MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 21: When Feelings Are Clear, He’ll Be Our Only Exception.
“You can’t ignore this, Godt.”
I paused while adjusting my tie around my neck when I heard the morning shouting from next door. The familiar voice sounded like Phii Ton, someone who hardly ever shows up at Phii Godt’s room. What’s going on that his voice sounds so displeased?
“I don’t want to deal with it.”
“You can’t just ignore it, go explain yourself at least.”
Their voices went quiet, making me feel uneasy. Soon after, they started up again, but this time it was Phii Godt shouting back before there was a knock on my door.
I slowly opened the door, and seeing who it was, I stepped back to let him in. Phii Godt ran in shortly after, probably having gone to get his mask. I looked up at Phii Ton, who was frowning deeply at Phii Godt in confusion.
“I told you not to mess with the kid.”
“I can’t not mess with it when you won’t say anything.”
“Why should I? Why do I have to explain myself when I haven’t done anything wrong?”
“Do you want the kid to end up like Ping?”
Phii Godt swore in frustration. He tried to pull me out of the room, but Phii Ton grabbed my other arm.
“So if the junior finds out, will you go explain then?”
“Damn you, Ton!”
What’s going on… I’m completely confused now.
“Diew.”
“Yes?”
“Godt’s fans are unhappy with you, even more so because he won’t clarify what’s going on with you.” I gasped upon hearing that, knowing well that this was bound to happen one day, but I was more worried about the honey-skinned guy beside me.
He’s getting attacked again.
“Shit, and what are you going to tell the kid? Isn’t he already overthinking things enough, you bitch?”
“What I’m saying is for you to handle it properly. If you want to make him your boyfriend, do it clearly, not this half-assed, not-committing-to anything way.”
“Don’t you get it? I want to take things slowly, I don’t want to rush.”
“Then tell them you’re courting him, that you plan to ask him to be your boyfriend one day anyway.”
The atmosphere in the room was so tense it made me shrink to almost nothing. I didn’t dare move an inch. Phii Godt let out a big, displeased sigh.
“Isn’t it because you’re not clear yourself? That’s why Ping got attacked so much by the fans.” Phii Ton tried to soften his voice. He slumped down at the edge of the bed, looking exhausted, like he was tired of persuading his friend but continued out of concern.
I didn’t know what expression Phii Godt was showing now, but I was very worried about his feelings.
“And why don’t they think that I’m human too, damn it. Just because I have fans doesn’t mean I can’t like someone, right?”
I know, Godt, but honestly. Just type one sentence saying you’re courting him. That’s all it takes to end it. Why keep it quiet and let it escalate? I know sometimes fans go too far, not letting you have a private life, but it’s because you want to be a public figure.”
Phii Godt’s hand, which was holding my wrist, squeezed gently, indicating he wasn’t okay with what he was hearing.
“If you want a private life, then just type it out. If you don’t want anyone bothering him, type it out. Let them know you’re serious about this person. There are good fans who are ready to protect you, fans who are ready to understand you. They exist, you know.”
“Fuck.”
“Once you’ve decided, just type it out. Don’t worry about him getting attacked even more after you post it. If you don’t make it clear, I think he’ll end up like Miss Ping soon.”
There was a long silence before Phii Godt let go of my hand and sat down at the edge of the bed.
“So what should I do?”
“Say what’s in your heart. As for today, I’m borrowing him for one day.”
“Fuck you, Ton!”
“Clear this up first, then we’ll talk.”
Phii Ton immediately dragged me out of the room without giving Phii
Godt a chance to protest. The last thing I saw after being pulled out was Khun Godzilla holding a phone in his hand, looking so downcast it was worrying.
I got into a taxi with Phii Ton, and as soon as we were in, he asked:
“What time is your class?”
“Half past eight.”
“It’s half past seven now; we’ve got a little time. I want to talk about something.”
I nodded in simple agreement. Not long after, the taxi stopped in front of the Engineering Faculty building. Phii Ton led me to a bench under the faculty building. The Engineering Faculty was quiet in the morning, with only the chirping of birds and the sound of cars passing by on the road, occasionally interrupted by the chatter of passing students.
It was a bit strange because I’d never been here before. Even though the Engineering and International buildings are close, just a ten-minute walk apart, the odd structure of this building caught my attention, and I found myself staring at it for a while.
Phii Godt studies here, huh? I’ve only ever looked at it from the outside, never from within.
I know it’s designed to reflect engineering, but it still looks like it’s not finished.
“Sorry for barging in like that.”
“It’s okay…” I turned my attention from the steel beams above to the person in front of me. Honestly, I was a bit startled because since knowing Phii Godt, I’ve never seen him argue with anyone seriously.
Seeing it today made me unsure how to react.
“You know about Ping, right?”
“Yes.”
“Ping was attacked by Godt’s fans, heavily criticized, to the point where she had to quit social media for a while.”
I knew about this since I had talked to Ping recently.
“The main reason was that Godt didn’t admit he was talking to Ping. When it was found out later, he got criticized for not being upfront about it. At first, I thought like Godt, that it was unreasonable, why should he have to say who he was talking to, but when Ping got attacked, I realized that being clear about it is much better. One, it cuts down on bad fan issues, two, it respects the good fans who have supported him since his first year.”
“Ugh… I understand to some extent…” Especially if it’s someone from society, someone who has tens of thousands of fans following them. I think it’s quite reasonable to care about your fans, so I won’t judge Phii Ton for speaking up because he’s concerned about his friend.
“The fans of Godt, there are two types. The first type is like Jen; I guess you already know Jen is a fan of Godt. The second type is those who will support Godt in everything but are also ready to attack anyone who gets involved with Godt if they think that person isn’t suitable for him.”
That’s why I said Phii Godt’s fans are scary.
“Don’t you know that before him meeting you, Godt was a real social butterfly, always updating his life for others to see? That’s why he has so many fans. But then he met you, and from being a social butterfly, he turned into a caveman. Do you think his fans would be happy with that?”
I could shake my head to answer Phii Ton’s question.
“Yes, on that day he was photographed, caught talking to you secretly, and then he went silent. He didn’t come out to defend himself at all, even though the whole university knows that the Ultraman mask guy is him, he remains silent. I’m mad at him because he doesn’t clear things up. The longer he doesn’t clarify, the more it piles up like mud on a pig’s tail. His fans will start to suspect, and once they start digging, they’ll find out he’s flirting with someone. That’s when the dissatisfaction starts, and he’s still stubbornly not saying anything clearly.”
I can understand everything Phii Ton said about how Phii Godt was once very social, and then he tried to adapt to be with me. I know he often forced himself to do things that weren’t true to his nature.
“I… I’m sorry.”
“It’s not our fault, nor is it Godt’s fault, but this is the result of wanting to be a public figure; there’s no privacy left. We just have to accept it and live with it.” Phii Ton sighed loudly.
Why am I so worried about Phii Godt now?
It’s not like I didn’t know; I’ve been asking him all along if his fans would be unhappy, but I always got the same answer: don’t pay attention, don’t read it, don’t care about what others say. So, I didn’t pay attention as he told me.
But what I had anticipated turned out to be true.
Phii Godt has been through a lot. I don’t know how painful it might be, from the issue with Phii Ping to now, with me.
“It’s rare to see him change himself so seriously. He doesn’t go out drinking much, he quit smoking, isn’t on social media as much as before. And for someone who was proud of his looks, he now wears an Ultraman mask every day. If he didn’t truly love, why would he do all this? That’s why I don’t want you to go through what Ping did. I don’t want Godt to be hurt again.”
“Phii Godt… smokes… cigarettes…?” I blink in surprise, looking at the person in front of me.
I didn’t know about this at all.
Yes, it says that the person next door didn’t like the smell of cigarettes so he quit smoking for good.
He never told me he smoked; I only remember that back then, the next room was smoking so much that the smell came into my room at the end of the corridor, and he cursed the neighbor. After that, there was no more smell of cigarettes.
I had no idea he quit smoking because of me.
Now, should I feel bad because Phii Godt was scolded, or should I feel good knowing that he quit smoking because of me?
Trrr
Phii Ton’s phone rang while we sat in silence for a while. Phii Ton smiled when he saw what was displayed on his phone screen. He held the phone up to me, showing me what was on it.
“Just this, how hard can it be?”
I stared at the Twitter account that was left open; there was no need to guess whose account it was. Ever since naming him Godzilla, it seemed he really liked the name. On the screen was a message that had been typed into Notes and then captured and tweeted:
GodZilla
Sorry for not clearing things up earlier. I am currently courting someone, and many of you probably know who he is. I’m speaking out today because I don’t want the junior to be attacked. He’s a good kid, not arrogant like some say; my friends can confirm this. He’s the one who made me quit smoking, the one who made me drink less alcohol, and the one who made me try to change myself to be more understanding of others. So please, be kind and let her live his private life as before, because I am very serious about him.
I apologize to my fans who have supported me all along.
Sorry for not speaking clearly before.
I’m sorry if my actions have upset many of you, thank you for everything that has happened, I will improve myself.
GODT
“How is it?” Phii Ton asked, raising an eyebrow at me. I handed the phone back to him, my hands still trembling, completely taken aback by those messages.
My heart was pounding in my chest, making me want to run away right then.
“So it’s serious, huh, this guy?”
My lips were tightly pressed together; I knew my face must have been very red, so I tried to cover it with my hands before feeling the familiar touch along with the deep, soft voice of someone like an older brother.
“Why are you here, little bro?”
Phii Beert had arrived at just the right moment.
“I was brought here to talk about Godt.”
“Huh, what did you talk about?”
“About his fans, about him not clearing things up.”
“Oh, and did he clear it up then?”
“Looking at the person who’s turned into a tomato, you can guess if it’s cleared up.”
The owner of the warm hand didn’t say anything further. Phii Beert ruffled my hair and then sat down beside me, just as Phii Wan jumped in to sit opposite me.
“How did Diew get here?”
“What are you yapping about, Wan?” Phii Beert turned to tease the smaller guy, getting a playful glare from Phii Wan in return.
“You’re such a pain in the neck,” before they both started hitting each other and ran off chasing each other.
I slumped my forehead onto my arms, slowly exhaling, trying to calm the heat on my face. Why does my heart beat so hard… just from those typed words?
‘Because I’m serious about him.’
Just that one sentence made today’s air even hotter.
Before I could move anywhere, my phone vibrated. I picked it up to check the Line notification that popped up on the screen, with Phii Godt’s name prominent, along with his message:
Godzilla
Let’s meet tonight, I want to talk.
I put my phone back in my pocket and turned to look at the face of the man who had unofficially become my senior.
“Phii Beert.”
“Yes?” The sun-like smile was warm in return.
“If I… break the promise to chat before going to bed… what should I say at that time?”
“Did the person who made the promise break it themselves?” Phii Beert said jokingly, making me roll my eyes at him.
“Don’t tease me.”
“Just say what you really want to say; because no matter what, Godt will accept it all.”
“Why… did Phii Godt change himself this much?” I asked with a whining tone while turning back to slump my face onto the table.
“It’s like this, weren’t you annoyed by Godt at first?”
True…
“When we love someone, that person becomes the exception.
Someone as confident as Godt, once he meets someone, suddenly wants to change himself. And someone who loves peace like you, what happens when you get to know Godt?”
Love, huh… that’s it… I’ve hardly ever thought about that word.
“He… brings comfort.”
“See, it’s not just Godt who’s changing; Diew has changed too.”
“Me?” Have I changed?
“Just by allowing Godt into your personal world. That’s clear enough, isn’t it?”
I was silent at Phii Beert’s words.
True, I’ve changed without realizing it. Even though I never wanted to deal with someone who’s always noisy and brash, but after talking to him, listening to his stories, getting to know his life, I opened up to let him be part of mine.
If it were anyone else, I might have pushed them away. But because this is Phii Godt, Khun Godzilla, the loud one who tried to change himself to break into my world.
I like him more every day.
The promise will certainly break soon.
“I’m back.”
I opened the balcony door, greeting my neighbor first, Phii Godt let out a small cough.
“Can I come to your room?”
His voice was slightly nasal but had an undertone of pleading like a child. I agreed without hesitation, my legs stepping straight to the door before opening it. The first thing I saw was the green color of a toy.
The tall man handed me a droopy-eyed turtle plushie, clearly suffering from a bad cold, and it seemed the medicine hadn’t helped yet.
“I bought this for you, to keep you company while you wait for the young master to come home.”
“Thank you,” I accepted the plushie, which was just the right size to hug, and quickly opened the door wider for Phii Godt to enter before gently closing it. Phii Godt went and sat down by the balcony, since it wasn’t raining today, we had a chance to go out and feel the breeze.
“Sitting out here like this… you’ll get a fever soon.”
I sat down next to him, holding the turtle plushie that I vaguely remembered was named Sammy, but it seemed Phii Godt wasn’t listening at all. He didn’t care that he was coughing and even sniffing periodically.
“I’m okay, just a small cold.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I want to talk to you more than anything.”
I sat quietly, looking at the droopy-eyed turtle, stroking its soft head while thinking about the young master who had stopped by after school. The doctor said the young master had a lot of gas in his intestines, probably from overeating, so they would give him an injection and observe him at the hospital for now. They would call when he could go home.
That relieved me a bit, happy that the young master wasn’t seriously ill. It was just overeating.
But now, instead of worrying about the young master, I was concerned about the person next to me. One was nearly recovered, and here was another getting sick.
“Sorry, I’m really stubborn.”
I’ve never been angry with you. You don’t have to keep apologizing.
“You just want to protect me. You thought ignoring it was the best way out, but you forgot what kind of person you used to be. You were someone who needed to announce to the world where you were going, what you were doing. But because you wanted to understand me, you tried to adjust, forgetting that there’s another group of people still waiting for you.”
It’s not your fault that you did all this because you wanted to get close to me.
Like Phii Ton said, because the fans have always supported Phii Godt. If one day he suddenly abandons them, anyone would be upset. It’s good that he decided to tweet like that; it might make things better, or even if it gets worse…
I’ve already promised you. I won’t let you go.
“Is Diew okay with me being like this? I promise that when I’m with you, I won’t let the outside world disturb you.”
You’ve never let it disturb us since we met, haven’t you?
Isn’t it you, who, when I said I didn’t like loud noises, tried to stay quiet alone to understand me?
Isn’t it you, who told me to ignore the words on social media because you wanted me to pay attention only to your words?
And it’s you again, who emphasized to your fans, “Let me have my private life.”
“I’m okay.”
“Sorry,” Phii Godt placed his large hand on my head, “I… achoo!”
He hadn’t even finished speaking before he sneezed loudly, making me laugh. The person hiding his face behind an Ultraman mask sucked his nose up with a cute, loud sniff.
“You are smiling again,” Khun Godzilla said with a hoarse voice, gently ruffling my hair.
“Young-master… is getting better… should be able to leave the hospital tomorrow.”
“Really? Then it seems like I’m no longer needed.”
“Don’t feel bad.”
“I am feeling bad,” he crossed his arms, acting sulky, turning away until I gently poked his arm. The tall man slowly turned his masked Ultraman face back towards me, still coughing at me.
What kind of person gets a cold and acts like a child?
I held his face, knelt down, and gently blew on his forehead.
“What are you doing?”
“Mom said… when you have a cold… blowing like this will help you get better quickly.”
“Oh, and did your mom also say that blowing like this would get you a husband?”
“Uh… no.”
I’m not talking to you anymore, you’re crazy!
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