NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 22 part 1

   Chapter 22: A million times

   I miss you so much…

It’s been almost one week since Phii Joe went to Boston. We haven’t talked at all, not even in chat. Honestly, he hasn’t replied to my messages at all. There’s no “seen” either, so I guess he must be really busy. What time is it in Boston now, I wonder? Has he eaten yet, or is he just drinking coffee instead of eating again? Phii Joe has this bad habit of overworking; he won’t rest until he’s finished, and he doesn’t like to take breaks for meals, just drinks coffee.

“You’re looking down again.” Duennao, sitting beside me, teased a bit. I didn’t reply, just glanced over.

“What?”

“You’ve been down and depressed ever since Phii Joe left, do you realize?”

“Really?”

“See, you’re too down.”

“Sigh.” I let out a big sigh, then took my hand off my chin and rested my arm on the table, propping my head on my arm instead. Right now, we’re sitting idly in front of the Gear Lawn where the freshmen are busy preparing for the engineering gear event, which is like an event for the first-years who just received their gear. There’s a stage for concerts, which is the main attraction, and stalls selling various things all over.

“Do you miss him that much?” Kyu asked.

“Yeah, I’m worried too. He doesn’t reply to my messages, and I’m afraid to call in case I disturb him.” I said truthfully. Initially, Phii Hill said it was okay to call, since Phii Joe wouldn’t be able to respond to messages much, but I still didn’t dare to call. “It’s going to be another whole week before he comes back.”

“Then he’ll miss the gear event. Oh, usually people would go to these events with their girlfriend or boyfriend, poor North.” Skater said, making a pitiful face at me, oh well.

“Yeah.”

“Poor thing, really, like a dog left by its owner, ears drooping, tail down.” Duennao said, reaching up to pat my head in a comforting gesture. Why does everyone like to pat my head? I swear, I’m going bald at this rate.

“Yeah.”

“North, at this point, just call him.”

“No, what if he’s working?”

“It’s more torturous for two weeks, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, more tortuous than during the military training camp.” I said. The hardest time was indeed those two weeks at the military camp, but right now isn’t much better.

“I understand, you miss him but you can’t see him.” Nao chimed in. “You worry about him like an animal, wondering if he’s eaten, how the weather is, if he’s comfortable, we’re thousands of kilometers apart after all.”

“Nao.” I called out in a drawn-out tone, then lightly shook his arm, “How did you know?”

“Well, my brother is in Boston, isn’t he?” “Right, how many hours ahead is it there?”

“Eleven. So, it must be around six in the morning there.”

“Six in the morning?” I repeated thoughtfully, hoping he’d either be waking up or still asleep. Not that he’s been working since last night without sleep.

“North!” I turned abruptly when I heard someone call my name, and before I could react, someone sat down next to me.

“Prim.” I called the name of the newcomer, who is a friend from the same faculty, the one I’ve talked with in the group chat. Prim is quite active in activities, and knows a lot of people all over the faculty, probably because she’s cute and thus popular.

“Why aren’t you helping out with the booth?” Prim asked.

“I’m tired. I need rest.” I said, though really, I was just being lazy.

“Really? You seem a bit off lately, not as lively. Are you sick?”

“North just misses his owner. The little dog has been left to guard the house alone.” Duennao said.

“Owner? Do you have a boyfriend now?” Prim asked, raising an eyebrow slightly, before reaching out to touch my arm. Prim often does this kind of thing, touching and being close, I’m not sure if she does this with others too. Before, I didn’t mind, but lately, it’s different. I gently removed her hand.

“See, it’s true.”

“What?”

“North, recently, it’s like you’ve got an owner now. You keep removing our hands, not liking to be touched or played with like before.” Prim said with a slight pout. “You got a boyfriend without telling me, how could you get one before me?”

“Actually, I don’t have one.” I said truthfully.

“Then why can’t we play anymore if you don’t have one?”

“I don’t know.” I said, shaking my head. I actually do know why, but I can’t explain it well, so it’s better not to try.

“Still not together?” Skater asked, almost not believing his ears. I nodded in response, “Really, why aren’t you together yet?”

“I’m not sure.”

“North, can you handle this?”

“I’m fine, why do you ask?”

“You’re looking really down.”

“Am I…?”

“Yeah, and it’s weird, why aren’t you two dating yet? Or is it that you won’t?” Skater asked again for emphasis.

“No.”

“Hasn’t he asked you?”

“Yeah.”

“Our friend can’t take it anymore, Kyu.” Nao said, letting out a small laugh. “This is what happens when you miss someone, you’re about to burn up.”

“Do we need to take him to a doctor?”

“What doctor?”

“Dr. Johan.”

“Very funny, you guys.” I said, feeling a bit annoyed. This kind of teasing has been almost constant for the whole week. “If you can’t actually take me to him, don’t say it.”

“Dr. Johan? Is he North’s boyfriend?” Prim asked with a disbelieving look. “Is it true? Phii Johan, the second-year, the really handsome one?”

“They’re not dating, North just said so, but he’s the reason North is sitting here moping.” Kyu explained.

“Oh. Not dating. Then are you talking?” Prim asked again. “Yeah. I guess.” I said truthfully, can we call it talking? “Maybe.”

“Just talking, but you already gave him the gear. I’m confused, why don’t you date already?” Kett said. I shook my head as an answer, indicating I didn’t know either, and why did it turn into a topic about dating?

“Isn’t Phii Johan dating Phii Grace from the dentistry faculty?” Prim mentioned, and that made me frown slightly. Again…this again. Why are there so many rumors about him? I’ve heard a lot since we first met, but many things I’ve seen made me believe he’s no longer a playboy, but I wonder how much of a playboy one can be.

Plus, each girl he’s rumored with is incredibly beautiful.

“The top of the dental faculty in her third year, right? Wow, she’s in top form, and she’s mixed-race too, isn’t she?” Skater said, “Phii Grace is really beautiful, I saw her in person once at a restaurant.”

“Hmm. I’ve heard she’s dating someone, but some say she’s not. It’s confusing, and you’re talking with Phii Joe, right?”

“Uh…yes.”

“It must be tough to talk with someone who’s handsome and well-off, everyone likes him.” Prim said with a playful smile directed at me, “But does he take you seriously? Be careful, okay? We’re worried about you.”

“Um, thanks.” I said quietly, why does this sound so familiar?

“And he hasn’t asked you to be his boyfriend, why?” Prim asked again. I shook my head instead of answering, starting to feel annoyed at being asked this. “Sorry, but maybe you should step back, right? If he’s not asking to be your boyfriend, it might mean he’s not serious, isn’t it? Seriously, he’s always surrounded by beautiful people.”

“Then why does he still talk to North?” Duennao interjected. Nao is the type who gets easily fired up as I’ve mentioned before. If someone says something like this about his friend, he’s not going to like it much, “Are you trying to make North overthink? I’m asking seriously.”

“No. I’m just saying what I think, maybe he talks because it’s easy to be around you, or he feels comfortable, because North is this laid-back type, but not because he wants to…uh, date.”

“…”

“Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to imply anything, are you mad?”

“Not mad.” I said.

“Oh…okay, sorry, then I better go back to working on the booth.” Prim said, giving me a slight, apologetic smile, looking like she felt guilty for saying what she did, maybe she spoke without thinking.

“North, are you okay?”

“I’m okay, why?”

“Then why do you look so sad?” Duennao asked with a worried expression, “ Prim, you can tell she likes you, that’s why she doesn’t want you to have a boyfriend.”

“…”

“North, why are you so quiet? Are you thinking a lot about what Prim said earlier? Don’t think too much about it, either way, he’s serious about you. If not, he wouldn’t have given you a gear.” Kyu said, seemingly trying to comfort me.

“No. I’m not thinking about what Prim said, but I’m wondering if I should go to Phii Hill, maybe he could talk to Phii Joe. I could ask how he’s doing, especially since the midterm results are out. If I ask to see his scores, would that be okay?”

“Yeah, good. I thought you’d take other people’s words too seriously.” Kyu said, letting out a small sigh.

“For what?” “The one who got paid a hundred dollars per second for a video can certainly say that.” Duennao teased again. It seems like he’s really stuck on this topic. I was also taken aback when I saw over sixty thousand deposited into my account. After that, word got out that someone gave two hundred thousand bits, and Duennao’s channel started getting a lot more viewers. Now the channel has tens of thousands of followers, I guess. Nao exchanged those two hundred thousand bits for nearly eighty thousand baht and gave it all to me.

And the one who’s been getting jealous because so many people are hitting on Nao is none other than the idiot Tiger.

“So it’s true then?” Skater asked, furrowing his brows as if he couldn’t believe it. “Too rich, damn. If you were to record a video for an hour, that’d be ten million.”

“Yeah, ten million.” I repeated Skater’s words in disbelief. Ten million…”Shit, that’s so much money, I can’t even imagine it. But he probably wouldn’t transfer that much, ten million is too much.”

“He might actually transfer it. Try it.”

“Who’d be crazy enough to film themselves for an hour? What would I even talk about?” I said. Even twenty seconds left me unsure of what to say. Then I looked down at my phone’s chat with Ter. “I’m gonna go.”

“Where to?”

“To find Ter.”

“And the booth?”

“It’s not like I’m doing anything helpful there.” I said before standing up from the marble bench and heading towards the medical faculty where Ter said he was with Phii Hill and Phii Fah, sitting under the faculty building.

I walked over and sat down at the marble bench where the three of them were. The two seniors were writing something while Ter sat across from them. So I sat next to Ter. “Phii Hill, Phii Fah, hello.” I greeted them, and both looked up with a smile. “Working?”

“Yes, for Joe and Tit too.” Phii Hill answered.

“Has Phii Arthit not come back yet?” I asked, recalling that he was supposed to just go for a couple of days, wasn’t he? Why hasn’t he returned after a whole week has passed?

“Not yet. No idea where he’s disappeared to.” Phii Hill said with a small sigh. “I knew it, with Tit, it shouldn’t have been just a couple of days.”

“Did you try calling him, didn’t he answer?” Phii Fah asked.

No, sometimes there’s no signal.

“Is he really in Miami?”

“Yeah, he is.”

“Phii Hill.” I called out, and he turned to me immediately, “Have you talked with Phii Joe at all?”

“Oh. No, not yet. Do you miss him?” Phii Hill asked, giving me a kind smile. How can he be so gentle? Compared to Phii Joe, whose smile always seems like part of some prank he’s planning on me.

“Uh…yeah.” I nodded slightly.

“Call him then.”

“I don’t dare to call, afraid I might disturb him.”

“You won’t disturb him, you can call. If he’s busy with work, he just won’t answer.” Phii Hill said. I nodded to indicate I understood. But it’s still around six in the morning over there, as Nao said, so I’ll wait a bit longer before calling.

“Oh, you could give this to Nong North.” Phii Fah suddenly said as if he just remembered something, then pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket. I took it, puzzled, “These are Joe’s midterm scores.” I looked at the paper in my hand. The exam scores were excellent, almost full marks in nearly every subject. There were some blank spaces for participation points, but overall, it was very good, much better than mine T^T.

“Phii Fah, what does this red mark mean?” I asked, pointing to the red cross.

“Oh, that means he didn’t pass.”

“English? Phii Joe didn’t pass English?” I raised my eyebrows in disbelief. Isn’t Phii Joe supposed to be good at English? Otherwise, he wouldn’t have been able to tutor me that day, and he wouldn’t go abroad for work.

“Well, Joe didn’t attend a single class.” Phii Fah explained before turning to ask the person next to him instead, “Why didn’t he go, Hill?”

“Oh, he said he felt like he was being looked down upon.”

“Looked down upon?” I repeated, not understanding.

“He was complaining that, ‘You’re teaching me grammar? I’m in university, not elementary school, this is absurd.’“

He didn’t attend English class because he felt he was being looked down upon, because the teaching was too easy for him? Wait a minute…what is this about, T^T. I wish I could feel this way too.

“Um, good. Johan is really Johan, huh? Can’t even bear a little patience. I understand it’s too easy, but you still have to attend classes, right? Otherwise, where will you get your grades from?” Phii Fah said, “It’s not like just because you got a 900 on the TOEIC, you’ll get an ‘A’ without going to class.”

TOEIC 900…

“Hill, call Tit again, I’m not sure if he wanted this part corrected too.”

“Okay.” Phii Hill agreed, then took out his phone to call Phii Arthit as Phii Fah suggested. After a moment, it seemed like the call was answered. Phii Hill looked slightly surprised. “He picked up.”

“Put it on speaker, my hands are full.” (What’s up?) Phii Arthit’s voice came through after Phii Hill turned on the speaker, there was a lot of background noise, like he was in a place with a bad signal.

“Tit, there’s some work that needs fixing, should I fix it for you?” Phii Fah asked.

(Yeah, just do whatever.)

   “Where are you? Why is there so much noise?”

(Fah, I’m lost. I don’t know where I am.)

   “Lost? You?”

(Yeah)

   “Where are you?”

(São Paulo)

   !!

Everyone seemed slightly shocked by the response. Phii Hill and Phii Fah exchanged bewildered looks.

“São Paulo? Brazil?”

(Yeah)

   “And why did you go to Brazil? You said you were going with Joe.”

(I landed in Boston, but it was cold. So I thought Brazil would be better, it’s much warmer here.)

Phii Fah raised his hand to his forehead, then let out an exasperated sigh.

“We have to sit here working for you guys. I can understand Joe because he’s working, but you, Arthit, you ran off to Brazil?” Phii Fah asked with a resigned tone. I guessed this wasn’t the first time something like this happened. Phii Arthit seems like someone who doesn’t care much, just decides he wants to go to Brazil and goes, without much planning. Decided to go to Brazil because Boston was cold when he got there, so Brazil seemed better? This guy, I admire him. I couldn’t help but laugh while thinking. Since Phii Joe refused to attend English class because it was too easy, why are all the seniors so amusing?

(I was thinking of going piranha fishing, but it looks like I won’t make it. Gotta head back soon.)

   “You should have realized you needed to come back a long time ago, and you still have the face to go fishing?”

(Yeah, I know, I’ll hurry back. I’m almost out of money.)

   “Where’s Joe then?”

“Joe is in Boston, he wouldn’t run off to travel like you.”

(Ask him to transfer me some money, I don’t have enough to get back to Thailand.)

   Phii Arthit’s words made me and Ter burst into laughter until our stomachs hurt. What’s with this guy? What does it mean to not have enough money to return until you’re asking for Phii Joe? Phii Hill and Phii Fah sighed in disgust before agreeing and hanging up.

“In that case, let’s call Joe then, so Nong North can talk to him if he’s free.” Phii Hill said before dialing Phii Joe. I was still laughing about Phii Arthit’s situation, just give me a moment to compose myself, can I?

(Speak)

   Phii Johan answered. Hearing his voice after a long time made my heart flutter a bit.

“Where are you?” Phii Hill asked.

(Boston, what, do you have dementia?)

   “Guess where Arthit is.”

(Arthit? Why?)

   “Where do you think he is?”

(He told me he was going to Miami. After we split at the airport.)

   “He’s in São Paulo.”

(…)

   “…”

(São Paulo? Brazil, right?)

   “Yeah.”

(What the hell is he doing in Brazil?)

   “Fishing for piranhas”

(…) there was no immediate response from the other end, silence for a moment before a laugh was heard. (Fishing for piranhas? What the hell is that? He said he wanted to race cars in Miami, so how did he end up fishing for piranhas?)

   “He said Boston was too cold, so he went somewhere else.”

(Yeah, go where it’s comfortable.)

   “He said to transfer him some money too, he won’t be able to return to Thailand without money.”

(If he’s out of money, what has that got to do with me, the tickets are already expensive.)

   “I don’t know, that’s what he told me.”

(Alright, alright, I’ll transfer it.)

   (Hill, how’s the junior doing?)

   Junior?

Me?

Phii Joe is asking about me…

Phii Hill glanced at me briefly before turning back to the phone conversation with Phii Johan.

“He’s good, why don’t you talk to him yourself?”

(Better not, I need to finish the work first.)

   “Don’t want to talk?” (No, but if I do, I’ll just want to come back even more. Just hearing his voice, I want to drop everything and come back. That day, I almost booked a flight back to Thailand.)

   “The junior misses you too.”

(Really?)

   “You sound like you don’t believe it.”

(No, just thought if he misses me as much as I miss him.)

   Phii Hill turned to look at me with a slight smile. I clenched my lips tight to suppress the feeling that was swelling in my chest right now. Why does just hearing his voice, just hearing that he misses me, make my heart beat so intensely?

(Hill, why are you quiet?)

   “No reason.”

(Okay, just tell him about the exam scores.)

   I remembered that the physics score, which Phii Joe had tutored me for, turned out quite bad. Usually, I don’t worry too much about grades, but because I had asked him to tutor me, I felt really guilty when the results were poor. I was afraid he might be angry, especially since he had put in a lot of effort to teach me well, but I just couldn’t remember the formulas during the exam.

“Say what?”

(Don’t worry about it.)

   (You did well.)

   !!

Suddenly, the feelings that had been bottled up inside me burst forth. I bit my lip tightly before resting my forehead against Ter’s shoulder, who was sitting next to me, as if seeking comfort. Ter gently patted my head.

It was longing. I could feel it was longing. I missed his voice, his embrace, his touch, everything, especially his kindness and warmth that I always received. Phii Hill talked with Phii Joe for a while before hanging up. Ter didn’t say anything, just let me lean on him for a bit before I sat back up.

“I thought you were going to cry.” Ter said.

“I’m not going to cry.”

“You looked like you were about to, oh dear, poor little doggy.” he said, patting my head again with a look of affection. What’s with this, does he enjoy petting people’s heads?

“Again, calling me a dog again.”

“It’s really like that, North, you are like a dog left at home alone by its owner.”

“See, all of you.” I said, making a grumpy face, wondering if they had all coordinated this, all saying the same thing. “How many more days until he comes back?” I turned to ask Phii Hill and Phii Fah.

“Oh, probably about eight more days.” Phii Hill answered.

“Wow, eight more days.” I said before letting out a sigh. By the time he gets back, it’ll be like waiting for Day’s sports event. Because I’ve never missed anyone this much before, I feel the wait is torturous. I’m not fond of feeling this way either, it’s kind of draining, but I’m not sure what to do about it, really.

“Joe wants to come back too, you can tell from what he said.” Phii Hill remarked. I gave a slight smile in acknowledgment. Right…we’ll see each other soon.

If we meet, can I get a hug, I wonder…

Three days have passed…

   Finally, the day of the engineering faculty’s gear event has arrived. It’s around 5 PM now, and the concert will start at about 10 PM. The performers include students from various years, and of course, not us. Our job is to watch over the booth. Actually, it’s a random draw to decide who has to man the booth, and unfortunately, Skater’s name was drawn. So, all four of us had to come, what a stroke of bad luck. “The event’s about to start, North, hurry up!”

“Yeah, I know. Give me a moment!” I shouted back. Currently, I was sitting behind the booth squeezing lemons. Seriously, why do we have to sell butterfly pea and lemon water? Who came up with this idea? My hands are all worn out from squeezing lemons!

“Who thought of this? My hands are sore as hell.”

“Stop complaining, North. Look at me.” Duennao called out from the other side. I burst out laughing immediately after seeing his condition. Duennao was sitting with Skater, peeling coconuts. “Where am I peeling? The knife almost cut my hand. Damn, couldn’t we sell something simpler? Why coconut water?”

“Our faculty’s girls suggested natural drinks for health and weight loss: coconut water, butterfly pea with lemon, roselle, and pandan water.” Kyu explained while arranging items, while he himself went to buy bubble tea from another department’s booth.

“Wow.”

“Yeah, how did they even come up with this idea? The ones doing the work are us. Kett, you unlucky bastard, you actually drew your own name.” I said irritably. Lemons used to smell nice to me, but now their scent just stings my nose.

“Hey, what did I do wrong? I didn’t want to sit here peeling coconuts either. At least we ordered them; they didn’t tell me to go climb trees at the agriculture department to get them. I’d really cry if they made me do that.”

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 21 part 2

Phii Johan went to Boston…

   He left since yesterday evening; I couldn’t go to the airport to see him off because of my exams. I heard he finished his exams earlier, and Phii Joe didn’t say much about it. Judging by the travel time, he should be arriving soon. He went with his father and several other people from the company, with Phii Arthit on the same flight, though Phii Arthit planned to travel alone for a few days before returning.

Fourteen days, huh…I figure we won’t talk much like before because of how busy the work will be, plus if he has free time, it’s better he rests.

Phii Prang told me that Phii Johan talked to his father about work, proposing to work in Boston. If successful, he wouldn’t have to work this hard anymore, just assist occasionally, and focus more on his studies because medical school is getting tougher. And Phii Prang mentioned that importantly, it’s because of me…

‘The person who truly matters to Phii Johan is the one who gets his time,’ that’s what Phii Prang told me. Honestly, I didn’t want him to reduce his work because of me, but as Phii Prang said, now he needs to focus on his studies, and after graduation, he can work seriously. I agree with that. Continuing at this pace would definitely be bad. Just studying medicine is already overwhelmingly hard.

As for when he’ll give me his time, let it be after work and studies.

“North.” I turned around at the sound of my name being called while I was walking down from the building after just finishing my midterms. This time, the exams were really over. I saw Tiger following behind me. We were now separated from other friends, and I was about to head back to my dorm too. My motorcycle had been fixed as well.

“What’s up?”

“I need your help with something.”

“Huh, what is it?”

“Nao, man, I’m going crazy here.” Tiger said with the most serious face, “Do you know about Nao streaming games?”

“Streaming games?” I raised an eyebrow, repeating his words. Oh, right, Nao had mentioned wanting to try it because it seemed fun, and he already likes playing games. I fully supported him at that time, believing he’d do well at it. “He’s done it?”

“Yeah, he’s been doing it for a while now. You didn’t know?”

“No.” I shook my head, “Just found out now.”

“Oh, he said he wasn’t going to tell anyone because he was embarrassed, but since we’re roommates, I found out.”

“So, he’s really doing it.” I said excitedly, “Wow, that’s cool, I want to see.”

“Listen to my problem first, this is why I’m asking for your help.” Tiger said seriously again, looking quite uncomfortable. “I’m already dead, man.”

“Go on.” I turned to listen intently.

“Can you talk to Nao? Tell him to stop.”

“Huh? Why?”

“A lot of people are hitting on him. As soon as they see Nao’s cute on stream, they start donating like crazy, those bastards. I’m not happy at all every time he does his show.” Tiger explained, genuinely stressed. “At first, I supported him because I saw he liked it, but now it’s just not possible anymore.” “Oh, but how can we make him stop if he likes it?” I asked back. “North, you don’t understand my feelings. Please, I’m really going crazy here.” “Alright, alright, I’ll try. But what should I say to him?” I said. Although I didn’t really want to help much, I understood Tiger’s feelings. He’s protective of his own, and Nao is my little ship too, T^T

“Say whatever you need to.”

“Then just ask Nao not to turn on the camera and not to talk to too many people commenting.” I suggested, thinking this would be the best middle ground. Suddenly asking him to stop would likely upset Nao, and it would hurt his feelings too.

“Yeah, yeah, that works.”

“Okay, but how should I approach it? Wouldn’t it be weird to just tell him without any context?”

“Just come to our room tonight, watch Nao’s game stream, and then quietly give him the heads up.”

“Alright, I’ll go change clothes and then head over.” I said excitedly, eager to see how Nao streams his games. I then rushed back to my dorm, changed quickly, and went straight to Duennao and Tiger’s room.

“Nao, hey, I’m here!” I stood at the door, knocking a few times before Tiger opened it. I’ve visited here several times; it’s quite a spacious room. Nao was sitting in front of the computer, and Tiger flopped down on the bed.

“North, come in!” Duennao waved me over. I hurried to sit beside him.

“Wow, are you on live?” I leaned in to look. Nao was live streaming a game, chatting a bit in the chat about his gaming channel. Nao mentioned he wanted to try streaming for fun, found it interesting but was shy, so he hadn’t told us yet, but now that I knew it was okay, because he planned to tell us after streaming for a while and wanted us to try playing together. He already had nearly ten thousand followers, which was impressive given he hadn’t been streaming for long. “Yep.” “Wow, that’s cool.” There were over two thousand people watching the live, the numbers at the end were slowly increasing, and the comments were scrolling up continuously.

: Who’s that, a friend?

   : Cute friend, looks just like Duennao.

   : I miss Khun Sua, Sua, where are you?

   “Say hi to the viewers, introduce yourself.” Duennao said, now it seemed like I was part of the live stream.

“Oh, hello, my name is North.” I said, feeling quite nervous. There were lots of comments interacting with me, making it feel like I was truly talking to the audience.

“Help me read the comments. Right now, I can’t play and watch the comments at the same time, I’m not used to it yet.” Nao said, before turning his attention back to the game.

“Uh, okay.”

: You play so well, I want to be good like this too.

   : Review the new tank character a bit.

   “Nao. They said to review the new tank character.” I read the comment out loud.

“I’ve tried playing it and I don’t think it’s very good yet, too thin, but I saw Sua playing it well. Not sure how he does it, I’ll try changing the gear and review it again next time.”

: Tiger so much, lol, bring him on camera a bit.

   : Miss you, Tiger.

   “Tiger, there are people saying they miss you.” I said, “Do you want to come live too?” “Uh, at first, Sua joined the live, Sua, come here.” “Nah, I’m lazy.” “Oh, not helping at all.” Nao dragged out his words. I turned to see Tiger sitting on the bed, leaning against the wall with headphones on, eyes glued to his phone screen.

: Play the game I sent you, please, I want to see you play.

   “They said to play the game they sent, what game is it?”

“What game? You’re kidding, right? They sent a horror game. I’m scared. Can I not play it?” Duennao shook his head, looking slightly grim, while his eyes lingered on the game for a bit, probably finishing up the current session.

: Your friend’s there, what’s there to be scared of? Let’s play together.

   : ♣♣♣, want to see, cheering, 100 bits.

   “Thanks for the 100 bits.” I read out, smiling. Even during streams like this, people donate or cheer with bits. A hundred bits is about fifty baht, which is nice, earning money this way.

: Aw, so cute, why are your friends so cute too?

   : Play the horror game.

   Seeing many comments asking Duennao to play the horror game, Nao had to play it, with me sitting next to him. The chaos ensued when we played horror games together, we’d be screaming until we were nearly dead.

“Shit, Nao, don’t go there, that’s a warp point.” I said, shaking Nao’s arm in excitement, both of us losing our minds. The game was really scary, we were arguing about it.

“Oh shit, I’m stuck, I’m stuck, can’t move.”

“You’re trapped, Nao. Run around, it’s coming!”

“It’s chasing me, it’s chasing me!” The chaos was real, comments kept flowing in. Why do people enjoy watching others get scared so much, T^T? But there were genuinely a lot of comments complimenting Nao’s cuteness, which made me understand why Tiger likes him.

“Phew, let’s take a break.” Nao let out a big sigh before locking the character in the bathroom to hide from the ghost. This spot was safe as long as nothing popped up.

“I can’t handle this anymore. Whoever sent this game is so cruel.”

: It’s safe to hide here, but if you stay too long, it’ll appear behind you.

   : Check the left side, there’s a lot to collect over there.

   “I looked earlier, there was nothing there.” I protested a bit, as there were many comments just messing with us, telling us to go here and there where ghosts were always waiting.

: North is so cute, do you have a channel? I want to follow.

   “Ha. Me? No, I don’t have one.”

: Start a channel then, cheering, 100 bits.

   “Thanks for the 100 bits, but I probably won’t start one. I’ll just come to play often.”

: Come often, bring Sua too, I miss him.

   : FC Phii Tiger, the handsome and kind senior.

   “See, Sua, people are asking for you. Why don’t you come?” Duennao turned to ask, there were indeed many people asking for Sua. I guessed they were mostly girls. After all, our faculty’s moon has fans even in Duennao’s gaming stream.

“No.” Tiger said in a not-so-pleased tone.

: Does Tiger have a girlfriend? He’s so handsome, and he’s the faculty’s heartthrob, right?

   : I love you, Sua, I’m about to cry, I want to see you so bad: w: ready to pay. “Sua doesn’t have a girlfriend.” Duennao answered the comment. “You can try to woo him. I’m rooting for him to get a girlfriend too.”

Err…Are you okay with this? T^T

I turned to look at Tiger, who was sitting there playing on his phone with his earphones in, seemingly uninterested in what was going on here. Or was he just pretending not to hear? Suddenly, my phone notification sound went off, and I checked it immediately.

Tg.: Bastards…

   Tg.: I’m about to cry.

   North♣: Hang in there, buddy.

   Tg.: And I asked you to stop him, why did you come to play too? My boy is getting all the attention.

   North♣: Well, they like it because Nao’s stream is fun, right?

   Tg.: You’ll see, those bastards haven’t come yet.

   North♣: They haven’t come? Are you watching the live right now?

   Tg.: Yes.

   North♣: Then why not play with us?

   Tg.: That’s my business.

   So, Tiger is just there, not joining in even though we invited him, but he chooses to wear headphones and watch us stream from behind. What’s that about?

Guitarrr: Live early today, just got out of class, Cheering, 1,000 bits.

   Guitarrr: Did you bring a friend? The friend is cute too.

   Tg.: See that, what a scumbag.

   North♣: What?

   Tg.: Yeah, just watch. “Thank you, Phii Tar, for the thousand bits.” Duennao said, as I was too busy with my phone to thank for the cheer bits. Phii Tar? That means this person must be a regular follower and cheerer, so Nao remembers him.

Tgkljhgtyuik: Cheering, 1,000 bits

   “Oh, thank you for the thousand bits.” I read the comment. But what does this name mean? It’s like they just slid their fingers across the keyboard.

Tg.: You bastard. Who told you to read it?

   Was that you?!!

“Phii Kant, thank you.” Duennao said with a smile. Phii Gant? Who’s that? Is it Tiger? Why call him Phii Gant?

“Is his name Kant? How did you know?” I asked.

“Hmm. He often cheers with bits. He’s been following since the beginning, so I asked for his name. He said to just call him Kant, so I call him ‘Phii’ because I think he’s probably older.”

Oh…

So, the sweet Phii Kant in the background of Duennao’s stream is actually the jerk sitting behind us!

Tg.: He even calls me ‘Phii,’ so cute.

   Tg.: My heart, I’m going to die.

   Tg.: Damage, +9999999

   His hands were typing away messages to me, but his face was completely impassive. I turned to look at him, pursing my lips tight, trying my hardest not to laugh. Don’t laugh, North, don’t laugh. Otherwise, the secret will be out for sure.

Damn, holding back laughter until my stomach hurts.

North♣: And why does it have to be Kant?

   Tg.: It’s my real name. Oh…Tiger’s real name is Kantanith. So he just let us call him Kant. That’s awesome, Duennao probably doesn’t know, there must be a hundred thousand people named Kant.

Guitarrr: Today was so exhausting at school, Nong Nao, you really heal my heart, I feel better now. Thank you, cheering, 1,000 bits.

   Tgkljhgtyuik: What the hell are you, cheering, 5,000 bits.

   Guitarrr: Here you are again, why do you always pick on me?

   Guitarrr: Cheering, 5,000 bits.

   Tgkljhgtyuik: Cheering, 10,000 bits.

   Guitarrr: Cheering, 25,000 bits.

   Tgkljhgtyuik: Cheering, 50,000 bits.

   Guitarrr: Cheering, 50,000 bits.

   Tgkljhgtyuik: Cheering, 75,000 bits.

   What the hell is this…

“Uh…Nao. Look at the comments for a moment.” I called out. This is just ridiculous. What are these two doing, competing to pay for Nao? Nao has set his stream not to show on-screen how many bits people are cheering, you have to look at the comments to see it, because he said it was distracting, but he’d change the settings once he gets used to streaming.

“What’s up?”

“Here.”

“…”

“Hey! Thank you both so much, I’m so happy, but don’t fight, okay? Love each other.” Duennao said, sending an embarrassed smile towards the camera. He must be at a loss too, just like I would be. Two thousand five hundred bits is like over a thousand baht. And the latest cheer from Tiger was seventy-five thousand bits, which is about thirty thousand baht.

Damn, why are they so rich?

Guitarrr: See, Nong Nao said not to fight.

   Tgkljhgtyuik: Then you go away.

   So arrogant! Yet he still asked me to talk to Nao. I turned around to see Tiger just staring at his phone, keeping a poker face, but I’m sure he’s fuming inside. Whenever someone messes with Duennao, he gets like this, but he can’t show it openly.

Captain…fight him…

Tg.: North. You, you said you’d help.

   Tg.: Damn person.

   North+: If you’re mad at someone, don’t take it out on me. What did I do wrong? T^T

   Tg.: I told you to stop him, not to play along.

   North♣: It’s super fun though.

   Tg.: Stop talking for a bit.

   Tg.: Normally, Nao doesn’t chat with comments as much as you do. Because of you, more people are watching.

   North♣: Isn’t it good that more people are following?

   North♣: Nao won’t have to steal dog food from in front of the dorm to eat anymore.

   (Read)

   Tiger stopped replying to the chat. After a while, he walked out, looking quite angry. Why does he look so scary, TT? It seemed like he was on the phone. I turned my attention back to the game.

…

“Phii, where are you?”

(Don’t get too familiar, you brat.)

   “Phii Johan, where are you?”

(Boston, why?)

   “Did you just arrive?”

(Yeah, I just got off the plane. What’s up?)

   “Have you seen what I sent you, in the chat?”

(No)

   “Go check it out.”

(Can’t you just tell me?)

   “Go look first, it’s about your wife.”

(What’s this about?)

   “It’s North, he’s streaming games with Nao.”

(I know. Why did you let this happen?)

   “I tried to stop it, didn’t I? At first, I asked North to help stop Nao, but then they ended up having fun playing together. There were so many people donating bits.”

(Tell him to shut down the stream.)

   “I was going to do that at first, but if Nao wants to stream, he’ll find a way anyway. You should stop your wife first; she’s been chatting a lot with the commenters. Plus, North is naturally talkative, and now the audience is growing.”

(Alright)

   …

: Does Nong North usually play games? He should play with Nao more often, they’re both cute, and they have great chemistry, cheering, 50 bits.

   “Me? I usually play, I play with Nao.” I answered the comment, because I talk a lot and get along with others easily. When we interact like this, it’s fun, it feels like I’m helping Nao make money.

: Here’s some money for snacks, my little one, so cute, both scared while playing a horror game, Cheering, 100 bits.

   “I told you I’m scared.” Duennao said, glancing at the comment, “Everyone keeps sending me horror games.”

: Oh, I’ll pay for Nong North, I’m going to grit my teeth and add bits, can I flirt with you? Please let me flirt with you, I’m investing a lot here, want to be with you, give you a head pat, Cheering, 10,000 bits.

   “Thank you, but you can’t flirt with me.” I said with a smile to the camera.

: Cheering, 200,000 bits

   : Can’t stay still for a moment, huh?

   : If you want anything, come get it from me.

   Two…two hundred thousand bits!

Suddenly, I felt a chill when I saw this comment, both from the amount of money and from what was written. My smile faded instantly. Even though they didn’t specify who, I think I know who it is.

“Nao, one moment.” I said before standing up from the chair and going to sit on the bed next to Tiger.

“You’ve gone silent, huh?”

“…” I didn’t respond before a chat notification popped up.

Johan: What are you doing?

   North♣: Phii, T^T. I’m just helping Nao with his game stream.

   Johan: How about I deduct money for every time you smile at someone else?

   North♣: No, please don’t, T^T

   North♣: If you don’t like it, I won’t do it anymore.

   Johan: Good.

   Johan: So why did you go there?

   North♣: I just wanted to play with Nao.

   Actually, at first, I was really excited to see my friend doing something this cool. So I just wanted to come watch, but then it turned out to be quite fun. Johan: Really?

   North♣: Yes, Nao is also earning extra income from this.

   Johan: Do you want to do it too?

   North♣: Huh?

   Johan: Send me a video. I’ll pay a hundred per second.

   Johan: Now.

   North♣: Video? Of me?

   Johan: Quick, I’m about to go to work.

   “Tiger, what’s this about?” I asked, showing him my phone screen. Tiger glanced over slightly.

“Just take a video of yourself, what’s confusing?”

“And why should I?”

“He wants to see your face, and hear your voice too, but he probably doesn’t have time to call you. A video can be watched later, and it’s quick to view.” Oh. I nodded in understanding. I’ve seen people do this before, like a video for someone you can’t meet in person, and you can’t call because you’re not free. It’s similar to sending a picture, but this is a video because it has sound.

“So, what should I do?”

“Just film and talk, say you’re working hard or something. Go out to the balcony, it’s too noisy with the game sounds in here.”

“Okay, Tiger, come with me.” I said, pulling Tiger along. I felt too shy to film by myself, so I asked Tiger to hold the camera for me.

I tried to speak but ended up laughing several times out of embarrassment. I’ve never done anything like this for someone else to watch before, and the person watching would be Phii Joe too.

“He’s already rushing you.” Tiger said, looking at my phone. “A hundred per second, huh. If you film for one minute, that’s six thousand.”

“Wouldn’t that be weird? I’m not brave enough to film, I’m too embarrassed.”

“Yeah, annoying. Just film it, he’ll like it.”

“Tiger. You bastard.”

“What? I’ve recorded it.” Tiger said, holding up my phone. I took a deep breath to calm myself before I heard the click of the recording starting.

“Uh…so, Phii Joe, go work hard. Sorry about the gaming stream, and please be careful not to get sick with a cold over there. Uh…and also.” I paused because I couldn’t think of what to say next.

“I miss you, I’ll wait for you to come back.”

Tiger stopped the video and handed my phone back to me.

“That was nice, I wish Nao would say something like that to me too, I’d pay three hundred per word.” Tiger said, letting out a small sigh of frustration.

“You already pay Nao a lot, with all those bits you cheer for him.” I said, before deciding to send the video. I’m not sure if it’ll be okay, but honestly, I didn’t know what else to say and couldn’t bring myself to watch it again because I was embarrassed, T^T.

“Did you record it for a long? You only recorded for twenty seconds, that’s a hundred baht per second, so just two thousand baht.”

“That’s enough.” Can we not say “just two thousand”? That’s a lot of money to live on. Plus, with the change I’ve saved in my pocket, I feel a bit guilty for keeping it. Maybe I should find a way to return it, right?

North♣: You have sent the video

   (Read)

   Read, but no response. He must have gone to work, right?

‘Account x676457x, You have received a transfer of 66,000 baht’

   !! “Tiger…” I called out his name, showing him my phone screen. Why did I get sixty-six thousand…you said two thousand, “You said one hundred baht per second.”

“Oh, I remember now.” Tiger looked at my phone screen for a moment before his face showed that he just realized something.

“Remember what?”

“Not one hundred baht per second, but one hundred dollars per second.”

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 21 part 1

   Chapter 21: So Far Away

   Several days have passed…

We’re now in the midterm exam period.

I just finished my main faculty exam, I just stood up from my exam seat, walked over to place my answer sheet on the professor’s desk, then let out a sigh of despair. I never thought engineering would be this hard. Since that day when I was sick, I’ve been with Phii Joe almost non-stop. He was only willing to let me go back to my dorm once he was sure I was fully recovered, but getting permission to return was pretty tough.

Tough.

   Really tough, T^T

   Once the exam period started, we hardly saw each other. I haven’t seen him for almost three days now. Before that, we did see each other occasionally. Phii Prang said he was preparing for work in Boston, and with exams, he’s even busier. I’m not free either, with both exams and first-year activities. My faculty’s activities are known to be the toughest in the university. Thankfully, there’s been a break to study.

Ter is lucky because he can see Phii Hill sometimes since their courses are similar. Ter studies veterinary medicine, so some basic subjects are the same as for med students, allowing Phii Hill to tutor him. However, even if they’re not in the same exact courses, Phii Hill can still help Ter study. I’m in a completely different field.

Lucky…I kind of want to see him too.

“North, how did it go?” Kyu, who was waiting outside the exam room, turned to ask me. I immediately made a face at him. Was I really the last one from our group to leave the exam room? Even after spending so much time in there, I barely managed to answer anything, T^T.

“Sigh.” I sighed, shaking my head in despair, “How about you guys?”

“I think it was okay, it was similar to what was on the practice exams.” Kyu said casually. He’s the best in our group, so we had to ask him for tutoring, but still…

“Similar, huh?” Duennao said, with a look of disbelief, “Where was it similar? Or did I just not remember correctly?” “It’s probably you then.” Kyu replied, “So, are we going to study more? Tomorrow’s the Physics 1 exam, it’s worth a lot of credits.” When he mentioned Physics 1, even though it’s just Physics 1, it’s ridiculously hard, like it doesn’t care that it’s supposed to be introductory. It’s like we’re studying all of high school physics in one semester, and it goes deeper because it’s engineering physics. To top it off, my professor said it would be in English.

While we were discussing where to go for tutoring, I turned on my phone, having turned it off and placed it in my bag before entering the exam room. When I checked, I saw a message from someone sent just a few minutes ago:

Johan: Finished the exam yet?

   “What’s with looking at your phone screen and smiling, North? Are you in love or something?” Skater teased me annoyingly. I hid my smile and shot him a glare.

North♣: I’m done.

   Johan: I’ll pick you up.

   North♣: Where are we going?

   North♣: I have to go study with friends, TT.

   Johan: Study what?

   North♣: Physics 1, there’s an exam tomorrow.

   Johan: I’ll tutor you.

   Johan: Wait in front of the faculty.

   He’s going to tutor me…

“Sorry, guys, I guess I won’t be joining you after all.” I said, looking up from my phone. If Phii Joe says to wait, he’ll be there in a few minutes.

“Going with the doctor?” Kyu asked.

“How did you know?”

“What else could it be with you? And what about studying?”

“He said he’ll tutor me.” “Really? He can tutor? That’s amazing.” Skater said, looking incredulous, “Are doctors that smart?”

“They’re already smart, and he does work in that field anyway, right? I was shocked when North mentioned it.” Kyu added, and everyone did seem shocked when I told them. I was shocked too when I found out about Phii Joe’s job, “He’s not just anyone, he’s the owner of the company, North, you’re clearly a nepo baby.”

“Hmph, well, that’s bad.” I said, feeling that Phii Joe isn’t the type to just hire anyone without merit, and Phii Prang once said he’s not one to be swayed by flattery. If you’re not truly capable, there’s no way you’d make it.

“Have you never asked him about his job? Don’t you want to intern at his company?” Duennao asked, raising an eyebrow in curiosity.

“Yeah, I’ve asked.” I said. I’ve asked Phii Joe what I need to do to intern at his company if my grades meet the criteria.

“And what did he say?”

“He said if I go to ask for an internship, he’ll interview me himself.”

“Damn, that’s awesome, the CEO interviewing you personally.” Kyu said excitedly. Why the excitement? That’s exactly why I’m hesitant to go. It’s intimidating, T^T.

“Then I’ll go first, see you.” I said, waving goodbye before heading down to the front of the faculty. I didn’t wait long before a luxurious car I wasn’t familiar with pulled up, and the window rolled down.

“Get in.”

“Oh, okay.” I nodded before walking around to the driver’s side. Is this a new car? Usually, it’s an Audi, but this one looks just as luxurious. I could smell the new car leather scent. Did he just buy it? “Is this a new car?”

“Hmm.”

“Did you just buy it? It smells brand new.” “Hmm, bought it yesterday.”

“Wow…” I said, just that. Not having seen him for a few days, I noticed Phii Joe looked slightly tired, seemed weary. “How was the exam?”

“Ha.”

Ha?

What does that mean?

Suddenly, the car stopped in front of a restaurant near the university. I was slightly startled by the sudden braking. Phii Joe still drives like a pro, but I think it’s gotten better. He drives fast but not as dangerously as before when I first rode with him.

“Are you buying something?”

“Hmm. They asked me to buy something.” Phii Johan said before handing me his phone, “You go order.” He got out of the car, and I followed suit. The phone’s screen was open to someone’s chat.

TFha: Joe. Where are you?

   Johan: Picking up the junior.

   Junior…?

Me?

He calls me ‘little brother’…Why does he call me so nicely when he talks to his friends, but when he talks to me, it’s just ‘you’? He’s only called me by my name a few times. Can I record that to listen to later? T^T

TFha: Order for me

   TFha: Two chicken steaks and two pork steaks, all lean meat.

   Johan: Are you ordering for everyone?

   Johan: You bastards.

   Johan: Fine, fine.

   TFha: Generous.

   Phii Fah must have placed an order, asking for four items, which means there are four of them, right? I bet Ter is definitely there.

“Do you want anything?” I turned to ask. Phii Joe was waiting at the sofa near the counter, the restaurant was quite upscale. The menu outside looked pretty expensive.

“Have you eaten before the exam?”

“Not yet.”

“Order then, get what you want.” I nodded in understanding. I placed the order for what Phii Fah had asked for and ordered for myself and Phii Joe too. We didn’t have to wait long before our orders were ready.

“The total is one thousand two hundred fifty baht. Um, our machine is down, could you please pay in cash?” the female staff said after Phii Joe pulled out his card. He didn’t say anything, just handed over two thousand baht notes. While the staff was counting out the change, Phii Joe took all the items and started walking out, so I took the change.

When we reached the medical faculty’s parking lot, I saw three doctors sitting under the faculty building, with Ter sitting with Phii Hill. As we approached, Phii Joe placed all the purchased items on the table.

“Starting the day with the smell of steak, huh?” Phii Arthit teased a bit before looking through the bags on the table, which were full of books and study sheets. Were they studying? I sat next to Phii Joe with Ter sitting opposite me. I was about to greet him, but then remembered we are roommates, seeing each other in the morning, at night, all the time.

“Did you just finish your exam?” Ter asked me as he took a steak box. I also thanked Phii Fah for handing me my box.

“Yes. What about you, finished a while ago?” “Oh.” I replied. When Ter studies, it looks hard too. If I had to memorize stuff like that, I’d rather deal with physics, but if I could choose, I’d prefer not to face any of it.

“Oh, Phii Joe, here’s the change from earlier.” I said, pulling out my wallet. The change was seven hundred fifty, right?

“Keep it.”

“Oh, okay.” I nodded, putting my wallet back. Phii Joe doesn’t like carrying small bills; for him, anything less than a thousand is considered small change, even if it’s a five hundred baht note. So, whenever we go shopping together, I always end up keeping the change.

“Carrying only thousand baht notes again.” Phii Fah remarked.

“It’s heavy.”

“But you still carry a lot of thousand baht notes, don’t you?”

“Too lazy to withdraw often, some places only accept cash.” Phii Johan said, sounding annoyed, “Why don’t they make ten thousand baht notes?”

Ten thousand baht notes!? T^T

“That’d be annoying.” Phii Arthit said, chuckling slightly. We then ate our meal while having small talk. I learned that the seniors also have an exam tomorrow morning.

Oh, right…

   I rummaged through my bag, remembering something. Better give it now before I forget again.

   The gear bracelet…

   Since the day I gave my gear to Phii Johan, I asked him if he wanted to wear it. I said I would find a bracelet for it if he did, but if he didn’t, it was okay. Phii Joe said it was up to me, so I went out and bought a simple cord bracelet. At first, I was worried it might not be appropriate, but then I saw Tiger wearing one, and it looked fine.

   Exactly.

   Tiger…wearing Duennao’s gear.

   I heard he swapped his gear with Nao’s while Nao was asleep, like they were trading to wear each other’s. At that moment, I didn’t know whether to laugh, feel sorry, or be dismayed; I couldn’t decide on my emotion. And if Nao wore the gear too, he’d be wearing Tiger’s.

   I asked what the swap was for since gears from the same year are pretty much identical. Tiger said it’s about the sentiment, knowing alone is enough.

   Damn it.

   I can’t take it anymore, Captain…

“Phii Joe.” I called out.

“Hmm?”

“Got the gear?” I asked. Phii Joe raised an eyebrow slightly before noticing the bracelet I was holding. He then pulled out the gear from his wallet and handed it to me.

He actually carries my gear in his wallet.

   Nice. I thought he wouldn’t have it with him.

   I attached the gear to the pendant spot on the bracelet. After a moment, I saw Phii Johan extending his left hand towards me, as I was sitting to his left. I looked up to see Phii Joe, who was watching me with his chin propped on his hand.

So, he wants me to put it on him, huh…

“Can you take off your watch first?” I asked, realizing I couldn’t put on the bracelet because of the watch. I just noticed how beautiful his watch was; it must be very expensive. I’ve seen Tiger wearing something similar. “Um.” Phii Joe said. So I started to remove the watch, but how do you do that? After I fiddled with the watch for a while, Phii Joe sighed slightly, took off his watch himself, and tossed it carelessly onto the table.

“You get the gear and just throw your Rolex like that?” Phii Tonfah asked.

“He got the gear already?” Phii Hill asked, not too surprised, “And you let him put it on?”

“Yeah, so what?”

“Nothing. It’s good.”

“It took a lot for Hill to get to this point, think about it.” Phii Arthit said, “Teaching an ox to be human.”

“You’re one to talk, Tit.” Phii Hill retorted.

“…”

“Serves you right.” Phii Joe turned to say to Phii Arthit with a hint of mockery in his voice, “You should try it, Tit. Hill is the best.”

“What do you mean, Joe?”

“Damn, enough already, Hill. Even my dad has never cursed me like this.” the guy next to me said before letting out a slight chuckle and shaking his head in mild disgust. Phii Joe in friend mode is really lively, even if his eyes still showed signs of fatigue. “One more word, and I’ll think you are jealous of me.”

“Shit, is it that bad?” Phii Tit laughed at what he heard.

“Gotta try it, that’s all I’ll say.”

“No need, guys, just keep your distance, can you? I’m already getting a headache just with Joe saying he’s going to hit on North.” Phii Hill said, sounding quite fed up. How bad does it have to be for someone like Phii Hill to complain like this?

After I put on the bracelet properly, Phii Joe put on his watch as usual, now paired with my gear bracelet. It looked better than I thought, good thing I chose black. “Johan…” Suddenly, there was a call from someone at the other end of the table. I looked over to see a short-haired girl in a student uniform with a short skirt. She gave a slight smile. I looked at Ter, who looked equally puzzled as if he didn’t recognize her either, “Can we talk for a bit?”

“…” Phii Joe didn’t reply, then he got up from the table. That person seemed to look at Phii Joe’s left wrist, then at me a few times, and then they went off to talk, not far away.

“Again? Why can’t people just speak clearly.” Phii Arthit said, glancing at the two people talking.

“Who’s that?” Phii Hill diverted his gaze from Phii Joe to ask Phii Fah.

“Anchun, law student, third year.”

“Oh, the one following the money trail to Joe, huh?”

“Tit, that’s harsh.” Phii Fah gently chided, “The junior is here.”

“The junior won’t mind.” Phii Hill said, “You won’t find anyone who understands Joe like the junior does.”

“Really? You don’t get mad when he goes out to talk with another woman?” Phii Arthit raised an eyebrow at me, surprised. I shook my head in response. Why would I be mad? He’s just going to talk, isn’t he?

“If there was someone else, would you be mad?”

“I’d have to be mad, wouldn’t I?” I furrowed my brows. Wait, what do you take me for? If it went that far, I’d definitely be upset. I wouldn’t even want to think about how I’d feel then. If possible, I’d rather that situation never happens.

“He’s not going to have anyone else, Joe. He’s already head over heels for you.” Phii Hill added, “Especially now with the gear from you. I bet he values that gear more than a three million baht Rolex.”

He’s head over heels for me…

   Phii Hill, please don’t say things like that…T^T

   That’s true, pointing at a bird and it’s actually a bird.

   Phii Arthit nodded in agreement, “Oh, she’s crying now.” Phii Arthit’s words made me turn around to look. The woman was indeed crying, sobbing so hard her shoulders shook, but Phii Joe didn’t comfort her at all.

“Not going to comfort her.”

“She’s not the type to cry easily anyway.” Phii Hill responded.

“Hmm, maybe it depends on whose tears they are.” Phii Arthit said, slightly twitching the corner of his mouth as if he remembered something, “North.”

“Yes?”

“Arthit. Don’t.” Phii Tonfah warned again.

“Why, it’s going to be fun.”

“Stop your bad ideas.”

“Nothing.” Tith said with an irritated look. What’s that, is Tit going to make me cry? What’s he made of, just talking and ending making making other people cry? T^T

After a while, Phii Joe came back to sit beside me, and the woman was no longer in sight. They must have finished talking, but Phii Johan seemed a bit off.

“How was it?” Phii Fah asked first.

“Same as usual.”

“Why was she crying?”

“She asked about the gear.” Phii Joe answered.

“What did she ask?”

“Was I serious about the owner of the gear?”

“And what did you say?”

“If it wasn’t serious, I wouldn’t have put it on.”

!!! Then there were some teasing comments from Phii Fah and Phii Arthit, which made me lower my head in embarrassment. I was happy, yes, but more embarrassed. My face was burning now, my heart started beating strongly again before Phii Joe pulled me closer, and the conversation at the table gradually shifted to other topics.

“Uh, Phii Joe. I have something to tell you.” Ter spoke up, making me turn to look at him immediately. Why did I feel uneasy? Phii Joe also turned to look at Ter with interest, “North, lately he likes to burrow into my hair while sleeping.”

“Burrow?” Phii Johan repeated the word.

“Yes, he keeps moving closer and burrowing to be hugged. If I don’t hug him, he’ll burrow again and push until I almost fall off the bed.”

“Ter! What’s that supposed to mean?” I protested, what is this burrowing he’s talking about?

“I’m telling the truth, do you know how hard it is for me to sleep?” Ter said.

“So what did you do?” Phii Hill asked.

“Uh, I hugged North. Otherwise, he wouldn’t stop burrowing.”

“Ter, are you serious?” I asked in disbelief, as I often heard Ter complain in the morning about me disturbing his sleep. Please stop burrowing already. At first, I thought he was just joking around.

“Joe, I think it’s not proper anymore.” Phii Hill said.

“Yeah, when I get back from Boston.”

“Why?” I turned to ask the person sitting next to me, puzzled.

“Move in with me.”

“No. No way.” I shook my head, rejecting the idea immediately. Phii Joe looked at my reaction, seemingly not very pleased.

“Will you move in nicely, or do I have to kick you out of your dorm? Choose.”

!!

“You really got into engineering by lottery, didn’t you?” A voice from behind made my heart skip a beat because Phii Joe said he would tutor me. Phii Joe then brought me to his room, sitting at his work desk, where…

He made me sit on his lap and hugged me from behind.

Again…

How many more times until I get used to this, T^T

But above all else, I was being scolded because I couldn’t understand Joe’s explanations. Phii Joe is really good at explaining physics in English. At first, he started with a brief explanation because he thought I had a foundation already. But when he found out I had forgotten almost all the basics, I started getting scolded, T^T

Can I go back to being tutored by Kyu, please…

The most intense study time of my life had passed. Phii Joe tightened his hug around me, resting his chin on my shoulder, and let out a small sigh, closing his eyes as if exhausted.

“Are you tired?”

“Yeah, tired.”

“If you go to Boston, will it be even more exhausting?” I asked, starting to worry more. I was already concerned about him during the exam period when we didn’t see each other, but the work in Boston seemed even more demanding.

“Mm, but after I come back, there won’t be anything tiring.”

“Susuna.” I encouraged him, “You’ll be leaving in a few days, right? Going for two weeks, right?”

“Something like that.”

“Wow…” I fell silent, taking a moment to think before deciding to express what was on my mind. “I’m definitely going to miss you a lot.” “…” “Come back soon, okay?”

“Do you know?”

“…”

“I’ve never felt that going to Boston was this hard before.”

…

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 20 part 2

“My friend suggested that too, but I can’t remember.” I said. I’ve tried to remember, especially after Ter kept pressing me about it. If I want more memories from my past, they’d probably have to dissect my brain. I really can’t recall, the first time I heard Johan’s name was when he was mentioned around the university.

“Maybe Joe only remembers you?”

“Huh?”

“Like…You’ve never met Joe, right? Where’s your house? Not around here, right?”

“Yes, different province, but not that far.”

“See, Joe’s grandparents’ house is in a nearby province. You must have met a long time ago, otherwise, he wouldn’t like you this much.” Phii Prang’s words made me pause for a moment. At first, I really couldn’t figure out how we could have met, since his family lives here, and my home is in another province, “Wait, hold on, I’m in a boss gossip group chat, someone who passed by Joe’s grandparents’ house took pictures and posted them in the group, and everyone was shocked at how grand the house is. It’s even bigger than the chairman’s house here.”

Bigger than that?

Might as well call it a palace, then.

“Here, this is the house.” Phii Prang scrolled through her phone for a while and then showed me the screen.

Wait a moment.

This house.

Ch…

“Do you recognize it?” Phii Prang asked.

“It’s not just familiar.”

“I pass by it on my bike every day on my way to school.” “Hey, for real?! Are your houses close, or what? And why don’t we know each other then!!!” Phii Prang exclaimed excitedly. I was shocked too. What’s this? This can’t be real, I almost couldn’t believe it.

It’s a house that’s extremely beautiful, big enough to be called a mansion, covering half the alley. It’s beautifully decorated from the gate to the front garden. When I first saw it, I was super excited, wondering why there was a billionaire in our neighborhood. There were dozens of luxurious cars parked there. I still wonder how many people live in that house, why they need so many cars.

“No, our houses aren’t close to each other.” I said.

At first, I knew there was a big, beautiful house in another alley, and everyone around there knew each other. I even talked to my friends about whether that house had any children or grandchildren, if I could go and flirt, why they were so rich. My mom said they owned all the land around there originally, and then they built a housing estate for people to buy or rent. Even now, my mom is still paying off the house. Everything in the estate belongs to them, including the market where my mom sells her goods.

Damn…

Even my house too? You can’t own everything like this, Phii, T^T

“At first, I lived in another alley.” I started explaining to Phii Prang, “I just rode my bike around my own alley, until one day Uncle Maen, who lives at the alley entrance, got a dog named Banana. Banana really hated me, tried to bite me every time, so when going to school, I had to take a detour to another alley.” And that alley was quite complex, so by going around, I had to pass by that house every day.

“Oh dear, Banana, and you never met or heard of Joe? In the same housing estate?” “No, I’ve never heard anyone talk about any children or grandchildren from that house. Even my mom, who’s a vendor at the market, doesn’t know much, maybe they only stayed there for a short time?”

“Hmm, I don’t know about that. So, do you think Joe liked you because you rode past his house?” Phii Prang asked, making a face of disbelief.

“That’s funny, Phii Prang. Who would like someone just because they ride past their house? Think about it, how many people pass by in a day? He wouldn’t notice.” I said truthfully. If so, then what he said about possibly having seen me before must be true, but I never saw him.

“Maybe you met somewhere else.”

“Must have been like that.” I said, letting out a sigh. I’m still shocked that the house belonged to Phii Joe’s grandparents. If so, then all those luxury cars I saw might have been his.

“But I remember, Khunying, she once hinted to me that during middle school, Joe was quite the troublemaker.”

“Really?” I raised an eyebrow in question.

“Yes, yes, when he was young, he wasn’t very well-behaved, like a rich kid who spent money freely. Well, he still does that now, except now it’s his own money he’s spending extravagantly. Khunying said he was a headache, but he got better in high school, especially towards the end. He started taking his work and studies more seriously, but he still has some bad habits.”

“Bad habits?”

“Like drinking, smoking, women, that sort of thing. In university, you could still see those habits, but because he’s good at his work, the chairman and his wife didn’t say much, just let him be free, as long as he was still responsible for his work and studies. But lately, work has gotten so busy he can’t go out anymore. And that’s when I started seeing North becoming a regular in Joe’s life.” “Oh.” I nodded in understanding.

“And what do you think? Do you think Joe liked you from the start?”

“Uh, if I’m honest…No.” I paused, taking a moment to think, “At first, it seemed like he didn’t like me much. I genuinely felt that, but he gradually showed more affection.”

“Like he grew to like being with you more?”

“Yeah, I guess.” I said, feeling strangely embarrassed, thinking it was right to ask Phii Prang. Otherwise, I’d never know these things about Phii Joe; he never tells me anything, not even about general stuff like this. T^T

“Aww, look at you blushing. Who would’ve thought you were so close.” Phii Prang teased slightly. I could only give a faint smile. She glanced at her wristwatch, “I’d love to gossip more, but it’s time for me to get back to work. Can you stay here by yourself?”

“Yes.” I nodded.

“Oh, by the way, Joe asked me to give you this spare key card.” Phii Prang said, handing me the key card.

A spare key card for Phii Joe’s room?

   “Thank you.” I said, taking the key card. How much does he trust me to give me a spare key card? Is he telling me I can come over whenever?

“Just so you know, no one else has a spare key card. Joe is quite protective of his personal space, like his room at home is off-limits.” Oh, right. I remembered that Aunt Da once mentioned that Phii Joe’s room at home didn’t even have a spare key.

“Hmm. Alright then, I’ll go. Don’t sneak out, or Joe will be mad when he comes back and doesn’t find you here, especially since you’re sick. Take your medicine and rest a lot. Joe should be done with his exams around three in the afternoon. So you can do whatever you need to do here.” “I understand.” I agreed. I wasn’t planning on going out anyway, and I’m too lazy to do so. I don’t know where I’d go, and I’m not up to attending classes. Even though the fever isn’t that severe, if I had to choose between studying and sleeping, I’d choose sleep. I waved goodbye to Phii Prang as she left the room.

I got up to wash the used cup at the sink, along with some unwashed dishes from the day before. Normally, there would be a housekeeper, I guess. Whatever, I’ll wash them now.

With nothing to do, I thought of messaging Nao on LINE to ask if he went to class despite being sick. When I opened Line, I noticed the engineering group chat was more active than usual, which made me think something must be up. I guessed it had something to do with the cheerleading club, but I decided to read the group chat first in case there was something else important.

Damn it.

The only word that came to mind after scrolling through the group chat messages was, “Damn it.” In summary:

Today is gear distribution day…

Everyone needs to rush to the cheerleading room before 1 PM. I guessed there must be cheer activities until evening, given the early afternoon start time. What should I do? I heard if you don’t go today, you won’t get your gear.

I really didn’t want to go out because Phii Prang had emphasized not to go anywhere, otherwise Phii Joe would get mad. But I wanted the gear, and so I decided to ask in the group chat:

North♣: If you’re sick today, can you get it later?

   Primmm: North, are you sick? You didn’t come to cheer yesterday either, you’ll really get it now.

   North♣: I have a fever, can I go another day? Primmm: Even if others have a fever, they still come. It has to be something serious like an accident for them to let you come another day.

   North♣: Does it have to be an accident?

   North♣: Should I run into traffic for a moment?

   Primmm: Don’t be silly, come first. If you really can’t, you can ask to leave early, but you have to come and tell the seniors yourself, let them see that North is genuinely sick.

   North♣: If I can’t make it, like I’m on the brink of death from the fever. Just lying here…

   Sketh: @North♣. Have you been sick since last evening? That’s why you went to the doctor for an injection?

   North♣: @Sketh, Skater, you bastard.

   Primmm: North, come first, we’ll try to talk to the seniors for you. If you don’t come, you won’t get your gear, today is an important day.

   North♣: TT

   I only replied with that. If I could go and come back before Phii Joe returns, that would be best. I could go quickly and return before he’s back to avoid getting scolded. If he finds out I snuck out, he’d be upset for sure. It’s not just about being upset; I don’t want to worry him either.

North♣: Nao, are you going this afternoon?

   ☾.: Going. Are you sick too?

   North♣: Yeah, thanks to you, the worst. You sneezed right into my face.

   ☾.: I had to get wet because of you too. Are you coming to get the gear?

   North♣: That’s right. I don’t really want to go, but if I don’t, I won’t get the gear. ☾.: I’ll drag my body there. Heard Phii Prim said to tell the seniors beforehand that we’re not feeling well and ask to leave early, then pick up the gear another day.

   North♣: Can we do that? Are you sure we can ask to leave early?

   ☾.: I think so. It would be pretty harsh if they didn’t allow it.

   North♣: Have our seniors ever been kind before? And why do we need to get the gear today?

   ☾.: It was planned long ago. The seniors have been preparing since morning, but we don’t really care about the freshman activities, so we’re not that informed.

   Yeah, that’s true. It’s not that I didn’t want to join the freshman activities, but with my part-time jobs, I haven’t been able to participate much. Even cheering, I was too lazy, so I found a way to skip like I did yesterday.

North♣: Or maybe I just shouldn’t go at all. Forget the gear.

   ☾.: Come on, at least for the first term, we agreed to participate in freshman activities for the gear, we almost died getting them.

   ☾.: Take i to your Phii Johan.

   ☾.: As a token of affection, you’ll be apart soon anyway, right?

   ☾.: Because he’s going to Boston.

   North♣: Yeah, I’ll go. Let’s hope we can really leave early.

   North♣: It’s in the afternoon, right?

   ☾.: It’s been changed. Now it’s at 12:30.

   North♣: Alright, see you there.

   ☾.: Okay. I took the liberty of wearing Phii Fah’s shirt, which Phii Joe had borrowed to cover me last night, since I was already wearing it. It would be convenient to wash it all at once. Fortunately, there was no sun outside. Otherwise, I might have passed out on the way. The air was slightly cool. I hurried out of the room, hailed a pickup taxi back to my dorm to change into my faculty’s activity uniform.

If it weren’t for the gear distribution day, I wouldn’t have gone. I’m not that eager to get the gear, especially if it means getting scolded by Phii Joe. I’d rather not go. But as Nao said, it’s something to remember each other by when we’re apart. I wanted that, for an engineering student, the gear really is a token of affection.

I planned to just go for a bit and then ask to leave. Phii Joe would be done with his exams around 3 PM. I should have enough time to get back before he’s finished.

In my engineering activity uniform, wearing a raincoat fully zipped up and a face mask to show I was sick, I made my way to my faculty. I saw my friends lining up in front of the gear distribution area, sorted by student ID. I walked over to join them.

“Junior, what’s your ID?” asked a second-year senior.

“ID 249, uh, I can’t take off the raincoat, I’m sick.” I explained. Being sick wasn’t that bad, but the marks on my neck were another story.

“Oh, you’re sick? Can you manage?”

“Uh, not really. I was thinking of asking to leave early. My friend said it was okay to leave first, but if I’m sick, I have to inform the seniors.”

“Oh, I see. I’ll go tell them. Not sure if they’ll let you, though. Go line up with your friends first, we’re about to enter the cheerleading room.” the senior said, then led me to the line. My ID was right next to Duennao’s, who was also wearing a raincoat and face mask.

“How are you feeling?” he asked. “How do you think? I caught your cold.”

“Oh, we’re friends, right? Look at us, both wearing face masks and raincoats.”

“Is that something to be happy about?” I said, “I heard the senior from just now is going to tell the head seniors that we want to leave early.”

“But I asked another senior, and they said we could go, but we have to wait a bit, go into the cheerleading room first.”

“Yeah, that’s good then.”

We walked into the cheerleading room according to our student IDs. I just learned that the seniors required us to turn off and hand over our phones, with our IDs written on them to avoid mix-ups.

“I will return your phones after the activity, please turn them off.” a senior’s voice boomed loudly, making us flinch slightly. Why do people have to be so loud? My throat hurt just hearing it.

As soon as everyone entered and sat in the cheerleading room, the cold air from the AC hit me, making me feel cold right away. Come to think of it, we didn’t even turn on the AC last night because I was cold, but Phii Johan probably didn’t sleep very comfortably, sigh, I’ve made things difficult for him again. T^T

The seniors were briefing us on various tasks that the freshmen were supposed to do, including an annual event similar to a faculty concert, with different roles assigned, and everyone had to decide who would do what. From setting up stalls in the evening to building the stage, and various performances.

After a while, there was the usual seniors’ yelling, typical for the engineering faculty. The freshmen just sat there, heads down, eyes closed. The seniors talked about responsibilities, the cheerleading room, to teach us juniors. Then it was time to receive our gear, lining up one by one on the stage.

It took nearly an hour before it was my turn. “What time is it?” I whispered to Duennao next to me since I wasn’t wearing a watch.

“It’s almost two in the afternoon.”

“I’ve got the gear. Can we ask to leave early?” I said while looking at the gear I was holding. It was the usual gear, I had to hurry and ask to leave or things would get bad. I quietly asked a senior if I could leave early because I wasn’t feeling well, but the senior said to wait until everyone had their gear, just a little more patience.

The real issue was that Phii Joe would be done with his exam soon, T^T.

“What’s the number now?” I whispered to Nao again.

“312.”

“There are over nine hundred freshmen, holy, when will this end.” I sighed, is it really impossible to leave early? If we wait for everyone to get their gear, it’ll be evening.

“Why are you in such a rush? I don’t think the room is that cold. They’ve adjusted the AC for us.”

“I’m in a hurry.” I said, feeling restless. It would take almost fifteen minutes to get back to Phii Joe’s condo, I had to get there before he finished or he’d catch me sneaking out.

“Why the rush? Going to see Phii Joe?”

“Actually, I sneaked out. Phii Joe told me not to go anywhere, just to rest at the condo.”

“Oh shit, how did you get out?”

“He went for an exam, finishes at three in the afternoon.” I said.

“It’s just two now, will you get caught?”

“Yeah, he’ll definitely be mad.” “He’s just worried about you, you’re sick. Why would he tell you not to go out if there wasn’t a reason? See, you’re being stubborn.” Duennao said, which made me turn sharply towards him.

“I’m not being stubborn. I just wanted to get the gear quickly. You were the one who said to get it as something to remember him by, right?” I argued. I’m not being stubborn at all, they wouldn’t let me get it another day.

“You’re right about that, you can say it’s for him, he might understand. Even though you’re sick, you’re here to get gear because you want to give it to him.”

“Well, but I think he’d still be mad if he found out.” It’s better if he doesn’t know, before I coughed a bit from talking too much. The fever seemed stable, not getting worse but not improving either. For me, that’s manageable, I can live normally, just with a bit of discomfort.

“Senior, can I really not leave now?” I asked the senior standing nearby for the hundredth time. My mind was not on the activity now. It was half past two. There’s no way I’d make it on time if I didn’t leave soon.

“No, you can’t. Can’t you just wait for your friends?” the senior replied sternly. What about what they said earlier about being able to leave early? “Do you see the importance of this event?”

“But I’m sick.” I said, sounding equally annoyed. What does that have to do with the event’s importance? I am sick, for crying out loud. When they turned up the AC because someone complained about the heat, it made me feel even colder, making my fever worse.

“What was that about being able to leave, huh?” I whispered to Duennao.

“Well, the other senior said we could really leave, or maybe because it’s the head senior now, they won’t let us.” Duennao said, before starting to shiver from the cold in the room, “Damn, I’m going to die from the cold, is this a fish tank or what?” “Exactly.” Where’s Tiger? Why is he letting his ‘wife’ sit here shivering like this? “What time is it now?”

“2:42 PM.”

“I’m dead, I’m definitely dead.” I said. Damn it, why does it have to be like this? It’ll be almost five before we can actually leave, and my phone is off. Oh no, will Phii Joe worry about me? But he’ll definitely be mad, what should I do? I’m sorry, I really didn’t want to make him worry.

“You said we could leave, why isn’t it like we discussed? Why lie?” Duennao said in a hoarse voice, “We’re getting gear at the cost of our lives, is it worth it?”

“Is it really life or death? Damn it, Nao.”

“Huh?”

“I’m not calling you, just mentioning the cold.”

“Asshole, do you want to go to the bathroom? Then we can make a run for it.” Duennao suggested.

“Will they even escort students to the bathroom?”

“Why would he escort me? I’m a guy, for God’s sake, that’s so cruel.” Duennao said with a slight frown. I thought it was probably to prevent anyone from sneaking out.

“Freshman with ID 249, who is it!” The senior at the front of the stage shouted, making my heart jump when my ID was called. I quickly raised my hand and responded, “Please come to the front.”

I looked puzzled for a moment before standing up and walking to the front of the cheerleading room as instructed. I shook my head slightly when Nao asked from behind what was happening.

“Yes?”

“Your guardian has come to pick you up, you can leave now.”

?? Guardian?

Who, my mom? And why was it so easy to let me out now when before it was almost impossible? I looked confused at the senior before following him out of the cheerleading room.

!!!

Phii Johan

My heart sank when I saw Phii Joe standing outside in his student uniform, arms crossed, leaning against a pillar. When he saw me come out, he looked at me with an expressionless face.

Scary…

His eyes were clearly showing anger. I didn’t know what to do as he walked towards me. I was scared…Why does Phii Joe look so terrifying when he’s angry? My hands started to sweat, my heart began to race, before Phii Joe approached and grabbed one of my wrists, pulling me towards him.

!!

“Do you think everything I do is for what?”

“Do you know how worried I was when I got back to the room and didn’t see you?”

“Can you not just disappear from my sight like this?”

I sat in Phii Johan’s car without saying a word, the atmosphere in the car filled with tension, until the luxury car parked in the condo’s underground parking lot. I followed him up to the room, still not daring to say anything. I hated it when he was angry, it was so terrifying, it made me feel awkward and unsure of what to say or do.

“Phii…ah!” I walked over to where he had slumped onto the sofa, before being pulled to sit straddling him as usual, but no matter how many times it happens, I still feel nervous and uneasy each time. His face didn’t show much emotion, but I could tell he was angry and was trying to keep that anger in check.

Phii Johan pulled down my face mask and gently touched my lips with his finger.

“Ouch.” I said, instinctively turning my face away a little, wincing from the pain. My lips were really hurting now, and he still hadn’t said anything.

“Phii…I’m sorry, today was gear distribution day. If I didn’t go, I wouldn’t get the gear.” I tried to explain, “I didn’t mean to make you worry. I’m really sorry.” I felt genuinely guilty.

“…”

Phii Johan still didn’t say anything, but it seemed like he was waiting for me to say something more. I took one of his hands and placed my gear in his palm.

“I’m giving this to you.”

“…” He didn’t say anything, just glanced briefly at what was in his hand.

“I heard someone say, for an engineering student, giving your gear to someone means entrusting your heart to that person.”

“Can I entrust it to you?”

“…”

“I like you, you know.”

“…”

“I really like you a lot, I’m sorry, and thank you for being with me. No one has ever taken care of me like you do. I’ve never had anyone do for me what you’ve done. I used to think my days were good enough. But when you came into my life, everything felt even better.”

“…”

“Thank you, really.”

“You…”

“…” “Why are you so damn cute?”

 

The song “Until You” – Shayne Ward

   Baby life was good to me

   But you just made it better

   I love the way you stand by me

   Through any kind of weather

  

   I don’t wanna run away just wanna make your day

   When you feel the world is on your shoulders

   I don’t wanna make it worse just wanna make us work

   Baby tell me I will do whatever

  

   It feels like nobody ever knew me until you knew me

   Feels like nobody ever loved me until you loved me

   Feels like nobody ever touched me until you touched me

   Baby, nobody, nobody until you

  

  

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 20 part 1

   Chapter 20: Until You

   “Phii…no! Ugh!” I tried to object, but my lips were pressed with another kiss, this one more forceful than any before, as if all restraint had snapped. I closed my eyes, fearfully, my heart racing, about to burst through my chest any moment, my body temperature rising due to the fever. The warm breath from the person in front of me became quicker, indicating he was getting aroused too, which made me feel like I was going crazy.

“Ugh.” The touch of the hands on my body grew more intense, the grip on my thighs tightened as he moved up my back, causing an even stronger emptiness in my lower abdomen, the pain in my core intensifying. I was breathing heavily through both my nose and mouth as I couldn’t handle the sensations anymore, the hot tongue exploring without regard for how close I was to passing out.

“Ah!” I gasped out loud again when suddenly I was pushed down onto the bed, and Phii Joe straddled me, kissing me quickly without giving me a chance to breathe. The warm touch from one hand moved up from my waist, slowly lifting my shirt, while the other hand gripped my waist, massaging around my hips.

My sanity was scattering, every touch felt overwhelming, and I couldn’t resist or oppose it. I was truly going mad.

Why does he…

“Ughh!” When he moved his lips away, sliding his face down to my neck, using the tip of his nose to press and move around. I held my breath as his warm breath played around my neck and ears, slightly startled when he bit to leave red marks, and even more so when Phii Johan started kissing down from my neck to my collarbone, repeatedly kissing my chest.

“Uh! Phii…no, please stop.” I tried to push him away, but the fever had weakened my body, and my head started to feel heavy. Even so, my body still responded to his touches. I started to feel a headache more intense due to the worsening fever. “Phii…uh. I…can’t, please stop.” I tried to say again, my voice weak from exhaustion. Phii Johan slowly stopped his actions, shifting slightly, then moving back to straddle me, leaning his face close, touching my lips gently before pulling away. His sharp gaze looked straight at me, and with the dim light, I could see him to some extent.

Strangely, this time, I didn’t want to look away like before. I returned his gaze, this wasn’t the first time I’ve looked at him this closely, but it was the first time I dared to look into his eyes like this.

His eyes are so beautiful.

His nose too.

His lips as well.

Seeing him this close made me even more sure, he looked perfect in every way.

“Do you want me to stop?”

His deep voice asked, that slight smirk making my heart skip a beat again. Everyone says they can’t resist Phii Johan’s smile like this. I never thought I’d be one of them until now.

And I guess I’m completely defeated by everything…

“Yeah…please.” I whispered.

“Hmm?” Phii Johan whispered near my ear. I flinched at the deep sound.

“What should I do then? If you want me to stop?”

“…” I looked back in confusion, before he lifted me back to the straddling position, making my eye level close to his. This felt like I was being forced not to look away, and soon I felt I couldn’t withstand his gaze, but when I tried to look away, I was pulled even closer. I found myself placing my hand on Phii Joe’s shoulder.

“Ah!” I was startled when he grabbed my waist, pulling our lower bodies even closer, making me more embarrassed, “Uh…I mean, what should I do, you mean…what?”

“…” Phii Johan didn’t respond, just looked back at me, his eyes filled with mischief and malice. I didn’t know what to do, wanting to move away because I was so embarrassed by the way I was straddling him, especially this close. My heart still hadn’t calmed down, and I was breathing heavily.

What to do…when you want to ask for something…

   I decided to lean down slightly, bringing my face closer to his, gently touching my lips to his. He responded, but unlike before when he led, this time it seemed he wanted me to take the initiative.

And I…had no idea how to do it.

“Ugh!” I let out a small sound when he bit my lower lip, but Phii Johan still allowed me to continue kissing awkwardly. After a while, I stopped and pulled back.

“Just that?” he raised an eyebrow, his arms around my waist. Looking down at him like this felt really strange, and he looked up at me with an expression that suggested he was enjoying teasing me.

“…”

“Ugh, well, I don’t know.” I said, turning my gaze away, unable to meet his eyes out of shyness.

“Again.”

“Huh…What?”

“Do it again, I’m not satisfied yet.”

!! Cute… I looked at the person in front of me, trying to kiss me while visibly embarrassed and unsure. My face, already red from fever, felt even hotter under his touch. My body temperature was higher than normal due to illness, but it seemed to get even hotter when he touched me.

Seeing that I was sick, I should be patient…very patient, ever since I snuggled into him asking for a hug. But someone like me didn’t know how long I could endure this. My mouth said to stop, but my eyes were saying something else, his soft, inviting skin all over, the faint sweet scent, the sweet voice whispering in my ear, calling out to me.

I was the one who was about to go mad.

I glanced at the red marks I had left on him with satisfaction; they stood out starkly against his fair skin. There were marks all over his neck and down to his chest, more than last time, almost without realizing how many I had made.

And they were marks of ownership too.

“Uh, Phii…can we stop now, please?” he asked softly, his hands that were clinging to my shoulders starting to lose strength, his eyes half-closed, breathing heavily and exhaling warm breath.

Every reaction when I hugged, kissed, or did more, it made me want to do even more, to the point where I said I wanted to leave him covered in marks.

Oh, but I guess he’s already quite marked up…

…

“No.” I said, before turning my gaze back to his eyes, and he looked away again. I noticed he’s never been able to meet my gaze head-on, only a few times he dared to look back, but only briefly.

He leaned in cautiously, pressing a light kiss once more. I felt the touch was hotter than usual, his hot tongue trying to slip in, but when I didn’t respond much, he didn’t dare to do more. He pulled back again, his face flushed and his lips tightly pressed together.

“Phii…”

“Hmm.”

“Uh…Phii. I really don’t know how…I’m serious.” he said quietly, still looking away.

“…”

“Phii…can’t you do it first?”

“Do what?”

“Well…”

“…”

“A kiss.”

“Ask properly.” I said, the corner of my mouth twitching into a slight smile when I heard that. I understood what he meant. I just wanted him to say it.

“Uh…it’s just that…”

“…”

“Phii…can you kiss me, please?”

“…”

♣♣♣

Ugh…

Hurts…

I woke up groggily due to the sunlight filtering through the curtains, the first feeling being a slight headache from the fever, but more than that,

My lips

And the marks he left on me last night. My lips hurt… He said if I wanted something, I should kiss him first. Even though he said that, he was always the one to initiate the kiss. When it was my turn, I didn’t know how, and it was so embarrassing. He probably wasn’t that pleased with my attempts. So, I thought it was better for him to kiss me first.

Ugh, so mean. I’m sick, why can’t he be gentle for once?

I couldn’t see Phii Johan anywhere, guessing he might have gone to the exam. It was around nine. I also had classes, but I definitely couldn’t go. The fever seemed slightly better after resting, but it would have been better if last night hadn’t…Ah, no, I won’t think about it. T^T

I slowly got up from the bed to wash my face. Even though I tried not to think about it, it was like there was a replay in my head. Ugh, why so cruel. One day, I might die of a heart attack, or worse, I might have died already. Looking in the mirror, I saw the red marks indeed covered my neck and extended to my chest; some spots still felt tender. Why was he so rough? T^T

After washing my face, I sat down on the sofa, feeling a bit dizzy but able to walk. Initially, I planned to make something to eat, but once I sat on the sofa, I felt too lazy to move. I decided to just sit here for a while, idly watching TV for about ten minutes.

Then I heard a knock at the door. I quickly got up to open it.

Is Phii Joe back already?

Why did he finish the exam so quickly?

Oh, no.

It’s Phii Prang, isn’t it?

“Wait, what does that look mean? Are you disappointed that it’s me who came to see you?” Phii Prang said with a frown, holding bags full of something. “Phii Prang, hello, uh, Phii Joe isn’t here, he went for an exam.” “I know. Joe sent me to check on you, and look, I brought some food too.” Phii Prang said, showing me the bags which contained porridge, some snacks, and various medications, “Oh, wait, dear.”

“Yes?”

“This is…” Phii Prang looked stunned for a moment, staring at my neck. “Oh my, wait, scream, my little one.” Phii Prang started to fuss in surprise. I quickly covered my neck with my hand because I didn’t expect anyone to visit, so I didn’t wear anything to cover it up. This is bad. T^T

“Did Joe do this!”

“Uh…yes.” I nodded, feeling embarrassed.

“Oh my, you’re sick, Johan, the junior is sick, why would you do this, why are you so cruel, why so intense, what’s with men like Johan?” Phii Prang said, twisting her body with excitement, “It’s so harsh. Not gentle at all with someone who’s sick…and don’t tell me…Uh, you two went all the way…”

“No, no, not to that extent.” I shook my head to deny it immediately.

“Really? Even with marks all over your neck like this?” Phii Prang said before going into the kitchen area, pouring out some porridge for me, “Really, you’re not lying to me, right? I told you not to be embarrassed with me.”

“Phii Prang, I’m not lying.” I said, dragging my words, why do I have to be asked something like this? T^T, before thanking her for bringing me porridge, but when I tried to eat it…

My mouth hurts…

“Oh, my dear, does it hurt? Can’t even eat, your lips are cracked too, why is Joe so intense?” Phii Prang said, scooting closer to sit beside me and gently patting my head, “Why do I find you so adorable, my dear?” “Wait, Phii Prang, am I now like your child?” “Uh. You’re just so cute. Look, your neck is all red, and your lips are cracked, did you guys kiss?”

I didn’t dare to answer, just nodded slightly instead.

“Oh my, oh my, I’m going to faint, kissing until your lips are cracked, does Joe have to be this intense? And someone like Johan, he doesn’t do more, oh, I admire his restraint. Kissing like this, how much self-control must he have?”

“Restraint?” I raised an eyebrow, echoing her words.

“Yes, restraint from doing more. Normally, it wouldn’t be possible.” Phii Prang said excitedly before taking a bite of the snack she bought. Wait, so the snacks are for her?

But…

He was restraining himself, huh?

So he was restraining himself. I’m already covered in marks. T^T

“And when did you start dating?” Phii Prang asked while I was trying hard to eat the porridge, it hurts, no matter how I try to eat it hurts. It wasn’t this bad last time.

“We’re not dating.” I answered truthfully, which made Phii Prang look extremely surprised.

“Wait, you guys aren’t dating yet? Why? You both like each other, right? Or do you not like him?”

“Uh…I do like him.” I answered based on my feelings. Yes…I think I’m liking him more and more, to the point where I might even call it love.

“Have you ever told him?”

Well, no.

I’ve never told him. I think he might already sense it. Even if telling him would make it clearer, I haven’t had a good opportunity.

“I’ve never told him.”

“Go on then, tell him, so you can start dating.” Phii Prang said. “Wow, dating?” I muttered to myself softly. Honestly, I can’t really imagine what dating him would be like. I don’t know if things would stay the same or change, “Probably not right now.” I said, shaking my head slightly.

“What do you mean?”

“Dating, I guess it’s not going to happen anytime soon. He seems pretty busy.” I explained. He really does seem busy, with work and exams, and then he’s going to Boston too.

“Wow, are you being too understanding? Don’t you want to ask or push a little? You’ve come this far, if I were you, I’d be freaking out, at least one of us would want to know where we stand.” Phii Prang said with a slight hint of irritation, “But, yeah, seriously. If you push or make a fuss, Joe might just get annoyed.”

“But I think he wouldn’t mind if it’s you.” Phii Prang said, then patted my head again.

“Really? I’m not worried about Phii Joe getting annoyed, it’s just…I feel like, how should I put it, it’s okay like this, whatever makes him comfortable.” I said, following my thoughts. That’s how I truly feel. With all the stress of work and study, I don’t want to add to his worries with my own issues. I’d rather be someone he feels at ease with, “But maybe when the time comes, I’ll ask.”

“Ask about dating?”

“Yes, I guess I’ll have to wait for the right moment.” As I’ve mentioned before, I want to know him better too, “Phii Prang, could you tell me more about Phii Joe?” I figured Phii Prang might know more about Phii Joe than I do. It might be good to hear stories from her; there might be things I still don’t know, like details about his job. I learned about those from Phii Prang.

“Oh. Well…what should I tell you? You know everything, about his work, the company, what else do you want to know? Joe is in his second year at medical school.” “I know about his studies, something else, anything, just tell me.” I said before taking the last spoonful of porridge, it had been the most challenging meal of porridge I’ve ever had.

“Uh, about what? One thing that really impressed me is, you know, Joe, who’s the chairman’s son and the future president of the company, he greets the security guard at the company entrance. Did you know that? I was really shocked when I saw it, it shows how respectful he can be to those he should respect.”

“Wow, really?” I said. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe it, just that it was somewhat surprising, but indeed, it’s impressive. I thought that before picking up the medicine packets Phii Prang bought to look at them.

“These medicines, Joe ordered them. I don’t know what exactly, but yeah, and also, my work is quite busy. At first, I couldn’t have come to see you, but Joe paid me to come, tempted me with a bonus. No matter how tough the work was, I managed to make time, and had to beg the colleagues next to me to help clear my work.”

“Wow, thank you.”

“That’s how it is, Joe needed to rush off for exams. Don’t be mad at him, okay?”

“I’m not mad. Even if Phii Prang didn’t come, I wouldn’t be angry. I could have cooked something myself. It’s just a fever.” I said. Why would I be mad about something like this? Everyone has their studies and exams, right?

“Wow, you’re really good, huh? And about the story I was supposed to tell, hmm, there is one, actually. Before you met him, you’d never encountered him, right?”

I nodded.

“When I was first transferred to be Joe’s secretary, Khunying, uh, Joe’s mother, she often talked to me. She’s a very beautiful lady and extremely kind, but the president is quite strict because he’s the head of the company. You know, his stern side can be really scary. Joe is becoming more and more like his father every day. I started to fear Joe more and more.”

“I see.” I nodded to show I understood, imagining how intimidating that could be. But now I’m curious about how beautiful Phii Joe’s mother must be for her son to be so handsome.

“Joe is the only son, so he’s the hope of the president, with all the pressures as I’ve mentioned before. You know, before university, Joe didn’t live here, right? You’ve been to his house before, right?” I nodded in response, “This is where the president and his wife live together, but there’s also a big house where the grandparents live.”

“During middle school, he lived there with his grandparents, and the president and his wife would visit sometimes, because both were busy with work.”

“Oh…” So, because both parents were busy, he had to live with his grandparents instead?

“And you, when did you first meet him?” Phii Prang asked.

“When I was drunk, that’s when. Before that, I had seen him a few times because he’s friends with my friend’s boyfriend.”

“Friends with your friend’s boyfriend…” Phii Prang repeated my words and pondered for a moment, “Oh. So before that, you don’t really know how things were between you two.”

“Yes.”

“Have you ever asked him?”

“Yes, but he wouldn’t tell.” and I think he definitely won’t tell the story.

“Maybe you met but you didn’t recognize him?”

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 19 part 2

“He said he’d take me on a trip during the break, and told me to think about where I want to go.” I said. Honestly, there are so many places I want to visit, but deciding which one to go to first is quite hard. “But many things would probably depend on him, right? So maybe I should go wherever he wants.”

“I don’t know. Just talk it out with him. Hey, North, are you hungry? I’m starving.” “It’s so late, yeah. But you’re always hungry at this time.” I said. Ter eats a lot, especially sweets, to the point where I’ve considered learning how to manage diabetes care. But he said we need to control his diet first, which is the hardest thing for Ter. “There’s a rule not to eat after midnight.”

“Afraid of getting fat?”

“Afraid of running out of money.” I sighed, “We can’t just eat whatever we want every night, Ter. Like that time you wanted to eat dumplings at midnight. Who would be open to selling to you?” I remembered the torturous night when Ter wanted dumplings at midnight, and in the end, he settled for snacks from a convenience store, thanks to Phii Hill who could afford to treat him.

“But we’re at a coffee shop, there’s plenty of stuff for sale downstairs. Let’s get something. Aren’t you hungry?”

“Yeah, I am hungry.” I admitted, starting to feel the hunger. If we waited longer, I’d be even more famished, but then I remembered I didn’t bring my wallet. “I didn’t bring my wallet. If you’re paying, we can go get something.”

“North, I always treat you. Go ask the owner, little dog.”

“I don’t want to.” I shook my head, suddenly having to ask for money was awkward.

“Wag your tail and stick out your tongue, the owner will give you a treat. If that’s not enough, you can fetch a stick too.” Ter said with utmost seriousness, which was quite annoying.

“Spit, bastard. I won’t eat it then, I’ll just take it from you.”

“You’re so bad, stop snatching other people’s food. Go ask for some.”

“…”

“Quickly.”

“Alright, alright.” I agreed reluctantly. It shouldn’t be a big deal. Just asking to buy something to eat. Maybe he’s hungry too, studying for so long. I stood up and walked over to sit on the empty chair next to him. Phii Johan glanced at me slightly.

“Phii…I forgot my wallet.”

“How much do you need?”

“Huh? Oh, not much. Just going to get something to eat downstairs.” I was slightly taken aback by Phii Joe asking how much I needed, like he immediately knew I was asking for money, T^T.

Phii Johan didn’t say anything, just handed me a thousand baht note. I took the money and nodded slightly in thanks.

“Do you want anything?” I asked.

“An Americano, you make it.” Phii Joe said before turning his attention back to the sheet in front of him.

“Joe.” Phii Arthit called out.

“What?”

“Where’s the bathroom?”

“Don’t know, why are you asking me?”

“Aren’t you the owner of the shop?”

“I don’t know.”

“What kind of owner are you?”

“I just signed the checks, that’s all.” Phii Johan said. I wasn’t too surprised; it’s just like Phii Prang said.

“It’s on the second floor, Phii Arthit, go down and turn left at the hallway.” I said, knowing almost everything since I work here.

“Yeah, you should know this stuff.” Phii Arthit said before heading downstairs to use the bathroom. Ter and I went downstairs to buy something to eat as well, ordering a sweet drink each and some snacks since we ran out of rice. “Uh, can I make the Americano?” I asked, remembering Phii Joe asked me to make it. I guessed it wouldn’t taste very good, as Phii Arthit had said it was too bitter, but Phii Joe probably likes this taste, which is why he asked me to make it.

“Uh, is that okay?” one of the employees hesitated before turning to Phii Kim, “The customer wants to make his own coffee.”

“Oh, sure, did Joe order it?” Senior Kim raised an eyebrow, “Come on in.”

“Is the owner here?” the female employee said, twisting her body in embarrassment, “Oh, he’s so handsome, does he like Americano? I’ll practice making it every day.”

“He’s really, really handsome, isn’t he? How can someone be that good-looking, and he’s rich too, right? He’s perfect, like a model, tall, over 180 cm, and with such a great body.”

“All his friends are handsome too, I saw when they went upstairs.”

“Second-year med students are all the same, I see them on the page often. Oh, there’s version two of the page now, after the first one got shut down. The admin just made a new one the other day.”

“That’s good, I’ll go like it later. Why isn’t there a fan club page for him by the way? I’d be the first to scream, what kind of person makes your heart race just by looking at them? Ugh, I want him to be my husband, just my husband.”

And there were countless more compliments that made me smile shyly as I listened, feeling embarrassed on his behalf. Why so much praise? I was making coffee at the same time. Phii Joe must be used to such compliments by now, but if it were me receiving them, I’d be floating out of this world by now.

I walked back upstairs with Ter, carrying snacks and drinks. I placed the Americano on the table and returned to my usual spot to eat the snacks. It was midnight now. They said they’d study until around one, right? I was starting to feel sleepy.

“Hey, North. You said you had a headache, and now you’ve eaten something cold, won’t that make you worse?” Ter said, looking surprised as if he just remembered.

“It’s too late now.” I said. Why warn me now when I’ve nearly finished half the cup? “It should be fine. I don’t feel any worse.” I said, going by how I felt. It’s just cold water, how bad could it get? But was the rain outside getting heavier? It felt so cold.

“It’s no big deal if you’re fine, North, but your face is all red.”

“Really?” Ter touched my forehead and quickly withdrew his hand as if it was too hot. Was it that hot? I was starting to feel a bit hot and cold.

“Really hot, damn, I forgot you shouldn’t drink cold stuff, your face is redder than before.”

“Uh…just…” I couldn’t finish my sentence before I started coughing, my throat itchy. “Damn…” I coughed again when I tried to speak, why was my throat so itchy? The iced green tea, being both sweet and cold, made it worse.

“This is bad. Tell Phii Joe.”

“No way. I won’t tell him, he’ll definitely scold me.” I said worriedly. He’d surely scold me, T^T. I was so confident about not getting sick.

“Well, I think it’s too late for that.” Ter said, glancing behind me. It looked like someone was approaching.

“…”

“Didn’t you say you wouldn’t get a cold?”

Phii Joe…

“…” I didn’t respond, just turned to look at the person who had knelt down beside me, his strong hand gently touching my face with a look of concern mixed with displeasure.

“Are you not feeling well?” Phii Fah asked, looking my way. “Yeah.” Phii Joe answered.

“Caught in the rain?” Phii Fah asked.

“No, I think I caught it from a friend.” I said truthfully. I’ve never gotten sick from being in the rain, I can repeat that as many times as necessary, I’m sure it’s because of Nao.

“Take him to the hospital.” Phii Hill suggested.

“Hmm.”

“No, I don’t want to.” I quickly interjected at the mention of the hospital. I don’t want to go to the hospital, T^T, “It’s nothing. It’s not serious enough to go to the hospital.”

“…” Phii Joe didn’t respond. I lowered my head to avoid the terrifying gaze from the person beside me before Phii Johan got up, grabbed Phii Fah’s raincoat, and draped it over me, “I’ll return this later, Fah.”

“Sure, and now what?”

“Where’s the nearest hospital?”

“I really don’t want to go to the hospital.” I interjected again. It’s not that I’m scared of doctors or hospitals, but it’s just a cold. There’s no need for a hospital visit, and besides, he still needs to study for exams, “I really don’t want to go. Please, finish studying first.”

“…”

Phii Johan ignored my words, moving as if to carry me, but I backed away slightly, which only seemed to make him more displeased.

“Phii, I really don’t want to go. It’s just a cold, I’ll get better soon.”

“North.”

“…”

Phii Johan called my name in a low voice, as if he had run out of patience to listen to me. He then scooped me up instead of supporting me. I gasped in surprise as I was suddenly lifted off the ground, squirming a little but starting to feel lightheaded.

“Quick, he’s feeling faint.” Phii Fah said.

“Yeah.” Before Phii Joe carried me downstairs to the car, my vision started to blur. I didn’t understand why I felt this sleepy, it was like I saw Phii Fah coming down with us, bringing my bag to the car.

“You can go to my family’s hospital, I’ll call ahead. If you need to stay overnight, I’ll reserve a special room for you.” Phii Fah said while opening the driver’s side door, and Phii Joe gently laid me down on the seat.

“Hmm, thanks, Fah.” Phii Joe said before taking the bag Phii Fah handed him and walked around to the other side, throwing the bag in the back before starting the car. I could feel the car moving because of the heavy rain still pouring outside. Even without the air conditioning on, it was very cold. I hugged myself tighter before drifting off to sleep.

So cold…

I wasn’t sure if I was awake or dreaming; it felt more like a half-sleep state. I slowly opened my eyes to see everything blurry, with dim light from above. I curled up to stay warm under the thick blanket covering me, but I was still feeling cold and wanted something even warmer.

“Cold.” I managed to say, my voice hoarse, as if I saw someone sitting next to me, leaning against the headboard.

“You’re already covered with three blankets.”

Is that Phii Joe…

Ah, it’s so cold.

I slowly moved towards the voice.

“What are you doing?” he asked, sounding slightly surprised as I moved closer and burrowed into him. Why was he so warm? “…” Phii Joe didn’t say anything more, just used one arm to pull me closer. I noticed his other hand was holding something. Once I was close, I moved even closer.

It smells so good, what is that scent? Why does it feel so comforting? I burrowed further to catch the scent, and he seemed a bit awkward when I rubbed my nose against his neck.

So warm, and it smells good too, I want to stay like this for a long time.

“Hmm, give me a hug.”

“…”

“Phii Joe, hug me.”

“You…”

…

“Ugh.” I half-woke up, the first sensation being warmth, then a slight headache. I saw a familiar room, dimly lit with light from a bedside lamp. As I became more aware, I realized I was leaning back against Phii Johan’s chest, with Phii Joe propped against the bed, one arm around me, the other holding some papers.

“Phii…” I whispered, calling out to him softly as I shifted slightly.

“Sore?”

“No, how about you?” I asked back, feeling that he was probably the one who should be feeling sore. How long had I been lying like this? “How did I end up here?” I mean, how did I end up in this position?

“You said you were cold.” Phii Joe said. That made me raise an eyebrow in surprise, meaning I had burrowed into his embrace myself…

“I’m sorry, are you sore? I can get up if you need.”

“It’s fine, aren’t you cold?”

“Yes.” I let myself stay in his embrace. I really like it…How can one person’s embrace be this warm, and it feels so good too. No one has ever held me like this when I was sick before.

“Are you studying for tomorrow’s exam?” I asked when I glanced over and saw Phii Joe reading some exam sheets. Not only was I not really understanding, but I was even more confused when I saw it was all in English. Because I got sick, he didn’t stay to study with friends, had to come back, and then said he was going to take me to the hospital. I don’t know if we went or not, I’ve been asleep the whole time, T^T.

“Hmm.” was all he answered while his eyes were still on the paper. The only light on was the bedside lamp, perhaps because he was worried I wouldn’t sleep well? But wouldn’t it be bad for his eyes to study in such dim light?

“You can turn on the light if you want.”

“You should be able to sleep by now.” Phii Joe said, tightening his embrace a bit. I still felt hot, isn’t he hot when he holds me like this?

I tried to close my eyes as he suggested, but I couldn’t fall asleep.

“What time is it now?”

“Three AM.”

“Wow, you should be able to sleep too then.”

“In a bit.”

“Do you usually study this late?”

“Yes.”

“What about when you said you’d take me to the hospital?”

“We’ve been and the doctor said it’s not too serious.” Phii Joe responded.

“Oh…I was actually talking to Ter about going on a trip. Ter said he’s going to Japan with Phii Hill during the break.” I said, remembering, but then realized I shouldn’t bother him now since he was studying. I shouldn’t disturb him. “Do you want to go?”

“Yeah, Japan sounds nice.”

“Really? But I don’t want to go with Hill, and I’ve been to Japan often.”

“But I can’t think of anywhere I want to go.” I said, “Usually, people who haven’t traveled abroad go to Japan first. I’ve never been abroad either.”

“The Northern Lights.”

“Huh?”

“Do you want to see them?”

“The Northern Lights…Wow, I’d love to see them. Just seeing pictures, I know they’re incredibly beautiful, are you going?” I asked with excitement, I wanted to go too, but isn’t it far? The expenses would be quite significant.

“Hmm, want to go?”

“I do…but.” I said softly, of course, I wanted to go. Who wouldn’t? But there are a lot of things to consider, and can I even go? “Can I go?”

“Hmm, let’s go after the term ends.”

“Where?”

“Norway.”

Norway!!

Norway, really!

“Norway!?” I exclaimed in surprise, and because I used too much voice, I ended up coughing. I sat up on the bed to avoid infecting Phii Joe, before he handed me a glass of water. I quickly took it, “Thank you.” drinking water helped a lot.

“Wow, isn’t that too far? Norway, I mean. I don’t know if my family would let me go.” I said, but if you ask me, I think my family would allow it. My mother likes me to gain new experiences, or she wouldn’t have let me do part-time work, but going abroad might need another ask.

“I can explain it to you later.” “Thanks.” I thanked him again. Phii Johan put down the papers and lifted me onto his lap, facing him, almost straddling him. This position made me feel nervous. I could hear the rain outside because the balcony door next to the bedroom was slightly open, and the soft light from the lamp made his face clearer.

“You said you wouldn’t get sick.” Phii Joe asked in a flat tone that made my hair stand on end, his face calm but clearly angry.

“Uh…Well. I really didn’t get sick from the rain, I got sick from Duennao.” I said truthfully. Sitting like this felt even stranger, the heat in my chest spreading to my stomach, my breath warm. I didn’t know if it was the fever making my body this hot, and this sitting position made me have to look down.

“But you’re still sick?”

“…”

“Sorry…uh.” before a strong hand pressed on the back of my head, pulling me in for a fierce kiss. I closed my eyes tightly, gripping his shirt with both hands, while his other arm pulled me closer until our lower bodies were touching. The fever made my breath even hotter.

I responded to the touches cautiously, as his hot tongue intertwined with mine, sweeping all over as if to claim everything, making my heart beat faster and faster until it felt like it would burst out, creating a hollow feeling in my stomach.

Phii Johan reached out and took my hand, placing it around his neck when he realized my arms were weak.

“Ah!” I gasped in surprise and opened my eyes when his hand gently squeezed between my thighs and moved closer, just that touch was enough to send my body into turmoil. Phii Joe was also breathing faster, seemingly aroused, and his other hot hand lifted my oversized shirt, tracing from my waist and slowly moving up.

And the heat from his touch made me feel even hotter. “Uh, Phii…ah!” I mumbled through our kiss, while his hands still roamed over my body. Phii Johan slowly pulled away from the kiss, trailing his lips down to my neck, then softly biting and sucking there.

“Ah! …oh.” I let out a sound when the warmth of his tongue circled my neck and ear, his hand that was at my waist lifted my shirt further until his fingers touched my nipple, pressing lightly and then circling, sending shivers across my chest.

“Ugh, no, no more.” I protested, even though my mind was going blank with the fever making me feel heavy-headed. Encountering something like this made it even harder to think. My breathing was rapid, both through my mouth and nose, feeling like I was drowning again as my heart worked overtime. I was genuinely scared it might explode; the feeling of emptiness in my stomach and the heat rising in my chest intensified.

I winced slightly as I felt a sharp pain in my throat, wanting to move away but unable to. I was completely drained of resistance. Why would you do this to someone who’s sick?

“Ugh.” my chest might be embarrassed, but…it felt good. The pain in my private area was growing, becoming unbearable. I was seriously on the verge of a heart attack.

“Phii, that’s enough…” I said quietly. Phii Johan gave a small, pleased smile at my reaction before moving closer, whispering softly in my ear.

“…”

“Do you know how much I had to endure just now?”

“…”

“How should I punish a liar?”

🙂

   Punish!?

  

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 19 part 1

   Chapter 19: A Bad Liar

   “…”

I didn’t say anything, letting the sound of the rain cover everything, drowning out even the sound of my own heartbeat, but I could still feel how strong it was beating. The person next to me didn’t say anything either.

I took a small breath before deciding to voice something that was on my mind.

“I already think about this thing I am doing with you, you know.”

My words made Phii Johan look back at me again, his expression unreadable.

“But I think…it would be better if we could be together.”

“If you feel like you’re shouldering everything alone, I’ll be right there beside you.”

“So…can you try to cut down on smoking?”

“…” “I’m worried about you.”

As I said this, my heart was beating even stronger. It was quite dark here since the balcony light was off, only the light from inside the room seeping through the curtains. I hoped the dimness would hide my embarrassed demeanor from his gaze. I didn’t even dare to turn and look at his expression.

“What did you say again?”

Phii Johan’s words made me turn back to look at him, a slight smirk on his lips, looking somewhat pleased.

Phii…

Is that…?

“If you want to ask for something, what should you do in return?”

With that sentence, I instantly understood its meaning.

And I knew I couldn’t escape or avoid it now. My heart was still pounding hard, and it seemed to be beating even harder. I took a few steps closer to him, then stopped, looking up at him who hadn’t spoken further.

I stood on my tiptoes as our faces got closer. I closed my eyes instinctively, and before I could do anything more, one of his strong arms pulled me closer, lifting me slightly before pressing his lips onto mine, the faint smell of cigarette smoke from him reaching me.

Suddenly being pulled in, I was startled enough to open my eyes briefly, catching sight of the red glow from the cigarette being extinguished. His hand that held the cigarette let it drop carelessly, and then both hands lifted me until I was off the ground, not breaking the kiss.

“Ah!” I gasped in surprise as my feet left the floor. Phii Johan lifted me and placed me on a high table used for storage. I only then noticed there was a table there, high enough that my feet didn’t touch the ground, which brought our eyes to the same level. The kiss deepened, and soon his warm tongue met mine, exploring thoroughly. I responded to the touch, squeezing my eyes shut, gripping his shirt tightly. One of his hands pressed the back of my neck, pulling me closer as if we weren’t close enough.

I heard the voices of others in the room, fully aware that only a glass door and curtains separated us from them, but my mind went blank. I couldn’t think, could only let my heart race as if it might burst, feeling heat spread across my chest. Phii Johan wrapped both arms around my waist, drawing me even closer.

“Ugh.” I let out a sound as Phii Johan’s kiss intensified, pressing and nibbling on both my upper and lower lips. My arms and legs felt like all strength was being siphoned away, embarrassing sounds escaping as his warm breath lingered around my cheeks and ears, making me feel even hotter despite the rain outside or the cool atmosphere.

I was breathing heavily, not understanding the fluttering sensation in my lower abdomen, only aware that my heart felt like it was about to explode. The warmth from his touch only grew, as if Phii Johan would not stop easily. The intense kiss lasted for nearly ten minutes or maybe longer.

No matter how fast I was breathing, it felt like I couldn’t catch my breath, like I was drowning. I tried to push the other person away to make him stop, and Phii Johan withdrew the kiss willingly, but his eyes remained fixed on my lips as if he didn’t want to look away, and once again, I couldn’t meet his gaze.

I was breathing heavily, both through my nose and mouth, and as with every time, even after we had stopped kissing, the sensation lingered, the feeling on my lips and inside, it felt like I was still being kissed by him. I pressed my lips together slightly to chase away the numbness, secretly wiping my lips when I felt they were too swollen.

“…” I flinched slightly when Phii Johan raised his hand, using his thumb to gently press on my lips, and what made me more flustered was the way those eyes looked at me.

They said everything…

We stared at each other for a while, the backdrop being the curtain of rain, the dim light from inside casting over us, before the person in front of me slowly leaned down to kiss me gently again. I closed my eyes, letting my hands fall to my sides, when our hands touched, Phii Johan turned his hand to hold mine, pressing his lips there for a moment before pulling away.

Phii Joe glanced at me briefly. No one spoke after that, and then he lifted me off the high table, leading the way to the balcony door. I followed slowly after regaining some of my composure.

When we walked back into the room, almost every pair of eyes turned to look at us, except Phii Arthit and Phii Hill who seemed uninterested, and Ter, who was sitting next to Phii Hill, looked at me and then quickly averted his gaze.

Ter…how many times have I told you not to do this, it makes me even more embarrassed, T^T

“Guess the pack of cigarettes is empty now.” Phii Arthit teased without looking away from his phone screen. Phii Johan shrugged indifferently before sitting back down.

“Tit, do you have that with you?” Phii Joe asked. I went to sit next to Phii Joe because I didn’t know where else to sit. I couldn’t sit in my original spot with Ter, as he was with his partner.

“What?”

“Nicotine gum.” “Oh, yeah, got it.” Phii Arthit looked up to answer, “Do you want some?” “Can I have some?” Phii Johan’s response made Phii Arthit reach into his bag, rummage for something, and then pull out some kind of package, tossing it to Phii Johan, who caught it.

“Are you quitting?” Phii Fah, who was sitting across from them and next to Phii Arthit, asked.

“Hmm, does this help?”

“Look at Arthit, he carries them every day, but only smokes two or three a day. The best way is to quit cold turkey like Hill.” Phii Fah said.

“Trying is helping a bit, you might not want it much.” Phii Arthit added, “But I still want to smoke, man.”

“Yeah.” Phii Johan replied, pulling out something from a pack and popping it into his mouth. He told me it was nicotine gum, which I assumed was for quitting smoking.

So, Phii Joe intends to quit smoking…

   Because I asked him to?

   I’m so happy.

   Even if he hasn’t completely quit yet, just thinking about it is good.

   “Did the little one ask you to quit?” Phii Fah raised an eyebrow, looking at me.

“Yeah.” Phii Joe answered while chewing the gum, then grimaced slightly, “It’s not tasty, bastard.”

“Gum doesn’t really help that much. Just quit abruptly like Hill.” Phii Fah repeated, “Yeah, but it must be hard. You smoke more than Hill.”

“Right, Hill doesn’t smoke as heavily as us.” Phii Arthit said, “How’s it chewing?”

“Tastes like dog food.” Phii Joe remarked, “But it’s good for a direct nicotine hit. Didn’t even finish a cigarette earlier.” “It’s just another way of getting nicotine. It’s just less likely to give you lung cancer.” Phii Fah explained, “It would be better if you also reduced your workload. Otherwise, you’ll die first.”

“I know already.”

“Know what?”

“Let’s see first.”

“Okay.” Phii Fah nodded in disgust, then Phii Hill returned to his seat, signaling the end of the break. It was time to continue studying. I went back to sit with Ter. It was past nine, almost midnight. They had planned to meet at eight to study for hours, with just a fifteen-minute break, but I overheard that there wasn’t much content left to cover. We could probably leave by one.

“North, you’re really not going to tell Phii Joe?” Ter asked as we were lounging around. I was in a half-sitting, half-lying position, wanting to sleep but couldn’t because of the hanging chair.

I was feeling dizzy…

   And it was getting worse.

   “I won’t tell.” I replied.

“Why? Are you worried?”

“No, I feel…I’ve lost a bet.” I answered according to how I felt. I had bragged earlier that I never get a cold from the rain. I was also quite surprised. I’ve never gotten a cold from being in the rain.

It must be because that bastard Nao sneezed right in my face.

   The most evil person…

   T^T, I have to get sick because someone sneezed in my face!

   “How do you feel right now?” “Dizzy, maybe I’m just hungry.” “Really? You look sick, your face and lips are so red.” Ter remarked, “Wait, or is your face and lips red because…” He deliberately left the sentence unfinished, giving me a teasing smile.

“Ter, stop teasing.” I said, making a face at him.

“Tell Phii Joe you have a headache.”

“No, it might just be nothing.” I shook my head in denial.

“Hey, hey, North, I almost forgot, just now…Oh, I’m embarrassed, hold on.” Ter seemed excited as if he just remembered something, “Do you use Instagram? I think you should see it for yourself, oh man, my heart can’t take it.”

“Instagram?” I echoed, thinking, “I haven’t used it in a while, but I have an account, why?”

“Have you ever checked out Phii Joe’s Instagram?”

“No, I don’t even use it, why?”

“Check it out, damn, I feel embarrassed just thinking about it.” Ter said before wriggling in embarrassment and giving me a light tap to vent his embarrassment, “It’s just…shit, I can’t handle this anymore. I’m done shipping.”

“What is it? Show me.” I asked, before Ter gave me Phii Joe’s Instagram handle. What could it be? Just show it to me and that’s it. I opened my Instagram; I’m not someone who likes to post much on social media, I only post occasionally, but when I was with Jaja, I posted a lot because she said it was a space for memories. When we were together, went out or ate something, I’d take pictures and post them. More than ninety percent of my Instagram space was filled with Jaja’s photos, with the other ten percent being random stuff. After breaking up with Jaja, I had to go through and delete most of the pictures, so now there are only a few left. After that, I just let it go idle.

“It’s a private account.” I said, showing my phone screen to Ter. The profile picture was a small black and white image, so small you couldn’t tell if it was Phii Joe, and the bio was almost empty. I guessed Phii Joe would be too lazy to fill it out. There were only thirty-five posts. At first, I thought he would have more followers, but because it’s private, if it wasn’t private, he’d definitely have a lot more followers.

“Really? Then I’ll show you.” Ter said, tapping on his phone screen, then showing it to me, “This is the latest picture on Phii Joe’s Instagram.”

It was a picture of me…

   It was a photo of me standing with my back to the camera in Phii Johan’s kitchen. I was cooking at that time, wasn’t I? The shirt in the photo is the same one I’m wearing now, which means it was taken when I was cooking earlier in the evening, and Phii Joe was sitting at the table behind me.

   The image was black and white, slightly blurred, as if it wasn’t taken with much intention. Plus, it was from behind, making it hard to recognize who it was.

   I scrolled down to look at the caption beneath the photo, which was just one emoji.

   A dog emoji.

   Phii Johan posted a picture of me!?

   And he called me…

   A dog?

   Me?

   Does he see me as a dog? T^T

   “Phii Johan’s little dog, huh?” Ter teased with a mocking smile. I looked at him with annoyance but didn’t reply, my mind focused on the image on the phone screen. Honestly…it’s quite touching.

But I’m happy. And I like it too. The fact that he posted my picture means a lot. At the very least, it shows he’s not afraid to let others know about my existence, and then there’s the cigarette thing from earlier…

Damn, don’t make me like you even more…

Why does one person have to be so good for my heart…

“You’re smiling sweetly.” Ter teased again, himself smiling broadly.

“It’s cute. Look, this is the only photo of you as a person, the rest are all views or objects.” Ter said, handing the phone back to me after scrolling through more. I took the phone from him.

The latest picture was of me, holding a glass of liquor that Ter had once shown me.

Yes…the picture holding the liquor glass with the caption, “Anxious.”

It matched the time when I was secretly working at the bar and didn’t reply to his messages…Was he anxious because I was gone then?

It’s true.

I’m really happy he was worried, but I also feel guilty for lying at that time…

As for the other pictures, just like Ter said, they were mostly landscapes, various objects. Some landscape photos clearly weren’t taken in Thailand, but there was no indication of who he went with. He didn’t even have a single selfie, and my picture was the first one of a person.

“This one’s beautiful.” I said, showing the phone to Ter. It was a picture taken from inside a coffee shop, looking out at a beautiful street and buildings, seeming like an old part of some city.

“Where is that? Oh, it’s beautiful, looks like a place worth visiting.” Ter said, looking at the phone screen, “Does Phii Joe travel abroad often?”

“Probably.” I said. There were several photos with check-ins, Boston, Miami, London, LA, but I think he’s been to even more places than what’s shown in the pictures. “Oh, speaking of traveling.” I said as I remembered.

“Huh?”

“Do you have any travel plans?” I asked. Phii Joe said to think about where I’d like to go, but I’m not sure where to suggest. If I ask for somewhere far away, I’m not sure if it would be too much trouble or not.

“I’m planning to go to Japan with Phii Hill during the break, already got permission from home.” Ter said, “Why? What about you? Going somewhere with Phii Joe?”

“Yeah, Japan.” If I were to go abroad for the first time, Japan would definitely be one of the top choices, “I want to go, it would be nice to go together, go on dates, and remember, I have another boyfriend, don’t forget.”

“Pfft. You always have this, have you asked the owner for permission yet, little dog?” Ter said, gently patting my head with an affectionate look, as if I really were a dog. I looked back at him with narrowed eyes.

“I’ll bite you.”

“You’re fierce, so you admit you’re a dog now?”

“Ha, and this break is after the finals, right?”

“Yeah, are you really going?” Ter raised an eyebrow in question.

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 18 part 2

We encountered a bit of traffic, but since it was a motorcycle, it was more convenient. Phii Joe didn’t drive as fast as last time, seeming to take extra caution because the road was slippery.

I found myself clinging tightly to the person in front out of fear. Even though it wasn’t as fast as before, it was still fast for me, especially with the rain making everything more nerve-wracking. The raincoat wasn’t waterproof, and the heavy rain soaked through to the inside. I was like a drowned rat now, and with Phii Joe not wearing a raincoat, how cold must he be feeling from the wind of the ride? Eventually, we stopped under Phii Johan’s condo. I initially thought he would drop me off at my dorm, but thinking about it, that wouldn’t make sense. It would be too much trouble for him to drop me off at the dorm and then return to his condo.

I, looking like a drowned puppy, and Phii Johan, who looked like he stepped out of a rainy day fashion shoot, were quite the contrast. He casually ran his hand through his wet hair, which looked incredibly good, almost envy-inducing, like he belonged in a magazine. Once inside, the condo owner turned on the lights and tossed a towel to me.

“Go take a shower.” he threw some clothes for me to change into.

“Uh, you can shower first.” I said, thinking Phii Joe should go first since he was the one driving and got more wet.

“You shower, or we shower together?”

“…”

“Okay, I’ll shower first.” I said, quickly retreating into the bathroom. Shower together? No way! After my shower, I came out and sat on the sofa, waiting until he finished his.

“Phii, have you had dinner yet?” I asked.

“No, why?”

“I’ll make some…I can cook. I haven’t had dinner either.” I offered, remembering the time I looked in the fridge and saw some fresh ingredients. I guessed it might have been the housekeeper or someone who bought them, because someone like Phii Joe probably wouldn’t think to stock fresh food in the fridge. I can really cook since my aunt runs a food stall and I’ve helped out, but baking is a different story. Just look at the cake that scored two out of twenty-five.

And then,

“Sure.” With permission, I walked into the kitchen area, checking the fridge to see what I could make.

“Is there anything special you want to eat?”

“Anything is fine.” Phii Johan leaned against the doorway watching me, then came over to help by reaching for items on the high shelf that I couldn’t reach. I nodded slightly in thanks, and then Phii Joe went to sit at the dining table.

“I just found out what kind of company your family’s business is, Phii Prang told me.” I said, “It’s really close to home.” I continued, speaking while preparing the food.

“What did she say?”

“That it is an electronics equipment company. I already knew about it, the professors mention it a lot. Everyone in our faculty wants to work there.”

“And you?”

“Huh. Me?” I raised an eyebrow, surprised, turning to look back at him. “Yeah, I’d like to, but I don’t think I’ll make it.”

“Why?”

“Your company sets the grade requirement too high. Like over three-pointsomething. I’m not sure if I’ll even reach a three in my entire academic life.”

“Hmm.” Phii Johan didn’t seem surprised, “If your grades aren’t up to par, you can’t intern there. Better focus on not getting retired from the university first.”

That stings…T^T

Retirement here means…being asked to leave if your GPA doesn’t meet the minimum, and I feel like I’m at risk of that every day, T^T.

“Is studying hard?” Phii Joe asked. I felt a bit odd that he was the one asking me first, and with such a straightforward question.

“Yeah, it’s hard for me.” I replied. “What about you?”

“Hmm, it’s hard.” “And about the work in Boston? The two weeks, is it about meeting clients?” I turned back to continue preparing the food. I was thinking of making something simple like crispy pork with kale, but, wait, where’s that simple? Let’s just make egg fried rice. It’s decent, and at worst, it’s just bland if not tasty, as long as I don’t burn it.

“Did Phii Prang tell you that?”

“Yeah, she told me everything, including company secrets. I might sell it.”

“…”

“What an idiot.”

“Phii Prang?”

“You.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle a bit at our conversation. Even though Phii Joe didn’t seem that cheerful, it wasn’t bad either. I felt proud of my nicely yellow omelette before I served it on the table.

“And the rice?”

Oh no.

I forgot to cook the rice.

T^T

“Forgot?”

“Yes.” I admitted readily, went back to search for the rice cooker and the rice in the lower cabinet, and quickly started cooking.

“You forget everything, don’t you?” Phii Johan said, resting his chin on his hand with a tone of exasperation, “Forget your wallet, forget to pay the dorm fees, tuition fees.”

“…”

And most recently, I forgot Duennao’s car key. I remembered this when my phone screen showed Nao calling. I guessed he must be calling to ask for his key back, so I answered right away, stepping slightly out of the kitchen area. There was nothing else to do except wait for the rice to cook.

By the time the rice was done, the omelette would be cold, T^T

(North, I came to the gym to find you, why weren’t you there?) The first thing I heard when I answered was Duennao yelling in annoyance, and I could still hear the rain from his end of the line, indicating he had gone through the rain to find me at the gym.

“Nao, I’m sorry, truly from the heart, I’m back now. I apologize, please forgive me.”

(See, I used to think your brain was full of sawdust, but now I know there’s nothing in there, you forget everything.)

   “Nao, don’t scold too harshly, I feel guilty, I’m about to stab myself with a knife.”

(And what now? Where are you? At your dorm? I’ll come to you.)

   “I’m at Phii Joe’s condo.”

(Alright, what should I do if my key is sleeping with your husband?)

   “Come get it, I’ll bring it down. Or you can wait until tomorrow.”

(If I wait until tomorrow, my bike won’t be there anymore, yeah, I’m coming, send me the location, and don’t send me dolphin pictures, you beast, or whale pictures, or penguin pictures, I don’t want any of that.)

   “Hey, why do you have to block me?”

(Is it time to be annoying? Don’t let me catch you, bastard)

   “Okay, I won’t let you catch me. Don’t you need the keys then?”

(Fuck, you asshole, North)

   “Got scared, huh, why are you so hot-headed?”

(Yeah, whatever, send me your location)

   “Blocking by asking for the location?” (Yeah) and then Duennao hung up. I held back a small laugh at Duennao’s temper. I didn’t mean to do it, really, but if I don’t hurry back, it’ll get late. It’s already nine, and the rain hasn’t stopped.

“My friend’s coming.” I went back into the kitchen, “Just to pick up some stuff, I’ll take it down to him.” I told Phii Johan beforehand. Phii Joe didn’t say anything, just nodded slightly, his attention focused on his phone. I caught a glimpse of numbers lined up like a chart. Phii Joe seemed to notice me looking and pulled me onto his lap.

Wait…what?!

“What are you looking at?” he asked while one hand wrapped around my waist. The other held his phone.

“What are those?” I asked.

“Stocks.”

“Wow…” I said, slightly amazed. It’s not surprising that Phii Joe would deal with stocks, but I was just astounded by the complexity of it all; it’s something I never understood, even when explained by friends.

“Hmm, you don’t need to understand.”

I looked at his phone screen, still not comprehending, as he tapped here and there, trying to read but making no sense of it, filled with numbers and English terms. Then I heard the rice cooker beep, and Phii Joe released his arm.

I scooped the rice into a bowl and placed it on the table. During the meal, we didn’t talk much, as Phii Joe seemed preoccupied with his stocks. After we finished eating, I put the dishes in the sink, and right then, Nao called.

“I’ll go down to meet my friend for a moment.” I told him before heading downstairs. I saw Tiger on his shiny black bike with Nao riding on the back. I walked up to them, and they both gave me looks of utmost surprise.

“What?” I asked. “You’re really not just anyone, huh?” Tiger said.

“Even the clothes you’re wearing are his, huh?” Nao teased a little before taking back his car key, both of us were completely soaked, “If you don’t come to class tomorrow, I’ll know why, North.”

“Fuck off, what are you talking about? And you came all the way here in the rain after going to the gym?”

“Yeah, whose fault is that? You dog-faced creature.” Nao scolded.

“Come on, I’ve apologized. Tomorrow, I’ll treat you to some drinks.”

“Treat me, too.” Tiger chimed in.

“Fine, I see you both got wet together, but Nao, why is your face so red? Are you not feeling well?” I asked, approaching and placing my hand on his forehead. Nao made a disgusted face at me before sneezing.

“Hachu!!”

“Damn, Nao, you sneezed right in my face, you’re so evil.” I scolded him, stepping back in shock. How bad does someone have to be to sneeze in someone’s face?

“You’ve caught a cold now, haven’t you?” Tiger said. Nao nodded slightly.

“Yeah, I got a cold for sure, it’s all your fault, you bastard North.”

“Come on, I didn’t mean to, don’t think too much about it. I’ll get you an excused absence to rest tomorrow, Tiger, take good care of my friend.” I said, squinting at him, “Or do you normally take good care of him?”

Hey, I’m trying to help you out here. You should say something!

“I have to go to class too.” Tiger said in a flat tone.

This guy is such a loser…

I bid farewell to both of them and walked back up. After knocking for a while, Phii Joe opened the door, still preoccupied with stock matters. He went back to sit on the sofa and pulled me into a hug again, positioning me between his legs like before, but this time I didn’t protest. Protesting wouldn’t change anything. The eyes of the person behind me seemed focused on the stocks on his phone screen, while his other arm loosely hugged me.

“Can I lean back?” I asked softly.

“Hmm.” Phii Johan just said that. I leaned back slightly, resting my back against his chest. I hope I’m not too heavy for him, but for sure, my heart is working overtime…

But…

   It’s quite warm like this.

   The rain outside made the atmosphere very cold-like. Before, we had just been out in the rain together, and now, being like this felt warm. I was starting to realize that I really enjoyed these moments with him.

   I don’t know…

   It felt warm,

   Safe,

   Happy,

   And I wanted to stay like this forever.

   “Should I turn on the TV?” I asked, thinking the room was too quiet, and the sound of the heavy rain outside was loud. If it was like this, I was sure to fall asleep.

“Sure.” Phii Johan simply said. I reached for the remote and turned on the TV, flipping to a documentary channel because it seemed the most interesting among the options.

“Does it bother you? Should I turn down the volume?” I asked. I wasn’t sure if stock trading required concentration, but I guessed it did. I didn’t know if the TV sound would disturb him. “It’s fine, I’m done.” Phii Joe said, placing his phone on the sofa beside him. He then wrapped his other arm around me, gently nudging my neck with the tip of his nose, moving back and forth, making me feel ticklish. My already fast-beating heart beat even faster, then he stopped and rested his chin on my shoulder.

“Are you tired?”

“Hmm.”

“…” I didn’t reply because I wasn’t sure what to say, just gently holding his hand around my waist. His hand was so warm, and even the size of our hands was quite different, even though I thought my hands were quite large.

“Will the work in Boston be very tough?”

“It’ll probably be the toughest job I’ve ever done.” Phii Joe whispered since we were so close. It must be really tough, dealing with important clients.

“Good luck.”

That was all I could think to say for encouragement.

“Hmm.” he made a soft sound in his throat before tightening his embrace.

I didn’t say anything more. Maybe it was just my imagination, but Phii Joe, who was both tired and stressed, seemed to be holding me like I was his refuge, as if being with me made things better. It might not relieve his stress, but sometimes, just having a moment to rest is good too.

“Have you ever been to Boston?” I asked to break the silence that had settled in the room for a while.

“I have.”

“Is it beautiful? I’ve never been, actually, I’ve never been abroad.” I said truthfully.

“Really? Do you want to go?”

“Yes, but it’ll probably be a while before I can save up enough money.”

“During the break.” “Huh?”

“During the semester break, I’ll take you. Where do you want to go?”

“…”

“Uh…” I hesitated for a moment when asked so suddenly, does he really mean to take me? I’m not sure myself where I want to go. I’ve thought of many places, but when I think about the reality of needing to work and save money first, my travel dreams get tucked away, “I haven’t decided yet.”

“Hmm, when you do, let me know.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For saying you’ll take me.”

“You…do you thank people for everything?” Phii Johan asked. I was slightly puzzled by this question. Do I really thank people that much?

“For everything that others do for me, yeah. It’s ingrained from home. If someone gives me something and I don’t thank them, or if I don’t bow to someone older, my mom would hit my hand.”

“I’ve seen that.”

“Seen that?”

“Hmm.”

“Seen my mom hit me?”

“Really?! How could you tell?” I asked in shock. Wait, did he see my mom hit me? Come to think of it, I still don’t know why he likes me. Did we know each other before? I tried to remember where my mom had hit me, but thinking about it made my eyes water. My mom hit me wherever she felt like it: at the market, in the parents’ room, at the game store, at home.

“Uh, Phii, I want to ask something.”

“What?” “When you said…uh, that you like me, can you tell me about it?” I decided to ask, thinking if I didn’t ask now, I’d forget later. Saying that my brother liked me was the hardest thing to say, it was super embarrassing.

“…”

“No.”

Well!

Just as I was about to continue, the phone next to the sofa vibrated. Phii Joe picked it up with a somewhat annoyed look. I glanced at the screen and saw it was Phii Hill calling.

Phii Joe sighed slightly before answering.

“I should have put on Do Not Disturb.” Phii Johan growled into the phone, his voice slightly irritated. Since we were so close, I could also hear Phii Hill’s voice from the other end.

(Why? Am I disturbing you?)

   “Yeah, you are.”

(I timed it, waited for you to finish with your stocks.)

   “Fine, Hill, what do you want?”

(Let’s study together.)

   “Fuck no, what the hell are you reading now?” Phii Joe started to get angrier. “I haven’t even slept yet, you asshole, can you stop and think for a second, Hill?”

(I did think. I thought we should study because the first block exam is coming up.)

   “How soon?”

(Tomorrow.)

   “Now that’s too close.”

(At your coffee shop, around three in the morning, it’s open 24 hours, right?) “Wait, so you’re planning to study from three in the morning until the exam?”

(Fah said that, he’s fit, wants to go for four points gpa)

   “And you?”

(I can’t, I want to spend my time with Ter)

   “Stuck with your damn husband.”

(And what about the one you are hugging there?)

   Phii Hill!! T^T

“9 PM, can we do 10?”

(Should be able to)

   “11 PM.”

(That works)

   “1 AM.”

(Early morning is fine too)

   “Okay, see you in front of the exam room.”

(That’s bad, let’s say 10 PM, don’t forget. You have to study, Fah emphasized, because you hardly go to class, he doesn’t want you to fail.)

   “Yeah, won’t fail, not at this level.”

(At this level, you won’t fail?)

   “At this level, I’d drop out before failing.”

(Alright, hanging up, see you.)

   “See you.”

And then Phii Johan hung up the call. Do they really need to study for exams from the start of the term like this? That’s brutal, T^T, from what I’ve heard about the medical faculty.

Their exams are not like other faculties; usually, there are just midterms, finals, or whatever mini-tests the professors decide, but the medical faculty has exams in blocks, meaning there’s constant testing. If you don’t keep up with studying, you’re doomed.

I was slightly startled when suddenly I was scooped up and lifted into the air. Phii Johan carried me and placed me on the bed. Why does he lift me so easily? I think I’m quite heavy, right? Then the room owner turned off the lights and lay down beside me, still pulling me into a hug like before.

“Are you going to sleep now?”

“Taking a nap, wake me up at around half-past three.”

“Oh, okay.” I agreed, setting an alarm for half-past three as instructed, and with the heavy rain outside, the cool atmosphere, and the warm embrace, I drifted off to sleep without realizing it.

I woke up startled by the alarm clock. When I opened my eyes, the room was already lit up. I saw Phii Joe standing by the table, packing things. So I got up from the bed and changed my clothes. They wouldn’t leave me alone in the room, right? No way. And with the rain still pouring, the atmosphere was super creepy, T^T.

Once everything was packed, we headed down to the underground parking lot. The luxury car drove through the rain to the familiar coffee shop. Upon arrival, we noticed new staff had taken over. Hold on, why new staff? Does that mean I won’t be working here anymore?

Phii Khim greeted Phii Johan first, introducing him as the owner to the staff. The two young women, probably around our age and likely also students, maybe even from the same university, seemed quite shy when looking at Phii Joe, especially when they found out he was the owner.

We went up to the top floor to find that everyone was already waiting. This time, the table was set up nicely, but there was still the usual lounge area. Ter was there too, wearing a large shirt that clearly wasn’t his, definitely Phii Hill’s. “Is wearing your partner’s shirt the new trend?” Phii Arthit said with a look of annoyance. I went to sit next to Ter in the hanging chair in the lounge area, while Phii Joe joined the others. When I sat down, I felt slightly dizzy, but I ignored it, probably just my imagination.

I chatted with Ter for nearly an hour amidst the tense atmosphere in the room. This is what it’s like when doctors are studying together, huh? It was kind of stressful just watching. Everyone seemed so focused, like they were zeroed in on their studies, not a single one distracted or unfocused. They asked questions when needed, then went back to silently reading their own materials.

“Is it usually like this?” I whispered to Ter.

“Yeah, this isn’t too bad. During finals, everyone becomes like zombies.”

“Really?”

“Really. Don’t you get like that?”

“Me?” I asked, “Not really, I’m not that good. I’ve given up on trying.”

“You’re the one at risk of academic retirement.”

“Exactly.” I raised an eyebrow at him, indicating my pride in my situation, “High grades aren’t exciting. But with low grades like mine, it’s exciting all the time, not knowing when I’ll get kicked out. How often do medical students have exams anyway?”

“Hmm, often, huh? Several blocks each term, I’m more worried about Phii Joe, that’s for sure.” Ter teased, even though we were whispering.

“Yeah, I’m worried.”

“Uh, you’re no fun to tease, but I’m glad the ship is sailing, you bastard. You worry about him too, leave some matchmaking for me, leave some room for a wingman like me.” Ter said with a big, exaggerated expression of joy. What kind of wingman is this good? I might need to learn from him. Maybe my Tiger Duennao ship will start to sail too. After nearly an hour and a half, it was probably time for a break. Ter immediately went to sit with Phii Hill, but when I looked at Phii Johan, I saw him heading out to the balcony.

“Tit, aren’t you going to smoke with Joe?” Phii Fah asked.

“Enough, I’ve had two already today.”

Phii Johan went out to smoke. I decided to follow him. He seemed slightly surprised when I was the one who opened the balcony door before standing next to him.

“Go back inside.”

“It’s okay.” I shook my head because the balcony was wide here, and I wasn’t getting wet from the rain. Phii Joe looked out at the curtain of rain ahead before exhaling a puff of gray smoke.

“Do you smoke often?” I asked.

“Hmm, often.” he said, before lifting the cigarette to his lips, taking a drag, and exhaling again.

“How often?”

“Don’t like it?”

“No.” I shook my head slightly, “It’s not that I don’t like it, I both like and dislike it.” I explained my usual thoughts about cigarettes.

“…”

Phii Johan didn’t say anything, as if waiting for me to continue.

“Because my dad, who passed away, was a heavy smoker. I like it because it reminds me of him. When I smell cigarettes, I think of this one man, a man who smiled a lot and was always kind, but always had a cigarette in his mouth.” I said, recalling the face of the person I missed. It was a memory from long ago, but it was deeply ingrained in my heart. A child and the scent of his father’s cigarettes, when I’m lonely or miss him a lot, it makes me want to cry. “How long has it been since he passed?”

“Several years.”

“Do you get lonely when you miss someone?”

“Yeah, I do. When I was little, I was super attached to my dad. It’s strange, really. It’s been so long, but I still miss him. But that’s all I can do, miss him, and that’s why I hate it, because it reminds me of him but there’s nothing I can do about it. He’s gone.”

“…”

Phii Johan didn’t say anything, just glanced back at me before gently pushing my head with his hand.

“So, when I smell smoke…”

“…”

“You’ll think of me too, right?”

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 18 part 1

   Chapter 18: Always Taste Like You

   Phii Johan finally let me go after hugging and kissing my cheek several times, as I was practically dying from embarrassment under the many eyes watching, making me feel and act awkwardly, just bowing my head in embarrassment. I eventually moved to sit next to Phii Joe instead. I found myself leaning towards him.

I didn’t know what to do anymore. I was too embarrassed to look up, afraid of meeting the eyes of those watching, T^T

“Cute.” Phii Fah said, looking at me with a fond expression.

“Leave him alone.” Phii Joe said before pulling me even closer, as if I was trying to hide from something by burrowing into the person next to me, and Phii Joe was allowing it.

Wait a minute…

Wouldn’t this make people look even more?

Realizing this, I adjusted myself slightly but still stayed close.

Phii Arthit, who had been playing basketball, came back over. Even though he had been playing for nearly ten minutes, he showed no signs of being tired.

“Hill told you to play.” Phii Arthit said, taking off Phii Johan’s basketball jersey.

“Why?”

“Aren’t you in this club?”

“Then why didn’t you play instead of me?” “It’s your club.” Phii Arthit said, then took off the shirt and handed it back to Phii Joe. Phii Joe raised an eyebrow, looking slightly puzzled, “Here’s your shirt, what are you questioning?”

“You’ve already worn it. What am I supposed to wear for practice?”

“Wear mine.”

“No, you beast.” Phii Joe said firmly, “I’m going to burn it.”

“Hmph.” Phii Arthit cursed under his breath, giving him a dirty look, “You burn mine, what about the one the kid’s wearing?”

“Tell Hill I’m not playing.”

“Ignoring me again.”

“Joe, hurry up.” Phii Hill called out, looking somewhat displeased. He seemed busy selecting new members and talking with the professors. Phii Hill appeared to be involved in every activity, being the faculty month, university month, and also the president of the basketball club, which indeed had a lot of members, so many that I began to wonder if it was really just the medical faculty, how could there be so many people?

“I don’t have a shirt.” Phii Joe shouted back, but Phii Hill didn’t hear.

“What about you?”

“I said I don’t have a shirt.”

“Come here.”

“No, you come.”

“They’re going to argue again for sure.” Phii Tonfah said, shaking his head slightly in disgust, “Joe, stop bothering Hill, his shirt isn’t even sweaty yet.”

“Bothering what? If you had let Tit do it from the start, it would all be over.”

“What’s with you?” Phii Hill walked over, looking annoyed, and Phii Joe had the same expression, like they were about to have a real argument, “Isn’t this your responsibility?”

“Can’t Arthit do the selection?”

“Tit just wants to play around, he’s not interested in selecting first-years.” Phii Hill said.

“I’m not interested in selecting first-years either.”

“You’re a nuisance, you’ve been hanging out with Tit too much.” Phii Hill sighed in frustration, “Just help me out, I’m tired, there are too many people.” His irritated demeanor, combined with his sweat-soaked appearance, indicated he was really exhausted.

“I’m tired too, I haven’t slept yet.”

“Is that my problem?”

“Wow, you must care so much about me.” Phii Johan said, “With me, you’re so strict, but with Ter, you tell him to rest if he’s even a little tired. I’m nearly dead here.”

“You complain too much, just change your shirt.”

“What do I get if I help you?”

“What do you get? Isn’t it your duty?”

“Do my lab sheets for me.” Phii Joe raised an eyebrow and gave a slight smirk, “Deal?”

“…” Phii Hill didn’t respond, just made a disgusted face, before letting out a small resigned sigh, “Yeah, deal, I’ll wait over there.” and then he walked off. Phii Hill in his sports gear looked good in a different way, or maybe it was just him; he looked good in anything, from sports jackets to track pants.

“Okay, fine.” Phii Johan said before getting up, bending down to tie his shoelaces, then taking off his shirt and changing into the one Phii Arthit had just returned. It was a quick change, but the crowd around the court cheered just like when Phii Arthit changed. This was the first time I had seen Phii Joe shirtless, and I noticed his abs were really impressive. You could tell he seriously works out. “End up wearing Arthit’s shirt in the end.” Phii Joe said with irritation before walking onto the court.

“Do you know, Joe finished all the lab sheets. He cleared all his pending work before going to Boston.” Phii Arthit said.

“Yeah, that’s amazing, then why tell Hill to do more? Why does he like to bug Hill so much?” Phii Fah shook his head again, “If I were Hill, I’d have a migraine by now. Actually, as for me, I’m starting to feel one coming.”

Finished the lab sheets but tricked Phii Hill into doing more?

Whoa. If he were pranked like that, I’d be furious too.

I watched Phii Johan on the court selecting first-year students, both male and female, with the girls getting special attention. Whenever they got close to Phii Joe or Phii Hill, they’d smile broadly.

I overheard Phii Fah and Phii Arthit talking about the rain that didn’t seem like it would stop anytime soon, which was quite frustrating considering how heavy it was. Before I could think any further, my phone started to notify me of a call.

Duennao was calling…

   I answered immediately.

“What’s up?”

(North, you asshole, you bastard, where are you?)

   “At the basketball gym, why the sudden outburst?”

(You have my bike keys, damn it. Where did you go? To see your doctor boyfriend? If you want to show off that your boyfriend’s a doctor, fine, but return my keys, how am I supposed to get back? You left me stuck in the rain, and I’m soaked)

   “It’s supposed to be cold, but you’re making me hot-headed. Go back with Tiger then.” I felt in my pocket and indeed found Nao’s motorbike keys because I had ridden his bike here, but I forgot to give the keys back and brought them with me. My forgetfulness was no ordinary level; I just recently forgot to pay my tuition, T^T

(And what about my bike?)

   “Just leave it there.”

(What if it gets stolen?)

   “Just buy a new one, you’re rich.”

(Yeah, right, rich as if money has no value, rich to the point where I don’t know what to do with the money anymore. And where am I rich? I’m nearly broke, almost at the point of stealing dog food from in front of the dorm to eat) Duennao’s words made me laugh out loud, how could someone be that poor, pitiful.

“I mean Tiger is rich, get him to buy you a new one.” I said.

(Spit. You’re at the gym, right? You better watch out, I’ll come find you.)

   “Why? Are you coming?”

(Yeah, wait for the rain to stop, I’ll borrow Kyu’s bike to come see you. Or have Tiger drop me off.)

   “Will the rain ever stop? What if it keeps raining until tomorrow morning?”

(Then I’ll just sleep here, damn it, I’m so pissed off, can’t even practice, and now I’m all wet) Duennao said. I could totally picture his face, Nao gets angry easily, quite the opposite of his name, he’s always getting heated.

“And what about everyone else? Who are you with?”

(With the football club guys, sheltering from the rain in a building, what building, I don’t know, it’s the closest one. But by the time I ran there, I was already soaked. Yeah, I’m hanging up now, need to save my battery, just called to vent my frustration to you.)

   “It’s like I’m your punching bag, yeah, if the rain stops, we’ll talk then, you’re coming to get the key, right?” (Yeah, uh-huh, bye, hanging up.)

   And then Duennao hung up. When I turned back, I couldn’t see Phii Arthit anymore. Only Phii Fah was sitting nearby, he seemed to have heard something about going somewhere.

“Where’s Phii Arthit?” I asked.

“Oh, he went out to smoke.” Phii Fah answered. I nodded to show I understood. I wasn’t too surprised about the smoking; I’ve heard that many who study hard or are under a lot of stress smoke, supposedly to relieve stress. I wonder if it really helps. If so, then Phii Joe must smoke too.

“Does Phii Joe smoke?” I decided to ask. Phii Fah seemed like the person you could ask anything, unlike some of the other seniors, because he has that kind of approachable vibe.

“Oh, yeah, he does. Most in our faculty smoke a lot, it’s quite stressful, but Hill quit, though, because of his boyfriend.” Phii Fah explained, “Don’t you like people who smoke? Joe is actually quite good.”

“Oh, no, not really.” I shook my head, “I don’t dislike it.” I said truthfully. I don’t really dislike people who smoke. If I say I both like and dislike it, would that sound strange?

“But it would be good to tell him to slow down, I think. If he keeps going like this, he might not live to see forty.” Phii Fah said about Joe.

“Why’s that?”

“He’s doing everything that people who die young do: smoking, overworking, heavy studying, not enough rest, high stress, coffee addiction, and lately he’s been having trouble sleeping. Even when he’s exhausted, he can’t sleep.” Phii Fah explained in a flat tone, sounding like a doctor giving a professional opinion. “No matter how capable he is, he’s still human.”

“Is he really that bad off?” I asked.

“Fairly so. Even though he still acts like a troublemaker, he doesn’t seem as cheerful as before. Deep down, he’s probably stressed, but he doesn’t show it much around us. It’s like he’s forcing himself. So how is he when he’s with you?” Phii Fah asked with a concerned look, which was understandable. He wouldn’t ask me like this if he wasn’t worried.

I’ve heard that Phii Fah’s family is all in the medical field; his father is the dean of the medical faculty, they own a hospital, his mother is a psychiatrist running her own clinic, so Phii Fah likely picked up a lot of doctor-like habits, like worrying about and caring for others.

“He seems…well, he’s always irritable, quick to anger, stressed, and doesn’t talk much. I’ve only seen him talk a lot when he’s with you guys, here.” I added that he’s also quite mischievous, but that part isn’t surprising. Sometimes when he scolds or teases me, he shows his playful side.

“Hmm.” Phii Fah bit his lip slightly, pausing as if in thought, “Then I guess that might be his current self.”

“How so?”

“Well, people aren’t just one-sided. During times of extreme stress, it can make us not want to talk to anyone, be in a bad mood, be easily irritated all the time, and angry. Joe is probably like that, but he chooses not to show that side much around us. He can still talk normally, but with you, he doesn’t talk much, right?”

I nodded.

“People under stress usually don’t want to talk a lot. It means he chooses to show this current part of himself to you, without forcing himself to act like everything’s okay, whereas many people do the opposite, they try hard to show they’re fine, even if they’re falling apart inside.”

“…” “Which do you think is better?” Phii Fah asked, giving me a faint smile. I think I understand what Phii Fah explained just now.

“I think…however he’s feeling, he should express it that way, that’s all.” I said, following my thoughts. This period might be tough for him, but with me, he doesn’t need to act like he’s okay. If he’s upset or irritated, I’ve never minded, that’s just how he is. Even if it’s bad, it’s okay.

My answer made Phii Fah smile even wider.

“Hmm, I understand now, that saying he’s good because it’s you, it’s true.”

“Yes? It’s good because it’s me?” Phii Fah’s words reminded me of Phii Prang, who said something exactly the same, “How is it good?”

“In many ways, I began to understand from the Jia incident.” I raised an eyebrow, looking confused, indicating I needed more explanation. Phii Fah understood, but I didn’t fully get it, “Have you ever thought that when he acts like this, it’s like he’s stressed from work and taking it out on us?”

“…?” I tilted my head, puzzled by what he said. Hmm…I’ve never thought about it that way, “Uh, no, I’ve never thought that. He’s really stressed, expecting him to be in a good mood isn’t realistic.”

“Exactly, that’s why it’s good that he is with you. You don’t overthink things. He doesn’t have to pretend everything’s okay, it’s easy to be around him, and he can express how he feels.”

“…”

I didn’t respond because I was trying to think. If what Phii Fah said is true, there are indeed people who pretend to be okay in front of friends, lovers, or family. But there should be someone with whom you don’t have to pretend, someone with whom you can show that you’re feeling bad, stressed, irritated, or angry without worrying about whether they’ll leave or not. No matter how bad you feel, that person remains by your side, and they don’t have to force themselves to tolerate being with you either.

But thinking about it…Phii Fah seems to understand everything, doesn’t he? Is it a special skill of medical students to always see through people, or is it just that I’m easy to read? Phii Hill is the same, Ter often tells me how easily he’s read too. And they do have psychology in their curriculum.

After nearly ten minutes of chatting with Phii Fah, I asked about almost everything, from Phii Joe’s work to his studies. It wasn’t much different from what I had thought; medical school is known to be very demanding. I just couldn’t picture it.

Phii Joe came back and slumped down in his usual spot, looking slightly exhausted.

“Almost dead?” Phii Fah asked immediately.

“Almost, or maybe already dead.” Phii Johan replied, “And what were you guys talking about so seriously?”

“This, being protective.”

“Talking about what?”

“Your stuff, I’ll tell you later.” Phii Fah said, “I get it now, what you meant when you said it.”

“Really?” Phii Joe raised an eyebrow slightly, then seemed to dismiss it, looking tired but not worn out.

“Where is Arthit?”

“He’s coming back now.” Phii Fah said, pointing at Phii Arthit who was walking back. “You’re really tough to kill, huh? Have you finished selecting?”

“Not yet, taking a break first, too many people, might have to continue another day. Hill is talking with the coach.” Phii Joe said, looking towards Phii Hill on the other side of the court. “Arthit, are you going to Miami?” “Yeah, you coming?”

“I have to go to Boston. Are you going with me?”

“Maybe.”

“Why go? What’s so great about Miami?”

“Just want to travel.”

“You’re rich, aren’t you?” Phii Johan said sarcastically, “You don’t even have to do anything and you’ve got money to travel.”

“That’s right.” Phii Arthit nodded, raising one eyebrow. “I’ll treat you too, Joe, if you want.”

“Really? Treat me then.”

“Quit your job and let Arthit support you, rich boy.” Phii Fah said with annoyance.

“Yeah, good idea.” Phii Johan agreed, nodding.

“Spit, how many millions would I need to earn monthly to support this asshole Joe?” Phii Arthit said with disgust, “He spends money like it’s paper, filthy rich, bastard.” That phrase sounds familiar, like I’ve heard it recently. “So you’re really not bringing the kid to Boston?” Phii Arthit asked again what had already been asked. “What if something happens and you die in Boston and never come back to Thailand?”

“I said no.” Phii Johan reiterated. “Gotta get through the school stuff first.”

Though it stung a little, I agreed. Prioritizing school was the right choice. For nearly two weeks, I definitely wouldn’t be able to catch up on the work like he could.

Just this is already risking academic suicide. T^T

… After a while, the basketball club session ended, but we couldn’t leave anyway because of the rain. Many had umbrellas or raincoats and were leaving. Phii Hill had already left, saying he was going to pick up Ter from the art club…

Art club

But I’m here, aren’t I?

Damn it.

I completely forgot about that…

During our first term, Ter, Phoon, and I joined both the art club and the football club, but that was just because the university required it. By the second term, the casual football club was no more, it became a serious sports day football club, but the art club was still around. Importantly, Ter signed me up for it because he got hooked on drawing. Initially, Phii Hill was there too, and he even signed up some other friends without their knowledge, but the art club’s advisor didn’t allow medical students to join, saying they were already studying too hard and didn’t need to join such clubs, just sports clubs would do.

“I’m heading out.” Phii Fah said, grabbing an umbrella, “If we wait for the rain to stop, it’ll take forever.”

“Yeah, see you.”

“See you.” and with that, Phii Fah left, leaving only Phii Johan and Phii Arthit, who clearly didn’t bring umbrellas. The parking lot was quite far, but the motorcycle was parked near the front of the gym. Earlier, Phii Arthit had ridden through the rain to get here.

“Are you going back?” Phii Joe turned to ask Phii Arthit.

“I can go back now, are you chasing me away?”

“Not chasing you away, just asking.”

“Whatever, riding in the rain isn’t a problem, what about you?” “I can ride too, but that’s not the issue.” Phii Johan said, then looked at me, “If I knew, I would’ve asked Hill or Fah to take you back.”

So Phii Joe brought his motorcycle today. That means when he said the problem wasn’t about riding in the rain, he meant the problem was me having to ride on the back of the motorcycle and get wet, T^T.

“Can you ask Fah to come back with his car?”

“Probably can, try calling him.” Phii Arthit’s answer made Phii Joe pick up his phone, looking like he was about to call Phii Fah, but I spoke up first.

“Uh, it’s okay, no need to bother Phii Fah.” I said. I told you I’m not fussy about getting wet in the rain. I won’t catch a cold, and making Phii Fah come back with his car in this traffic at 6 PM when everyone’s getting off work would be a hassle. The roads around the university are all congested right now.

“Are you sure?” Phii Joe turned to ask me.

“Yes.” I said, nodding to confirm.

“Are you going to wait for the rain to stop or come with me?” Phii Arthit asked.

“Wait for the rain to lighten a bit.”

“Normally, even with a storm, you can ride. Okay then, I’ll go. See you later.”

“See you.” Phii Johan replied. Phii Arthit waved slightly before dashing out into the rain, starting his sleek motorcycle and speeding off like a rocket.

Now, it was just me and Phii Johan sitting together, though there were still a few people scattered around the gym, and quite a few standing outside waiting for the rain to stop.

“Did you bring your motorcycle today?” I asked, even though I sort of knew the answer.

“Yes.”

“Did you wake up late?”

“Something like that.” “What time did you wake up?” I asked, noticing him looking at me with a slight suspicion. What, did I ask too many questions? T^T. In the end, Phii Joe didn’t say anything, just answered my question.

“Woke up at nine, for class at nine.”

“Wow, and what time did you sleep?”

“Almost six in the morning, I guess.”

“Do you have any work today?”

“No, unless something urgent comes up.”

“Oh…” I fell silent for a moment, not knowing what to say next. I didn’t look at the person sitting beside me, so I wasn’t sure what he was doing. The rain outside was loud, and the air was getting colder as evening approached.

“Should we head back? I think it might get worse.”

“Yeah, are you sure you won’t catch a cold?”

“Yes.” I nodded.

“Good.” That was all he said before he stood up. Initially, I wanted to give back the jacket, thinking the rider should wear it since they’d get hit by more rain, but Phii Johan didn’t take it. Eventually, we ran through the rain to his motorcycle. I struggled to get on, but finally, we managed to ride out of the gym area.

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 17 part 2

“Who told you to come out in the rain?” Phii Joe asked in a displeased tone, leaving me speechless for a moment before he turned to grab a towel and threw it over my head. “If you catch a cold, you could end up dead.” He said, still sounding very annoyed. I caught the towel in confusion and started to dry my hair with it before Phii Joe’s jacket was draped over me.

“Wear this.”

“Thank you.” I mumbled, bowing my head slightly before thanking him. This was actually the first time someone had given me a jacket in this cold weather.

Thank you for being kind to me…

“Where’s Phii Prang? Why did she let you get wet?” Phii Joe asked, deliberately ignoring Phii Arthit who seemed about to say something.

“Phii Prang dropped me off at the gym entrance, but I told her I could walk through the rain. It’s fine.” I explained. Phii Prang didn’t leave me in the rain at all. Initially, she wanted to drop me off closer, but I declined, “I can handle the rain, it’s no problem.”

“Really?”

“Yes, I never get a cold no matter how much I get rained on.”

“Don’t let me see you sick then.” Phii Johan said, still looking somewhat annoyed.

“Joe, my debt, when are you going to pay it back?” Phii Arthit brought up.

“What debt?”

“Fifteen thousand, for the photo.”

“You took it like you were using your heel to take the photo, and you have the nerve to ask for payment?” Phii Joe remarked.

“Come on, you told me to take it.”

“Yeah, yeah, annoying.” Phii Johan said before taking out his phone, pressing here and there for a moment before looking up to continue talking to Phii Arthit, “Are you happy now?”

“That’s it. Should’ve transferred it from the start.” “I was talking to Fah’s father, okay? As soon as I was done, I rushed here.” Phii Joe said, “Hill kept pushing me, it’s insane.”

“Yeah, just now Hill said you need to start practicing.” Phii Fah mentioned.

“I’m not going.”

“Come on.”

“I’m lazy.”

“Joe.” Phii Hill called out again, and Phii Joe immediately sighed.

“Damn it, you’re good at making me work, Tit, you go practice in my place.”

“Where would I do that? If you don’t practice, what will you compete with?” Phii Arthit said.

“Whatever, just go practice in my place for now.”

“Alright, where’s your shirt?”

“In the bag.”

“Okay.” Phii Arthit got up and walked over to the bag Phii Joe pointed at, took off his shirt, and changed into a basketball jersey amidst the gazes of everyone in the gym. There was a buzz of excitement, especially from the girls, almost all of them turning to look. Phii Arthit had the expected athletic build of a sportsman, with a darker skin tone to boot.

Phii Joe also has a good physique, like someone who seriously works out, even if I’ve never seen him shirtless.

I think the girls who came to watch basketball are probably more interested in watching the players than the game itself. They likely came to see Phii Hill and Phii Johan, but today Phii Arthit is practicing instead, and even though Phii Joe isn’t practicing, there are still plenty of eyes on him.

“Can you practice for him?” Phii Fah asked.

“Hmph, why not? It’s just selecting first-years, anyone can do it.”

“The basketball club has a lot of people.” “And your club? When did you get here anyway?” Phii Joe turned to ask Phii Fah.

“Just before the rain started. When you were asleep, my club had nothing today, so I came to hang out with you guys. I’ve got nothing to do.” Phii Fah said, “How did talking to dad go?”

“Oh, nothing much, but it seems two weeks is a bit too long. He’s worried about complications.” Phii Johan explained. I’m not sure if it’s just my imagination, but there seemed to be a noticeable difference in how Phii Fah talks compared to Phii Arthit. Phii Fah does seem genuinely kind-hearted.

“There are already problems. Earlier, Arthit said he’s going to America too, after midterms.”

“Going to America?”

“Yeah, just for a few days, I heard.” Phii Fah said, letting out a small sigh, “But it’s not likely to be just a few days. Me and Hill will definitely have our hands full with work.”

“Where are you going?”

“Miami.”

“Figures.” Phii Johan said, not looking too surprised. When Miami was mentioned, I thought about car races, having seen them in movies often.

“Come here.” Phii Joe said, pulling me towards him, and then lifted me onto his lap as usual, but…

This is in the gym…

   And there were so many people around…

   But the other party didn’t seem to care much. Phii Fah furrowed his brows, looking at the other person’s actions with a bit of disbelief. Now, I found myself being hugged from behind again.

   Like…

   I was already embarrassed normally. With so many eyes on me, it made me feel even more embarrassed by who knows how much. I tried to squirm away but to no avail, as always. Phii Johan hugged me even tighter, seemingly annoyed when he saw me struggling.

   Oh man, everyone’s watching! T^T

   “Joe, everyone’s watching.” Phii Fah said.

“Let them.”

It wasn’t exactly sitting on his lap; it was more like sitting between his legs, and then being hugged so my back was pressed against his chest, with his chin resting on my shoulder like he did last time when he was complaining about being tired.

Phii Arthit, who was on the field, turned to look with a disgusted expression and nudged Phii Hill to look as well.

“Hill doesn’t mind, he has Nong Ter to hug.” Phii Fah said, looking disappointed, “It’s the single folks like us who suffer.”

!!!

I couldn’t help but flinch when suddenly the person behind me leaned in close, pressing his nose and mouth against my cheek, breathing softly as if to take in my scent, staying like that for a moment before pulling back.

“Phii, what are you doing?” I tried to protest as quietly as possible because I was embarrassed by others. I didn’t even dare to turn around to see how others were looking at us, immediately lowering my head in embarrassment. No way. No, not like this in front of so many people!!

Come on, there are so many people watching, why doesn’t he care about others’ eyes?

“Don’t squirm.”

“Damn you!”

“What?”

“…”

Hy!!!!

“Sometimes you go too far.” Phii Fah said, shaking his head slightly. “The kid might have a heart attack one day.”

Phii Fah!!

“Yeah, I agree.”

In the end, I couldn’t escape, feeling extremely embarrassed under the gaze of everyone in the gym…I wondered if I was being secretly photographed like last time, but the person holding me seemed completely unbothered.

I reached for my backpack, took out a water bottle because my throat was very dry, drank through the straw, and then handed it to the person behind me.

“Water?”

“Hmm.” and I ended up holding the water for Phii Johan like that before putting the bottle back in my bag.

“You guys are so sweet.” Phii Fah said with the utmost annoyance. “This is what a tiger without claws looks like.”

A tiger without claws…?

   I’m so embarrassed

   T^T

   “Will you take the kid to Boston too?” Phii Fah asked. I raised my eyebrows, slightly surprised by his words.

“No.” Phii Joe replied. “Or do you want to go?”

“Huh. Me?” I asked, taken aback. “I have classes.”

“Hmm. You wouldn’t be able to keep up with the work anyway.” Phii Johan said in a flat tone. I certainly couldn’t go; I’m not as capable as him to catch up with nearly two weeks of work. I’d probably die trying.

“Will you go right after the midterms?” I asked. “Yes.”

“Then you’ll have to study and prepare for work at the same time.”

“Hmm.”

“Wow.” I said, almost in disbelief. It’s really too much, isn’t it? Medical exams are already life-threatening enough, aren’t they?

“…”

“I asked a friend. He said that in Boston right now, it’s freezing, below zero by several degrees, and there’s snow too. Make sure to take a lot of warm clothes.”

“Hmm.”

“Phii.”

“Huh?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had work yesterday. I shouldn’t have invited you to watch a movie. You had to rush back to work without sleeping because I insisted on watching a movie.”

“Forget it.”

“…”

“No matter where you want to go.”

“…”

“I’ll take you.”

The song “Dear no one” by Tori Kelly:

   But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold

   Someone to give me their jacket when it’s cold

   Got that young love even when we’re old

   Yeah, sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand

   Pick me up, pull me close, be my man

   I will love you till the end

   But sometimes, I just want someone to hug me

   Someone who will offer me their jacket when I’m cold

   Having love like we’re still young, even though we’ve grown up

   Sometimes, I just want someone to hold my hand

   To lift me up, pull me close, and be my man

   And I will love you for life

  

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME