EASTTAGYOUREMINE, Chapter 9: Question & Answer
The gentle tug on my wrist by someone taller made me follow along helplessly. I tried to shake my hand free, but it was futile. Phii Hill didn’t say anything after we left that area, with the surrounding noise from the crowd, I hoped no one noticed us. It would be bad if anyone saw, because Phii Hill was clearly holding my hand.
Huhhhhh…
The silent cry in Ter’s heart that no one heard…
The noise of the crowd quieted down after Phii Napdao announced for all the stars and moons to return to their lines, but it seemed that voice had no effect on the person in front of me.
Phii Hill kept leading me away from the activity area.
Ohhh, why does he have such sticky hands? I can’t even get free!
“Where are we going?” I said, still trying to free my hand, but Phii Hill gripped it tighter.
The other person didn’t respond until we reached the side of the activity area, near the equipment storage rooms, not exactly a hidden spot, but probably because it was the semester break, there weren’t many people around.
Phii Hill stopped walking but didn’t let go of my hand. I pulled back once more. “Let go.” I said with a slight tone of annoyance, to be dragged off like this without any explanation.
“I won’t.” Phii Hill turned to look at me. The look in his eyes made me pause. I couldn’t have seen it wrong, could I? In a blink, I saw a hint of vulnerability in those eyes, before they returned to their usual warmth.
“…” I couldn’t say anything.
Phii Hill raised his other hand and gently touched my cheek.
Why does it feel like…
Something is about to overflow.
“I can’t let someone who’s crying go.” a warm hand moved up to gently wipe away the tears that were welling up.
Am I…crying?
“I’m not crying!” I pushed his hand away and wiped my tears roughly.
“Don’t rub your eyes so hard.” Phii Hill held my other hand.
“Let go…hic.” I hated that look full of concern, and suddenly, tears I didn’t know where they came from started flowing. I didn’t even know why I was crying…I just knew I started sobbing until I could barely breathe.
It felt like all my endurance had crumbled down.
“Ugh…sob.” I let everything I had been holding back flow out along with my tears. I didn’t know anymore. hic…
Phii Hill released both my hands before pulling me into a hug.
“Let go…let go!” I protested while sobbing, pounding on his strong chest with all my might. I knew it must have hurt him, but he still didn’t loosen his embrace; instead, he hugged me tighter.
“Ugh…sob, let go.” I pulled and tugged at the bright white student shirt, “I hate you!…hic. I hate you! Do you hear me!” I didn’t even know what I was saying anymore. I didn’t want to see myself like this right now.
“Yes…I know.” The gentle voice came out softly, like water soothing the fire that was spreading through my heart, his hand stroking to comfort, “Breathe deeply, okay?” Phii Hill leaned down to whisper in my ear, using his thumb to gently wipe away my tears again.
I continued to sob in his embrace for a while. If it weren’t for Phii Hill holding me up, I would have collapsed to the ground. How could I cry so much in front of him?
I’ve always cried alone…
I tried to take deep breaths to calm my heart and pull my mind back together.
“Your eyes are all red now.” Phii Hill smiled at me tenderly and loosened his hug. I slowly stepped back, “Are you okay now?”
“I don’t know.” I grumbled to hide my embarrassment.
“Okay, then I think it’s time we had a talk.”
“Talk about what?”
“About what made you cry.”
“I didn’t cry.” I looked down, feeling utterly embarrassed.
“But my shirt is completely soaked, and it’s all crumpled too.” Phii Hill pointed at himself, showing his student shirt that was neat this morning but now stained with tears and crumpled from being tugged at.
“I…I’m sorry.” I apologized, feeling guilty.
“It’s okay.” Phii Hill walked over to sit on a nearby marble chair. “Come sit here.”
I didn’t say anything before walking over to sit beside him, feeling awkward.
After all, I had just sobbed all over him; it would be crazy to run away now.
“Phii …I don’t know where to start.” Phii Hill looked serious, but his eyes betrayed his inner turmoil.
Phii Hill was…scared.
“I want to start anew…but sometimes, we can’t avoid the past.”
“Because it’s a wound too deep.” His sad eyes made me want to cry again. I had never seen him like this before…
My hands started sweating again, and I clenched my lips to suppress a slight tremble. I didn’t dare meet his sorrowful gaze; it would make my eyes burn with tears.
Phii Hill sighed softly as if preparing to say something that was weighing heavily on his mind. I waited to hear those words, though my own heart was trembling just as much…
I was afraid too…
I was scared that what he would say would change everything, whether what I had always understood was right or wrong, the truth would change something between us.
Or maybe there are things I shouldn’t know. If it would cause more pain than I’ve ever felt. Should I stay and listen? It’s not that I don’t want to know anything. I do want to know and hear it from him.
And how much can I believe in that truth…?
“Uh…actually, it all started five years ago.” His deep, soft voice finally spoke, while I was lost in my conflicted thoughts.
“Uh…wait.”
I didn’t know if I could handle everything he was about to tell…
“Yes?”
“I…can I ask something first?”
“Yes?”
“Will the story I tell be okay for me?”
“Um…it should be okay.”
“Will you tell me everything?”
“Of course…or do you not want to hear it?”
“Uh…I don’t know, I think maybe not right now.” I said hesitantly. Part of me wanted to know, but my mind was flashing warning signals.
“Not right now is fine. I’ll tell you later.” Phii Hill smiled at me indulgently, then reached out to gently pat my head. “Huh…what?”
“It’s up to you, Ter. I can do either way, I just want you to feel comfortable.” Phii Hill withdrew the hand that was patting my head, “But we should probably talk a little now. It wouldn’t be good to leave things like this.”
“Uh…yeah, but what are we going to talk about?”
“If you aren’t ready to hear everything, then do you have anything you want to ask me?” Phii Hill seemed to know I had many questions and was giving me the chance to ask them. And it was true. I had plenty of things I wanted to ask. “Then…don’t tell me everything, just enough for me to understand, but not the whole thing.” I emphasized, somewhat afraid of hearing something that might upset me.
“Ha ha.” Phii Hill chuckled lightly at my words, then lifted my chin with his hand and looked at me affectionately, “How should we do this, just enough to understand but not everything?”
“Well…just half then, give me the part that’s okay.”
“And the other half?”
“…” I furrowed my brows, pondering for a moment, “I’ll decide when I want to know that.” I decided to leave it for the future.
“That’s fine. I’ll answer all of your questions anyway.” His handsome face was adorned with a gentle smile, along with the tender look I often saw, sigh…it really wasn’t good for me.
“And what percentage can I trust?”
“A hundred percent.”
“Really? And how will I know?”
“I’ll prove it to you myself.” and that firm tone made me stop doubting Phii Hill. Whether to trust him or not, I’d decide later. For now, I’ll ask questions…and I need to choose my questions carefully.
“So, the first question…Phii Thanmild…” I decided to mention the name of the person currently bothering me. I wanted Phii Hill to tell me what’s really going on between him and Phii Thanmild, because she’s been very clear.
“Why?” Phii Hill asked with a puzzled look, probably understanding but pretending not to know, hmph.
“Well…what’s the deal?”
“She’s an ex-girlfriend of a friend.”
“Aren’t you friends?”
“No.” Phii Hill shook his head gently. “We’re not friends.”
“Really? And what do you think of her?”
“She is annoying.” Phii Hill looked at me with emotionless eyes. Annoying, huh…that’s harsh. If she heard that, she’d be heartbroken. You don’t care at all, do you? “But I have to respect her because she’s a woman.”
Even though Phii Thanmild likes Phii Hill so much, huh…well, let’s change the question then.
“What about Christmas?” I decided to ask about my sister, since I knew Phii Hill and Chris used to like each other.
“She’s my sister-in-law.”
“Oh…I thought you liked each other.”
“We’re senior and junior.” Phii Hill smiled. “Because you didn’t let me tell you everything, I won’t continue with this topic.”
Oh…karma. Now I’m really curious, but then again, it directly involves me.
So…should I ask about myself?
“Me then…”
“Hmm? Why?” Phii Hill flashed a broad smile, his eyes sparkling.
“Well, me…” I whispered, oh boy. I’m not brave enough to ask, sigh.
“The main point of this story is you, do you want me to tell you?” the tall figure said in a soft, slightly cunning tone.
“Uh…no, no, no, let’s not go there. Change the topic, please.” I waved my hands dismissively, trying to forget what I just said. Why did I ask such a direct question?
It’s like asking if he likes me or something…
And what if the answer wasn’t good, what would you do, Ter? T^T
“But I can tell you parts of it, just to say we’ve talked about it.”
“Ah, uh…really? What about some parts?” I started to get interested in what my brother was saying he wanted to talk about, at least if it could clarify my current doubts.
“For example…about when I asked to pursue you, Ter.”
“!!!” I gasped deeply when I heard the word ‘pursue’, yeah, that’s right. I should ask about this.
“…” I realized I really should ask about this so I wouldn’t have to guess on my own anymore, “So…what’s the deal with that?”
“Hmm…” Phii Hill drew out his voice, making a teasingly thoughtful gesture,
“Just as I said, it’s quite clear.”
“Clear how…go on, explain, why would you pursue me?”
“Well, if we’re talking about pursuing someone, there’s only one reason, isn’t there?” Phii Hill tilted his head in curiosity, “The reason is ‘liking someone’, right?” So how is it, when did it start, why, and why bring it up now?
“Are you really going to pursue me?” I was still puzzled.
“Absolutely.” The tall figure gave a sincere smile.
“The reason is…that…” right? I hesitated to say the word. It’s embarrassing, you know. Who would dare to ask that, huh? My heart wasn’t feeling any better, it started beating strongly again since we sat down to talk.
“Oh…if you mean ‘liking you’…”
“Yes.”
“Hey, why say it so casually like that!!”
“…Like what! Stop, stop, stop saying it, censor that word, beep.” I raised both hands making an ‘X’ sign, mimicking a censor sound, Phii Hill chuckled a bit at my reaction.
What’s so funny!!
Thump Thump
Thump Thump
Gasp!!! Phii Hill said he likes me, Phii Hill said he likes me.
Woah!!!
“Ha ha ha, alright. I won’t say it anymore.” Phii Hill laughed softly before reaching to pat my head again, but this time I dodged in time.
“Absolutely not.” I frowned slightly, “Liar.”
“I’m not lying.”
“Liar.”
“I’m telling the truth.”
“Just suddenly saying this, who would believe it? Nothing seemed off before.” I started to protest, feeling as though warm tears were beginning to well up around my eyes again.
“I’ve been trying to make everything clear from the start.”
“…”
“But you…never noticed it.”
“…”
Danger
Detected an abnormally fast heart rate
…Your heart is at risk of sudden failure!!
“Ter…Ter.” Phii Hill’s soft voice brought me back to reality. Just now, it felt like I short-circuited, like an appliance drenched in water, sigh.
“Since…when?” I managed to squeeze out the words from my throat to ask. Right now, my brain could only process this one question.
“You’re back with me. You were completely still just now; I thought I might have to perform CPR.” Phii Hill referred to himself as “doctor” and gave me a sweet, yet cunning smile.
“Funny, CPR for what, how did you even study medicine? Are you ready to perform CPR on anyone at any moment?” Once I had almost fully regained my senses, I retorted.
“Five years.”
“Huh?”
“The answer to your previous question…it’s been five years up…to now.” The tall figure said before pushing himself up from the chair. Wait, what, five years!?
I paused for a moment to let my brain process and calculate the time again. “Wait, what, five years…we’ve known each other for that long?” I turned to ask Phii Hill, who was now walking around the marble table.
“Well…not exactly, I guess.” The other person extended his hand towards me, indicating for me to take it and stand up.
“…Five years. I was just starting high school then. We met when I was in upper high school, didn’t we?” I objected, puzzled, while getting up from the chair on my own without taking Phii Hill’s hand.
“Yes.” Phii Hill grabbed my hand, “It’s a long story, let’s save it for another time.”
“But…but I want to know. What’s the real deal?” I said, shaking off his hand.
“Well, you said you didn’t want to know all of it.” Phii Hill said, “Just this should be enough for now, at least now you know that I really intend to pursue you.” The tall man still wouldn’t let go of my hand as usual. I kept frowning because the word ‘pursue’ was still embarrassing me.
Hmph, I want to know, but part of me is scared, T^T
“Let’s go, otherwise, others will be inconvenienced too.”
He’s right…he’s got to go practice his catwalk. And I’ve got to go take photos, oh, I almost forgot.
“But you don’t have to hold my hand.” I grumbled without looking at him.
“It’s a punishment.” The tall figure said, “For giving your LINE to Junior.”
“What…what? He just invited me to take photos.”
“I’ll take photos with you myself. Don’t worry about them.” Before he gently pulled my wrist to make me follow, instead of clearing things up with the questions I asked, it just made me more confused!
Five years, what’s that about, oh my, I can’t figure it out.
I thought he was going to hold my hand back to the activity area, but Phii Hill led me to the parking lot instead.
“Ter, you go back first. Thanks for walking with me.” And Phii Hill gave me his usual sweet smile. It wasn’t like he forced me to hold hands, right? “Where are you going?”
“Back to the condo to change clothes.” Phii Hill answered, flicking the key fob to unlock his fancy car while showing me his shirt, “Hmm…it does need changing, with all the wrinkles and tear stains from you. Uh…it’s really embarrassing to see.”
“…”
“But just change, okay? I won’t wash it.”
“…Are you crazy!! You’re filthy.” I couldn’t help but say, you dirty person, with it being that stained and you say you won’t wash it, the car teased me.
“Well, it was you who did it.”
“Wash it…it’s dirty.”
“Haha, just kidding. Then, see you at the activity area, okay?” Phii Hill opened the car door and got in, “Or you can go back to the condo with me if you want.” He lowered the window just as quickly.
“No thanks, I’ll go by myself.” I stuck out my tongue at him before turning back to head towards the activity area. I hadn’t walked far when I heard the sound of the luxurious European car moving away.
I walked slowly down the path, my mind filled with a lot to think about…Phii Hill has been into me for five years already? How could that be…I didn’t even know him for those five years. I hadn’t even heard of him, not until I was in grade 9. I knew Phii Hill casually, but he probably didn’t know me, because at my old school, the junior and senior high sections were separated. I heard rumors about a new transfer in grade 10, very handsome, in the “King’s class”, academically excellent, and a standout in sports. Plus, his family was well-off, so he was pretty much perfect.
That senior was named Phii Hill. Honestly, I didn’t care much. I didn’t know him, but I often saw Phii Hill around after school before heading home. He would often wait by the school gate, waiting for who knows who, some said he waited for his girlfriend every day, oh, how romantic, right?
Then there was news that he was flirting with Phii Thanmild, but not long after, Phii Thanmild started dating Phii Hill’s friend instead. It seems like Phii Thanmild actually knew Phii Hill before I did.
By the time I reached grade 10 and moved to the senior high section, I saw more of him. Sometimes at the sports center practicing basketball, sometimes football. How did I know? Well, his fans would scream so loudly that even the teachers had to go down to shoo them away because the noise was disturbing other classes.
“Hey! Khun Ratchakit, can you stop practicing football during class time? I can’t teach with all this noise. Same goes for you a lot, are you here to study or what!?”
That was from my Thai language teacher, Khun Chomkwarn, who hadn’t been teaching my class for ten minutes before the noise from the field next door drowned out her voice. She had lost her patience after several instances. Everyone in my class was now crowding the corridor to see what our teacher would complain about this time. The middle-aged woman in her civil servant attire stood with her hands on her hips, clearly irritated. Phii Hill, in his gym kit, looking neat despite having played football under the sun, his shirt partly out of his shorts and his hair slightly disheveled.
But looking like that probably didn’t hurt his popularity with the girls either. “Oh, teacher, we’re supposed to be in P.E. class, how can we stop playing?” It wasn’t Phii Hill, but another friend standing nearby who chimed in.
“Then keep it down.”
“You have to tell Ratchakit’s fan club, teacher. We’ve already warned them once before, but they won’t listen.”
“They don’t even listen when I have been warning them for a month. Those kids, brats, I guess I’ll have to call the disciplinary teacher for this.” Khun Chomkwarn seemed even more annoyed now.
“What classroom do you teach, Teacher?”
“Grade 4/7.”
“Then I’ll handle it myself, I’m sorry.” Phii Hill spoke with a submissive tone, bowed to the teacher, and walked out.
“Hey, how are you going to handle it, Hill? Last time you talked and got
nowhere.” The senior shouted after Phii Hill. Teacher Chomkwarn smiled slightly with satisfaction before returning to the classroom, making us all scramble back inside just in time.
I didn’t know what Phii Hill meant by ‘handling it,’ but after that, on the same day and time, my Thai language class in the afternoon had no more loud noises from the field, nor any signs of Phii Hill.
Suddenly, I found myself reminiscing about the past, not realizing when I had wandered to the activity area. Everyone seemed busier than when I had left. I walked in slowly, looking for Phii Meili.
“Nong Ter, squeal, the freshman is here, Napdao, the freshman is here!” Phii Meili’s eyes sparkled when she saw me, then she grabbed my arm and pulled me into the chaos.
What’s happening here?
Meili dragged me to a tent where the sound equipment was set up. I saw Phii Napdao sitting there holding her head. Upon hearing Phii Meili’s call, she quickly stood up and approached me.
“Nong Ter, is that you, Nong Ter?” Phii Napdao shook my hand, …uh. I was completely confused.
“Uh…what’s the matter?”
“Is this the kid that went with Doctor Hill?” Phii Napdao turned to ask Phii Meili.
“Yes, ma’am.”
Oh…I’m getting a bad feeling about this.
“And why did you come back alone? Where did Doctor Hill go?”
“Uh, Phii Hill said he was just going back to the condo for a bit.” I said truthfully.
“Oh, come on, he didn’t even tell us, and he’s supposed to lead the parade. I wanted to ask where he went.” Phii Napdao paused, “But look, it’s a big problem.” PhiiNapdao pointed to where several women were gathered, and told me to go look.
“Exactly, sigh, how’s the monkey doing, is it getting better?” Phii Napdao led me through the crowd to ask someone who was sitting slumped on the ground, surrounded by people. Phii Thanmild was crying…
“Sniff…sniff, waaaah.” Phii Thanmild burst into tears and hugged another female senior who was sitting next to her, trying to comfort her. Everyone looked at her with concern.
“What’s wrong?” I whispered to Phii Meili who was standing behind. “It’s Mild. After Dr. Hill and Nong Ter left, she started crying a lot, so we couldn’t start the rehearsal. They asked what was wrong, and she said nothing, which just made everyone worry even more.” Oh…that’s not good…
“It’s about Dr. Hill, who else…He’s disappeared, not knowing where he went. Look, Mild has cried so much her eyes are all red.” The senior standing nearby said to Phii Meili, “He’s so heartless, doesn’t he know how much Mild loves him?” What’s happening?
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