MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 25: The Lesson Of Relationships Begins With Trusting.
I am in the process of learning about love between two men.
I don’t know if it’s the same as a heterosexual relationship. I’m not sure how I should act when my boyfriend is a tall guy who nearly hits the doorframe, I can’t pat his head like Phii Godt often does to me because my arm doesn’t reach. I don’t know how to act when I have a boyfriend who makes women turn their heads when we go out, and I don’t feel right showing jealousy like he does. I also don’t know how to behave when Phii Godt takes care of me as if he were the woman in the relationship.
For Phii Godt, everything seems so simple. He knows how to please me, how to take care of me to make me feel okay, maybe because he’s two years older than me. That’s why he knows what being in a relationship entails.
“Let me carry it for you.”
The tall guy took my cloth bag and slung it over his shoulder, looking very pleased to do so. Despite my frequent protests that the bag isn’t heavy, with only the occasional load of books from the library, Phii Godt never listens.
On the contrary, Phii Godt carries more stuff than me. He carries my cloth bag, his own leather bag on his shoulder, various bags of snacks, and bags of personal items he bought from Big C before returning to the dorm, as if he won’t be shopping again until next year. His other hand holds an unsweetened green tea, which he drinks to combat the heat since leaving the university.
I looked at the small bag of snacks in my hand, the only thing I was carrying because he was worried it would be too heavy for me.
“Isn’t it heavy?”
“Huh?”
The guy sipping green tea glanced at me briefly. Phii Godt shook his head gently, and seeing that, I didn’t dare argue with him anymore. Every time I encountered that look, I could do nothing but give in to him.
We returned to the room early because today was my last exam day, and Phii Godt’s friends were going to gather in the room for some sort of mission, which I still didn’t know about because Phii Biu kept it a secret, saying that if she told, Phii Wan and Phii Bell wouldn’t come.
“Where should I put this?”
I picked up the black roll-on deodorant. Phii Godt, who had gone into the bathroom, peeked out with a wet face, water dripping from his hair.
“Put it in the wardrobe.”
“And the cooling powder?”
“In the wardrobe.”
“And the tissues?”
“Also in the wardrobe.”
Everything goes in the wardrobe?
I opened the wardrobe, and the sight before me explained why Phii Godt’s room looked so spacious.
It was because he stuffed everything in the wardrobe.
I was scanning around, trying to find space to place his personal items. Normally, I like to organize things neatly for easy access, perhaps because I spend a lot of time in my room and don’t like clutter. But Phii Godt is the type who packs everything together. Looking at his wardrobe drawers, I wouldn’t be surprised if I found underwear rolled up like an eight in there.
I was enjoying organizing when I stumbled upon something hidden under a pile of miscellaneous items. I moved a bottle of talcum powder aside and picked up the silver packet. At that moment, Phii Godt walked out of the bathroom.
This is…
Condoms.
“Hey!”
Phii Godt yelped. He quickly snatched the condom packet from my hand and hid it behind his back like someone caught in the act. We stood there awkwardly for a moment.
“You didn’t just buy this… right?”
“These are old.”
Indeed… seeing how the condoms were lying there like fossils, they definitely weren’t recently bought. But it’s not my business to ask if he had been with someone else before, because Phii Godt is very social, good-looking, and has a charming personality; with his social status, I wouldn’t be surprised if he had been with someone before.
He’s just another guy, after all.
It’s just… imagining him kissing someone else…
I felt jealous.
I looked down. I don’t know why, I just felt jealous, very jealous.
“Diew…”
“Yes?”
Phii Godt moved closer to me, his beautiful eyes staring into mine, making me feel a bit nervous. When he gets serious, he likes to look into my eyes as if to tell me he’s being honest because I’ve heard that eye contact signifies sincerity.
And now he looked like someone about to confess something.
“I have something to tell you… I was with a woman during my first year before I met Ping.”
“Hmm.”
“It’s just one night, really. There’s no attachment.”
“Yes.”
“Don’t you trust me?”
“No, I just…” care about you a lot.
Before we could continue, there was a knock at the door. Phii Godt seemed slightly annoyed at being interrupted.
“Who is it?”
“Open the door, you bastard!” Phii Biu’s voice came first.
“If you’re so sure, open it yourself!”
“Screw you, the ice bucket is heavy, open the door, you dog-faced!”
“Do it yourself.”
“You bastard, Godt.”
“Do it yourself.”
“I’ll tell Nong Diew that you…”
“Opening now!” Phii Godt quickly jumped away from me and rushed to open the door as if he was afraid of being burned. The tall woman walked in, looking annoyed from afar, and sat down next to me.
“It’s hot, damn hot, how high is the AC?”
“Twenty-six.”
“Can you set it to twenty-three? I’m dying.”
“Help me pay the electricity bill then.”
“Can’t the son of a cardboard factory owner like you afford the electricity bill?”
“No.”
“Damn!”
“So, will you help pay the electricity bill or not?”
Phii Biu glared at Phii Godt, but instead of responding to his friend, he turned to me and smiled, then took out a strawberry milk from a bag and handed it to me.
“You wanna know about Godt, right, Nong?”
Click, click, click.
The room owner quickly turned on the air conditioner, and Phii Biu gave a sly smile, as if she knew how to deal with this troublemaker friend.
The only weakness of Phii Godt is me.
In no time, the small square room was filled with six guys and one girl. It seemed like only Phii Biu and Phii Ton knew what they were here for today because they had been whispering to each other since Phii Ton entered the room. Phii Wan, Phii Bell, and Phii Beert were lured here under the pretense of a party to celebrate the end of exams, so they were sitting in the corner, chatting about random things while drinking red soda. Meanwhile, me and Phii Godt didn’t voice any opinions because we were already living there.
“Friends!”
“What?” Phii Wan asked Phii Biu and Phii Ton who were standing in the middle of the room, with something hidden behind their backs.
“Since we’re all here. Today we’re not just celebrating the end of exams. We have a mission.”
“What mission, Biu?” Phii Bell asked excitedly.
“Today’s mission is…”
“A horror movie marathon with three movies.” Phii Ton smiled at everyone in the room, and Phii Biu revealed what she had been hiding – three DVDs, all horror movies. I knew who would object.
“No!”
“You’re crazy!” Phii Wan and Phii Bell immediately panicked.
Of course, both of them are terrified of ghosts.
“Are you guys scared?”
“Yeah, I’m scared.”
“Hey, Ton, can we not watch? I have to go back and sleep alone.”
“You can sleep with Wan and Beert.”
“Are you kidding? Wan is scared of ghosts, Beert is as still as a lamppost. If ghosts come, they won’t bother him, thinking he’s a monk, but they’ll come for me and Wan instead. It doesn’t help at all!”
“I don’t know. Whoever leaves before today, I’ll fine five hundred each for being a nuisance and not focusing on watching… Nong Diew’s smaller than you guys and doesn’t cause trouble, right, my dear?” He turned to me and called me ‘dear’. I just smiled back before Phii Godt’s large hand covered my eyes.
“Dear, you’re already vulgar.”
“Yes, dear.”
“Yes, you bastard!”
Stop fighting already, please!
“Why… are we watching horror movies?” I asked the person sitting next to me on the wide bed. The seniors didn’t seem like the type to stay cooped up in a room, drinking soda and watching a horror movie marathon; usually, they’d have a drinking party and sing children’s songs. Phii Godt loosely hugged me, leaning slightly against me, while his other hand was holding his phone playing a paused game.
“Normally, after exams, we’d go to a bar.”
“And why…”
“Because we’re here with you.” Phii Godt gave me a warm smile, making me look away to my own hands, my heart beating unexpectedly fast.
I can’t resist this guy’s smile.
This mission started with dinner together in the room, followed by snacks piled in the middle of the room. By half past nine, everyone moved to sit in front of the TV. The first horror movie played in the darkened room was a Korean film known as one of Ton’s top scary movies. Throughout the movie, Phii Wan and Phii Bell would scream intermittently or hide behind pillows to peek. Meanwhile, Phii Beert, who wasn’t scared of ghosts, watched silently, making me wonder if he was really there.
Me, Phii Godt, Phii Ton, and Phii Biu sat in a row on the bed. We didn’t talk much, focused on the movie. It was quite scary in my opinion because the film played with the audience’s emotions well. The movie was about a group of ghost hunters trying to prove something in an abandoned hospital, leading to chaos.
Even I, who wasn’t scared of ghosts, got goosebumps.
“Scared?” asked a deep voice during the climax, and I jumped when the ghost appeared, turning to bury my face in the arm of the person next to me.
“Totally startled.”
“There, there, hush.” The tall guy gently kissed the top of my head and then pulled away, leaving only a warm sensation that spread through me, making me speechless.
By the time the movie ended, Phii Wan and Phii Bell were scared out of their wits. Finally, even the liquor lover like Phii Ton couldn’t take it anymore, so he proposed to Phii Beert and Phii Godt to go down to the 7-Eleven below the dorm to buy some alcoholic drinks.
I was playing a mobile game on the bed, with Phii Biu and Phii Bell beside me, talking about the movie we just watched. Meanwhile, Phii Wan had already passed out, his head buried in a big pillow. Someone as scared of ghosts as Phii Wan, even just the sound of crying would send him running, so how could he possibly sleep tonight?
“Why did it have to be a horror movie, Biu? There are so many love and action movies.”
“Normal movies, I was afraid you guys wouldn’t be excited.”
“You’re evil; I’m going to cry.” Phii Bell buried his face into the edge of the bed, hiccuping, “Me and Wan will stay up all night for sure.”
“How about you, are you scared of ghosts?” The only woman in the group turned to ask me while I was playing the game to kill time before watching the next horror movie. I shook my head slightly at Phii Biu, feeling her slender hand touch my hair and gently ruffle it.
She’s another one I respect like a real sister because she’s so warm.
“Seriously, Nong,” I turned to look at Phii Bell and nodded, “what has
Godt done to you yet?”
I glared at her question, and Phii Biu smacked Phii Bell’s arm with a slap.
“Hey, you hit me again.”
“Why are you asking this? It’s between the two of them.”
“True, but this little one is so cute, with such a sweet mouth and nose, can he really escape Godt’s hands?”
“It has to be taken slowly, we’ve just started dating, can’t expect things to happen right away. Not like you.”
“Usually, Godt isn’t someone who can hold back.”
I just smiled a little at Phii Bell’s words. At first, I thought the same, that he wasn’t patient at all, but from what I’ve experienced, I wouldn’t be surprised anymore why Phii Godt is willing to be patient, because everything he does is just for my comfort. Speaking of which, I had a question I wanted to ask the older ones too.
“Has Phii Godt… been with a woman before… right?” My question piqued the curiosity of the two.
“Did you know?”
I nodded in response.
“Will you survive with that face of his?”
“Even Bell keeps trying to make Godt his husband, who knows how many times.”
“Don’t be silly, you ox, good at causing trouble, but honestly, Nong Diew, Godt is just a man, he has feelings too. But back in the day, Godt was a bit of a jerk, like if someone offered themselves directly, he’d take it, but I think he’s stopped that now.”
“Oh. If he hasn’t stopped, then he’s still a jerk.”
“But it’s just one person, isn’t it? He’s never had more than that. It’s good he hasn’t gotten anyone pregnant.”
“Diew, you won’t dislike Godt, right?” Phii Biu asked, her expression serious about the answer she would receive.
If asked if I dislike him, I don’t dislike him at all; it’s normal for guys. I’m just a little worried that Phii Godt might have done something bad in the past, and whether those bad things might affect his future or our relationship. Even if those things are in the past.
“No… just…”
“You still don’t fully trust him, right?” Phii Bell said. I avoided their eyes; it’s not that I don’t trust him, Phii Godt is very trustworthy. But before we met, our worlds were different, so our lifestyles are quite different too. He’s probably met all sorts of people, but for me, I need some time to adjust to these kinds of situations.
I’ve hardly ever been intimate with anyone before.
“That’s how it is when you’re in a new relationship, you have to adapt to each other. But from what we’ve observed, he’s been getting better since the incident with Tan, the issue with Ping, until now where he’s changed dramatically, quit smoking, drinks less, and is truly faithful.”
What Phii Bell said made me scratch the back of my neck, embarrassed.
“If you overlook his patience and his strong friendships, Godt has his bad sides too,” Phii Biu added, “But that’s the past. I think people change, like Bell who used to go for anyone, now he’s only got eyes for Ton.”
“Crazy, you, I’m unbeatable, you know.”
“Really? You don’t secretly like Ton?”
“I don’t have a taste for liking friends, I’m not like Beert.” When Phii Bell said this, Phii Wan sat up from where he had seemingly been asleep. Phii Biu was startled, giving me a wide-eyed look.
Oh no… Phii Wan still doesn’t know that Phii Beert likes him.
The small guy turned to look at his friend while furrowing his brows, but Phii Bell was completely unaware that Phii Wan was looking at him with a dozen question marks over his head until Phii Biu lightly tapped Phii Bell’s arm, making the one who accidentally spoke realize his mistake.
“Who does Beert like?” Phii Wan asked in a calm voice.
“Like what? No one.”
“Don’t lie, Bell.”
“Like… he likes Biu, that’s who.”
Phii Biu sat there confused for a while before she could regain her composure and go along with Phii Bell’s statement, letting out an awkward laugh.
“Ha! Beert likes me? Crazy. You’re crazy, Bell.”
“I’m just guessing; actually, Beert might not like you.”
“Yeah, you’re crazy.”
“Friends can’t like each other, how can that be?” Phii Wan grumbled before lying down again, leaving only silence and a sense of awkwardness that was building up. Phii Biu even shook her head. It wasn’t just Phii Godt who noticed; the whole group probably knew by now that Phii Beert secretly liked Phii Wan, except for Phii Wan himself.
The woman in front of me moved closer and whispered in my ear,
“You don’t see any chance at all.”
I thought the same. Initially, I sided with Phii Wan, but now I was starting to feel a bit sorry for Phii Beert.
Not long after, Phii Godt and the others came back upstairs, and the second horror movie continued as planned. This time, alcohol was added to the mix. I looked at Phii Godt, who didn’t touch any alcohol, and I couldn’t help but wonder why he wouldn’t drink.
“Drinking once in a while… it’s probably fine, right?”
“It’s better if he doesn’t drink, Nong,” Phii Ton spoke up for his friend, “He talks nonsense when he drinks.”
Talks nonsense?
“He gets handsy,” the other friends started to reveal his secrets one by one.
“He’s a lecher.”
“Enough, you bunch of jerks!”
A soft laugh echoed in the room, but in just a moment, Phii Godt’s friends turned their attention back to the horror movie. I moved closer to the person beside me, sitting so close that our arms touched, like two joined pieces of a Chinese doughnut, one big and one small.
“What’s up, being all clingy, huh?”
“Phii Godt… I don’t distrust you…”
“If it’s about that, I admit that in the past, I didn’t behave very well, but I’ve improved now, I’m a better version of myself.”
“Hmm.”
“People in a relationship need to learn about each other, right? There might be things from my past I haven’t told you, but I don’t want to hide anything. If you want to know, I’ll tell you.”
I shook my head slightly; I didn’t really want to know about his past.
It was just coincidental.
“I promise I’ll make you trust me, and I won’t betray that trust.”
“Thank you.”
His warm hand gently ruffled my hair, the warmth spreading through me. Even though it was far from my heart, it made my heart jump like popcorn on a hot stove. Every time he ruffled my hair, I didn’t know how to react.
“I don’t want much, really. From just hearing your voice, paying for millions of Pocky sticks, without even touching your arm. Now, being able to see your face, to touch you… I’m already very happy.”
“Yes.”
“But if we could have more…”
“Wait a moment.”
I furrowed my brows and gave him a sideways glance, receiving a playful smile from the tall guy, but I didn’t hold it against him or get angry.
It’s said that in a relationship between two people, trust is the first thing that makes the relationship enduring.
In the past, Phii Godt might have been mischievous because no one is perfect, but people can always change. Now, this guy has changed for me.
I don’t expect Phii Godt to be perfect like a white cloth; I just want him to be the Phii Godt who tries to understand me, who is my support, who is my laughter, the Phii Godt I trust and can rely on. That’s enough for me.
“Actually… I… I’m not angry about anything.”
“Hmm?”
“I just… I’m jealous.”
“Ah, saying that, I guess we’ll use the condoms tonight.”
“Phii Godt!”
I both love and hate him, it’s driving me crazy.
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