EASTTAGYOUREMINE, Chapter 16: Everywhere You Want To Go
“Thanmild, should go see Dr. Tonfa’s dad in psychiatric examination room four.” Phii Johan teased.
“Give me a break, go tease someone else.”
“But it’s true, I think you are in bad shape.”
“Ugh, you have gone crazy.” Phii Arthit said with disgust.
“Crazy people aren’t just nuts, you know.” Phii Tonfa retorted, “It’s probably because of accumulated stress. Even doctors can get sick, it’s not unusual. Our field of study is highly stressful and competitive, so when there’s added pressure and stress, it can lead to mental health issues. If we start criticizing them, it just hurts them more.”
I turned my attention to listen intently to Phii Tonfa’s explanation, much like when a doctor is explaining details to a patient’s family.
“It’s not strange for someone to lose control. It’s an illness, after all.” “And do your dad’s patients include anyone like Mild?” Phii Johan asked Phii Tonfa.
“Yeah, plenty of my dad’s patients are medical students from our university. Not just doctors, but pharmacists, dentists, or anyone under high pressure. Sometimes it’s not just the competitive nature of the study, but personal or family issues can contribute too. Mild might have depression. I’m not sure if she’s on medication; when someone with depression misses their meds for just a couple of days, their condition can worsen significantly.”
“Oh…you really want to be a psychiatrist, don’t you?” Phii Johan remarked, “Alright then, as a doctor myself, I’ll refrain from speaking harmfully to patients.” “Does Phii Mild have depression?” I interjected into the seniors’ conversation.
“I was just guessing, but yes, many of my dad’s patients have that condition. Oh, and my dad is a psychiatrist with a private practice.” Phii Tonfa said kindly, “Nowadays, this illness is very common, but most people refuse to see a doctor. Really, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. You’re not crazy, you’re just sick. If you’re sick, you need to see a specialist. Physical therapy for physical ailments, psychotherapy for mental ones.”
“That’s how it is.” I nodded, understanding and pondering. It’s no wonder someone might threaten self-harm; people always have problems that others can’t see.
“That’s the way to be a doctor, and watch out for Hill, forget him.” Phii Johan added, and everyone chuckled slightly at his words, “Oh, and about what we heard earlier, it’s about Hill’s grandfather, right?” he then turned to ask the other two friends, and both Phii Johan and Phii Arthit exchanged a blank look.
“Chills, man…Can we not talk about Hill’s grandfather?” Phii Arthit said, rubbing his arms.
“Did it happen to you too? Hahaha.” Phii Johan laughed.
“Yeah, Hill’s grandfather might be sick too. Let’s all go see Tonfa’s dad together.”
“Why?” I asked again, interrupting, since from what the seniors were saying, it seemed they knew something about the grandfather. After I asked, the three seniors exchanged hesitant glances. “Well…”
“It’s not worth saying.” Phii Arthit whispered to Phii Johan, but sorry, I’m this close, how could I not hear, and that makes me even more suspicious.
“Since we’re already here, why not tell the little one so we can understand each other a bit, then maybe have Hill explain it clearly later.” Phii Tonfa said with a big sigh.
“Would that be good? But I think Hill doesn’t want to talk about this. He doesn’t like telling family stories to others.” Phii Arthit replied. “And how do you guys know?” Phii Tonfa asked.
“We’ve encountered him, right, Joe? How did you encounter it?”
“Shit, he was creepy.” Phii Johan said with a sarcastic smile, while rubbing his arm like Phii Arthit did earlier, “I thought I’d trick Hill. Sorry, I’ve got money.” “It’s not about being scared of being tricked out of money, but about you tricking
Hill into becoming a jerk like you.”
“Oh really…And what about you, Arthit?”
“He says I’m bad news, I smoke, drink, go to pubs, all that low stuff. Not suitable to be around Hill. Well, I’d like to tell Grandpa that his grandson isn’t much different from me.” Phii Arthit said with annoyance, “Maybe only Sky passes the old man’s standards.”
“Of course, that’s what being good is all about.” Phii Tonfa said jokingly. “Does Phii Hill’s grandpa not like you too?” I decided to ask, “Including me, right?”
My question made Phii Johan look troubled again.
“Well…yeah, I think, Hill’s grandpa is old, you know…stubborn. Even with just
Hill’s friends, he’s like this, with lovers…especially if they’re of the same sex, I bet he won’t accept it. Hill feels bad about it too. He apologized to me several times, so I decided to let go of Hill’s grandpa’s opinions. We’re friends with him, not with his grandpa.”
“Last time, Phii Hill’s grandpa wasn’t joking with me either.” I said, somehow noticing my fist was clenched, Phoon gently pried my hand open and held it softly, “But Phii Hill said grandpa was joking and even sent an apology. After that…I haven’t seen any issues related to grandpa.”
“Hill won’t tell.” Phii Johan sighed, “Especially not to someone he loves. Even if
Nong Ter asks, he might not tell.”
“The issue with grandpa…for Hill, it’s probably the heaviest problem in his life.” I looked down, letting Phoon gently squeeze my hand and Foam stroke my shoulder.
“If I ask, Phii Hill won’t tell…right?”
“It’s not a problem that can be easily fixed, and Hill is like this, he likes to carry everything on his own. What he wants you to do is trust him and wait for him to solve the problem himself.”
“What…so what happened?” I asked, unable to resist, Phii Johan sighed, covering his forehead, “Phii Johan…do you know?”
“Uh…yeah, I know. Hill didn’t tell me, but I found out myself.”
“What…what is it?”
“Sigh. I shouldn’t…Hill might get mad at me if I accidentally tell you.” Phii Johan said with a tense voice, but everyone was eagerly waiting for what Phii Johan would say next.
“Sigh, you all look so curious.”
“Alright, I’ll tell you. Hill’s grandfather is a businessman…since I’m in the same business circle, it was easier to find out. He’s quite strict and disciplined, yet kindhearted, but after one incident…he changed, almost becoming a different person.”
“Hill’s grandmother was hit by a car.”
“At the main road’s pedestrian crossing, a pickup truck was driving at high speed. From the CCTV footage, the driver…deliberately drove into the woman who was crossing the road alone.”
“On purpose.”
“It happened about a year ago.” A year ago…?
“Yes…it’s not a problem that can be easily fixed, is it? If you want grandpa to get better…it probably depends only on grandma now.”
“Oh, shit.” Phii Johan softly slapped his own mouth, “I ended up telling it, didn’t I? Hill will definitely be mad.”
Phii Johan said that Hill’s grandma was hit by a car last year…
“Phii Joe, do you remember around which month last year?”
“Uh…if I remember correctly, it should be February or March, something like that.”
March…?
March was exactly when Phii Hill disappeared…
At first, I thought Phii Hill disappeared for some other reason…so I was hesitant to hear more. Sometimes, I even thought he might have gone because of someone else. So I was still afraid to hear the whole truth.
Actually, there was a major problem within Phii Hill’s family after all.
If that’s the case…I won’t let him bear everything alone anymore.
I didn’t ask Phii Johan anything more because he said to ask Phii Hill for the details himself, but what got to me was when Phii Johan said that even if I asked Phii Hill, he might not talk about it.
Because family matters are sensitive.
Even if you’re someone trustworthy, if it’s internal stuff, outsiders should try not to get too involved. I remembered what my father once told me, but the thing is, it’s exactly what I’m most curious about. It probably has to do with the reason why my brother disappeared, Phii Johan mentioned February or March. We parted ways around March, on the senior students’ last day.
Yes…it was the early morning of the next day.
I just kept thinking aimlessly, chatting a bit with my two friends and some seniors while waiting for the last set of photos, which Phoon was supposed to take because I was starting to get lazy.
We’ve been waiting for nearly an hour now. The people rehearsing upstairs haven’t taken a break at all, Phii Napdao is really tough. Some of the girls were starting to get sore feet from wearing high heels for so long, but they still forced themselves to smile or else they’d have to start walking from the beginning again. “Is it usually this long for rehearsals?” I asked Phii Meili, who was busy on her phone.
“Yes, because this morning there was all that fuss. So we’re having an intense rehearsal without breaks, we probably won’t get any rest now, the next break will be when we disband.” Phii Meili looked up to answer me, “Hill looks so bored, he probably doesn’t want to rehearse anymore. But I think the doctor doesn’t need to rehearse anymore, he’s got everything down perfectly. We’re just walking back and forth because others mess up.”
I glanced around, looking for the person in question. Phii Hill had a blank face.
Not smiling sweetly like Phii Napdao had instructed, but even so…
Still handsome…
What kind of person is this…
“Oh, but today we’re short of people…both Doctor Mild, her friend, and some others didn’t show up for rehearsal, we might not be able to take the group photo.” Phii Meili suddenly remembered, right, you need everyone for a group photo, “Let me go check first.”
Then Phii Meili got up to talk to Phii Napdao. Phii Napdao seemed to have just remembered too, taking a moment to think before announcing over the loudspeaker.
“Forgot about that, we don’t have everyone today, let’s do the photos another day, sorry to the photographers, okay, now we’ll do the final walk-through, if everyone does well, you can go home.” Phii Napdao said, which visibly relieved everyone on stage, before they all went backstage, and the music started playing again.
If we’re not taking the final photos, why make me wait for an hour?
And so, the final walk-through went smoothly, probably because the promise of “going home” made everyone more focused.
“Phew, finally done for today.” Phii Jijo’s voice came from afar as she stretched out lazily, and everyone started to leave the stage one by one.
The noise of the whole crew started to rise, and the staff began packing up. It was well past three in the afternoon, almost four. I’ve been here shooting since morning, damn, my first job was quite intense.
“Finally done, what’s next, Ter?” Foam asked me, “Are you heading back?”
“Uh…yeah.” I took a moment to think. Actually, I could go back now, but… I looked around for Phii Hill, spotting him talking to Phii Napdao for a bit before his eyes met mine. His sharp features softened into a slight smile when he saw I was looking at him too.
Ugh, caught sneaking a peek, T^T
I quickly averted my gaze, although it was too late. Then Phii Hill started walking towards me.
“Nong Ter, if possible, don’t tell Hill that I was the one who told you about that.” suddenly Phii Johan came over and whispered to me softly. Phii Hill raised an eyebrow in confusion seeing Phii Johan whisper something, and there was also a hint of irritation mixed in his expression, his thick brows furrowing, indicating he was starting to get annoyed. I quickly nodded to Phii Johan to show I understood. “What’s going on?” Phii Hill asked Phii Johan in a firm voice, making me feel a bit uneasy for him. The person being questioned just gave a forced smile. “Nothing.”
The one who received the answer didn’t seem too satisfied with it, but his irritation softened into a gentle smile when he looked at me.
“Such a double standard.” Phii Johan whispered loud enough for the other to hear, causing Phii Tonfa and Phii Arthit to chuckle a bit at their friends’ reactions.
“I’m tired of the jealous ones.” Phii Arthit said jokingly. Phii Hill just shrugged slightly, showing he didn’t care.
“How was it? Did you wait long?” Phii Hill asked before sitting down beside me, making me inadvertently move closer to Phii Meili.
“Very long.” I said honestly, making a slight frown, which made the person next to me laugh.
“But you still waited, I’m glad.” He said in a teasing tone that annoyed me.
“I was waiting to take pictures, not for you.” I retorted.
“Hmm, I saw you looking at me.” I really didn’t like Phii Hill’s teasing tone; it was both annoying and somehow made me feel embarrassed all the time. “Oh my, staring like that, are you going to eat him up, doctor?” Phii Meili said, sticking her tongue out. I hadn’t noticed Phii Hill was staring that intensely.
“Phii Meiliii.” I said through gritted teeth, quietly asking her to stop teasing, with an expression of T^T.
“Oh, look, the doctor is all red, embarrassed. What should we do?” After she said that, I had to turn my back to Phii Hill and face Phii Meili instead, then made a pouty face at her.
“Stop teasing me.” I said softly, before hearing Phii Hill chuckle a little. I couldn’t help but turn around to scold him with a scowl, “What’s so funny?”
“Nothing, nothing.” Phii Hill was still smirking, raising both hands in a gesture of surrender. “Don’t make that angry face.” “Hmph…It’s good to be a little scared.”
“It’s too cute instead.” What the person next to me said left me at a loss for words, unlike the speaker who continued to grin cheekily, seemingly unaware of how much my heart was pounding. “No…no need.”
“Alright, that’s enough, I can’t stand watching anymore. My heart hurts.” Phii Johan said before standing up.
“What’s hurting? We’ve got friends in moments like this too, I’m proud watching.” Phii Tonfa said, making me frown in confusion. Was this side of Phii Hill really that unusual? Before, he was somewhat like this…but he wasn’t this forward with me.
“Seems like the one with the hurting heart isn’t me, right?” Phii Hill said, seemingly playing along, which made Phii Johan look both confused and stunned.
“Do you…know?” the other asked. Phii Hill didn’t reply, just gave a sly smile,
“You…really know a lot, huh? Annoying.”
“You know just as much.”
“Huh?”
“Whatever, are we going to head back?”
“Let’s go back, what else are we waiting for?” Phii Johan said, slightly irritated by what Phii Hill had said. The person next to him didn’t care about the annoyance, seeming more pleased with having teased his friend. Then everyone stood up to get ready to leave, except Phii Meili who had to stay with the staff.
“See you, drive safely, everyone.” Phii Meili said while waving.
“See you.” I said with a broad smile, expressing my thanks and giving a respectful gesture, followed by Foam and Phoon doing the same.
On the way back, Phii Hill was still walking beside me, which sparked no small amount of whispering from the two friends walking behind us. They were whispering but clearly wanted me to hear, oh, you guys are really something, aren’t you? I had to turn back and glare at them once.
“So, how are you getting back?” Foam asked me again once we reached the parking lot.
“I guess I’ll walk.” I said. Normally, I walk to and from work at the studio, especially since the dorm isn’t far and I don’t have a car.
“You can ride with us.” Foam offered.
“It’s okay, I’ll take Ter back.” Phii Hill interjected.
“Oh…alright, see you later, Ter.”
“Wait…hold on.” I hadn’t even agreed to go back with him, why didn’t Foam ask anything? Then my two friends said goodbye to the senior doctors and rode off on their parked motorcycles not far away.
“Don’t abandon me, man, I’m doomed if I have to ride alone.” Foam said jokingly, making me stick out my tongue at them as their motorcycles sped off. I could still hear them arguing about which way to go.
What time will these guys get to the dorm?
“Are you sure your friend won’t get lost again?” Phii Tonfa asked.
“I don’t know.” I replied, “It might be easier on the way back. Plus, I just taught Phoon about left and right a moment ago.” Phii Tonfa nodded, understanding but still slightly worried.
“Well then, see you later, Hill, goodbye Nong Ter.” Phii Johan said with a smile. I smiled back, as did Phii Tonfa and Phii Arthit, before the three of them got into their fancy sports car. Not long after, the sound of tires screeching against the road was painfully loud, and within a short time, they were gone. Man, Phii Johan really drives like a maniac.
And that left me…with Phii Hill.
“Let’s go.” Phii Hill said, extending his hand for me to take. I hesitated for a moment but then decided to take his hand. He seemed a bit surprised but didn’t say anything; his large hand gently held mine as if he was afraid to hurt me, yet firm enough to ensure I wouldn’t pull away.
Here we go again…a warm feeling surged in my chest, my heart wasn’t beating too fast to be scary, but it was strong enough to let me know something was reacting to the gentle warmth being transmitted. He led me to his luxury car, opening the driver’s side door for me. Wow…such a gentleman, I couldn’t help but think sarcastically.
Phii Hill sat in the driver’s seat, then started the car.
“Where would you like to go?” he asked. I fell silent, thinking. I wanted to go back to the dorm, but there were still many things I wanted to ask him.
“…Uh. I don’t know.” I dodged answering. If not back to the dorm, where else could I go? I wasn’t even hungry for food yet. “Not going back to the dorm?”
“Well…I guess.” I said softly. If I said I’m not going back to the dorm, it would seem like I want to go somewhere else with him, and the person beside me smiled a little, probably thinking I wanted to spend more time with him.
Not at all…I just have questions I want to ask!
“Are you hungry yet?” Phii Hill asked as the luxury car started to move towards the exit of the parking lot.
“Not yet.”
“Is there anywhere you want to go?”
“Um…not really.”
“Do you want to eat some cake?” Phii Hill suggested. Usually, when we didn’t know where to go, Phii Hill would decide by opting for desserts, which I always jokingly agreed to since I could eat sweets endlessly. Here, I hadn’t even had my fill like I wanted. Yes…the issue was not having enough money. After paying the increased dorm fees and other university expenses, I was reluctant to ask for more money from home.
“Let’s eat.”
My answer made the driver immediately turn onto the main road. I was thinking about what to ask while we were in the car, but I was also afraid to broach a big topic like family matters.
“Here.”
“Yes?”
“There’s something I want to ask about.” My words made Phii Hill raise his eyebrows slightly in surprise.
“What is it?”
“Will you answer everything?”
“Everything.”
“Is there anything you wouldn’t want to talk about?” I asked cautiously. Phii Hill fell silent for a moment, his gaze not leaving the road ahead.
“There is.” His response made me swallow hard, and what was more unsettling was his steady, unwavering tone. It seemed like Phii Hill knew I would ask, “But I will tell you. If you want to know.”
“You’ve never told anyone else?”
“No…” Phii Hill paused for a moment, “But Jo knows.”
“Phii Jo…?” I echoed his words, and Phii Hill, of course, knew that Phii Johan was aware, “Why did you think Phii Joe would know?”
“Jo is curious by nature; he probably went and dug up the information.” Phii Hill said as he skillfully turned the steering wheel into a small alley, was that a polite way of calling someone nosy?
Before I could ask more, the car stopped in front of a small coffee shop with no customers inside, which made me feel somewhat relieved…I wasn’t ready to be stared at for being with a senior from the medical school. I felt a strange embarrassment as I stepped into the shop with Phii Hill. The female staff’s eyes widened, and they nudged each other, looking somewhat envious. Well, I’ve never had girls look at me like that before.
We sat at the last table in the shop, and a waitress brought over the menu. I secretly wondered if Phii Hill had come here with someone else before, because typically, he wasn’t fond of sweets or coffee. If he wasn’t here with me, Phii Hill wouldn’t step into a coffee shop at all, except for my family’s place…Oh, my family runs a café, my mom manages it all by herself, it’s actually a restaurant, but since she likes baking, it also serves as a café and dessert place.
“Their hot chocolate here is good.” suddenly the person across from me said. So I stopped letting my thoughts wander.
“Do you come here often?”
“Just once.”
“With whom?” I blurted out. He smiled slightly, as if pleased, but I wasn’t jealous at all! I was just curious, that’s all.
“Alone.”
“I don’t believe that, you don’t like sweets.” I said…If he doesn’t like eating sweets, why would he come alone? He must have come with someone else.
“Ha-ha, really, I was alone.” He said with an affectionate smile, resting his chin on his hand, then his eyes lifted from the menu to look at me.
“And why did you come?”
“…”
Phii Hill didn’t answer, as if he was pondering something.
“I missed you, Ter.”
Huh!?
“Uh, what, missed what?”
“Really. It’s been a long time since we’ve seen each other. Normally, if I don’t see you for even one day, I start feeling crazy.”
Oh my god!! This doctor’s crazy!! What are you saying? Not seeing me for one day drives you crazy? We used to see each other almost every day before, even on Saturdays, Arthit would sometimes sneak in to help out at my mom’s restaurant.
So, he probably didn’t come to see Christy as I had thought.
But he came to see me, didn’t he…
Waaaahhh…Just thinking that it was because of me makes my heart flutter again, T^T. I thought he was there for Christy, but deep down, I still wanted him to come for me…I just wanted to see him, that’s all.
“And why did you have to come to this café?” I’ve never been to this café before, I thought if he was thinking of me, why this place? It doesn’t seem related at all.
“Ter, you like cocoa, right?”
“Yes.” I nodded in acknowledgment. I like fresh milk or green tea too, but cocoa is my favorite, so I order it every time I go to any café.
“Because I was thinking of you…but couldn’t meet you. So, I wanted to do something to ease the longing.”
“Like…finding a good dessert place like you always did, and once I found one, I wanted to take Ter there.”
“Phii Hill…” I inadvertently called out his name, my voice trembling for some reason.
“So…I went around tasting desserts at nearby places until I almost tried them all, and I thought this café was the best.”
“…”
“Even if there wasn’t a chance to meet…I still thought of silly things…” “Like…wanting to take Ter here, and then to all the places Ter wants to go.” Those sharp eyes softened slightly, but just a little, unlike my heart which was trembling and wavering.
“So…I gathered information about beautiful places and delicious cafés, hoping one day we might meet again.”
Sniff…I could sense the melancholy in his voice. I bit my lip to hold back some feelings that were threatening to overflow from somewhere unknown.
That includes the places he took me for photos previously as well, I guess…That’s why he chose such a nice place for the photoshoot.
This must be another side of Phii Hill…that I believe no one else has seen. “I thought…I wouldn’t get to see you again…really.” His usually deep and gentle voice now softened, his expression showed he was afraid…afraid that what he said might come true, yet mixed with joy at seeing me here.
“But here we are, meeting.” I finally managed to squeeze out my words. “Yes…” The tall figure gave a gentle smile as always.
“Thank you…for making it possible for us to meet.”
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