SMNTCERR, Chapter 76: <1001> #4.

   Sangwoo’s eyes flickered while he was in Jaeyoung’s embrace, and the feeling of annoyance was useless and something that was far from rational people like him. Besides, this wasn’t a situation where that word could be used.

   “It’s not like that.”

   “What is it then?”

   “I said it’s not like that.”

   “Oh, I see.”

   Jaeyoung hugged Sangwoo tightly, causing the other person’s body temperature to rise above 36.5°C. In the midst of the heat, Sangwoo had a question in his head.

   What did JangJaeyoung gain from overlooking a healthy woman who was ready to get married and instead pursue a relationship with him? He pondered for a moment, but couldn’t think of any reason other than the same one he had for himself. Jaeyoung easily stimulated Sangwoo’s sexual desire, and effectively relieved it. Sometimes, Sangwoo himself might have the same meaning for the other party.

   “Hey, Jaeyoung.”

   “Yes?”

   “Why did you come to me?”

   “There are many reasons, should I tell you all of them?”

   “Sure.”

   “First of all… you have a beautiful neck.”

   The fingertip that used to stop behind Sangwoo’s ear traced down to his neck.

   “You have a cute face. The more you smile, the cuter you are.” The hand gently held the side of Sangwoo’s cheek.

   “You have fair skin, and your body is in great shape…”

   “You like the outer shell. I understand.”

   “Why are you so hot-headed? I just started. I could give you a hundred reasons.”

   Jaeyoung lowered his hand. Sangwoo still wanted to bury his face on the other person’s shoulder, but Jaeyoung slowly held him back.

   It seemed like the other party had something to say. In the midst of the darkness with a view of the night sky in the background, their eyes shone like stars. The big hand firmly held the back of his neck, not allowing him to look elsewhere. Then, the faint voice whispered in his ear.

   “All of that is not necessary. There is only one main reason.”

   “…”

   “But if I tell you, you might run away. So, I can’t tell you.”

   Sangwoo was very nervous for no reason, struggling to open his mouth.

   “Please tell me.”

   They didn’t do anything, just talked to each other, but their palms were sweaty instead of answering. Jaeyoung looked at Sangwoo seriously, and then his face moved closer. The soft lips pressed against his forehead for a moment before sliding down to the left eyelid. Then, they moved to the right eyelid, followed by both cheeks, and the destination was the corner of the lips.

   Sangwoo anticipated a kiss would be followed by the removal of clothing, but Jaeyoung instead lingered with his lips pressed together before returning to his own spot. As he lifted his gaze once more, Sangwoo was met with a face that was difficult to read.

   “Why won’t you just tell me?”

   “I already answered.”

   “I didn’t hear anything at all.”

   “You’re such an idiot.”

   Sangwoo had almost never heard words like these before, but today he had heard them twice. His eyes, now almost black from the shadow of the moon that was slowly setting, carefully surveyed Sangwoo’s face.

   “Sangwooya.”

   “What is it?”

   “Why do you have to concern yourself with those things? It’s not appropriate for you. I’m stuck with you, and I know that as long as you’re sitting next to me, you’re mine and I yours.”

   His already heated body burned even hotter in response to the lewd words. Sangwoo tried to find an answer to Jaeyoung’s question. Although he felt the desire that made his consciousness fade away, he knew that it was an important question that could not be overlooked.

   The winner who took control of the control room in this war was sanity, the reason why in the studio he was not in a good mood, and the reason why at the restaurant he was so angry. Sangwoo quickly analyzed his own strange behavior and came up with a cause.

   ‘We often take out insurance to prepare for illness.’ He then looked at the gear and continued.

   “You might find someone you like more than me. And you probably won’t see me again.”

   As he spoke, the real body of dissatisfaction became clearer, and the anger he felt at the studio and the restaurant returned. At the same time, the desire slowly subsided.

   “It’s normal, isn’t it, that I’m confused because I didn’t prepare myself to deal with that kind of situation?”

   Jaeyoung looked at Sangwoo with a neutral expression, and there was a moment of silence before the other side responded dryly.

   “There’s a reason for what you are saying.”

   The other side accepted it easily before moving a little closer to Sangwoo, placing his elbow on the armrest, and looking into his eyes with restraint. As he looked closely at Jaeyoung’s face, he realized that the other side was both alert and unemotional.

   “So go ahead and tell me. ChuSangwoo, what do you want me to do?”

   Jaeyoung asked a strange question with a slightly broken voice. Sangwoo looked at the trembling eyes of the other party with overwhelming emotions and almost answered that he wanted the other party to wear a mask when going somewhere, but fortunately, he restrained himself from violating human rights with rude language.

   The brain that regained control began to analyze the situation ahead. Is there anything Jaeyoung did to him? The other party is someone who is about to leave in two months.

   “Just focus on your work. As for dealing with me, I’ll find a way to handle it myself.”

   Sangwoo returned calmly and confidently. Although the desire had become more intense than expected in recent days, he thought there must be a way if it was too difficult to overcome the spirit alone. He thought about seeking psychological counseling, receiving treatment for addiction, going to a temple, or trying to find something to do during the semester break.

   Forty-two days have passed since he kissed Jaeyoung at the liquor store and started an inappropriate relationship. Although there were many ups and downs during that time, compared to the long life, it was just a short period of time, a small mistake that could be corrected someday. Sangwoo was a developer who was confident in debugging.

   “Deal with it? Deal with what?”

   At that moment, a cold voice pierced his ears. Sangwoo slipped out of his palace of thought-palace and turned to look at Jaeyoung, who had been staring at him.

   “If the milk runs out, do you have to change your eating habits or go buy it from the supermarket yourself? It’s something I have to deal with myself.”

   “Oh.”

   Jaeyoung just laughed lightly, looked up at the ceiling as if he couldn’t say anything, and then turned back to look at Sangwoo again.

   “Forget it, just like that pile of garbage.”

   “What do you mean?”

   Sangwoo frowned as he suddenly heard the curse word. Jaeyoung leaned back on the sofa and didn’t answer anything. His gaze that looked out the window was very scary, a hostile mode that he hadn’t seen in a long time.

   Sangwoo looked at Jaeyoung who picked up a cigarette from his pants pocket and smoked it confusedly. He knew the other party was angry, but he couldn’t know what he did wrong.

   “Are you angry?”

   Instead of answering, Jaeyoung opened the window and exhaled cigarette smoke outside. Sangwoo looked at the cold face beside him and sighed. “Why are you angry at me?”

   “What am I to you?”

   “Why ask such a thing?”

   “Why did you come to me then? No, it’s fine, you don’t have to answer.”

   “Don’t just be angry like that. If I say something wrong, please let me know.”

   “You’re right, you never say anything wrong.”

   “So why are you angry?”

   Jaeyoung didn’t answer, he opened the door forcefully and got out of the car to stand by the railing and smoke. Even after a long while, the other person’s gaze remained cold.

   Jaeyoung started the car quietly and drove all the way to Sangwoo’s house, or until he got out of the car with his backpack. The other person still didn’t say a word.

   return 0;.

   Saturday, May 26th.

   Jang Jaeyoung was really angry and didn’t show his face, even his phone that had never been silent before was this time. Sangwoo set the sound to be turned on, thinking that the other person might call, and even left the window open wide, hoping that the other person would come back suddenly and find out, but it was useless.

   He tried to think of something good, so he could focus on his homework and work, but it wasn’t easy. His eyes just kept looking out the window. In his head, the image of a cold face kept popping up and wouldn’t go away.

   “What did I do wrong?”

   Before going to bed, Sangwoo tried to organize yesterday’s events with a diagram, but he couldn’t find the reason why Jaeyoung was angry. It seemed like the other person was starting to get angry while they were talking, but Sangwoo didn’t say anything dark or give any wrong information to the other person.

   Jaeyoung had always been aggressive towards him in the past, so now, whatever he didn’t like about the other person, he would just ignore it and pretend not to see it, and why did he have to be so hesitant now? Sangwoo wondered about that and fell asleep.

   return 0;.

   Sunday, May 27th.

   Continuing from Saturday, his productivity is now at its worst. Whenever someone is nearby, they distract him by playing, teasing, chatting, bothering, clinging, and tempting him every day. And suddenly, he is cut off, making it a problem.

   Throughout the two days, Sangwoo feels like he is being tested, tested by setting conditions to check whether the familiar experimental subject will respond without stimulation or not, testing for adaptability to see if the experimental subject can maintain the same condition when the familiar variable is removed, and testing for resistance or withdrawal symptoms by removing the substance that the experimental subject seems to be addicted to and researching the side effects.

   ‘Miss you.’

   The only conclusion is that Jang Jaeyoung has infiltrated his life too deeply.

   Although he opened the Jang Jaeyoung folder and looked through it from beginning to end, it was not fruitful, and because he kept doing it, it was just a waste of time.

   Whenever he has a meaningless thought, Sangwoo grits his teeth and focuses on his work even more. Although he can’t concentrate very well, since he has plenty of time, “09:00-24:00, excluding meal and three-hour break.” The amount of work he gets done is not bad, he finishes the group work in the morning and sends it to the members. Then in the afternoon, he successfully completed a major error correction. return 0;.

   Monday, May 28th.

   The next day, he read a book at the library for only two hours and went to the office room before the time arrived at 4:46 PM, but no one was there. Sangwoo worked on and off, and after a few hours, he couldn’t take it anymore. He called Jaeyoung, but the other party didn’t answer. He was in the office until 4 AM as usual, but the amount of work he got done was quite pitiful.

   [Can you explain why you’re angry?_ 6:36 PM]

   [Don’t you want to see me anymore?_ 7:41 PM.]

   [But I miss you. Can we meet today?_ 9:00 PM.]

   That night, Sangwoo couldn’t sleep and couldn’t separate his feelings from his thoughts, making everything chaotic. He used to not care about the past and couldn’t change it, or the present that was just an illusion. Sangwoo always looks towards the future.

   ‘I am stupid.’

   It seems that going back and forth with Jaeyoung would make him forget himself. It’s strange that he doesn’t plan to deal with anything related to the near future. I don’t know why he doesn’t try to make a real hypothesis, imagine a situation where there’s no one to help alleviate his needs, think about the times when the other party is gone, simulate a situation where he can’t find what he needs no matter how much he looks for it.

   Sangwoo’s life was destroyed and burned to ashes within just three days. Even though the fuel he used in his daily life was running out on time, why didn’t he prepare for such an important matter?

   ‘I am really stupid.’

   Sangwoo tried to calculate the quantity of Jang Jaeyoung’s necessity, even if it was excessive. How many times do they have to kiss in a week, how many times do they have to have sex to fulfill their desires? Time passes by continuously during this period, but Sangwoo still can’t close his eyes. Then he discovered the truth that He met Jang Jaeyoung too often.

   They have kissed more than 100 times.

   They slept together and had the wildest of sex at home 4 times in 19 days.

   The interval between the rounds he had to meet the other party was getting shorter and shorter.

   And the limitation he found again was that

   [The other party is going away in July.]

   The quest to solve the sexual desire that should end in one attack has limited time. Sangwoo thinks there is not enough time to create a game, but he does not really think that the time to meet the other party is running out because they keep releasing their desires, so it is easy to think that when time passes, the symptoms will improve on their own. It is a hope that is like a superstitious ritual that lacks analysis and is illogical.

   In the midst of darkness, Sangwoo felt a strong fear, he had to come up with a backup plan, but he felt so bad that he couldn’t come up with a good plan, his heart felt like it was being squeezed, he could only curl up under the blanket to make it deeper.

   Sangwoo wants Jaeyoung, but Jaeyoung is not by his side, and what’s worse is that he is about to leave and go abroad. No matter how he tries to calm down and not be angry, someday in July, supply and demand will clash again. Sangwoo bears the strong remaining problem and decides to solve the problem in front of him first. He thought that today, no matter what, he would drag Jaeyoung out and ask him why he was angry.

   return 0;.

      SMNTCERR CHAPTERS HOME

SMNTCERR, Chapter 75: <1001> #3.

   “What’s wrong with you just then?”

   “…”

   Jaeyoung opened the door and pushed Sangwoo out. Even while walking down the iron stairs, his heart was beating so fast that it couldn’t calm down.

   Sangwoo stomped his foot hard on the ground.

   “Look at your face. Don’t you like this studio?”

   “No.”

   “Then what’s wrong? At the end of the meeting, you seem distracted.”

   “I don’t know.”

   Sangwoo spoke directly, he was definitely dissatisfied with something, and he was definitely afraid of something. He felt worse because he knew it was covered up, and he spoke out in anger.

   “The person you are chatting to, is it me?”

   “Are you stupid or something?”

   “Is it me?”

   “We’re joking around, you have to give me time to go out before I can date anyone, I’m always busy with work, let’s go eat something first, I haven’t had dinner yet.”

   “I already ate.”

   “Then you can eat again.”

   Jaeyoung caught Sangwoo who was walking fast and made him turn towards him. Sangwoo protested but still followed the other quietly on the main road, which was getting darker and covered with a lot of people. Loud music came from the clothing store, bar, and restaurants lined up along the street. Neon signs above the shopping district flickered and invited people to turn their heads.

   “Do you like Mexican food?”

   “I already told you that I’ve eaten.”

   It seemed like Jaeyoung took that as a yes, because Sangwoo was already sitting quietly in the small taco shop on the second floor. The shop, run by two dark-skinned, curly-haired foreigners, was almost too cramped to walk in. They had to wait for more than ten minutes to order two dishes with strange names.

   Sangwoo tried to sit still and calm down, but maybe it was because of the chaotic atmosphere that it wasn’t easy. In the narrow shop, there was a loud and exciting type of noise that had to be shouted to be heard. The two waiters only walked around and bumped into chairs while passing by. The water was quite warm, and the tables were sticky.

   Sangwoo, who was fragile and restless, tried to find something to focus on, such as the odd number of tiles in the box, the creased tissue that wasn’t neatly folded, and the picture hanging crookedly on the wall. He didn’t like any of it, but what he disliked the most was people’s gaze.

   In the cramped shop, the distance between tables was so close that you could clearly see what others were doing. It seemed like everyone was looking at Jaeyoung, including the women at the adjacent table, the order-taking staff, and the person standing up to pay. They all looked at Jaeyoung as if he were a fascinating toy.

   Whether Jaeyoung knew or pretended not to know, he only used his hands, feet, and chin to stare at Sangwoo. When their eyes met, the other party spoke without a sound.

   “Is there something you’re not satisfied with?”

   “I’m not dissatisfied with anything.”

   Sangwoo quickly looked down and felt that something was wrong, the desire to flip the table. Then he climbed up and sat on Jaeyoung’s lap, kissing the other heavily. If there were curtains, he would have wanted to hang them around to prevent anyone from seeing Jaeyoung. The inexplicable and twisted feeling was churning in his stomach. Sangwoo felt suffocated and had to drink water quickly.

   “Carnitas Asada Tacos, and Enchiladas, here you go.”

   Two dishes were placed on the narrow table. Although Sangwoo had already eaten dinner, he still picked up a spoon and put the food in his mouth. He chewed without knowing what it was before using a fork to pick up the white powder mixture, thinking it had a strong taste like Jaeyoung’s. He didn’t do anything wrong and used his teeth to grind it.

   “Are you hungry?”

   Jaeyoung looked at Sangwoo while holding a fork in his hand. Sangwoo felt dissatisfied with that gaze, so he used the fork to poke the rolled-up powder like a Kimbab and cut it into large pieces. Then he handed it over to the other side without paying attention.

   “What’s wrong?”

   Jaeyoung slowly opened his mouth, but at the same time, he still looked suspicious. Sangwoo waited for the other side to finish eating and fed him again and again. He ate and fed alternately like that without stopping. The two dishes were finished in just thirteen minutes.

   “Let’s hurry and go.”

   Sangwoo breathed a little as he finished dealing with the food and wiped the seasoning stains on lips , leaving them in the cloth.

   “Oh… I understand.”

   Jaeyoung got up to pay for the meal. Meanwhile, Sangwoo went out to wait on the narrow, dark balcony. Then, as the other side came out onto the balcony, which was empty, he grabbed the other side’s shirt and fiercely kissed him without saying anything.

   He sucked and pulled as if he was going to bite the other side’s lips and used his tongue to sweep all over the mouth without consciousness. In Jaeyoung’s mouth, it tasted spicy hot.

   Sangwoo rushed in as if to swallow Jaeyoung, but that was the wrong way to solve the problem. Even if he used force, the frustration would still not go away.

   He thought about pulling his lips away, but this time Jaeyoung refused to let him go. The other side used his arms to hug Sangwoo’s neck, leaned his head back, and kissed softly. His neck touched the cold wall without realizing it before his head was pushed in again. His heart beat fast, and it was difficult to distinguish whether it was due to pain or because of mutual feelings, as everything was mixed together, including anger and desire, salty and sweet taste.

   Therefore, he was restless. Sangwoo couldn’t remember any advice, forgot even how to breathe, and could only hug the other side’s neck to support himself and remember the person in front of him.

   “You are clearly dissatisfied with something.”

   Jaeyoung whispered after the long kiss ended, his face red and his breathing heavy. Sangwoo didn’t know what to say.

   “I have a disease that I can’t control.”

   “This is the first time I’ve heard you speak so hesitantly.”

   After picking up his hat and putting it on, he walked out. The sky was darker than before, and the half-moon shone high, making it seem like Jaeyoung knew the complex alleyways like his own home. In the dark path, there were both drunk people passing by and foreigners who took off their shirts and painted on their faces, after almost colliding with people who walked in the park from the opposite side several times. Jaeyoung hugged Sangwoo’s shoulder like hugging a friend, but closer than that, and hugged him in his arms while walking forward.

   They soon arrived at the parking lot. Jaeyoung instructed Sangwoo to wait in the car while he went to pay for the parking.

   “Can I have your account number? I will transfer the money for the food, parking fee, and half of the studio contract.”

   “Hold on.”

   “Just tell me. I don’t want to go and withdraw the money.”

   Jaeyoung ignored Sangwoo’s words and drove out of the parking lot. Sangwoo looked out of the dark window, feeling slightly better sitting in the quiet car after dealing with the chaotic and confusing place. It was already after work hours, and the streets were empty and quiet. Jaeyoung simply made a phone call through the speaker and played music without saying anything.

   “Psychedel, Album 2, Pressure, Track 7, Downtempo.”

   “Correct.”

   The first song on Jaeyoung’s playlist was quite slow. Although he didn’t know what kind of music it was, Sangwoo felt that the low sound that echoed through the building was like a heartbeat. The slow electronic music helped calm his fluctuating emotions throughout the day, making him feel weak.  Sangwoo felt like he was floating in water, sinking into the seat. Then Jaeyoung turned up the volume.

   Suddenly, the car was driving along the Han River, the water flowing gently with Sangwoo’s head unable to grasp it. The fifth song started playing as the car was driving on the bridge. Sangwoo opened the window and let the wind blow against his cheeks.

   “Yoon Jisung, Album 1, Day and Night, Track 1, Temperature Difference.”

   Although Jaeyoung didn’t say anything, Sangwoo already knew that it was the correct answer.

   The car turned into the park and slowly stopped, the engine turning off along with the music and the sound of the engine.

   From the parking lot of the park, the river was clearly visible. The main character of the picture was the curved bridge whose lower part was submerged in the water and shone white. The light reflected on the water’s surface like light from a light bulb, LED, flickering as if dancing every time the waves softly hit. The residential areas on both sides were connected by a bridge, shining orange in the dark as if refusing to be swallowed up by the darkness at night. Although Sangwoo had been living in Seoul for more than three years, he had never admired the night view of the river that blended with light and darkness.

   “So beautiful.” [1]

   Jaeyoung spoke up after a long silence, and it was so quiet that even the stars in the sky seemed to twinkle and shimmer. There were no visible stars, but everything else was illuminated.

   “That’s right. It’s just because the eye’s pupils dilate more at night, allowing more light to enter.”

   “No, I mean you, Sangwoo.”

   Jaeyoung’s stoic face slowly revealed a smile as he looked at Sangwoo. Sangwoo quickly averted his gaze. When he lifted his hand to touch his cheek, he felt the warmth. Although he had heard compliments about his looks from adults when he went to visit relatives, the word “beautiful” was something he had never heard before in his life.

   ‘You, hyung are more beautiful than anyone else.’

   Sangwoo contemplated in his heart, perhaps because of this, the person who had just met for the first time wanted to start a conversation. The people around him just stared, their mouths agape. Typically, Sangwoo would be working with Jaeyoung in the same room. Therefore, he didn’t know much about what the other party did when they were outside. Previously, he didn’t need to pay attention to or care about such matters at all..

   ‘I feel uneasy.’

   He felt like he had opened a door to a room he shouldn’t have entered. He was filled with fear that something would happen in the darkness inside that would prevent him from returning to his previous state. The more he thought about it, the more afraid he became of how many people might like Jaeyoung. How many girlfriends the other person had, how many times had he driven other people here, and how many useless questions he wanted to know that constantly bothered Sangwoo’s mind.

   “Now you can tell me what you’re dissatisfied with.” Jaeyoung’s voice shattered the silence.

   “I’m not dissatisfied.”

   “Yes, you are.”

   “I said I’m not.”

   “You’re clearly dissatisfied.”

   Sangwoo frowned, feeling a strange feeling he wasn’t used to. Normally, just seeing the other person’s face would make him feel better, but today he just felt uneasy. Sangwoo sat up straight again and turned his face to the left [2].

   He was met with a stoic face he hadn’t seen in a long time, with tired eyes that showed no hint of playfulness, and lips that were straight to the point where it was impossible to guess what the person next to him was thinking.

   The other party’s hand moved closer to his eyes, and the wing of his hat turned to the side before pressing down on his shoulder.

   “Sangwooya.”

   Jaeyoung stared at Sangwoo with a sly expression. Sangwoo didn’t say anything, just looked back at the other party, his lips inviting him to take a deep breath before speaking softly.

   “Are you angry about being held up at work?”

   “No.”

   “If you’re not satisfied with something, just say it, I’ll know.”

   “There’s nothing.”

   As he answered directly, Jaeyoung frowned slightly, his eyes wandering over Sangwoo’s face, considering whether what he heard was true or not. The other party’s gaze was so heavy and warm that he thought his cheeks were being touched, and Sangwoo’s heart felt suffocated.

   “The studio, are you going back there?”

   “No? We agreed to send the work by email.”

   “The people at the restaurant were all looking at you.”

   “So what? I didn’t feel anything.”

   “Hyung, are you a flirt?”

   “Not really.”

   “How many people have you dated until now?”

   “Five thousand people.”

   ‘It had to be like this.’

   Suddenly, the attitude shifted to a teasing, causing Sangwoo, who was speaking seriously, to become angry again. Someone who digressed, spoke incoherently, and joked endlessly. He knew Jang Jaeyoung better than three months, so he knew the other party’s tricks well. Jaeyoung laughed silently and hugged Sangwoo’s shoulder. Sangwoo inadvertently held his breath. He didn’t understand why the other party would act like that all of a sudden. Jaeyoung rested his chin on his forehead and spoke up.

   “The vacuum cleaner robot is annoying, and there are a lot of firmware developments.”

   ‘Are you jealous?’

   ____________________________________.

[1]      “It’s  beautiful.” The original Korean uses the word “이쁘다,”  which means beautiful, cute, attractive, good-looking, and is a word that can  be used to compliment both women and men.

[2]      and turned his face to the left, a Korean drove a car with a left-hand steering wheel.

      SMNTCERR CHAPTERS HOME

SMNTCERR, Chapter 74: <1001> #2.

“The studio that I mentioned before, they sent a sample for some parts. Is it okay if we try listening to it?”

“I already gave you rights to handle the sound, you can handle it.”

Jaeyoung researched a lot about music, looking for examples from various websites and asking acquaintances. The studio that was mentioned was a friend who had just formed a band and had not yet been certified, but everyone heard that they were all talented.

“Hello. Mister President, right? I really liked the sample you sent me yesterday, so I wanted to discuss the details with you. Is that okay? Oh, anytime is fine? If that’s the case, I’ll go out now. I’m not going alone. I’m going with my business partner. We’ll meet in about half an hour.”

Jaeyoung spoke his mind and said he would take Sangwoo with him. Although Sangwoo had a schedule planned in his mind, he closed his laptop and picked up his charger without saying anything. In fact, Jaeyoung could go alone, but he liked the way the other person called him. So, Sangwoo decided to go with him.

After finishing packing, Jaeyoung came closer and patted Sangwoo’s shoulder.

“Shall we go then?”

That word… Can you say it again?”

“What?”

“The word you called me when we talked on the phone.”

“What was it?”

“Golden fish brain… If you can’t remember, it’s okay.”

“What? I want to hear words like mine, darling, or something like that.”

‘This crazy guy.’

Jaeyoung glanced at Sangwoo’s face before jokingly saying that it was just a joke. However, the other person said it without realizing what it meant.

Sangwoo quickly walked down the stairs, still feeling embarrassed.

The studio was located in Yeonseokdong. Although it used to be a lively business district with many foreigners living there, there were still narrow alleys that were dark and unsafe. Jaeyoung spoke up, enduring the discomfort.

“Everything is great here, except for the difficult parking situation.”

“Why did you bring the car? Your eyesight isn’t very good.”

“

“I’m wearing contact lenses and it’s fine. If I want to go have dinner with you and go for a drive, I need a car.”

“The job is very clear.”

“If we’re not going on a trip, at least we should go for a drive together, right?

It’s about having the right attitude.”

Jaeyoung complained before calling the studio owner. After a few words, he hung up and it seemed like he heard the response to look for a spot on the side of the road and park wherever possible.

Jaeyoung took out a contact card from the console and placed it before getting out of the car. Sangwoo followed the other side up the stairs made of steel.

“Are you Jaeyoung?”

“Yes. Hello.”

“Oh, Seungyong said you were good-looking. You really are. And it must have been a difficult journey.”

When they opened the door, the thick-bearded man greeted Jaeyoung with a smile. He was a burly man, wearing a gold necklace around his neck. He shook hands with Jaeyoung before turning to find Sangwoo. Jaeyoung pointed his thumb towards Sangwoo and spoke.

“He’s the game developer.”

“The young man is talented. Please come in.”

Sangwoo emphasized that he was a business partner, not a young man. He didn’t say it to be funny, but Jaeyoung burst out laughing, and the bearded man smiled too.

The other side said that they weren’t experts in game music. There were posters of hip-hop singers and postcards designed as souvenirs on the walls, almost confirming the words of the owner. The interior of the building was well-decorated, unlike the dilapidated exterior. This made Sangwoo feel a little more confident, and they started the meeting in a room with three monitors and two synthesizers. The studio owner introduced his previous work on the game before playing a looped song that he thought would fit well with the action game.

“These days, it’s trendy to add variation [1]to the game music to avoid repetition. I tried to choose a song that would fit well with the action game.

What do you think?”

Jaeyoung sat quietly and looked at Sangwoo before he started to give his opinion.

“I like song number 2. Even though it uses short, repetitive chords that are different from the trend you mentioned, it’s often found in games from the past.

However, if you speed up the tempo by 1.3, it would be great.”

“Please follow my business partnership plan. And I want the atmosphere to be intense, like what you see in the plan. Our game concept is quite exciting.”

Jaeyoung hadn’t finished speaking yet when the studio owner played the original song again and immediately adjusted it in the program. Then he increased the tempo and lowered the tone to make it a completely different song, with a deep and haunting melody. Jaeyoung hugged his chest and laughed.

“You’re really good at this.”

“That’s great. It’s easy to understand. If so, the BGM should have this mood.

I’ll try to make a loop of eight or sixteen bars.”

While they were talking, the door suddenly opened and a tall, thin woman came in holding a tray with three cups of coffee. She then placed them in front of them, and the coffee still had steam rising from it. The studio owner leaned back in his chair with an incredulous look on his face.

Normally, we don’t have this kind of thing. Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t ask the staff to do this.”

“If there are guests, we can welcome them. Hello, are you a singer from the

Rif project?”

The woman looked at the studio owner and smiled, then greeted Sangwoo and Jaeyoung. Sangwoo shook his head slightly, while Jaeyoung said, “Hello.”

“The action game development team I mentioned yesterday, they’re friends of Seungyong. This is Yoonhee, our songwriter.”

“Oh, that mobile game!”

The songwriter stood there stubbornly holding the tray, and the oppressive silence continued for a moment before the studio owner finally spoke up and asked her to sit down instead of standing like that. At that moment, Jaeyoung’s phone rang.

“I’m sorry. Excuse me for a moment…”

The other person on the phone answered a few words and then hung up.

Then he frowned.

“Some uncle I don’t know called to complain and asked me to take the car out.”

“He’s being difficult and not getting to the point. He usually doesn’t say anything, but he’s in a bad mood today. It might be a bit far, but turn right at the fourth intersection and there’s a paid parking lot. Let’s go park there.”

“Talk to the boss first… Sangwoo-ya.”

Jaeyoung got up and lightly patted Sangwoo’s shoulder before walking out. In the room, only Sangwoo, the owner of the studio, and the 3 songwriters remained. One of the songwriters immediately took Jaeyoung’s place and asked the studio owner,

“Who was that?”

“I already told you, he’s a friend of Seungyong’s.”

“What does he do, is he a model?”

“He’s a graphic design student, I heard.”

“A student, huh.”

The studio owner pulled his chair over to the computer and brought up the plan for “Veggie-Venturer” on the screen.

“Doesn’t look like the work of a student, does it?”

“Did he make this himself?”

Wow, it looks like a low-budget indie game.”

“That student is just all talk, his skills are at a pro level.”

Sangwoo pretended not to care, but in reality, he was listening to the entire conversation. Jaeyoung’s words filled him with pride because the designer he chose was not just anyone, but himself. And because he was a business partner who made the other party’s imagination come true.

The studio owner sipped his coffee and looked at the plan carefully before asking.

“Sangwoo, how many people are on your team?”

“Two people.”

They exchanged glances, making Sangwoo feel like showing off, wanting to announce that he was the planner and developer of “Veggie-Venturer” and worked with designer Jang Jaeyoung, who made this plan a reality.

“Students these days are really talented. When I was a student, all I did was drink.”

The studio owner laughed and returned to the reception desk. Suddenly, the songwriter who was staring at the monitor turned her attention to Sangwoo.

“Um… does that guy have a girlfriend?”

The studio owner chuckled and said, “Why are you asking me?”

The female songwriter’s eyes widened and she looked at Sangwoo. Although he didn’t want to answer anything, the woman still waited for an answer.

“No, he doesn’t.”

“Really? I thought he must have one already! Oh, why did I dress so casually today? What should I do?”

“Whatever you do, invite him to have a meal with us.”

“But he’s younger than you! If he’s the same generation as Seungyong, how old is he? Twenty-six… or twenty-seven? Crazy… If I stand next to him, will I look old?”

“Why speak like that? It’s pointless.”

The studio owner laughed and seemed to be having fun. The red-faced songwriter held her cheeks and talked non-stop. They didn’t do anything wrong, but it made Sangwoo very upset. He thought about muting both of their voices.

 

 

“You’ve been sitting on the bridge all this time, why don’t you try inviting him to talk after the meeting? Say that you fell in love at first sight, who wouldn’t like that?”

“How can we do that? He might be uncomfortable.”

“Wait a minute. I didn’t know there was a corner like this. Normally, you’re very confident in yourself.”

The studio owner laughed and turned to Sangwoo.

And what do you want me to do? Just as Sangwoo was about to respond sharply, a loud ringing sound came from the entrance door of the studio. A young, energetic songwriter stood up and quickly spoke to the owner of the studio.

“I’m too excited to stay still. I’ll excuse myself first.”

The girl then left the room, and not long after, Jaeyoung came back and sat down next to Sangwoo.

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh, I just had a question about the game.”

“Chu Sangwoo, explain it clearly.”

“Oh, of course. We can solve the problem because of you, Sangwoo.”

‘Liar.’

While Sangwoo was staring at the studio owner, the meeting continued for about fifteen minutes. They talked about the song, delivery schedules, and fees, and even copyright issues, but Sangwoo didn’t feel excited at all.

The thick clouds that were difficult to understand covered Sangwoo’s sky, so he couldn’t meditate. He tried to remember the face of the songwriter, but it wasn’t easy. Was she pretty? If she invited Jaeyoung to have a meal, how would he react? She might be able to become Jaeyoung’s ‘new girlfriend’ because the man is currently single. ‘I feel bad.’

His heart was beating fast, but at the same time, he felt dissatisfied. Jaeyoung used his elbow to nudge him and asked for his opinion on something, but Sangwoo didn’t listen, so he didn’t know what to say.

“It’s strange, why are you so quiet?”

“Normally, Sangwoo isn’t a quiet person, right?”

“Don’t speak. Normally, he’s very fidgety, but it seems like he’s satisfied with all of your conditions, President. “

Jaeyoung patted Sangwoo’s shoulder and lightly tapped his back, causing Sangwoo to feel uncomfortable and grab his arm.

Both of them let go of Sangwoo like that and agreed to discuss the price before exchanging contracts. Jaeyoung signed his name with a signature like a worm and handed the paper and pen to Sangwoo. Sangwoo wrote his name in block letters under Jaeyoung’s name without reading any of the content.

“Don’t come complain later that I handled it alone.”

Jaeyoung looked at Sangwoo slightly while speaking. It was surprising that at that time, Sangwoo didn’t care about the contract documents at all, his mind was only focused on the fact that the meeting had ended, and the studio owner kept one copy of the contract in an envelope and handed it to Jaeyoung.

“Veggie-Venturer, it should be a fun job.”

“As long as the quality comes out like our examples, we’re satisfied, but if we hear that it’s going to be even better, we don’t want anything else. “

“We’ll have to wait and see. Is the game still in development?”

“The big framework is done, but there are still some development issues.

Anyway, please take care of it, President.”

“Yes. If there are any changes, please call me. Goodbye.”

Jaeyoung stood up from his seat. While Sangwoo was still looking anxiously at the mirror on the door, he couldn’t see clearly outside.

“What are you doing? Get up.”

Sangwoo got up firmly and walked out through the door that Jaeyoung had left open. The area with the table and sofa had no trace of the songwriter, and they had to hurry out of here before she came out. Sangwoo walked ahead quickly.

“Not that way.”

Jaeyoung grabbed Sangwoo’s shoulder, who was about to twist the doorknob in the wrong direction, and turned him towards the opposite direction. As he was about to open the studio door and leave, the studio owner stopped them.

“Wait, Jaeyoung.”

“Yes?”

‘This is actually a somewhat personal matter…’

The other party smiled shyly and then pointed their finger towards the back and continued.

“My employee just told me that he likes you, Jaeyoung. It seems like you don’t have a girlfriend yet. If that’s the case, why don’t you come have dinner with us? You’re someone who’s easy to get along with.”

“What? That’s not really my business.”

Sangwoo glared at the owner of the studio with a fierce expression. The other party didn’t say anything that wasn’t true, but he suddenly became angry. Jaeyoung clearly stated that he would have dinner with Sangwoo, but it was just an empty promise. He wondered how much the other party who liked to do things on his own terms could be bound.

“Please apologize to her, but I’m already chatting with someone right now.”

However, Jaeyoung unexpectedly responded to Sangwoo’s question with a nonchalant attitude. Then he turned his gaze back to Sangwoo.

____________________________________.

[1] Variation. The part that deviates from the main melody.

 

   SMNTCERR CHAPTERS HOME

SMNTCERR, Chapter 73: <1001> #1.

[9.                I want to have sex with someone who is in a relationship.]

‘Not to that extent, it’s still illegal.’

[10.           Can’t stand not having sex even for a day.]

‘You can endure for a day.’

[11.           Can’t overcome sexual desire to the point of buying sexual services.]

‘There is no way. Besides, it’s illegal.’

[12.           Strongly desire to have kinky sex.]

‘…’

The standard for the word “kinky” is not clear, so it is difficult to answer “yes” or “no”. Sangwoo had to skip that part and read the rest.

If there are behaviors that match the twenty questions, it is considered a sex addiction, but there are only five questions that match him completely, and that is “thinking about sex often to the point of feeling cramped in daily life.”

‘So you’re not addicted to sex.’

He thinks about it almost all the time to the point he is wondering if he has a mental condition, but no matter how he tries to test himself, if the results are as clear as this, it probably isn’t true, at least he can breathe a sigh of relief.

Sangwoo thinks.

Sangwoo puts his phone in his backpack and sits quietly, yesterday’s events slowly bubbling up in his mind. He worked in the office with the other party and then Jaeyoung had to go back home before it got too late because a car broke down. After helping him with his luggage, they almost parted ways, but ended up arguing in front of the building. Then they suddenly kissed and they got horny and had to go back upstairs to quench the arousal. They kept doing that arousal quenching non stop all night until almost morning, so Sangwoo slept late and today he almost missed his class, “Embedded System,” his major.

‘You have to make your desires clear. Sangwoo, this sentence has no object.’

Jaeyoung tends to be slightly different at different times, not always consistent. Some days he speaks less, some days he acts softer, and some days he acts rougher. He doesn’t choose which one is better, but what’s not good is when the other party is intentionally teasing. Yesterday, Jaeyoung played until he made Sangwoo gasp and accidentally put his hand on the glasses that were placed near the bed. When it was almost dark, he saw that the frame was broken in half, and no matter how he asked about the price, the other party didn’t answer.

Sangwoo sits with his chin in his hand, lost in thought about the face that is both tempting and provocative at the same time, when the door suddenly opens.

“Oops, sorry! Sunbae.” the male student suddenly appears and gasps for breath. Sangwoo just realized that he was sitting in the conference room for a meeting. When he looked at the clock, he found that he was seven minutes late.

He was so lost in thought that he didn’t even notice.

“Uh, sorry! I was riding my bike and fell on the way here. I know it may sound like an excuse. I should have come out faster…”

It seems that the other party is not lying, the elbow that protrudes from the shirt sleeve is scratched until it bleeds.

“If it hurts a lot, go to the hospital first.”

“Really? It’s not necessary… I’m fine,” the male student said.

The male student sat opposite Sangwoo and wiped his sweat with the back of his hand. Sangwoo looks at the notebook that was left open and picks up a pen.

“Then let’s get started. I propose the topic of presenting the algorithm of the game ‘Makom.’ If you don’t like it, you can suggest another topic.” “Uh…wait a minute,” the other party said.

The other party rummages through his bag and takes out a crumpled piece of paper and a pen. He writes the word “Makom” in the middle in large letters.

“We don’t have much time now. Is this topic not too complicated? I’m just thinking about cabinets, ATMs, myself…”

“That matter is too simple, we won’t get good scores. And it’s just a decoy.”

“…Okay. Just speak your mind.”

Sangwoo presented a mini-project on “Algorithm” as a pair of works for the class. Although there was another member, Sangwoo did not expect much and thought of doing it alone.

“Do you know that if we actually create a program, we can get extra points?”

“Don’t tell me you’ll do it?”

“Of course, isn’t it?”

I think it might be difficult… So let’s start with making a tic-tac-toe board first. Um… do you have a plan?”

“We can create the initial values of the tic-tac-toe board by arranging them in order and dividing the values according to the size of the cells. And every time we change the round, we have to check two diagonal lines, vertical and horizontal lines, 3×3 management, complexity, but…”

Sangwoo looked at the face of the male student and spoke.

“I’ll handle it myself.”

“Then what should I do?”

“Just wait for me to send the program, you focus on the schedule for dynamic schedule [1]. Then organize the process, we should talk about memoization [2] and recursive functions [3], and we need a table. I’ll send the program to you by midnight on Sunday, so please give me your email address.”

The male student quickly wrote down what Sangwoo said and handed him the email address with both hands.

“I may not be good at programming like you, but I will take responsibility for analyzing and presenting everything myself.”

Can he be trusted? Sangwoo looked at the other party with suspicion before turning back, because if they didn’t do well, he could just do it alone.

He wrote down his responsibilities and those of the other party in his notebook. Now there was only one task left to deal with, which was data presentation.

“I’ll handle the PowerPoint myself.”

Sangwoo spoke confidently. Although he didn’t have artistic talent, he could still make a decent PowerPoint. After writing his name in the presentation section, there was nothing left to discuss at the meeting. He put the notebook back in his bag along with the pencil case and then the box before standing up.

Just as he was about to leave, the male student called out to him.

Um… Sangwoo-sunbae.”

“What is it?”

The other person sitting across from him looked stressed the whole time, but gave a small smile and spoke softly.

“Thank you for letting me pass today.”

“What do you mean?”

“I used to be in the same group as you for the ‘Data Structures’ course. I was three minutes late to the meeting, so you had already left. Then I had to work on your own and I ended up failing the course because I got a D mark… Oh,

I’m not blaming you for anything now.”

‘This guy. He didn’t make a mistake for the first time.’

Sangwoo had a scary face, truly terrifying, with many people in the world having the same idea as Jang Jaeyoung about time.

“This time, I thought that you had already left… I was really surprised when I saw you were still waiting.”

“…”

“Because it’s been several years now. I think the atmosphere around you is different from back then.”

The guy spoke in a way that Sangwoo found difficult to understand before bowing at him.

“I’ll learn more and work harder.”

“Oh, that’s good.”

Sangwoo didn’t know what to say and just answered with an “uh-huh” before leaving the conference room.

When he left the library building, the hot May sun shone down on his black hat. Sangwoo reflected on the words of the younger student and headed towards the room where he took the Data Structures course, which seemed like it was

 

 

three years ago. At that time, he was so determined that he didn’t even associate with people who were a little late to the meeting.

‘I think the atmosphere around you is different from back then.’

Would you say he had become weaker? If that were the case, he would never have a chance to associate with Jaeyoung forever.

Sangwoo realized he had arrived at the Faculty of Fine Arts, which he was now familiar with. He climbed the stairs to the third floor, opened the fourth door, and walked in.

“Are you here, President Chu?”

Jaeyoung spoke without taking his eyes off his phone. The other person was sitting with his legs stretched out on the table, playing a game. Today, Jaeyoung was wearing a blue shirt and black slacks. Although he wasn’t wearing a suit, in Sangwoo’s eyes, the other person looked like he was going to an important event. As he walked in, he heard sound effects. The other person stretched his arms around Sangwoo’s waist and hugged him.

“How are you doing?”

“It’s more fun than I thought it would be. Hey, are we really the ones doing this?”

Jaeyoung was playing a test version of the game with a character named Chuchu, a furry creature wearing a knitted sweater. He threw bombs to defeat the bosses and shot at slow-moving enemies with a rifle. Then he ran forward continuously. Sangwoo looked at him quietly before speaking up.

“I think we need to adjust the damage of the hand bomb a bit.”

“That’s so unfair.”

“Did you add the sound effects correctly?”

“Well done. And there’s a bug in two spots when placing it with the detonator. If you switch weapons without moving, the game will be forced to close.

Another thing is to check Chuchu’s status window, it’s not sliding to the side.”  “I already knew the first one. As for the other one, let me check it out.”

Sangwoo intended to go back to his place, but Jaeyoung’s hand, which had been creeping and groping his butt was now wrapped around his waist. He grabbed Jaeyoung’s shoulders and prevented himself from falling, and he stretched himself up a bit. Then both of Jaeyoung;s eyes stared at Sangwoo, and he moved closer, almost touching his lips. Jaeyoung lowered his eyes to look at Sangwoo’s lips before raising his gaze to meet his eyes again.

“Hey.”

“Why?”

“Don’t you miss me?”

The other whispered softly.

“We’ve been together all day until morning, haven’t we?”

“So what?”

Sangwoo wanted to tell the other that he had a problem with being loved and possessed, even though it had only been less than fourteen hours since he had just drained his balls excessively, but when he got out of that train of thought he realized it, he found himself kissing the other person again. It was a sweet gesture that could not be refused, and it was happening more often than eating these days.

Jaeyoung slipped his hand under Sangwoo’s tight shirt before pulling down the waistband of his pants and letting go. The other person withdrew his lips and looked down low.

Did you wear a new pair of underwear? Can I see it?”

“Underwear is not something you show to others.”

“But I bought it because I wanted to see it for you.”

Sangwoo ignored the meaningless words and turned around to sit at his own place.

“Hyung, you took four pairs of my underwear. So I had no choice but to wear a new one. Can you please return my underwear to me?”

“Why not wear a different one?”

“I already have enough clothes, so I don’t feel the need to buy new ones.”

“I suspect I’ll have to throw them all away when I clean out your room next time.”

The other side spoke without substance again… Sangwoo took out his notebook and waited for the boot-up. Jaeyoung spoke up.

“Starting tomorrow, you won’t have to work part-time anymore, so it’s perfect for a 3-day, 2-night weekend trip on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.”

He wondered if the other side was really working on the same project, the nonchalant expression on his face made Sangwoo slightly uneasy.

“How can we plan a trip like that? Look, we’re always running late and the work isn’t progressing.”

Sangwoo shifted his chair closer to the table and pointed to the schedule that was pinned to the wall.

There were only two months left in the agreement with Jaeyoung, and the last month was expected to be filled with testing and platform verification. So, in reality, he had to create all the functions and find bugs within a month, which, if you subtract the time for QA and beta testing, would leave only about a week. Although he was now quitting his part-time job, which would give him more time for studying and sleeping, Sangwoo still felt restless.

“Moreover, I still have classes for my major. I have an exam in three weeks.

“

Plus, I have to finish programming for the presentation within this week.”

“I understand. Then let’s postpone the trip for now, but you have to go for a getaway trip with me today.”

“Did you listen to what I said earlier? I said I don’t have time.”

“That’s exactly what I’m about to say.”

It seemed like Jaeyoung wasn’t taking what Sangwoo said seriously again. Sangwoo thought that if he was going to criticize the other side, he should at least know where he was going before asking in a hesitant voice. “Where are we going?”

____________________________________.

[1] Schedule Development, “Dynamic Programming.” A process of finding the optimal solution by solving complex problems by dividing them into smaller, more manageable subproblems.

[2]. Memoization, a technique used to speed up computer programs by storing the results of function calls.

[3] and the concept of recursion, “Recursive Function.” and a function that calls itself to solve a problem by dividing it into smaller problems, then combining the results together. Simply put, it is writing a function that calls itself repeatedly until it finds the answer.

 

   SMNTCERR CHAPTERS HOME

SMNTCERR, Chapter 72: Yellow #14.

   Sangwoo took a deep breath and turned his body to the side. His profile, which was glowing and blurred in the darkness, looked no less handsome than his front. At the same time, there was a beautiful figure, a body that was not too fat and had muscles only necessary for life, which was similar to the personality of the person who valued efficiency.

   Sangwoo put on a new condom and squeezed the gel onto his finger. Then he moved his hand down towards his buttocks. Jaeyoung’s mouth hung open, staring at the other’s finger disappearing into Sangwoo’s own body, his breathing stopped, his gaze fixed, from the dark black hair, the dark eyebrows, the closed eyes, down to the edge of the lips that were revealed.

   The other party bowed so low that their neck bones looked like they were about to pop out, their neck bent down, and the part that curved down to the back was so seductive that Jaeyoung had to swallow thick saliva and clench and release his fists repeatedly. When sticky lubed finger entering Sangwoo made slurpy sounds as it entered along the narrow hole, it caused a faint sound to echo throughout the quiet room, amidst the intensity of the black and white colors, both parties breathed heavily at the same time. All without touching each other again.

   “Ah-ah…”

   And then Sangwoo let out a groan that sounded like a gasp, his right hand moving faster, the sound of fingering was like walking on clay, piercing Jaeyoung’s ear, making it hot in an instant, Sangwoo’s neck jerked and his black hair trembled, his twisted face leaned back.

   “Ah, huh…”

   Chu Sangwoo was using his fingers to stretch his own hole with enthusiasm and Jaeyoung was a spectator to the scene, a scene that was more provocative than any pornographic image he had ever seen.

   “What are you looking at? You mentally ill person…”

   Sangwoo raised his eyebrows and sighed before biting his lower lip, the person who was straightforward during the day. When it fell at night, his desire did not subside. Although it was always the same action, for some reason, both of them looked like different people. Was it a delusion? Crazy bastard, damnit, where is this world a baby would act like this?

   Jaeyoung couldn’t take it anymore and jumped up with the intention of shouting at the other party. “I told you to stay calm.”

   Sangwoo had an angry expression and pushed Jaeyoung back with his foot. In Jaeyoung’s heart, he felt startled to the point of forgetting even the most exciting excitement before slowly lying back down as before.

   “I’ll do it myself.”

   Sangwoo looked straight into Jaeyoung’s eyes and then lifted himself up, his sweaty chest, bright chest, muscular abdomen, neck, arms, and legs. Whatever it was, it was all a strong stimulus for Jaeyoung. Sangwoo took a deep breath before moving his hand to the back, he held Jaeyoung’s extremely hard cock, pointed it at his wet asshole and just like magic the cock was sucked and swallowed into the waiting body just now. Jaeyoung closed his eyes.

   “Ah, it’s… ugh…”

   The sudden intense arousal made him automatically let out a moan, feeling like he was really being swallowed up, the weight of Sangwoo, the hand that was gripping the shirt, the hot skin, all of it made his head spin, after moving his hips up and down two or three times. Sangwoo sat down and pressed down even harder, the feeling of the cock being tightly wrapped and sucked made Jaeyung feel extremely pleasurable to the point of trembling in his stomach.

   “Sangwoo… wait… I’m in trouble.”

   Sangwoo ignored Jaeyoung’s words and shifted his body to take the straight cock even deeper, Jaeyoung was gritting his teeth to endure not cum yet. Meanwhile, the other party threw himself down and swallowed his meat stick until the end. Jaeyoung tightly wrapped the bedsheet and when he looked up, he met the embarrassed face of the person above him. Jaeyoung looked up at

   Sangwoo, who used both hands to support himself on his chest and breathed heavily.

   “Why do you make that face? Is something wrong?”

   “It’s too deep. And…”

   Although he should have been used to it by now, it seemed that this position made it harder for the other party to get used to the massive cock inside him. Jaeyoung flicked his finger and Sangwoo leaned down. When he looked closely, he found that the face really looked pitiful. Jaeyoung hugged the man’s arm tightly, unable to play around like a child, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Sangwoo whispered in his ear.

   “Hyung…are you feeling good? I feel your stick getting bigger.”

   Jaeyoung was caught off guard and he felt cum spewed from his cock without him realizing it, causing his vision to go dark.

   “Fuck… Jesus.”

   “What’s wrong?”

   Although Jeayoung cummed just now, somehow the hard cock was still in the same state as before. Sangwoo couldn’t understand, but suddenly the white liquid leaked out through the gap in the condom, like a hot meat stick exploding, making his butt hair wet. Jaeyoung whispered in embarrassment.

   “I couldn’t adjust in time. I guess I have to change to a new one.”

   “I can’t pull it off now. Can’t you just do it like this?”

   As soon as he nodded, the other party leaned on Jaeyoung’s chest and began to move his hips up and down. Just as the pleasure reached its peak, the waves of excitement surged again.

   Sangwoo’s eyes opened slightly and he looked ecstatic watery, the hot cock moving in and out of him slowly and repeatedly, made him let out a soft moan and the tightening of the abdomen and bones of the person above him, caused the hot meat stick to tremble along with it.

   It was a sweet sex, unbelievable but not yet satisfying. Jaeyoung just lay there, but his breathing became heavier every time they touched. Every time the connection was made, the pleasure increased, and he used his two empty hands to hold the slippery waist with drops of sweat. Then he slid his fingers along the white legs that were shaking and held Sangwoo’s in a condom protection tightly.

   The black-eyes covered in darkness looked down at Jaeyoung like a pure heavenly agony. A drop of sweat dripped from Sangwoo’s forehead and hung on the tip of his chin before falling onto Jaeyoung’s shirt as the other pressed down on his shoulder. Drop after drop, it fell like rain every time their bodies moved. Jaeyoung’s mouth automatically opened, releasing a loud moan and heavy breaths. Sangwoo bit the edge of his lips and groaned.

   “Hyung…”

   “…Uh.”

   “Don’t look at me… like that.”

   Suddenly, the hand above him slid down to his eyes before Jaeyoung’s line of sight was blocked from the self undulating man, even if it was just for a moment. Jaeyoung immediately grabbed that hand and pulled it towards him, causing Sangwoo’s upper body to fall onto Jaeyoung’s chest. Jaeyoung grabbed the other’s neck and passionately kissed him.

   “Uh… Hng…”

   Sangwoo’s body, which had moved on its own, trembled and paused for a moment. The intense feeling filled his body, making him feel completely satisfied. Jaeyoung hugged the other tightly, wrapping his arms around his back.

   “Do you need help?”

   Sangwoo blinked without saying anything, his eyes overflowing with tears. Chu Sangwoo, who usually acted as if he didn’t care, was now weak and vulnerable, which was one of the many factors that made him charming.

   Jaeyoung knelt down and held the back of Sangwoo’s butt tightly.

   When Jaeyoung performed a small twist of his hips, Sangwoo’s body twisted and pressed against Jaeyoung’s neck. He didn’t know if he had made the other lose consciousness more than before today, or if this was a reward for the long journey he had taken. If so, he could drive for hours on end. Jaeyoung hugged Sangwoo’s back with one arm and lifted his hip.

   “Ah, hng… wait a minute.”

   “Does it hurt?”

   Sangwoo wrapped his arm around Jaeyoung’s neck and leaned his head to the side.

   “Continue, need to talk anymore.”

   Seeing that the other was not very conscious of his surroundings, Jaeyoung felt the urge to dominate him, almost like sadism. Every time he grabbed his hip and pushed inside, the other flinched, he felt the desire to dominate him even more, to use his own body to do so.

   He inserted himself into the tight space that connected them completely and pushed himself inside. As he writhed in the same spot three times, Sangwoo dropped all his weight onto Jaeyoung and hugged him tightly. The tips of his hair, shiny with moisture, smelled like the usual basketball court scent. He never thought there would be a day when he would think of a man’s sexy sweat smell and his mind would be slipping away because of it.

   The strong desire to possess the person in front of him was packed tightly in his heart. Jaeyoung used both hands to grab the waist of the other party with the desire to use his body to fill, pour, and indulge all over Sangwoo’s body. Then he moved his body seriously, here, it was an opportunity to bounce his hips hard according to his heart’s desire and enter Sangwoo’s hot passage, the man who at this moment was not knowing what to do except hugging his neck tightly. As he lifted his hips violently, Sangwoo’s buttocks floated before falling back down.

   “Ah, ah! Hyung…”

   He moved one hand to the back of the other party’s head without saying anything. Then he moved his damp hair and sweat, and moved his lower body, his actions becoming more and more violent, causing the sound of flesh hitting flesh to sound like a thud, along with Sangwoo’s body shaking in the air. Every time the other party pressed his hips down, he bounced his hips to receive it. The other party would release fluids from his eyes and the corners of his mouth, moaning.

   “Huh, huh, haa… Ouch, slow dow-… Ahh…”

   The movement of the waist became more and more violent, with a sound mixed with both sorrow and happiness, a sound that was getting faster and more intense every time, and became so intense that Sangwoo’s lower body was floating in the air, bouncing every time the other party pressed down. The other party would release fluids from his eyes and the corners of his mouth, moaning.

   “Haeuk, haeuk, haa… Ouch, heuk… Ahh!”

   Sangwoo didn’t show much emotion, but it was only his body that couldn’t hide it. Once he knew that the other party showed emotions because of him,

   Jaeyoung became more aroused and his actions became more violent, causing Sangwoo to wake up more and more, and they both rushed to their destination like that.

   ‘Why did I just meet you now?’

   Jaeyoung felt that the blood sucked from his heart was mixed with feelings that were hotter than the fluids in his body, feelings that made him blind and made his consciousness a paralysis, not just something that could be explained by sexual desire alone. He left the unsafe feelings aside and drowned in the sea of emotions.

   Sangwoo responded strongly to every movement of Jaeyoung today because he was special in responding to emotions. The other party hugged him from behind and bit his shoulder, clearly seeing how much the other party was mewling, so he didn’t need to ask for any response.

   Jaeyoung listened to the sound of the man’s unmodified and unbridled moans, not expecting them to come out with such pleasure. He tightened his arms around the hot body and kissed the hairline and forehead while his body attacked relentlessly at one point. Jaeyoung learned quickly and it was common for him to know exactly where to touch to make Sangwoo feel helpless.

   “Uh, Sangwoo-ya…?”

   “Uh… huh, heh, ugh, huhu, huh…”

   Jaeyoung had only seen Sangwoo cry once, and he didn’t want to feel that way again. But crying on the bed was not bad at all, he hugged Sangwoo tightly, who was still trembling in his arms, while his lower body continued to pound without pause.

   The feelings of both were running towards the ultimate point together, a feeling of relief that could satisfy the other, and a desire to engrave the highest feeling of happiness in that body, which became a complex feeling that Jaeyoung wanted to express in many ways.

   “Ah, ah! Ugh… hyung, hyung, Jaeyoung…”

   When the walls inside Sangwoo tightened him tightly, Jaeyoung realized that Sangwoo had reached his end for this round. When the movement stopped, the other’s body became weak and fell completely. Sangwoo hugged Jaeyoung’s chest and pulled him close, even though his eyes were still closed.

   This time, his shirt was torn from the strong pull.

   “Huh… huh… Sangwoo-ya…”

   Sangwoo just breathed heavily and quickly without saying anything.

   “Open your eyes a little.”

   The eyelids that closed without resistance blinked slowly and opened to reveal only half of the black eyes. When their eyes met, their lips moved towards each other immediately, exchanging a long kiss that sounded wet and sloppy with saliva, after which Sangwoo closed his eyes and fell beside him.

   “I thought I was going to die. There is a chance of dying during sex, you know.”

   The eyes that were hidden with happiness flickered slowly, but there was something that the other side overlooked. Jaeyoung kissed the damp forehead before using his hand to wipe the sweat off the cheeks and chin.

   “You’re not dead yet. I’m not done yet.”

   “I don’t have any strength left. That’s enough for today.”

   “Enough? It’s just getting started.”

   Jaeyoung withdrew his cock from the tight asshole, pulled off the condom filled with cum water and lubricating gel. Then he put on a new one, took off his wet pants and socks, and threw away the shirt that was soaked with sweat. He thanked Sangwoo for unbuttoning the bottom and then easily taking off the trousers. He hugged Sangwoo who was lying exhausted from their lovemaking.

   “If you arouse me, you have to take responsibility.”

   “…I understand. Put it in.”

   Jaeyoung, who had maintained his state of arousal since before, had no strength to to be considerate anymore. He turned the other side and stabbed his cock in one fell swoop. Sangwoo lost his composure and let out a scream.

   The second round of the war began with bodies overlapping like dogs in heat. Jaeyoung moved his waist closer to Sangwoo’s hairline and pulled him in, burying his face into the other person’s head that was leaning back, and whispered softly beside his ear.

   “Sangwoo-ya.”

   “Uh…what is it?”

   “What are you thinking now?”

   “Uh…mmmhpf…happiness…. climax, Jang…Jaeyoung, losing…humanity…”

   “Still…me having humanity? I have lost it already.” He felt that tonight would be a long night.

      SMNTCERR CHAPTERS HOME

 

SMNTCERR, Chapter 71: Yellow #13.

   “Today, hyung you look very strange.”

   “Why?”

   “I’ve never seen you dress like this before. And I’ve never smelled this scent before.”

   “And don’t you like it?”

   “…No.”

   “Then it doesn’t matter.”

   “And… What happened at the funeral?”

   Jaeyoung thought that now Sangwoo could imitate humans without any problems. As soon as he hugged him tightly, Sangwoo lightly patted his shoulder.

   “When you said someone did something, who was it?”

   “Aunt, uncle in laws, uncle, and the aunt in laws. And older siblings and younger siblings, someone went to scold them.”

   “Stupid man, this, are you sulking because you were bothered by your relatives a little?”

   “You have to comfort me, do you think I came here to be bullied or something?”

   “Do you mean to comfort you physically with my body?”

   “You’re overthinking it. It’s not like that. Be careful with your words.”  Jaeyoung was frustrated with Sangwoo, knowing that the other had no function for “warmth and comfort.” The truth didn’t matter anymore, as Sangwoo had just dumped his weight onto Jaeyoung and was now fully inhaling his scent. Jaeyoung didn’t want any more comfort.

   Sangwoo was silent for a long moment, which was unbearable for Jaeyoung.

   He felt like his body was weak and exhausted to the point of almost collapsing.

   The other finally spoke up.

   “In nature, strong creatures live alone. For example, black mambas can produce venom from the moment they hatch and therefore don’t need a pack to protect themselves.”

   “…”

   “As for the animals that can’t do that, there’s a reason they have to live together in large groups. Herbivores have low individual strength and need to be in a group to protect themselves from predators, while carnivores form packs to hunt.”

   Jaeyoung listened to the lecture on zoology that had suddenly started with a speechless feeling. Sangwoo gave detailed descriptions of animals such as lemurs, monkeys, and hyenas before asking.

   “What type are you?”

   “I don’t know.”

   He couldn’t answer seriously because it wasn’t logical to compare animals and humans. Moreover, it was impossible for Sangwoo, who grew up in a normal family, to understand the situation of a broken family that was commonly seen in dramas.

   “If it’s a child of a mammal that feeds its young with milk from its pouch, it’s a different story. When they reach adulthood, they have to separate and live their own lives. If they’re weak, they’ll have to rely on a group, but if living with a group harms them…”

   Sangwoo spoke in a flat tone for a moment.

   “Just avoid them? Are you sure if you can survive without a family?”

   That was a way of thinking that said to find the root of the problem and eliminate it when there was a problem. What the other said wasn’t wrong, but it was just that he didn’t know his situation. Normally, people tend to think that this kind of thinking is cold.

   “Do your parents know that you think like this?”

   “Of course. I left home five years ago.”

   “Are your parents disappointed?”

   “I try to maintain my connection with my family by calling them every month and visiting them every six months. And I plan to return the money that they all spent on me for the next nine years.”

   “…You hyung, sounds like a grateful kid.”

   Although he spoke like that, it was clear that Sangwoo grew up in a loving family. His father insisted on adding a heart at the end of his name on a phone list. His mother was afraid that her son, who had no mouth filter, would have trouble fitting in and taught him etiquette in drinking on his own. His older sister often quarreled with her younger brother like any other siblings.

   Sometimes, that might be the reason why the other party was emotionally stable. Ignoring other people’s opinions and having high self-respect. Jaeyoung felt envious and jealous of the two men who were embracing each other at the same time.

   “Hyung, you are contradictory. Even though you skipped important classes all the time. And why won’t you miss the funeral, which is nothing but a headache.”

   “If I don’t go, it’ll be a problem.”

   “Let it be. Those relatives are just like any other people. No one can force you.”

   “You’re right about everything.”

   Jaeyoung smiled unconsciously, it was strange that such a ridiculous problem-solving method made him calm, and the conclusion helped him brush away the stress and feel refreshed like carbonated water.

   “It’s over, I’ve never seen a red demon wearing a hat before.”

   Hearing the other party murmuring, Jaeyoung hugged Sangwoo tightly.

   “Am I stupid?”

   “A little bit. I understand because we all have weaknesses. Even Superman has kryptonite.”

   “That’s right. A perfect man like me must have weaknesses too.”

   Jaeyoung thought that was not a bad comparison. One weakness, ‘family’, which his grandfather had been giving him for a long time, made Jaeyoung vulnerable. No different from Superman who lost his power when he encountered kryptonite. At that time, he was suspicious.

   “Then what is your kryptonite?”

   “I don’t have anything like that.” Sangwoo answered without hesitation.

   Jaeyoung accepted it without any doubt.

   “That’s good. A Superman without weaknesses.”

   Lack of social skills, senses, empathy, but that might not be a disadvantage for a black mamba that is strong, because even if they cannot get along with others, they can still live on their own.

   “You’ve probably been living like that all your life.”

   Sangwoo patted Jaeyoung’s back twice and said. “Okay then.

   It’s done.”

   The technician was a gentle comforter.

   “Do you want a kiss now?”

   “Oh.”

   Jaeyoung’s fingers held onto both sides of Sangwoo’s cheeks. Jaeyoung closed his eyes and closed his eyes, but Sangwoo tilted his face up to his own level. Then he just lingered there for a moment without doing anything, his finger traced Jaeyoung’s forehead and then came to rest on his brow. Then he slowly trailed down his nose, across his cheeks, and then over the ridge above his lips before finally coming to rest on his mouth.

   “Why did those people come causing problems for a good-looking relative like this?”

   As he let out a smile, something else touched the corner of Jaeyoung’s lips instead of his finger. It was something that sucked and pulled the lower lip of Jaeyoung into his mouth, and sent a soft, gentle tongue to caress it. Sangwoo licked Jaeyoung’s lips and alternated with sucking. When he opened his mouth wide, the other side sent his tongue in.

   ‘I feel really good now.’

   After practicing a lot, he became a full-fledged player. Jaeyoung forgot about his fatigue and was pulled along by Sangwoo’s seduction. He felt like he had turned into a melting chocolate in the warm mouth, and let the other side explore the depths of his mouth gently. While their tongues were entwined, his consciousness drifted away, and his lips and tongue were stimulated by Sangwoo’s touch, causing his thoughts to pause.

   After their lips naturally separated, Jaeyoung pulled Sangwoo back into his arms and whispered in his ear.

   “Can I stay here tonight and leave in the morning?”

   “Yes.”

   ‘Aren’t you answering too quickly?’

   “Then bring me some pajamas, I’ll go take a shower.”

   “No, there is no time for you to change clothes.”

   Sangwoo quickly replied and grabbed Jaeyoung’s arm, pulling him towards the bed. The other side’s face turned red with anticipation. There was a fire in his eyes. Although he fell onto the bed due to the force, Jaeyoung still didn’t feel like doing anything. He grabbed Sangwoo as he climbed up onto his stomach and pulled him down to hug him, flipping over to lie on his side.

   “Sangwooya.”

   “Yes?”

   “Let’s just sleep and hug each other like parents do with their children.” With that said, he remembered something and added.

   “We are both men, so we can’t get married, but it’s just a metaphor. If you don’t feel good, I’ll be the mother and you can be the father.”

   Sangwoo just stared at him without saying anything. Jaeyoung pushed his body closer and inserted his leg between Sangwoo’s, their chests touching and the warmth inviting a good feeling. The intense feeling that almost made their hearts explode began to subside, replaced by a warm and soothing feeling that made the corners of their mouths lift and small waves that helped eliminate hatred and anxiety, making their hearts calm down. Jaeyoung thought it was good that he came to find Sangwoo.

   Suddenly, Sangwoo, who was lying still, asked him.

   “Are you not going to do anything?”

   When he didn’t answer, Sangwoo began to move and pushed his head forward to meet his gaze.

   “If you were a parent, you would have to take care of the baby, wouldn’t you?”

   Jaeyoung pressed his head against the other side again and hugged his body tighter.

   “I want to stay like this more.”

   ‘Please. Chu Sangwoo, I didn’t come here to have sex with you, but to see your face differently.’

   No matter how much he begged in his heart, Sangwoo couldn’t acknowledge the command that wasn’t given to him. Sangwoo pushed Jaeyoung’s chest out to create some distance, then looked down. Jaeyoung used his other hand to cover his eyes before turning over and facing the other way, but the moment had passed.

   “A sexual desire is beyond the control of reason. I understand that feeling well.”

   “…”

   At that moment, he hated himself for being born a man. Jaeyoung didn’t really think about having sex, but as soon as he saw Sangwoo’s face, his body responded on its own. Sangwoo moved closer and hugged his back. Then he whispered in his ear as if he understood everything.

   “I just saw you wear a suit for the first time, so I wanted to do this too, but if you don’t want to lose your humanity, I respect that decision.”

   Giving in became the ultimate temptation and spark for his desire. Jaeyoung could feel the blood flowing throughout his body.

   “Chu Sangwoo.”

   “What is it?”

   “Where are the condoms?”

   “Who said he wouldn’t do it?”

   “I said I wouldn’t do it, but you won’t stay still enough for me to calm down.”

   “I don’t want to force someone who’s not willing…”

   “Hurry up and get it before I can’t take it anymore and put my cock inside you myself, please.”

   Jaeyoung’s body, which had been pressed against Sangwoo’s back, slid away as the light went out, followed by Sangwoo who returned with a condom from the same brand as before. As Jaeyoung reached out to pull the other side in for a hug, Sangwoo pushed him down on his back.

   “Hyung, you looked tired today, I’ll take care of it myself.”

   “What?”

   “Just be still.”

   He finished speaking. Sangwoo sat down at the end of the bed and quickly unbuttoned his pajamas. Jaeyoung looked at the other side in a half-sitting, halflying position before slowly lying down. He looked at the thin pajamas slipping down to reveal Sangwoo’s body, and he swallowed hard. Although he imagined himself tearing the clothes into pieces and rushing inside Sangwoo, he still remembered the order to stay calm.

   Sangwoo took off his pajamas and neatly folded them into a rectangle before facing Jaeyoung. At that moment, the person in front did something unexpected. Sangwoo pulled down his pants a little and put a condom on his own cock without waiting for permission.

   “Sangwoo?”

   ‘Does “be still” mean this?’

   Jaeyoung was startled to the point of stiffness. Although he had thought that this might happen someday, he didn’t expect it to be today. He intended to talk to Sangwoo about this and agree to everything if the other side wanted, but he hadn’t prepared himself yet.

   ‘I should not have inferred to myself as the mother.’’

   Sangwoo moved closer and placed his hand above Jaeyoung’s pants button.

   Jaeyoung grabbed the other hand tightly and looked into his eyes.

   “Wait, I’m not ready yet…”

   “You’re acting strange today, hyung.”

   Sangwoo smiled and surprised Jaeyoung. He took advantage of the moment when he relaxed his grip on his pants and underwear at the same time. Jaeyoung decided to lie still and see what the other side would do, but he couldn’t help but worry in his heart.

   “Are we just going to lie here like this?”

   “Just wait a bit, it’ll calm down on its own.”

   “Look at yourself first before you speak.”

   Sangwoo complained that it was too slippery and grabbed a tissue to wipe himself off. He only lightly touched Jaeyoung with the tissue, but Jaeyoung felt like he was being licked and the desire in him grew stronger, causing his cock to continuously release fluids. However, Sangwoo persisted in wiping until he was done and then put on the condom for Jaeyoung.

   “Why put it on both of us?”

   “I thought since we had to throw away the shirt last time, we might as well wear condoms together. The shirt must be expensive, right?”

   Sangwoo spoke as if it wasn’t important and took off Jaeyoung’s coat. Jaeyoung’s anxiety and suspicion suddenly turned into excitement, causing his mind to go blank, but he was determined to wait and see something good if he waited a little longer.

   Sangwoo squeezed some lubricant onto the condom and spread it around with his fingers. Then he took a deep breath, lifted his hips, held on Jaeyoung’s shoulders with both hands, and placed his buttocks right on top of Jaeyung’s red stiff shaft. The small touch made Jaeyoung so excited that he almost lost control and grabbed onto Sangwoo’s arm. He held onto the white-hot arm tightly and relaxed it, and repeated it, but the desired reaction he was waiting for never came.

   “It’s not working.”

   Sangwoo frowned and, after trying a few more times, gave up and sat down on Jaeyoung’s thigh, looking pitiful.

      SMNTCERR CHAPTERS HOME

 

SMNTCERR, Chapter 70, Yellow #12.

   A heart that turns into ice when surrounded by people who don’t like to melt it. Sangwoo has a talent for shaking people’s hearts unintentionally, and sometimes that may be the reason why Jaeyoung has come to this point.

   [Are you listening?]

   “Oh.”

   If his grandfather knew dating a man how he would react, Jaeyoung wondered, maybe he would throw a cigarette in his mouth at him or be locked up in a psychiatric hospital, or maybe he would just laugh loudly and say it was just for fun and it was over. Then he would say to keep the line.

   The line… of that man.

   [I’m sorry for calling during a busy time.]

   The other side apologized easily even though he didn’t do anything wrong. He wondered if the person at the end of the line was the same person he used to face without feeling shocked because he didn’t want to show the “sadness” that might be real at the internet cafe.

   “No, it’s not a bother.”

   […]

   “…”

   [After talking on the phone yesterday, I thought…] Sangwoo paused for a moment and continued. [Your voice sounded sad. So I just wanted to say don’t be too sad. 

   That’s my reason.]

   Or the other person might think he was sad because he came to a funeral? Well, anyway, the other person’s thoughts had only one dimension to be completely wrong, but Chu Sangwoo’s concern was very valuable. Jaeyoung felt the corner of his mouth curling up as he answered.

   “I have something to worry about, but it happens often… it’s okay.”

   [Did someone play a prank on you?]

   “Yeah.”

   [Who was it?]

   “If you know, what will you do?”

   His smile became more apparent. He had only been out of Seoul for 2 days, but Jaeyoung missed Sangwoo so much.

   [I understand. I said too much. That’s all.]

   “Wait.”

   Jaeyoung held the phone with both hands and pressed it closer to his ear.

   “Let me hear your voice a little more.”

   He needed to be strong to endure another day without Sangwoo. Jaeyoung hurriedly raised the volume, afraid of missing even the faint murmurs of the other person. Then he heard the sound of soft breathing.

   “I said I wanted to hear you speak, why are you so quiet?”

   [I have nothing to say.]

   “Anything is fine, just speak your mind.”

   Sangwoo remained silent for a moment. Then, what he said made Jaeyoung forget how to breathe.

   [Jang Jaeyoung.]

   He was so happy that he was lost in hearing his name called with the sound of the end of the line.

   [The office is very quiet now that you are gone. Time seems to pass slowly.]

   “…”

   [Miss you.]

   The murmuring sound faded away as if it had passed by unnoticed. He wondered if he had misheard it. When he tried to ask again, the other person spoke quickly.

   [I spoke without thinking. That’s all.]

   Then the line was cut immediately. Jaeyoung stood still, staring at the black screen for a moment. Just one phone call made him breathe like a longdistance runner, feeling restless and his heart aching, a feeling that was hot and turbulent like an emotional storm, above all else, it was intense. Jaeyoung leaned his back and head against the wall, holding the phone tightly in his hand, and from where he stood on the lower stairs, it seemed that the other party might have taken another step up.

   ‘I wanted to have enough fun and end things, but that seems to be becoming even more impossible.’

   When is it enough? He had been pondering about this for a while now. Everything was confusing, the line that should not be crossed? He didn’t know where that line was, maybe he had already crossed it. Jaeyoung was overwhelmed, Chu Sangwoo’s explosive outburst destroyed even Jaeyoung’s weakness and coolness, so in Jaeyoung’s mind, everything became clear. Previously, Jaeyoung was not born with a habit of thinking and paying attention to every detail.

   He hurriedly walked. As he turned the corner, he almost collided with Jaehong, but he didn’t care about the other party and hurriedly aimed his feet towards the hotel entrance.

   “What’s wrong with you?”

   Jaehong’s voice was full of laughter. When he turned to look, he saw a face with a deep smile. Jaeyoung walked faster with Jaehong following at the same speed.

   “Your baby voice is so low. It’s like a boy that it actually surprised me. Or… not just like, but was that really a man?”

   “Shut up.”

   “Are you dating a guy?”

   He looked at the other person who was talking loudly and walked away without paying attention to any questions, regardless of how long they had been together, how old the other person was, or what they looked like.

   “I can’t believe that there will be a day when we have the same interests, JangJaeyoung. It’s not like grandfather gave you permission and you started dating.”

   “What do you want to say?”

   “I know your weakness, don’t I?”

   “Do you want to announce it? Go ahead.”

   He stepped forward and stood in front of the elevator, pressing the button without hesitation or hesitation, his fingers eagerly pressing the button that was already lit up two or three times.

   “So… where are you going?”

   “Seoul.”

   Jaeyoung answered briefly before stepping into the elevator that had just arrived and pressing the floor number. Jaehong followed him in and asked with a worried expression.  “Are you serious?”

   “Uh.”

   “No, I mean that guy. Are you serious about him?”

   Seriously? What is that supposed to mean? Although he has had many experiences in love, Jaeyoung thinks he doesn’t know the answer. His current condition is simpler than ever. The only reason he went to pack his things and get in the car and drive like he is chased by aliens was because Sangwoo said he missed him. He didn’t mention Sangwoo’s intense desire or his need for Jaeyoung’s body, that’s all.

   “But isn’t tomorrow the funeral?”

   It is clear that something will happen if he disappears without saying anything. Although Jaeyoung has been living with the ‘line’ to prevent annoying things, he no longer cares about Indra and Brahma’s faces…

   Jaeyoung got off the elevator on the 8th floor and spoke to Jaehong.

   “Can you help me with something?”

   “What?”

   “I’ve been keeping your secrets until now.”

   “So what?”

   “So you should help me once, tell them that I have urgent work and I have to go back soon.”

   “Do you think it will work? Just wait another day and then go, right?”

   “It won’t work.”

   Chu Sangwoo said he missed him. Not complaining about him working or saying he wants to sleep with him, but saying he misses him.

   Jaehong frowned and spoke, “I’m not sure if this will go smoothly. Besides, grandfather won’t listen to me…”

   “So you can’t help.”

   Jaeyoung swiped his keycard to enter the room, kicked his travel bag causing it to fall and scattered clothes all over the room, then Jaehong stood hugging his chest and sighed.

   “I understand. Just calm down.”

   Jaeyoung ignored the other party and continued packing his bag.

   Standing there hugging his chest and pouting, suddenly Jaehong came and sat in front of the travel bag, rummaged through the messy clothes and picked out the suit and shirt that Jaeyoung had brought. When he realized the purpose of the person in front of him, Jaeyoung slowly stopped his actions, and Jaehong took off his suit to try it on.

   “It’s not my style, but I can’t help it.”

   “Are you sure?”

   “Who could ever imagine?”

   He remembered when they were kids, when Jaehong was sick and had to miss school. Then he pretended to be the other party until the teacher turned around. He didn’t think Jaehong would be a good actor, but no one knew that the other party came here, just fooling his grandfather would be enough. “Hey,

   Jaehong.”

   When he called him, the other party remained silent and licked his lips.

   “If you want to thank me, you don’t have to, because I won’t help you for free next time.”

   “Tell me.”

   “Give me the shoes and perfume. Your grandfather is sensitive.”

   Jaeyoung changed shoes with the other party, threw the perfume bottle before locking his travel bag. Then he left the hotel without looking back.

   He stepped on the accelerator to go faster, maybe there would be several tickets for speeding, but now Jaeyoung was unconscious and didn’t have time to care about that, he didn’t even stop to rest once, the car ran until he arrived in Seoul in less than three hours.

   When he got out of the car in front of Sangwoo’s apartment building, he felt tense before entering. He stopped and examined himself from the reflection on the glass door. He was wearing a black suit and Oxford Brogues shoes, in Jaehong’s style, which Sangwoo might like, but he had been working all day, and maybe he smelled of sweat.

   Jaeyoung stood in front of the apartment building, not rushing to go inside immediately. Earlier, he had thought of going in the opposite direction to the office without caring about how the other person would react, even though he had been rejected repeatedly. He had only made it into a joke, but today was the only day he didn’t feel that way. He had traveled this far just because of the words “miss you,” and sometimes he might be weak, might have misheard something, or might not accept it because he was tired. The anxiety he had never felt before had surfaced at the bottom of his heart, and it seemed that he might lose his confidence because he was in a vulnerable state.

   ‘Or maybe I should just go back.’

   In his heart, he thought about smoking, but then he thought that the other person, who didn’t like the smell of smoke, might have just taken a clean shower and put on clean pajamas, and might not like it. He quickly gave up his intention, raised his head, and looked at the tightly closed window. He didn’t worry about anything and was in a stable state, which was different from himself.

   Jaeyoung unlocked his phone to check the messages he hadn’t read while driving, but they were all messages he didn’t want at the moment. At that moment, there was a new message.

   [Baby: I’ve been thinking. We might have to accept the unlimited mode, ladder, ranking, and special quests, because the store takes two weeks to consider. So we have to start the beta test on the 3rd as scheduled. _23:04.]

   [Baby: I know you’re busy. You don’t have to reply. Just know it. 

   _23:04.]

   He read it a few times and thought about the message that seemed to be work-related, but then another message came in.

   [Bebe: And sweet dreams. Getting enough sleep can help relieve the stress you’ve been under during the day. _23:07.]

   “Playing with my heart.”

   He didn’t know why, but suddenly tears welled up in his eyes. Jaeyoung put his phone in his bag and opened the glass door, running up the stairs two steps at a time until he reached the fourth floor. Then he stood in front of the door, adjusting his breathing, and remembered that he had once slammed the door hard, making a loud noise. He slowly raised his hand and knocked on the door three times with his fingertips.

   He didn’t know how long he had been standing there waiting before the door opened and a bright light shone on the dark staircase. When he blinked and opened his eyes again, he saw the other person standing in front of him in pajamas, both shirt and pants, with wide eyes and an open mouth, looking surprised.

   “Why…”

   Jaeyoung slowly walked into the room and closed the door. Sangwoo stood a distance away, looking somewhat aloof, as they both stood there gazing into each other’s eyes for a moment.

   ‘You know, I really like you a lot.’

   Just by looking at the other person’s face, he could tell. At that moment, he understood the anxiety that said that desires would only become more and more intense if they hit the ceiling and should come down instead. If it goes to the extreme, it should be cooled down. But why does it get more and more intense the longer the days go by? Jaeyoung thought about taking off his expensive shoes, but was indifferent, and took two steps towards Sangwoo. Sangwoo widened his eyes and looked at Jaeyoung without avoiding his gaze, even though his cheeks turned red.

   “I didn’t know if you would come.”

   “And don’t you want me to come?”

   The gaze with black eyes replied that it wasn’t that.

   Jaeyoung hugged Sangwoo’s neck and leaned towards himself. As soon as he lowered his chin onto his shoulder and dropped his weight, the negative feeling that had been swirling in his heart before slowly flowed out to the tips of his fingers. He closed his eyes automatically and took a long breath out through the corner of his mouth.

   Anxiety is not his hobby, why waste the time that should be happy to worry? But the more he knows the other person, the more intense the infatuation becomes, the more the anxiety increases, it’s really annoying.

   “Feels good.”

   No. Jaeyoung always feels good when he meets Sangwoo, he has never been like this before. He has never been so deeply immersed that he cannot control himself, he rubbed his face against the nape of the other person’s neck before feeling the two arms that tightly held his back, and the embrace of Sangwoo that he used to think was warm and large.

      SMNTCERR CHAPTERS HOME

 

 

SMNTCERR, Chapter 69: Yellow #11.

   Meanwhile, his grandfather, who was still chuckling, returned and the grunting uncle quickly flashed a wide smile that almost revealed all of his gold teeth. Jaeyoung felt a sense of worthlessness that he had never felt before. He stopped eating, put down his spoon and fork, and just laughed out loud. When he was a child and saw people getting what they wanted, he felt so envious that he didn’t know what to do, but now he just felt annoyed and could tolerate it.

   “Father, let’s find time to go to Australia together. I went to Australia last month and secretly looked at some nice golf courses.”

   “Hahaha, Australia is also good.”

   The reason why Jaeyoung had to force himself to attend the family gathering was because his grandfather, an elderly businessman who had built himself up from scratch, was a person with high self-esteem and a strong leader. He had a taste for “image” and even when he went out for a moment, he had to wear a suit. He was also a romantic man who strongly emphasized that he would not date or remarry after his grandmother died five years ago, but at the same time, he was an old-fashioned person who held the belief that a daughter who got married and to another family/clan was like being an outsider, and he emphasized the importance of blood ties.

   When he was in junior high school and was punished by the seniors, and when he brought his girlfriend home in high school and was caught, his grandfather just laughed and said that men could have such things happen. When he rebelled and said he didn’t want to see his grandfather’s face and ran away from home for a month, secretly drank Western liquor in the library, and started smoking, his grandfather said it was just a phase of his life and let him do it, even when he chose to study design instead of business administration as the other party hoped. His grandfather respected Jaeyoung’s decision.

   However, on the day when Jaeyoung argued that he wanted to cut ties with his family that had split in different directions like this, he was slapped for the first time in his life, the day he didn’t participate in the family activity as the other party wished, he was kicked out of the house, and the day he called his uncle a dog-faced man, he was beaten with a golf club.

   His grandfather is the most understanding and intimidating man that Jaeyoung has ever met. Jaeyoung has learned both freedom and compromise from the other party at the same time, and he is not confident that he will not meet your grandfather for the rest of his life, and he cannot change your grandfather, so he can only surrender and maintain the ‘line’ throughout his twenties.

   After leaving the family gathering, Jaeyoung returned to the room exhausted and immediately collapsed on the bed. Every time they gathered like this, he would normally be exhausted, but today he felt more impatient than usual, and he knew why.

   He struggled to remove his contact lenses, then lay face down with his arms and legs spread out for a while before reaching into his pants pocket and taking out his phone, which he had put on silent. There were several useless contacts from various places, but the one he really wanted to contact did not come.

   ‘I miss you so much.’

   Perhaps because they had been seeing each other almost every day until now. When they didn’t see each other for just one day, he became agitated. In the past, even though there was nothing special going on, he just wanted to know if the other party was doing well, if they were eating enough. Jaeyoung stared at the four-word message Sangwoo had sent him before calling the other party.

   Ring… ring… ring… ring… ring…

   ‘Please pick up.’

   Despite the fact that the phone was ringing incessantly, Sangwoo refused to let Jaeyoung hear the voice he wanted to hear, so Jaeyoung called again.

   Ring… ring… ring… ring…

   ‘What are you doing?’

   Jaeyoung felt angry. No, he wanted it so badly. He didn’t know why, but he had to hear that voice right now. Jaeyoung hung up before entering the voicemail system and calling again.

   [Hello… hello.]

   The end of the line crackled and responded to the seventh or eighth attempt to call, and he wasn’t sure. Jaeyoung closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

   [What’s up? Why are you calling?]

   ‘It’s really effective.’

   He muttered to himself. When he heard Sangwoo’s voice, the anger and exhaustion he had felt just a moment ago were washed away in an instant.

   [Are you at a funeral or something?]

   “No.”

   He had already paid his respects to the deceased. He thought about helping with the funeral arrangements, but that was for tomorrow and the day after. It was like Sangwoo wouldn’t say anything and he didn’t prolong the conversation. The man on the other side hung up for sure. He hesitated to speak even though he didn’t want to.

   “Where are you?”

   [I’m at home.]

   “What are you doing?”

   [Well…doing this and that, playing games. And…um…brushing my teeth.]

   “Before that.”

   [I was writing code in my office.]

   “Alone?”

   [Yes.]

   The other side’s answer was too short. Jaeyoung wanted to hear more than that.

   “I’m not there, why did you go to the office?”

   [I have gotten into a habit of working there.]

   “…”  […]

   Jaeyoung thought that today was the only day he hated silence.

   “Sangwooya.”

   [Yes.]

   “Sangwooya.”

   [What is it?]

   “Sangwooya.”

   [Finally, you lost your mind.]

   Jaeyoung laughed softly, not thinking about hating the other party, the senseless and lifeless man who even though he heard his soft voice. He asked if he was crazy. Instead of being able to touch the abnormality, Sangwoo hated everything he did during this period. Jaeyoung smiled and decided to retreat like usual.

   “What are you wearing now?”

   [I’m wearing pajamas.]

   “I imagine you wearing pajamas and playing games and I am feeling aroused.”

   [Then just go jerk off.]

   “Help me a little, with a sexy voice like that.”

   [How so?]

   “Just use your hand to play with yourself and moan for me to hear, I think I can finish here.”

   Sangwoo remained silent for a moment, his expression unable to convey the emotions that were locked in his gaze.

   [I’ll just summarize it for you. You have not cummed yet.]

   “Why not?”

   […I tried earlier but it didn’t work out.]

   Caught off guard by the sudden attack, Jaeyoung burst out laughing, his laughter tinged with exhaustion, before Sangwoo retorted that laughing at a phenomenon in psychology was not appropriate.

   “What did you do when you looked at my pictures?”

   [What are you asking?”]

   “Hey, what are you looking at? Look at my face.”

   [Stop fooling around.]

   “I’m serious, where are you looking?”

   […]

   “Hurry up and answer.”

   [Well…I’ve looked at several pictures and I’ve tried doing it with my hand. I can’t remember it very well now. I feel embarrassed now, can I just leave it?]

   “No.”

   Jaeyoung had Sangwoo explain in detail the work he had done with his hand and lotion that day, while the other party spoke in a calm voice, simply closing his eyes and listening quietly.

   If there was a voice like this in a reading assistance program, it would be great. He would probably listen to it every night until he knew it by heart, or sometimes he might just listen to the voice without understanding the content at all. Jaeyoung slipped under the blanket without even changing his clothes.

   [Are you listening?]

   “Uh.”

   [Do you know that the call has been going on for over fifty minutes?]

   “No.”

   [The duration of the call has been increasing steadily lately. If this trend continues, it is highly possible that it will exceed three hours next time.]

   “Then…let it go too far.”

   [Isn’t it better not to do that?]

   “…Yeah, you’re right.”

   [Are you asleep?]

   “No…not yet.”

   [Seems like you’re getting drowsy. Hang up and go to bed.]

   “Don’t put it down. Keep talking…a little more.”

   [Why?]

   “Just keep talking…go on.”

   [That’s all for now.]

   Despite Jaeyoung’s incessant talking, complaining, and whining, it seemed like the other party was willing to listen. Towards the end, Jaeyoung couldn’t speak much because he fell asleep in the middle without turning off the light.

   ⌘W.

   The next day, Jaeyoung was busy receiving money for helping with the funeral all day long. Although the funeral was held in a province far from Seoul, there were still many guests who came to express their condolences. Although he claimed to be there as a grandson, he hated the dead uncle and was glad that he had passed away and that he wouldn’t have to see him again. If it was a job that required labor like this because that hateful uncle died, he would gladly do it.

   In the evening, the whole family gathered to eat together amidst an eerie atmosphere. Grandpa called him to talk for thirty minutes. By the time he came out, the sky was already dark. It was then that Jang Jaeyoung received a call from Jaehong.

   [Where are you? I’m almost at the hotel.]

   “Are you coming?”

   [There’s nothing else to do.]

   “Why don’t you go pay your respects to the deceased first? “

   [What’s the point of going now? I’ll go see Grandpa tomorrow. It’s better to go with Mom and you together.]

   Jaeyoung thought that it wasn’t so bad, compared to Jang Jaehong. Even though his relatives didn’t like him and tried to control him, he was still better than Jang Jaehong, who was raised by their father. They didn’t care about Jang Jaehong and didn’t consider him part of the family.

   “You’re in front of the hotel, right? I see you.”

   Shortly after hanging up, the taxi pulled up in front of Jang Jaeyoung. Then his twin brother got out of the car.

   ‘Why do I feel so annoyed seeing his face?’

   They were both the same height, looked the same, and sounded the same. When they were kids, they both couldn’t stand having someone who looked exactly like them around, so they often fought. But they were only the same on the outside, everything else was different, from their personalities, hobbies, fashion styles, way of speaking, and even their facial expressions.

   “Long time no see…Jang Jaeyoung.”

   Jaehong spoke firmly before walking towards him. On the other side, a handsome man in a perfectly fitting black suit and necktie stood, with a strong and confident appearance. Even my meticulously groomed hair was still a bit unsettling for Jaeyoung’s taste, and his accessories and shoes, which he claimed were classic, just looked old-fashioned. Who would have thought that he was still in his twenties?

   “Everything is fine, isn’t it?”

   Jaeyoung turned to exhale cigarette smoke before answering.

   “It’s always chaotic here.”

   “Who gets to sit in the executive chair?”

   “I don’t care about that party.”

   After graduating from Europe and starting to work in finance, his twin brother became very interested in social success. Therefore, even though he was looked down upon as a member of the Jang family, he still came to the Park family events without hesitation. Jaeyoung added.

   “Why are you here? It smells strange.”

   “Just taking a break. I have some free time. And I wanted to know what the situation is like.”

   Jaehong spoke as if it wasn’t important, they were similar only on the outside, the truth was very different.

   After the conversation ended, Jaehong broke the silence.

   “Do you have something to say? You must have graduated by now.”  “Well… not exactly, but it’s not something I need to talk to you about.” Jaeyoung replied curtly.

   Their relationship was not that close. Although they lived in the same house until they were twelve years old, their habits were too different to play together. While Jaeyoung liked to draw on walls, Jaehong liked to read books. Although they studied the same foreign language, Jaeyoung showed talent in speaking, while Jaehong was good at understanding. If Jaeyoung was a troublemaker who caused problems in the alley, Jaehong was a top student who was serious, to the point that the other side also had some secrets.

   “Which room do you sleep in? If the room is spacious, let me sleep with you.”

   “Don’t act useless, go rent your own room.”

   We should sleep together after this many years.”

   Jaeyoung didn’t see the point in arguing back, so he dropped the cigarette he had finished smoking on the floor and stepped on it hard. When Jaehong saw his face, he added,

   “Just kidding, just kidding.”

   At that moment, the phone in Jaeyoung’s pants pocket rang loudly. He had been working until now and didn’t know if anyone else was calling. Annoyed, Jaeyoung took out his phone, but his expression changed when he looked at the screen.

   [Incoming call, Baby.]

   Jaeyoung slid his finger to answer the call without realizing it, and then brought the communication device up to his ear. As he was about to call out the name without paying attention, he stopped because Jaehong was watching him.

   [Hyung…]

   He quickly lowered the volume, feeling that the other side’s voice was particularly loud. Then he made eye contact with Jae-hong. Jaeyoung walked past the other side and checked to make sure no one was around the building before picking up the phone again.

   “Oh, what’s up?”

   The heart was pounding just because the other side called.

   [I found a bug today, so I tried testing it…]

   Sangwoo talked about his own work with a slightly excited tone, and the meaningless words flowed through his ears, but Jaeyoung didn’t mind.

   [The performance has improved a lot. I’ll try to put it on the phone and see how great it is when you come back tomorrow night.]

   “Really? You did a great job.”

   [Yes, but to be honest, when it’s too tight, I’m not sure if I can do the unlimited mode with some features. I’m worried about that.]

   “Just cut it out and release the game.”

   [I just want to make it perfect.]

   “Let’s think about it together tomorrow night.”

   Jaeyoung leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. Although he felt guilty towards Sangwoo, he didn’t care about the game at all now, he just wanted to hear the other side’s voice. Jaeyoung was too tired, still in a tense and cold state.

   [Actually, it’s just an excuse.]

   After a long silence, Sangwoo spoke up.

   “What do you mean?”

   [I tested it alone and will tell you the version later, but I just called to say hello.]

   “…”

      SMNTCERR CHAPTERS HOME

 

SMNTCERR, Chapter 68: Yellow #10.

   [Mother: Youngah, uncle passed away. – 11:32][1].

   [Mother: He will be buried on the 23rd, will you come back to have dinner together this evening? – 11:33].

   The short message made Jaeyoung feel worse. It meant that the family gathering in October would be more intense. Uncle was always the troublesome one, whether when he was alive or when he passed away. Just the thought of having to meet with the “blood relatives” made him feel even worse. But Jaeyoung replied with acknowledgement that he understood it.

   After finishing dinner and bathing, Jaeyoung removed all his earrings and changed into an outfit that would not be easily recognized. He prepared a black suit, clothes for three days, contacts, and the necessary food, and left the house at 2 o’clock in the afternoon.

   Jaeyoung started the car and called Sangwoo, but the other side did not answer. Sangwoo often kept his phone silent, so he rarely answered calls immediately.

   [Going out of town for three days – funeral – 14:02].

   He left a message and started his journey.

   After driving for three and a half hours, Jaeyoung arrived at his destination. He could smell the sea through the slightly opened window. It was still early for dinner, even though he was right by the sea. But this province was not romantically attractive at all. It felt as if a heavy stone was weighing down on him when he reached the area near the factory buildings.

   After checking in at the hotel his mother had booked, he left his belongings in the room and headed towards the room of the other party. He met his mother for the last time at the family gathering last year so this was the first time after seven months they had met. He heard a faint knock on the door, then the door opened, and a well-dressed boy appeared. Before opening the door wide with a smiling face.

   “Hello, Phii Jaeyoung!”

   “Hi.”

   Jaeyoung walked past the boy who greeted him with a ninety-degree bow and entered the room. His surname was Jang, while the boy’s surname was Park.

   Jaeyoung felt the distance between them with their different surnames.

   The mother sat at the dressing table in a black fishtail dress with offshoulder design. Both her outfit and makeup were beautifully done, like a bride.

   Jaeyoung smirked inside at the image that he didn’t know if he should mourn or shoot a gun to celebrate.

   “Youngah? You have arrived?”

   The young woman looked at herself in the mirror and then turned to look at Jaeyoung. She looked so young and handsome that it was hard to believe she would be turning fifty next year. As Jaeyoung approached, she examined his face and outfit as if inspecting. Then she shrugged and hugged him, patting his back a few times.

   “Son, you’re becoming more handsome as you grow up.”

   “What happened to Uncle?”

   “The blood vessels in his brain burst, and his heart almost stopped. He is usually so dramatic. I’ve been thinking that it has to be like this.”

   Jaeyoung paused before pulling away from his mother’s embrace and stepped back a little. Then his younger brother ran in and hugged their mother. She patted the child’s shoulder and examined her own appearance in the mirror.

   “How about your studies? How are they going?”

   “Just as I said.”

   “Are you finally going to graduate?”

   “Yeah.”

   “What is with that apathetic expression? Joo Hyuk seems to have entered a prosecutor training institution as well. If you graduate, your grandfather will probably make a big fuss again. If you finish this, will you continue studying abroad in the same country as before?”

   “Yeah.”

   “But make sure your grandpa doesn’t find out, okay?”

   Those words meant not to let relatives suspect anything. She patted her perfectly styled hair before examining her son’s face for any signs. She wiped the corner of his mouth and turned her gaze towards Jaeyoung.

   “Young-ah, your uncle died. You know that there will be a big fuss again.

   You yourself have earned a lot of points to earn a place with your grandfather.

   We don’t know what will happen.”

   Jaeyoung chuckled without saying anything. The eldest uncle inherited the grandfather’s business and was the one who received the most inheritance.

   Now he’s gone, and there will probably be a dispute over that division.

   “Is there enough money?”

   “Yeah.”

   “Hong, hasn’t he contacted you? Is he in Korea?”

   “I don’t know.”

   Jaeyoung tried to check his mobile phone but found no calls or messages.

   From Jang Jaehong, after checking his message reply saying “I understand.” From Sangwoo, he put his mobile phone back in his bag.

   “If there’s nothing else, I’ll leave.”

   “Um, let’s pay respects at the hospital first. Let’s meet for lunch at 1pm.

   Don’t be late, okay?”

   Jaeyoung turned around and heard the voice of a boy shouting after him,

   “Goodbye, Phii Jaeyoung!”

   Jaeyoung didn’t go to lunch late. Even if he was always late no matter where he went, there’s only one exception here.

   The lowest quality humans in the world gathered together in a grand hall illuminated by dim lights from crystal-decorated chandeliers hanging from the high white ceilings. Classical music was also being performed. Everyone sat around the large table without speaking. As soon as the old man entered, they all stood up and moved towards him. “Grandpa, why are you so strong? I miss you, grandpa. It’s been a while since you looked so young,” Jaeyoung sat in his usual place, looking at his mother’s son who was holding the old man’s hand.

   His grandfather was a gentleman of taste. His gray colored tailored suit looked great on his still strong figure, it was as sharp as a blade, matching his handmade black leather shoes. Below that, from his wristwatch, he displayed his high-quality cufflinks[2] which reflected his wealth, and on the finger of his left hand was a wedding ring that he never took off, despite his wife’s passing. His hair, which was mixed with white, was smoothly combed back. It’s not easy for someone over seventy years old to look this good.

   The old man sat down and swept his gaze around the large dining table. He loved the gathering of his large family, which included people from his own clan. His eyes glanced around the table, which had no one missing without a proper reason “everyone was present except for the funeral host, his wife’s large sister, his son-in-law who went to work in another province, and his two other nieces and nephews”, until he spotted Jaeyoung. Their eyes met and they exchanged playful glances.

   “Has the puppy come?”

   Jaeyoung walked over to the man with his arms crossed, smiling in his eyes. As he got closer, he smelled the familiar scent of cologne and the strong lingering smell of cigarettes that never changed since he was a child. Jaeyoung liked the scent of the other person. The warm and strong hug of his grandfather was different from his mother’s hug. With a sigh, he felt like he was transported back to his childhood.

   “Yes, I’m here now.”

   “I really miss you.”

   The man who never felt embarrassed to express his feelings whispered.

   “I feel the same way.”

   Jaeyoung spoke sincerely from his heart. This man is the only one he likes here. If it weren’t for his grandfather, Jaeyoung wouldn’t have to tread into this place. As he returned to his seat, the jealous eyes subtly glanced at his face.

   While the food was being served, the exchange of conversations followed the protocol. However, these were all insincere words. For example, “Still youthful, why did you come back so quickly?” The company lost a highly capable employee as a result. However, once the main course was served, nobody mentioned the person who had died. Because the hot-tempered and manipulative man was everyone’s enemy from the beginning. Even his grandfather didn’t like him.

   And so, This Kid Is Great phase arrived, or a period of promoting one’s own children. The three children of the old man brought their own children to show off and eagerly looked for any opportunity to impress. Among all these people, his mother was the most enthusiastic.

   “This child is very smart. I wonder if he is as smart as your grandfather. He also got into the Advanced Class. And he got into the first place too, you know.”

   “Oh, really? What is this child’s name then?”

   “His name is Soongmin. He died, now everyone should remember him, right?”

   The old grandfather valued his family and the importance of love, and he viewed the world in a democratic way. Therefore, he treated his married daughter as an outsider and did not care about relatives without the Shin surname.

   “When will Youngah go abroad to study?”

   The only exception was Jaeyoung, who came as the old man youngest’s daughter after divorcing. This grandfather had been watching him since he was a child because he looked so much like him. After the mother remarried, Jaeyoung’s position in the family became problematic. So his grandfather took him in and raised him at home, forming a bond.

   “In July.”

   “It won’t be long now. What should this old man do if he misses his puppy when he goes to America?”

   When his grandfather openly expressed his love, the sound of coughing increased from all directions. Then, various voices of praise followed, full of insincerity like “I really miss him”, “How can we wait until he finishes studying?”, “No matter where Jaeyoung goes, he will surely do well.”

   However, as soon as the grandfather left his seat temporarily, the atmosphere changed immediately.

   “So what have you been doing during this time?”

   An aunt who just got hair done in the mall asked, and the husband from the other party is a doctor. Their daughter is also a doctor and their son-in-law is also a doctor. As for their son, he is on his way to becoming a prosecutor. They all have a sense of superiority and arrogance. The older sister, who is both a sister and a cousin, wore branded clothes from head to toe and proudly said,

   “I heard that you were supposed to graduate last year.”

   “There are still things to catch up on, so I will continue my studies next semester.”

   The mother’s face that asked to keep this matter a secret began to wrinkle as Jaeyoung skillfully lied without feeling the need to do so.

   “So you’re still a student, huh? Our Joohyuk has been accepted into a training institute.”

   The uncle in-law thought his insult would leave Jaeyoung speechless, but

   Jaeyoung had undergone training like a pig or a dog. He was unaffected by such attacks.

   “If Joohyuk had gone to the military like me, then he would also be continuing studying like me.”

   “Seriously, look at this kid. How many kids can go straight to the military like this?”

   The Younger Sister in law helped to support him. Because her own son couldn’t pass the military exemption policy either. So Jaeyoung laughed and turned the conversation back.

   “There might be more people with diseases in their 20s. Your grandfather is still worried about how Eunsong can work with lung disease at this age.”

   The table went silent. Both Aunt and Aunt in-law did not withdraw their investments from this attack. Because their grandfather was a “nationalist.” He didn’t like it when his grandchildren took shortcuts to evade their responsibilities in protecting the country.

   “Jaeyoung, are you still doing that? Drawing pictures on the ceiling tiles.”

   Now it’s the youngest uncle who joined the group. This person is an alcoholic, not very bright, and always fails in every business attempt. Now he’s just a useless person working under the distribution company that his grandfather established.

   “Does this mean doing graffiti? I have been doing it as a hobby all the time, perhaps?”

   “After graduating, you might work drawing pictures in exchange for money. Why don’t you draw my face? Maybe you’d want payment for some pocket money.”

   The other party reached into his shirt pocket, took out a marker, and threw it in front of Jaeyoung. Jaeyoung replied without hesitation.

   “Uncle, maybe you can try selling phones to me. It’s time for me to change my phone, so I’m thinking whether to buy it or not to spare the waste of a salesman.”

   Then the uncle cursed him, saying, “You useless brat.” His daughter and son quickly grabbed his arms to hold him back. The aunt also helped, saying that it’s because he has diluted family blood. Even though his mother’s face turned pale with anger, she was oppressed in every aspect. Age, assets, and social status. In a place filled with only strong people like this, her right to speak almost didn’t exist.

   ________________________________________.

[1]      Young-ah comes from  ”Young,” which is a nickname for Jaeyoung, and “Ah” “아”  is a suffix used to call family members or close friends. It’s used at the end  of a spelled name.

[2]      Cufflinks, one of the accessories for men, are used to connect the cuffs of a shirt instead of using buttons.

      SMNTCERR CHAPTERS HOME

 

SMNTCERR, Chapter 67: Yellow #9.

   After finishing their meal, both of them got up without saying anything.

   Jaeyoung looked at Sangwoo, who took out a black debit card from his wallet at the corner of the table to pay for the meal. Although everything belonging to the other party, including the wallet, clothes, hat, wristwatch, and sneakers, looked clean but old, it seemed that the guy was not picky, but just not extravagant.

   “Come on, let’s go together.”

   At the restaurant entrance, Jaeyoung held Sangwoo’s arm before the other party could leave. They looked at each other. The other party tried to speak first with a hesitant expression, but no matter what, he would refuse, after going here and there with Sangwoo for several months. Jaeyoung began to be able to force the other party, speaking calmly.

   “You threw my shirt yesterday, didn’t you?”

   “So what?”

   “If so, I guess I have to buy more clothes.”

   “I guess so.”

   “I’ll go buy it now, and you have to come and see if it suits me.”

   His expressionless face suddenly turned into a frown. Jaeyoung guessed what the other party was thinking before smiling and reassuring him.

   “If I buy something strange and waste money, you have to take responsibility for it.”

   “What are you talking about?”

   Sangwoo frowned at Jaeyoung before widening his eyes and thinking of something. The other party remained silent for a moment before speaking up.  “I understand. If we’re going, let’s hurry up.”

   Jaeyoung was surprised by his good luck that exceeded his expectations, and walked towards the nearby shopping mall with Sangwoo, who was grinning from ear to ear. This was the first time he had seen the other party show off his good mood. Jaeyoung was intrigued.

   “You’re funny, hyung.” Sangwoo chuckled as they crossed the zebra crossing.

   “Why?”

   “I just asked you to buy it for me. There’s no need to beat around the bush like that.”

   “…”

   “I already said I’ll buy it for you. Do you think I’m lying?”

   Jaeyoung couldn’t control his facial expression and covered his mouth, laughing quietly.

   “Come on, let’s go. I’ll buy myself some nice clothes.”

   The young man jogged to catch up with Sangwoo, who was walking briskly ahead.

   Since it was a weekend, the shopping mall was crowded. Sangwoo, who looked like a student, didn’t seem to fit in with the perfume and cosmetics stores that were bustling behind them, so they climbed down the escalator to the sports equipment and casual wear zone on the third floor.

   After walking in and out of a few stores and scanning their surroundings, Jaeyoung dragged Sangwoo into a jeans outlet before being scolded for looking at jeans despite leaving his t-shirt behind. He quickly looked for a pair of usable jeans, looking for bright colors as the main criteria. When he picked out a pair of gray jeans that were almost white, Sangwoo’s facial expression didn’t seem to be pleased.

   “What’s wrong with these?”

   “The knee is torn.”

   “Just that?”

   Although it was a small flaw that was almost invisible, the other party always seemed to notice it and was dissatisfied. Jaeyoung gave up on that pair of jeans and looked for another, but no matter which one he picked, there was always some defect, such as an odd-shaped pocket or a stiff zipper.

   “Here, this one is okay.”

   “That one is okay too.”

   He picked up a plain beige pair of trousers and a black denim pair, draped them over his arm, and prepared to tell the cashier to ring them up. Meanwhile, Jaeyoung was left gaping at a particular pair of pants that caught his eye.

   They were a light blue pair of slim-fit jeans that resembled the color of the sky. He measured them with his eyes and quickly inspected every part of them – one button, no rips or tears, a normal pocket, and the stitching looked tight and good. If he folded the pants a little to reveal the ankle, it felt like blood was rushing to his head. Jaeyoung was excited and quickly went into the fitting room to change and show the other party.

   “Sangwoo! Sangwoo! Look at this, is this pretty?”

   Sangwoo, who was hugging his chest and looking elsewhere, walked closer and looked at Jaeyoung’s lower half.

   “It’s too bright… but it’s okay for you to wear. But it seems a bit small, buy one size bigger than this.”

   This was considered a special permission… Jaeyoung smiled and went back to change his clothes and came out again holding the three pants to the cashier. Sangwoo took out his card and made a gesture to hand it over. Jaeyoung pushed his arm to the side and handed his own credit card to the salesperson.

   “What’s going on?”

   “You will be buying something more expensive.”

   Sangwoo’s face turned sour, but there was no time now… Jaeyoung grabbed the other party’s shoulder, and they headed to another store. After walking past several stores without finding anything, they arrived at a high-quality Tshirt store. There were various T-shirts hanging on racks, walls, and mannequins. Jaeyoung grabbed Sangwoo’s shoulder, who seemed uninterested in this store, and directed him to look at the hanging T-shirts.

   “You should look too, maybe there’s something you can wear.”

   “Anything looks good on you.”

   He didn’t mean it that way. Jaeyoung kept picking out T-shirts one after another – a red T-shirt, a cute T-shirt with a pocket on the chest, a formal Tshirt with buttons, and a yellow T-shirt that reminded him of a baby chick. Although he wanted to make the other party try on every T-shirt, Sangwoo criticized everything Jaeyoung picked out.

   “There’s too much pattern.”

   “The sleeves are weird.”

   “It’s too short.”

   “Too thick.”

   “Too thin.”

   The other party argued and refused to cooperate as expected. Jaeyoung couldn’t help but pick out two or three white T-shirts, sorting out the ones that were too thin or too thick, had faded patterns, or missing stitches, until only one white V-neck T-shirt was left. Jaeyoung examined the T-shirt carefully. It was made of good quality fabric, had a comfortable design that revealed his collarbone, and had black lines around the deep neckline.

   ‘Is this the shirt made for Chu Sangwoo?’

   Jaeyoung tried the shirt on Sangwoo’s body. Then he immediately picked up a green and red striped shirt of the same design and paid for it. This time, Sangwoo missed the opportunity to pay again. Once out of the store, he complained quietly.

   “Why did you bring me here if it’s going to be like this?”

   “You’re the carry thing one.” Jaeyoung replied, sending all the shopping bags to Sangwoo. Although he had a dissatisfied expression, Sangwoo took the bag and followed quietly, checking the time on his phone. His heart was getting hotter. Jaeyoung walked into a large men’s clothing brand store and explored the men’s section.

   “Welcome! May I know which style you prefer?”

   The male staff walked over to greet them cheerfully. When Sangwoo pointed to Jaeyoung, the staff said that there was a suitable item for the customer and took out various styles from the shelf.

   “What style are you interested in?”

   “I want something that looks good.”

   “Then, how about this one? This is the most popular short-legged underwear style among teenagers nowadays. It is made of special fine fiber fabric, has a good butt-lifting effect, and feels tight. The edge has a highlight.

   Touch the fabric. It feels very sexy, doesn’t it? I think it suits you very well.”

   Jaeyoung turned to look at Sangwoo, who had been standing far away without pointing or moving. When he was sure that the other party was not going anywhere, he pulled out the short-legged underwear that the staff handed over to him. It was a good quality underwear with no highlights other than the brand name embroidered on the edge. The fabric was smooth and comfortable to wear. Jaeyoung aimed at the underwear before speaking hesitantly.

   “You are quite big down there. Is this not too small?”

   Although the staff looked at him like he was crazy, he recommended size L. After paying for a set of five underwear, he threw the box to Sangwoo, who took it and put it in the bag.

   “Why did you buy pants? And taking my stuff should be enough.”

   “It’s my business.”

   With little time left, while feeling regretful and preparing to leave, Jaeyoung was stopped in front of the wall of the store full of baseball caps, making it impossible for him to pass by casually. Jaeyoung dragged Sangwoo, who was looking at his wristwatch, to stop in front of the paradise of caps.

   “Choose quickly, please.”

   “There are already so many caps. Should I buy something else?”

   What did he expect from the other party? Jaeyoung looked at the display shelf carefully, cutting out logos of big baseball teams, special shapes, cutting them out, too flashy colors, cutting them out, black caps are worn every day.

   Cut them out, cut them out, cut them out, so there were only a few caps left.

   “What about this one?”

   Jaeyoung picked up the white snapback cap on top to look at it. Although there was an abbreviation of the name of the baseball team pinned on it, it was difficult to see because it was white like the background if the fabric was not too thin or too thick, and the shape was beautiful.

   “What about this one?”

   “It’s okay.”

   “Really?”

   Although he chose his clothes confidently, knowing Sangwoo’s size well, for the cap, it was difficult to guess without trying it on. Jaeyoung quickly took off the black cap before Sangwoo could refuse and put on the white cap.

   ‘What is it?’

   Jaeyoung stared at Sangwoo standing still, just changing the color of the cap, he felt that the appearance of the other party looked fresher. Although it seemed a bit big, just adjusting the snapback strap should be fine.

   “It suits you well, it’s cute.”

   Jaeyoung tried to persuade himself that he wanted to hug the person in front of him right now. Then he took off the cap again, quickly paid and stuffed the cap into a bag. Meanwhile, Sangwoo only looked at his wristwatch with an uneasy face.

   “All set. Let’s go now.”

   “You must be rich. You can buy unnecessary clothes like this all at once.”

   “It’s necessary.”

   Sangwoo laughed and teased openly, making those who wore tight sevenpiece shirts and three-piece pants feel ridiculous. Hearing his words, they must have felt amused. Now, there were only thirty minutes left before parttime work began. They hurriedly descended the stairs to the first floor, secretly thinking that the other party might crack a joke about what they were wearing, but Sangwoo did not say anything except for opening an app on his phone to check the bus schedule.

   “My legs hurt so much, please hail me a taxi.”

   “Did the person with the sore legs walk around shopping for clothes for an hour and a half?”

   Jaeyoung pretended to be sick with a pitiful face, he coughed for a moment, and when he straightened up, he met Sangwoo who was staring at him smoking.

   “Is it only your legs? How about your lungs, with all that screaming last night.”

   “[Ka-hk]! Ka… ugh!”

   “Are you really not feeling well?”

   “Ugh.”

   “It’s okay. I can’t help you anyway.”

   Sangwoo stood on the roadside and hailed a taxi himself before turning to call Jaeyoung to get in the car. When they got in the car, he saw the other party trying to leave, so he pulled the other’s arm and brought him into the taxi.

   Jaeyoung quickly closed the door and told the driver to head to the train station near the game store. Then the taxi started moving. Sangwoo sat up from where he was lying on the seat and complained.

   “Huh. Really… Why are you so irritable today? And I keep speaking ambiguously.”

   “Why?”

   “I know that you hyung is always like this, but today you are worse than usual.”

   It’s no use. When he thought there was no time left, he became impatient. Jaeyoung leaned back on the seat with a bitter feeling. When he looked at the bag of clothes, he suddenly felt suffocated. This was not enough. Jaeyoung wanted to give Sangwoo more than this.

   “Sangwooya.”

   “What’s wrong?”

   “Nothing.”

   He rubbed his wrist with a calm face before turning away.

   Jaeyoung wanted to try choosing a long coat for Sangwoo to wear in the autumn, a down jacket for him to wear when climbing mountains in the winter, and a cardigan for him to wear in the fruit leaf season. He wanted to buy various types of sneakers, in various colors, and from various brands for the smallfooted person like a child to wear. He wanted to take the other party to a hair salon and try different hairstyles.

   “I had noodles today. Next time, I want to eat Jampang [1], a ten-dish set, Peking duck, curry, Burmese tea leaf salad, Budae [2] steamed fish, I want to eat them all together. Just thinking about it, Jaeyoung felt breathless.”

   “But today was a good surprise.”

   “What?”

   “It’s a real holiday, but so many people like to dress up and gather together.

   I was surprised.”

   Jaeyoung smiled slightly and glanced at Sangwoo. Sangwoo sat still, then raised his hand above his head and pulled Jaeyoung’s hand down to hold it. When the other party naturally intertwined their fingers, the sadness and regret they received from that party yesterday were erased. Jaeyoung looked out the window with a calm face, but his expectations made his heart beat faster. If this isn’t a taxi, he would probably park the car now. Then he pushed the other party to lie down and kissed him.

   “Being with you hyung, it feels like I’ve tried something new all the time, because when I bought clothes with my mom, it didn’t take this long.”

   “So is it good or not?”

   “There are good and bad and if I have to be honest… Oh, we’re here. I’ll get off here.”

   Jaeyoung didn’t hear the word “good” because the taxi arrived near the internet cafe. Sangwoo opened his wallet, took out two ten-thousand won bills, and handed them to the taxi driver.

   “This is for the fare. Please send this person home.”

   After speaking, he handed two ten-thousand won bills to Jaeyoung.

   “This is for the T-shirt. I’ll go now.”

   The other party is also meticulous. Jaeyoung took the money and put it in his wallet before putting all the shopping bags in Sangwoo’s hand.

   “These are all yours, take them.”

   “What?”

   “I bought them for you to wear.”

   Sangwoo was half-standing and half-sitting at the open taxi door, looking at the shopping bag without putting it down, and then looked at Jaeyoung with a tense face.

   “No, I can’t accept this. Take it back.”

   “You sound like Geum Jan Di [3].”

   Jaeyoung took out several torn receipts from his pants pocket and pushed Sangwoo out with the shopping bag.

   “That’s for last night’s accommodation, have a good rest.”

   Then he closed the door in front of Sangwoo, whose face was painted with shock until he couldn’t speak. After giving his address, the taxi drove away again. Outside the window, the silhouette of Sangwoo, who looked like a broken robot, gradually receded until the image of the other party became small and insignificant. Jaeyoung then turned his gaze away from the window and sat up straight, the sense of relief and disappointment he felt last night fading away unnoticed.

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[1]           Jampang, spicy seafood soup noodles.

[2]           Budaegiji-gae, Korean hot pot.

[3]           Geum Jan-di, the heroine of the Korean drama “Boys Over Flowers”, F4, Korean version.

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