthday. No wonder Tae was ordering stuff since last Duen.”
“What did Phii Tae buy?” Phii Tae, being Buhn’s best friend, should know his taste the best. If I know what he bought, it could guide me in choosing a gift for Buhn, shred, anything smarter than what I’d think of?
“He told me not to tell anyone.” I knew it…
“Then help me out, brother, is there anything that would make Buhn so happy he’d bow at my feet?” I asked while my eyes were fixed on the lazy cat sleeping on the sofa. It’s really asleep…just a cat, huh?
“There is, there’s one thing, let’s go see it, it’s out back.” Phii John led the way to the back of the store before waving for me to follow. I hesitated for a moment before deciding to follow him, I didn’t want to leave Duen alone while he was sleeping, but I also didn’t want to wake him…It’ll just be a quick look, it should be fine.
The back was full of foam boxes and cardboard crates, shred…those are R-rated items, do you sell stuff like this too? I looked around with interest because there were signs labeled ‘New’ and ‘Used’, well separated.
“Look here, young man, this is what you’re looking for! How’s that for surprising?”
Blink
Phii John’s rough, hairy hand (?) pulled away the black cloth, and I opened my eyes wide when I saw what was hidden underneath. Wow…I am indeed surprised, but, God, would Buhn like this?
“Do you want it? This is a rare item, it just arrived today.” Is this what you call rare? I assessed the ‘rare’ item the shopkeeper was talking about; how does this look rare, maybe at best it’s just fully underarm hair.
“Uh…would Buhn like this?” I asked again for reassurance.
“For sure, trust me.”
“Then I’ll take it.”
“It has to be like this, you’re so lucky. If you came any later, it would have been sold already.”
“Ha, is it that in demand?”
“Absolutely, it’s a very limited edition.” Limited indeed…
“Huh…where’s Bohn?”
The sound from inside the shop got louder, probably because Duen has woken up. I chatted with Phii John for a bit before excusing myself to go to him. Duen was making a grumpy face while rubbing his eyes, looking for me around the shop, probably scared to wake up and find no one around.
“I’m here.”
“Where did you go…leaving me alone.” Duen came over and hugged me loosely, not only flirting when drunk but also when sleepy, huh?
“I didn’t leave, just went to look at some stuff for a moment.” I gently stroked his messy hair while Duen tightened his hug and buried his face in my chest.
“Sorry.” Has anyone ever told him how cute he is…Yes, I’m the one who said it, and I have the exclusive right to do so.
“Just a moment, we’ll go back soon.” I leaned down to nuzzle his white cheek teasingly. With Duen around, I always end up doing these corny things. You make me shameless, do you know that?
“Hmm…” The person hugging me nodded in understanding. I rocked him side to side like soothing a child, and he seemed to drift off. I could hear him purring.
“Like a cat, heh heh.” I poked his cheek twice gently, but Duen didn’t wake up. How can you sleep like this, it’s too impressive.
“Hey hey, don’t do that in my shop.” The young shop owner came over carrying a large gift box. I told him to wrap it himself. He didn’t charge for the wrapping because this item was expensive enough. Watch out, if Buhn doesn’t like it, I’ll hit Phii John with it.
“Not here, Phii, this one doesn’t like doing it outdoor, heh heh.”
“Ha ha.”
“Duen, walk properly, you’ll bump into someone.”
Duen nodded but still walked unsteadily, as usual. Is he that sleepy? After leaving Phii John’s shop, I let the sleepyhead carry the gift box because he said he wanted to hug something, and I didn’t mind since Buhn’s gift wouldn’t break.
“Ho, Bohn, I am sleepy too.” Duen wobbled over and leaned his head on my shoulder. How can you be that sleepy, should I go buy a bed and pillows for you?
“Why are you so sleepy like this, like an ice cream tub?” I pinched his cheek gently, and Duen made an annoyed sound in his throat, then hit me with the gift box with a loud smack, ouch, that hurt, damn.
Finally, I managed to support the sleepy cat back to the car safely. Every time I let my guard down, he would try to lie down on the floor, or he’d bump his head into everyone who passed by, are you being aggressive?
“Duen, do you want to go straight home or sleep at my condo first?” I wasn’t trying to lure him. I just wanted him to get to a bed quickly, and my condo is close by.
“…Dream on, you bastard, take me home. If I’m not at home in fifteen minutes, you’re dead, you slacker.” Why did he suddenly wake up so fast, just a moment ago he was so groggy.
I took Duen home safely. That night, I called him, we talked until he fell asleep, nothing more than that. Less than a minute to go before it’s Buhn’s birthday. Even though we’re grown, me and Bihn still compete every year to see who can wish him a happy birthday first. It has to be me, little brother, hah.
0:00 a.m.
Bon Ss: Happy Birthday, big brother!
Brother named Bihn, Not Black But With Huge Balls: Happy
Ha! How about that! I posted three seconds before you, Bihn!!…And your birthday wish is so short, have I ever told you I’m worried about your Facebook name, ‘huge balls’, is that what you think or not? If so…whether they’re big or not is a personal matter, why tell others?
Not long after, the birthday boy himself commented back.
Buhn, Korawit: Hmm…is it my birthday today?
“Damn, don’t tell me you forgot your own birthday.” No wonder our parents are worried and don’t want you to go far.
Bon Ss: You idiot!! If it’s not your birthday, then whose dog’s birthday is it?
Brother named Bihn, Not Black But With Huge Balls: Yeah, who are you, so confused, –
Buhn, Korawit: I was just joking. Who would forget their own birthday?
Brother named Bihn, Not Black But With Huge Balls: You, that’s who!!
I know you really forgot.
After we wished him, many more people came to wish him. I read for a bit and then went to bed. We’re having a birthday party for our big brother at home, and Mom told me to invite a lot of friends. I invited Duen, but he’s not free because he has some work to do. Sigh, why does it have to be today?
“Hey, you guys.”
“You’re here, birthday boy, why didn’t you come after the party?” We greeted Buhn who walked in with nearly ten of his close friends. The party started at half-past nine, but the birthday boy arrived at half-past two, wow, impressive.
“You told me you’d be late, so being a good brother, I decided to come even later than you.”
“My late is like ten minutes, dude.”
“Who would know that? You said you were dropping off your boyfriend, so
I added an hour for you to do some naughty stuff.”
“Add one more.”
“Mom, sigh, I’m really tired of you guys, but whatever, go blow out the candles, everyone’s waiting by the pool.”
“Alright!” Buhn ran towards the pool, not forgetting to drag his friends along. Even though he looks like this, my brother organized his own party. He plays music with his friends at a pub, which pays pretty well.
“Today, Buhn, I’m going to blow out your candles, huh huh.” Bihn ran after him, nudging Buhn’s shoulder. Since the last birthday, Bihn didn’t get to blow out the cake candles because Buhn did it first, he must be holding a grudge.
“Your dad left nut.”
“Your dad is my dad too…Dad, Buhn cursed at you!”
“No, I didn’t curse at Dad, you brat Bihn, Buhn tagged you!”
“Oh, damn, Buhn!! Take this!! Bihn’s fart power…eight.” Ew, you disgusting Bihn.
“These two kids, speak more nicely.” Mom said, exhausted. I feel so sorry for my mom having sons like them. Those two were quiet for a moment when Mom scolded them, but it didn’t last long…
“Ghost Buhn, why do you act like this with your brother?”
“Ghost can’t-”
“Sigh!!!”
(The host is here…oh, Buhn! What’s with your outfit? Oh, I’m sorry, haha.) The female host spoke without thinking. Her name is Arty, she’s a friend from my brother’s faculty.
“Mom told me to dress Thai style!” Buhn shouted back to the host on the other side. His friends looked at each other, laughing. He wasn’t this mischievous before, he’s become so after hanging out with Phii Tae, huh, but Phii Tae isn’t like this.
(Sigh, you all know how the birthday boy is…let him be, let’s get on with our ceremony.)
Once she finished speaking, someone brought the cake to the birthday boy without turning off the lights because Buhn said, “Wow, I already know what it is, no need to turn off the lights, it’s a waste of time.” So we just went with it. Dad made this cake himself; it’s quite large. I’m very happy that we have someone in our house who can cook, I’m about to cry, damn it.
“Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday to you.”
The birthday song rang out from all directions. Mom and Bihn were holding the cake since it was too big for one person to carry. The top of the cake was decorated with chocolate and cream shaped into several boys, with the largest one having a sign around his neck that read, ‘Buhn’.
“Happy birthday to my eldest son, may you be happy. Study hard, son, and…stop dressing like this.” Laughter erupted immediately after the mother’s blessing and request ended, before the birthday boy went to blow out his cake, which Bihn didn’t try to steal as he said he would.
Boom!
“Hey! / Scream!” The guests exclaimed in shock when one girl fell into the water. I was shocked too. I was about to jump in to help when a voice came through the microphone.
(Boom boom boom. It’s just a prank, no need to panic, Tee just wanted to invest in some fun for friends…Boom boom, wait there, I’ll come interview you.) Damn…Arty is so manly, he jumped into the pool to interview the birthday boy about his feelings, bro, you could have walked around.
(Cough cough! Just a prank…Ahem, does the birthday boy have anything to say?) Arty climbed out of the pool and walked over to ask his friend.
“What should I say…” My brother asked into the microphone, looking at his friend in shock because Arty’s eyeliner had run down to his (fake) chest, the eyelashes were falling onto his cheeks, but he wasn’t fazed by the mess…Is this Arty or Thapanee?
(Anything you want to say, you elephant…Oops, sorry.)
“Then…thank you everyone for coming to my birthday party, also…I’m still single, you can hit on me, that girl in the purple shirt is really beautiful, wink wink.” I knew you’d be vulgar…
(Uh…and-)
Flicker
Suddenly, all the lights went out, even the ones in the pool. As I was about to check the light switch, I was stopped by one of Buhn’s friends. Suddenly, dozens of small lights appeared, they were from the candles on a not-solarge birthday cake. The person holding the other cake was none other than Phii Tae, wow, there’s a surprise.
“Happy birthday to you…”
“Happy birthday to you, happy, birthday, happy, birthday…” A tall figure approached the slender birthday boy; it would have been a nice picture…if damn Buhn had changed his clothes.
“Happy birthday to…Buhn.” Phii Tae smiled before handing the cake to my brother. What a good friend, if it were my gang, we wouldn’t do something like this.
“This is our gift to you.” A large gift box was handed to my brother, who was still in his Ben-style sarong, looking confused by the events but went to open it anyway. When he saw what was inside, he couldn’t hold back his tears.
“Hey hey, why are you crying, birthday boy?”
“To buy this, we had to pool all our hard-earned savings from our entire lives, man.”
“Sorry it’s not that expensive…but it comes from our hearts.”
My brother’s musician friends stood in a circle around the birthday boy, who was already covering his face and crying. If I were him, I’d probably cry too. They work to earn their own money, every penny counts, but they chose to spend it on a cake and gifts for their friend. I don’t know much about music, but I could tell the gift was an electric guitar.
“Happy Birthday, Buhn!”
Everyone said in unison. This birthday must be the most memorable for my brother.
Happy Birthday, my real brother.
We partied until almost midnight; Mom and Dad didn’t mind us getting drunk, but they told us not to overdo it. Duen still hasn’t called yet, he said he’s not done and will probably sleep at a friend’s house.
“Here’s my gift.” I handed him the gift box, wondering if Buhn would like it…but if he doesn’t, I won’t buy him a new one, it’s damn expensive…’damn expensive’, a new term coined by Boss, hah, yeah, Boss and the gang came today, but Tang had diarrhea, so they all went to hang out in my room. “What is this…”
“I don’t know if you’ll like it, but Phii John said it-”
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!”
“?!?!!”
“Bohn!!!! I love you, I love you so much!!!” He ran over and hugged me tightly. I was too shocked to resist, and everyone nearby was startled by his scream…what the hell?
“H…huh?”
“This is a super limited edition!! I’ve wanted it for so long but never managed to order it in time, look, Tae, Kim, check this out!!!”
“What…is this the thing you’ve been wanting?” Kim examined the item in his friend’s hand. Buhn wouldn’t let anyone touch it, it…it’s that valuable?
“Yes, oh, I’m so happy, Bohn, give me a kiss.”
“Ew…so you like it?” I pushed his face away with all my strength while looking at the item in his hand again…I don’t see the value in this damn thing, why are my siblings all so weird? The oldest son likes fake stuff, the third one’s crazy, the youngest keeps cockroaches…I can’t live in this house anymore.
“Very much!”
“Uh…”
“How could it not please you, this is the fake toilet with floating poop the size of my hand that I’ve always wanted! The design is the most avantgarde and modern. Look at the poop inside, it looks so real!!! I’ve wanted this to decorate my room for so long, it makes me hungry just looking at it.” Damn…I really don’t know what to say.
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