SMNTCERR, Chapter 88: #6. 

   [Love, 戀愛] 

   Intimate relationship between two people in love, based on physical attraction of human bodies. 

   “…”

   The definition made Sangwoo feel the heat rising from his throat and made his face gradually turn red.

   “X and Y are dating. Isn’t that right?”

   In that moment, Sangwoo felt a familiar feeling, which was the anger that always erupted every time he argued with his sister. His sister often dismissed his arguments as unimportant without any solid evidence. ‘It seems like all the artsy kids are like that.’ Sangwoo contemplated.

   “You probably don’t know anything, and just listen properly.”

   Sangwoo explained to Jihye in a slightly annoyed tone about the relationship between human lifestyles and social institutions. In history, social structures were established in a way that benefitted the development and prosperity of humanity, and since dating supported the core system [1], such as marriage, it emphasized that men who cannot give birth to new life cannot date each other.

   “…and that’s why there is only dating and marrying someone of the opposite sex that becomes the norm and is legally accepted.”

   Sangwoo spoke fervently before grabbing a bottle of water from his bag and drinking it. Jihye simply hugged her chest and listened quietly before searching for something on her mobile phone and speaking.

   “I will present a case for you to listen to, same-sex marriage is a trend that is favored by laws worldwide. There are fifteen countries that accept same-sex couples as a legal relationship, mainly developed countries such as North

   America, Europe, and so on.”

   “…”

   Then the woman presented a married couple living without children, and mentioned the group, DINKs [2], with tubal ligation or vasectomy, she proved step by step that marriage is not a prerequisite for having children. At the same time, dating is not a prerequisite for marriage. Then she firmly confirmed that humans can live according to their instincts in the prehistoric era, but as civilization advances, it evolves in a way that values ethics and individual freedom.

   Jihye, who was ready to fight with information, couldn’t be compared to her older sister who stubbornly clung to her own thoughts. Sangwoo felt a crisis because he was confident in general knowledge and scientific knowledge, but had little interest in contemporary events and knew almost nothing about samesex marriage or DINKs, so it was difficult for him to argue.

   “People who belittle the value of love, which is a human right like my sister, are no different from uncivilized people!”

   “…Calm down. You’re overreacting.”

   At that moment, Jihye, who had spoken for a full eight minutes without a pause, closed her mouth. Although Sangwoo understood the importance she was trying to convey, he was still not swayed.

   Although it can be said that humans have become more civilized and overcome some of their uncivilized behavior, every action has a purpose. Humans eat to have energy, sleep to rest their bodies, and have sex to reproduce. In the end, dating and marriage are just incidental results that occur for the purpose of procreation and raising stable children. Although there are people who date without getting married or get married without having children as Jihye mentioned, it does not mean that those actions are logical.

   “If not getting married or having children, what is the meaning of dating?

   Isn’t it just a waste of time?”

   When Jihye heard the question that Sangwoo raised, she seemed lost in thought and remained silent for about a minute before making eye contact with him.

   “Sunbae, why do you eat rice?”

   “Because I need a source of power.”

   “Oh, really, then… Why did you go to school?”

   “I will have a higher chance of surviving when I increase our expertise in my major and succeed socially.”

   “Yes, that’s true, um… um… oh! Why do you play games?”

   “…”

   Sangwoo felt a sense of unease as if he had stepped into a trap. Jihye lowered her eyes with a smile as if she could sense his feelings. Although Sangwoo tried to pretend that he didn’t feel anything, he was sweating.

   “Um… to stimulate the desire to overcome and provide meaning to life, and to have beneficial aspects such as knowledge, and so on. And…”

   “That’s the result, what I’m asking about is different goals.”

   Sangwoo, trapped by Jihye’s thoughts, was spinning around looking for a way to escape, but there was no way out. Gaming was an exception in his life because it was something he did without any purpose.

   “Because it’s fun. Isn’t that right?”

   “…Yes.”

   “Well then, it doesn’t contribute to the prosperity of mankind. You don’t have to play games anymore, it’s a waste of time.”

   Jihye smiled faintly. Sangwoo thought he didn’t need to listen to what the other side was trying to say, he seemed to understand… Jihye paused for a moment before reiterating to Sangwoo with a confident expression.

   “Having a boyfriend is like playing a game, you see. Generally, people date because they like the other person so much that they can’t stand it anymore, but I myself don’t really know.”

   “…”

   He opened his mouth, but couldn’t come up with a reason to argue back. Sangwoo was at a loss for words. Jihye used the hammer of logic to destroy the foundation of his stand.

   Suddenly, in Sangwoo’s mind, there were images of the nights he spent with Jang Jaeyoung, flashing by like a fast-paced movie. He worked and had sex with the other party, but then Sangwoo realized that the time he didn’t spend with Jaeyoung on those things seemed even longer.

   ‘Useless.’

   There is no denying the fact that it was a wasteful use of time. Jaeyoung often slid next to him and tempted him to play, sometimes playing something provocative that distracted him. However, those seemingly useless moments, which were etched in Sangwoo’s memory without missing a beat, also left a positive impression. Sangwoo felt the pain and tightly clenched his fists.

   “If I try to go back to the beginning, the fact that X and Y couldn’t be in a relationship because they were the same gender is not correct. Because they were already in a relationship, even if it’s called a mistake that they shouldn’t have an identity of being a couple, that doesn’t make all the characteristics of dating disappear.”

   ‘I lost.’

   Sangwoo bit his lip as if he had been repeatedly killed, just like everyone who studied humanities unreasonably. When Jihye saw Sangwoo’s face, she took a breath.

   “For now, it’s not about winning a debate against me, I have a class at one o’clock in the afternoon, but now I have to skip lunch to help you here.”

   “At least go now.”

   “There’s only ten minutes left to go eat something. Hurry up.”

   Jihye fell silent for a moment before looking into Sangwoo’s eyes and speaking with a serious expression.

   “Please tell Mister X, to stop doing useless things and take care of the person he loves. Go do something for them. The other party said he would go…”

   “…and as I said, they are not dating.”

   “And he should tell Y that if he really wants to go, damnit… Jokingly, I pray five hundred times that they won’t survive.”

   “…”

   “It’s so frustrating. After the exam, I’ll probably have to go get my eyes checked.”

   Jihye ‘s face looked blankly and looked at the sky as if she were an actress in a film. Then, she lifted her bag and stood up from her seat.

   “Fight on, Mister Chu. You can do it.”

   Before Sangwoo could respond, she smiled and left the classroom. ‘That’s strange.’ 

   Sangwoo sat quietly in an empty room for a long time.

   He reflected on the arguments he had had with Jihye multiple times, but in the end, he had to accept, with no other choice, that his standpoint had been annihilated. His life had always been about victories. First place, a hundred points, an example for others, the ultimate.

   He was unfamiliar with losing logically in an argument. No, it wasn’t just this time. Lately, all he had were memories of defeat, of being disturbed, disconcerted, intimidated, influenced, deprived, shaken, and stolen from. But the unfamiliar feeling wasn’t just because of the feeling of loss.

   ‘Even if you say black sheep shouldn’t exist, that won’t make them disappear.’ 

   Jihye’s words lingered in his mind. No matter how much she emphasized to herself that it was a feeling she shouldn’t feel, that she mustn’t feel, and that it was inappropriate, the persistent mistake remained and couldn’t be erased.

   ‘The desire that blossoms on the physical foundation.’ 

   A small hypothesis had a great impact on Sangwoo’s calm and peaceful world, lowering it to 99°C. Then, the month starting at 100°C, the moment he accepted that the time he spent with Jang Jaeyoung was dating. Sangwoo was disturbed by the desire to do everything with the other person.

   Working together, living together, exercising together, playing games together, eating together, watching movies together, sleeping together, studying together, taking pictures together, buying clothes together, and everything else that came to mind, the strange and constant desire turned into a feeling of wanting to live together in one house, get married, have a child similar to the other person, and the feeling was so intense that it seemed abnormal, clearly showing that he had gone so far as to make a goal that would never be true in biology.

   ‘Have you gone crazy, Chu Sangwoo?’ 

   Sangwoo tapped his head with his fist. It didn’t matter if the time he spent with Jang Jaeyoung was love or not and whether or not he could be with the other person. It no longer had any meaning. In less than a month, July will come. By then, it would be useless, truly useless.

   ‘What do you want me to do?’ 

   The question Jaeyoung left behind was no different from a riddle.

   “What can I do? Nothing at all.”

   Sangwoo pondered to himself, rising from his seat without realizing that lunch break had ended, and students for the next class were gradually entering the room.

   Sangwoo headed towards the cafeteria, his steps scattered, and he grabbed two spoons and a fork so he could eat with just one spoon, like during military training. His throat hurt because he didn’t clean the fish bone properly.

   “Sangwoo-Sunbae. Sangwoo!”

   Someone called out to Sangwoo on the way to the library, and instantly, he heard footsteps following, with the figure of someone walking beside him.

   “Hey, sunbae. I bought this for you.”

   A male student offered a plastic cup containing a black beverage, but Sangwoo waved his hand in refusal.

   “I already have coffee to drink.”

   “You have fine taste… Then I’ll buy something else for you another time.”

   “No need, why would you buy coffee for me?”

   “Oh, because of you I have got a good score, I have to buy it for you!”

   Does that mean the score from the mini-project presented yesterday was released? When Sangwoo asked what score he received, the other person answered that he got nineteen, the highest score. Hearing that, Sangwoo tilted his head.

   “Strange, they must have deducted one point somewhere.”

   “… It was deducted in the presentation skills, four points. Sorry.”

   The other person apologized repeatedly, but Sangwoo thought it wasn’t important anymore. He had lost interest in scores in this group.

   “Oh, everyone was so excited about the fantastic slide. Sunbae, you didn’t make it yourself, did he?”

   “No, a graphic design student made it.”

   “That’s right… I thought so. Many people want to have that template. Can I send it to them?”

   “No, it’s mine. The rights to view and use it are mine alone. You also should delete it forever.”

   “That is going too far.”

   They walked together to the library. It was a warm sunny day, a hot season that arrived unnoticed, causing even a slight movement to produce sweat along the spine. It had been a long time since anyone walked beside him, but the other side was not the person Sangwoo wanted to be with. He could feel the longing, which, even though strong-willed, covered him.

   “Do you not join coding clubs or academic associations, sunbae?”

   “No.”

   “Why not?”

   “There are plenty of open sources to study programming by yourself, right?

   The experts on the web are better than students.”

   “I’m considering whether to join an academic association next semester or not. So, not joining is better, right?”

   “You decide that yourself.”

   “Hmm. No, please give me some advice.”

   ‘Why are you being so annoying?’ 

   Sangwoo frowned and walked faster. It wasn’t like this before, but now everyone seemed to think he was easy to approach.

   “It seems like a lot of people are leaving there. It’s like a drama club.”

   When he heard the murmuring voices of this junior, his feet immediately stopped. As the other side said, at the point he pointed to, there were many people gathered together. 

   ________________________________________.

[1]      Core, or the brain of the CPU, used for primary processing. In this case, Sangwoo probably compares social structure to a computer, and one of the main components of that structure is employment. 

[2]      DINKs, “Double, Income, No, Kids.” The lifestyle of modern people who focus on dual income, getting married and living together without children. 

    

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