MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Special Chapter 3: Beert X Wan, Friends Turning Into Lovers.
Beert had set a rule for himself not to like friends, not to love friends, not to let friendships turn sour because of relationships.
He forgot all those rules today.
Since when did being friends evolve into something more than just friendship? He couldn’t pinpoint the exact time. He just felt that his relationship with Wan had changed.
From constantly arguing, he began to yield even when the other was being stubborn.
He started complaining about things he never used to because he was concerned.
He got involved in matters he would have ignored before, just to prevent the other from crying in sadness.
The young man with the sun-like gaze looked at his best friend, whom he spent nearly every moment with, 24 hours a day, hardly ever apart. The small, defiant-faced boy with dark brown hair blowing in the wind as they sat by the water in the evening.
Wan was saying something, but his mind wasn’t focusing.
All he cared about was that happy smile.
Since he confessed his feelings for Wan, everything has remained the same. They didn’t officially become a couple, but they were still close friends who were never far apart. The only slight difference was that Wan’s reactions had softened by about half.
Is that a good thing, or not?
If it were before, whenever he said something, his stubborn friend would argue back with all his might. Whether it was about food or daily life, Wan was the type who never yielded if he wasn’t in the wrong, doing everything his own way and speaking more straightforwardly than a ruler. Sometimes, his words could sting, but once you got close, especially with friends, you’d find that deep down, he had a good heart; he would admit his mistakes and never shirk responsibility.
After the confession, Wan didn’t argue with him as much; strangely, he would comply even while grumbling. Beert used to think, “Maybe it’s nothing, maybe he’s just grown up or understands more,” but when he saw Wan with other friends, he was still fiercely argumentative, especially with Godt, not giving an inch.
He would take that as a good sign.
Beert raised his phone to take a picture of the other when he wasn’t looking, everything in the frame looked perfect. Whether it was his eyes, nose, mouth, face, or the way he chatted animatedly as the sun was setting, the orange hue of the sky.
Wan has always been in his sight.
During happiness, during sadness, when he needed someone by his side, though he always claimed he could be alone.
How could he let him be alone, especially when he looked so pitiful when he cried?
Especially when he saw Wan crying his heart out over that person, the one who left, the one who never looked back since then. Wan seemed out of sorts. He looked happy on the outside, laughing and cheerful like before, but inside he was wounded, a scar that would never heal.
Maybe since then, when Wan hurt, he felt hurt too.
Maybe since then, he felt like he wanted to protect him, to be by his side always.
Wan and sadness just don’t go together at all.
“Beert, are you listening?”
The cheerful voice of the person beside him snapped Beert out of his daydream. Beert responded to his close friend softly.
“Hmm?”
“He said he’s about to enter the room.”
“Why is he coming in, did he forget something?”
“He forgot some clothes or something, let’s go buy something to eat before going in to meet him.”
He nodded to the person standing up, Wan stood with slight laziness, looking down at his friend who was busy rolling up the mat.
“Beert.”
“Hmm?”
“You’ve got grass in your hair.”
“Huh?”
Before he could react, the smaller person moved closer and pulled out a dry piece of grass from his hair, not just pulling it out but also showing it to him with a mischievous smile.
“How do you sit so that grass ends up on your head, or did you sit on your head?”
“Who would be crazy enough to sit on their head?”
Beert shook his head at the playful tease, quickly tying up the mat and slinging it over his shoulder, about to stand when Wan extended his hand in front of him.
His eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the hand; for a hundred days and years, he had never thought to help him stand, always just pushing him down to sit on the ground. Why today was he reaching out? And even wiggling his fingers.
“Don’t you want to hold my hand, or are you afraid it’s dirty?”
Wan looked at his best friend who wouldn’t lift his hand to touch, as if he was afraid of germs. He glanced down at his own right hand. It’s not dirty, is it? He had just been sitting on the mat. He hadn’t touched anything, or was it because he was afraid of sweat? Realizing this, he quickly wiped his hand on his shirt and extended it forward again.
“Oh, I wiped it.”
Beert gave a small smile and placed his hand on Wan’s. He wasn’t afraid of dirt, just a bit stunned. He made sure not to grip too hard since Wan’s hand was significantly smaller than his. Soon, he managed to stand up straight with Wan’s help, the warmth spreading from the contact made him want to pull the person in front of him into a hug.
Normally, Wan would have shaken his hand off and walked away by now. But for some reason today, he kept holding on, not letting go. Beert looked down at his hand being held by the other.
“Your hand is really big.”
“Is that bad?”
“No, it’s just much bigger than mine.” As he said this, he turned his hand over to compare sizes, making the taller one’s heart skip a beat. These cute moments were rare, and he truly wanted to record it with his phone.
But even without the phone, he remembered every detail in his mind.
“Do you want a big hand?” His deep voice asked softly, and Wan shook his head.
“No, I’m just jealous when you play basketball and catch the ball so accurately. Look at my hand, what can it catch?”
“Something.”
Catching me perfectly, that’s what.
Beert’s brief words seemed meaningless on the surface, but they were loaded with several implications. Their eyes met long enough to understand each other’s unspoken meanings. As expected, Beert didn’t need to explain further because once Wan understood, he quickly let go of the hand, turning away to clear his throat in embarrassment.
“Let’s go?”
After saying that, the smaller one walked ahead, his steps brisk and quick before slowing down for the other to catch up. Beert smiled, a smile that made Wan turn around to pinch his arm.
Even these small changes, he could notice.
And he was happy with these little things.
“You guys were outside for so long, I’ve been here for ages.”
Bel was complaining about the two friends who had just returned to the condo, they had set a meeting at 6 PM. Who knows where they had gone to buy food, it was past midnight by the time they got back to the room. Judging by the things in their hands, they must have gone shopping to relax. When Wan heard this, he turned and glared at him.
“Why are you here now? Didn’t you have an appointment with Ton?” “Oh come on, I had to come back for my clothes first, didn’t I, Wan? I forgot everywhere except in this room where two ‘married’ people live. Do you think I wanted to interrupt?” The smaller one even hiccupped.
“I’ll hit you if you keep talking.”
“Don’t! Don’t start anything!”
The door was kicked open by the owner of the room with a loud bang, accompanied by the noisy bickering of the two.
Wan and Bel, if they were always together, they would probably end up really fighting one day.
Since graduating, Beert, Wan, Bell, and Ton have kept in touch. The four of them still hang around the university area on the outskirts of the city. Only Godt and Biu moved out to work in the city near Ladprao. Even though Godt comes back to the university area every week, no one sees him because he spends all his time with Nong Diew.
Bell works as a tutor teaching the younger students, while Ton works at the faculty. Meanwhile, Wan and Beert chose to pursue their master’s degrees at the same university, in the same faculty and department.
Since they had to study together for another two years but didn’t want to continue renting the old dorm with its ineffective air conditioning and noisy environment, they decided to rent a condo near the back of the university instead.
“How’s it going, Beert?” Bell turned to ask the person arranging things in the fridge. Meanwhile, his sparring partner had already gone into the bathroom.
“How’s what? I’m fine.”
“Sure, your face doesn’t look too fine though.”
The one who knows too much tightened the paper bag against himself, while Beert closed the fridge and turned to frown at his friend.
“What?”
“Your face says, ‘When will Wan like you?’”
Beert went quiet, just giving a smile before turning his attention back to arranging things in the small kitchen.
He wasn’t in any rush; for something like this, the more you rush, the more it falls apart, especially with someone as stubborn as Wan. If he tried to force him to do something he didn’t want to do, it could only lead to chaos.
“I didn’t hear that.”
“It’s up to you, but shouldn’t things move forward by now?”
“Move forward how much?”
“Just enough to officially be a couple. Or is Wan not agreeing?”
“I haven’t asked yet.”
“Sigh. Are you sure you’re happy with how things are? I know you, Beert, you wouldn’t want to force Wan, but is this really enough? This super ambiguous ‘best friend’ status?”
Before they could talk further, the other person emerged from the bathroom, his lips humming a tune in good spirits. Wan looked up from his phone screen, noticing the two with their worried expressions.
“What’s wrong? Why the long faces?”
“Oh, nothing,” Bell quickly deflected, “But who were you talking to?” Seeing Wan giggle at his phone, Bell, the friend who loved to meddle, couldn’t let it go.
“Why? Who I talk to is none of your business.”
“Really? But you’re smiling from ear to ear.”
“None of your business!”
“Look at him, Beert, talking to his new fling again.”
“Let Wan talk to whoever he wants.”
The room fell silent immediately.
Bell glanced at Beert, whose face had fallen, and the warm-hearted guy turned away to busy himself with tidying up, pretending there was a lot to do. It was clear from his actions that he was thinking about something. As for Wan, his eyes had turned into those of a hungry ghost.
Seeing this, Bell sighed.
It wasn’t really about him, but seeing the good guy sad, Bell couldn’t help but feel sympathetic.
It’s pitiful that friends end up secretly liking each other, but the point is, even after confessing for so long, there’s still no official relationship. They live in the same room, study together, sleep together, kissed how many times? What do you call this if not a couple? Friends with benefits? A close male friendship?
When other friends see the way Beert looks at Wan, it’s crystal clear, but the way Wan looks at Beert is still just like looking at a friend, no different from before. Sometimes, Bell wanted to remind Wan to make his feelings clear. To stop chatting with girls. Beert wouldn’t say it out loud, “I’m jealous,” or “You need to be clear, Wan,” or “Do you like me, Wan?” Whatever Wan does, if it doesn’t bother others, it’s generally okay.
He didn’t want to think about what would happen if someone new came into the picture, wouldn’t that make things even worse?
“I should go,” Bell lightly shrugged and patted his friend’s shoulder, thinking but not saying out loud. This wasn’t the first time Bell wanted to speak up, but he refrained out of consideration for Beert, preferring him to make his own decisions. But this time, the signs were clear. It was obvious that Beert was upset, not that Bell was exaggerating, but this kind of thing needed a little push. Seeing Wan’s oblivious expression made Bell unhappy.
He acted like he felt nothing, could say nonchalantly that he could talk to whoever he wanted, but when someone was close to Beert, he got possessive, not wanting Beert to mingle with others. If he didn’t like him, what would you call this? Jealousy? Friend jealousy? How jealous, moving into the dorm wasn’t just because someone from the same class brought snacks to Beert every day, right? Making excuses about noise, that’s bad behavior. If Godt and Biu found out, he wouldn’t survive; they’d curse him out for two days straight.
Beert is almost ready for monkhood. If you don’t accept his love this lifetime, I bet he’ll really become a monk one day, and if he does, don’t come crying to me.
“Beert.”
“Hmm, what?”
“When I have some free time, I’ll bring Miaow to see you, she really likes you.”
Beert furrowed his brows looking at his friend, his brain not processing what Bell was talking about.
“Miaow, don’t you remember Miaow? The one who gave you a gift at graduation. If you don’t remember, it’s okay, I’ll bring her to meet you, maybe you can get close. Not that I want you to talk about anything special, just for future support.”
He left that bomb and quickly left the room.
The taller one watched as his friend walked out, Bell humming a tune cheerfully, and even before shutting the door, he winked, still confusing but with the understanding that Bel was trying to provoke Wan. Because he didn’t know Miaow, couldn’t remember who she was, the only people who gave him gifts were juniors he knew.
When he turned back to look at the other person in the room, the displeased glance sent his way, the face tight as if he’d just eaten a hornet, clearly showed that Bel had successfully stirred him up.
Wan didn’t say anything, just briskly walked into the bedroom.
He got upset.
Should he follow and explain that he doesn’t know Miaow, that what Bel said was just to provoke Wan? But then again, judging by that irritated look, Wan probably didn’t want to be bothered right now, so he decided to finish organizing the stuff, his gaze drifting out the window.
Just like Bel said, he had confessed long ago. Why hadn’t the relationship progressed at all? But he didn’t dwell on it too much. Just confessing was enough. Not being scolded for it was enough. Just that the other allowed him to continue being a part of his life was more than enough.
Is that really enough?
Bell’s words echoed in his mind again.
It is… as long as Wan is still by his side. Doesn’t go to someone else.
Doesn’t get close to someone else. Doesn’t like someone else. Even if
Wan doesn’t say he likes him, just being by each other’s side is enough.
But what guarantees that Wan won’t like someone else?
A sense of insecurity began to creep into Beert’s heart bit by bit. He knew Wan had many friends, was a social person much like Godt. Wan was good at flirting; if someone were to fall for him, it wouldn’t be surprising.
Was it his fault? He had confessed, but he never stopped anything, never showed signs of jealousy or sadness when Wan talked about other people. If Wan smiled with others, wasn’t that good?
How is that good… how can that be good when all he wanted was to be the one making Wan smile more than anyone else?
With someone who barely talks, scolds when he behaves badly, and hardly has any fun stories to tell, how could he make Wan smile every day?
The more he thought, the more his head hurt. The young man with the sun-like gaze slumped on the sofa, turning on the TV to drown out the turmoil in his mind. The cooking show, which usually entertained him, didn’t feel fun today.
He tried not to think, tried not to expect, because he knew it would lead to heartbreak.
He respected Wan’s decisions. Whatever Wan decided, he had to accept it because when he first started liking him, he didn’t expect anything in return. Just wanting Wan to be happy every day was enough!
…
For nearly half an hour, Beert didn’t move, just staring blankly at the
TV screen, alone, until the bedroom door opened, revealing the stubborn face of the other peeking out. Wan looked at the person lost in thought on the sofa; even when he opened the door, Beert didn’t seem to notice. Normally, Beert wasn’t like this. Even though he didn’t talk much, he never sat brooding or zoning out, especially not during his favorite cooking show.
Why didn’t he call him to watch today? Usually, they watch it together.
Or was he upset about what he said to Bell, about talking to whoever and it being none of his business? Beert knew he wasn’t talking to anyone; these days, it was just the close group of friends. The laughter was because he stumbled upon something funny on Twitter.
But who would believe that? Before Beert confessed, his chats were never empty for a single day.
Why does he have to look so sad?
Seeing him like that was even more irritating; he wouldn’t even come to clear up the Miaow issue. He knew that someone like Beert wouldn’t go for a woman. How many years have they been friends? Beert never spoke more than ten words to any woman except Biu, why wouldn’t he know? Since he confessed his feelings, he hasn’t looked at anyone else but him, but he couldn’t act right. They sleep together every day, look into each other’s eyes every day, play around every day, live together every day, but after the confession, he couldn’t just act the same.
Thinking back to the time he had a fight with Tan, Wan’s face turned red up to his ears. During that time, he was never in his right mind. He didn’t know when Beert started liking him more than just as a friend. If it was during the fight with Tan, there were so many incidents he couldn’t even count.
Waking up to find himself hugging his friend’s waist, dazed to the point of undressing and sleeping like that. Not to mention during their playful times, they had crossed some boundaries. How could they look each other in the eye after that?
He was worried that Beert felt bad because he hadn’t made anything clear yet, even after all this time it was still the same.
What was still the same?
He had never yielded to anyone like he did to Beert. Just because he didn’t say he liked him out loud, it didn’t mean he didn’t.
Wan furrowed his brows looking at the person sitting on the sofa, letting out a sigh. What was he thinking about? Today was Sunday, and they usually watched TV together on Sundays, yet here he was, not even inviting him to watch TV together.
The smaller one walked out of the room with a stern face, sat down next to his best friend, and handed him a piece of paper, one torn from a notebook. It looked crumpled as if Wan had written it on the bed.
Beert took the paper, bending down to read the message written in shaky handwriting:
“Are you tired of loving someone like me? Are you tired of not getting anything in return? I’m sorry for not being clear. It’s not that I don’t like you. I just don’t know how to say it.”
His tired eyes widened upon reading the message, turning to look at the other who was awkwardly scratching his cheek. Wan sat with his knees up, looking even smaller than he already was, staring at his feet, moving them back and forth.
“Beert.”
“Hmm?”
“Are you… angry?”
“Angry about what?”
“About me scolding Bell, saying whoever I talk to is none of his business.”
“Not at all.”
“But you… your face looked off. And you said I could talk to anyone and just let it go…”
Beert shook his head to indicate he wasn’t angry, but Wan knew better. After living together for so long, how could he not know what the person beside him was thinking? If he wasn’t genuinely feeling bad, he wouldn’t be sitting there so dejected.
“I’m not flirting with anyone, I swear,” the smaller one said, raising three fingers in a pledge, glancing at his friend briefly.
“Who you talk to is your right.”
“I really wasn’t flirting to anyone, just scrolling through Twitter for fun and laughed at something funny. You can check my phone if you want.”
“Sure. I’m not angry or anything.”
“I haven’t flirted with anyone since you said you liked me.”
They both fell silent, letting the awkward atmosphere envelop them. The TV’s sound still filled the room, easing the tension for Wan, whose heart was now beating faster and faster.
“Beert.”
“Hmm?”
Not saying ‘I like you’ doesn’t mean I don’t like you.” His voice was hesitant as he buried his face in his knees, “It’s just that… we’ve been friends for a long time, so close that we know everything about each other. It feels weird to suddenly make it official, you know what I mean?”
“Yeah, I understand.”
“But if you… want to be my boyfriend… need a clear status…”
“Do you want to?”
Beert was stunned for a moment. He questioned in his mind what was happening, why suddenly everything had changed like this. Or was it because Wan was afraid he would be angry? He wasn’t angry at Wan, how could he be? It was just a small sense of insecurity.
“Do you want to?” Wan repeated, making Beert smile. But this smile, Wan probably didn’t see, a smile that expressed deep happiness from the bottom of his heart, a smile he’d never given to anyone else. He was grateful Wan was looking down; otherwise, he would have been even more embarrassed.
I want to, I really want to.
“It’s up to you, do you want to?”
“I’m asking you, why are you turning it back on me?”
I don’t want to force it. We don’t have to be official. Just being together, eating together, discussing things, not liking anyone else, that’s enough.”
The smaller one pushed his friend’s head until he tilted.
“Everything you’ve said, are we already a couple?”
“That’s right.” Beert laughed softly, his warm and bright laugh making the one who was looking down raise his head to look at him.
There seemed to be some kind of magnetic attraction that slowly drew Wan closer to the other person. Beert was handsome. Although not as handsome as Godt, his character was beyond perfect; handsome, kind, calm. This gentleness, he didn’t want others to see, didn’t want him to be gentle with others, didn’t want him to smile at others, didn’t want these warm hands to touch anyone else.
Their personalities were so different; Wan was self-centered, prone to outbursts, to the point where he didn’t even like his own nature, but Beert never complained. Never criticized, always indulged him.
Who else in the world would indulge him like this?
Even though he indulged him, he never let him get spoiled; whenever he did something wrong, he would admonish him. They might argue sometimes, but within a day, they’d be talking like before because of this kind of closeness. He felt comfortable being by his side.
And that promise he made, to like him one day…
Before he knew it, Wan pressed his lips against the other’s, the taller one’s eyes widening in surprise. The light touch, like a soft cotton ball at first, gradually turned into something warm and blazing, like a newly lit stove. The taste of sweetness, flavored with the orange scent that the other liked to eat, their breaths mingled, not wanting to part, as if they were trying to embrace feelings that couldn’t be expressed in words.
Wan moved to straddle his friend, the friend he promised to like one day, the deeper the kiss, the closer they got, the more they craved each other, repeatedly, from a light kiss, the tip of his tongue began to touch the lower lip of Beert, while the other kissed back with equal fervor, not letting the other one have his way.
The heat that was slowly building enveloped both their bodies; the air conditioning did nothing to cool them down. The stubborn one wrapped his arms around Beert’s neck; this kiss, led by Wan, was a complete confession that all this time, he had fully accepted this love.
Yielding to almost everything, obeying in many matters, his mind was always on this person.
Beert’s hands pulled the person in his embrace closer by the waist, the soft moan from Wan was something he never dreamt he would hear, the sweetness that made his heart race. Before Wan pulled away, laying his head on his friend’s broad shoulder, the smaller one’s shoulders moved up and down, exhausted, as if this kiss was like being forced by a teacher to run laps around the field.
“Beert.”
The sound of labored breathing along with a soft but clear call of his name reached the other person. Beert held Wan’s waist tight, responding with a hum in his throat as an acknowledgment. Wan wouldn’t lie down flat, instead clinging to him like a koala.
“When I kiss other people, I’ve never felt like this before.”
The words made the listener frown; the one in his arms was quite experienced, but was this really the time to bring up such things? It was quite good at killing the romantic mood.
“And how do you feel now?”
“Hot.”
Wan grumbled, yet he didn’t let go of his friend’s neck.
The sound of breathing beside his ear was so intense that even someone like Beert could barely stand it.
“Beert.”
“Hmm?”
For some reason, Wan was acting very clingy today, calling his name repeatedly.
“Beert.”
“What?”
“Don’t go looking for a Miaow.” Beert almost choked and then burst out laughing, earning him a slap on the back from Wan.
He thought he was worried about something else, but it turned out he was worried about what Bell said about bringing over someone named Miaow. He didn’t even know anyone named Miaow, nor had he ever wanted to meet one. Because he already had this ‘cat’ here.
After today, he’d have to thank Bell for helping Wan become more aware of his feelings. Even though he didn’t expect Wan to change, seeing him act cute and clingy like this, maybe he should have asked Bel for help long ago. They had kept their feelings bottled up for so long, but even then, they never wanted to part. However, just one day was enough to make things clearer.
“If you don’t want me to go looking for Miaow, then meow for me.” “You…”
“If not, I’ll go look for Miaow.”
He was just teasing. He didn’t mean to do it for real; there was no way Wan would do something like that.
Beert rested his chin on Wan’s shoulder, embracing his close friend, not wanting to let go, exhaling a relieved breath onto his shoulder, smiling happily.
There was no need to be flamboyant. He loved Wan just the way he was, loved that Wan was Wan.
No matter how many years pass, no matter if their status is just close friends, they would always know they were more than just close friends. Even if not officially a couple, they knew they were each other’s special person and neither wanted to let the other go.
“Um…”
“Hmm?” Beert looked at the person whose face and ears were red in his embrace, Wan made a soft, hesitant sound as if trying to say something.
“Miaow…”
He didn’t mishear, did he?… Did Wan just meow?
“Meow.”
“Huh?”
“You’re laughing!”
Beert wanted to slap himself for not being able to hold back his laughter, but it was genuinely funny. Was he so afraid he’d go for Miaow that he’d even meow? They’ve been together all this time, and he thought he was cute, but he could be even cuter, to the point where his heart could barely handle it.
The sharp nose pressed against Wan’s shoulder, swaying slightly. The more he laughed, the more he was scolded by the cat, with the nails of the person in his arms digging into his back along with the irritated voice.
“With this cat here, if you go for another, you won’t die well.”
How could he go for anyone else? With Wan being this cute?
His little cat.
“Beert…”
“Hmm?”
“From now on, we’re officially a couple.”
Couple… the clear status that came out from the other’s mouth almost made him unable to hold back his tears. Beert buried his face in Wan’s shoulder again, the dampness on the shoulder making the smaller one’s heart sink.
“Are you crying?”
He thought he was content, but he was just fooling himself; thinking he was satisfied just being by his side, but receiving this status as a couple made him feel so overwhelmed, as if he might burst with emotion.
He was so glad to finally hear those words.
“Yes, we’re a couple.”
If I had to describe happiness in one word, Beert wouldn’t have long sentences to say; he’d only have one short word to explain his happiness.
His happiness was:
‘Wan.’
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