MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 19: Sometimes, with some people, there’s no need to change yourself for them at all.
Like every morning at seven, I hung a bag of pork floss bread on Khun Godzilla’s door because he came back late last night. He’d sent me a goodnight message around 11 PM, having gone to the airport to see off a senior, and I only heard his door close around 4 AM. He must be fast asleep by now.
This morning, I went to university not feeling great, with a stomachache since around 4 AM when I heard the door next door. I guessed it was due to eating an apple last night without chewing it well enough, and then going straight to bed without chatting to wait for it to digest because Phii Godt wasn’t there to distract me. Now, my stomach was cramping, making my face tense. Plus, I didn’t have time to go to the pharmacy, and the only medicine in my room was some white chalky antacid which didn’t help at all.
Luckily, today’s lab wasn’t strict, and there were no classes in the afternoon. After noon, I decided to do something light for my stomach at the faculty canteen. I thought after eating, I’d stop by the pharmacy to get something to help with the stomach pain.
“Why are you making that face?”
A familiar voice rang out beside me as I was hunched over, clutching my stomach. I looked up to see the beautiful girl standing next to me with a glass of some yellow liquid.
“It’s good, mango smoothie.”
Phii Godt’s ex-crush… the club president of the International Faculty.
“Good, Phii Ping.”
“Stomachache?” Phii Ping casually sat down opposite me in the innermost seat of the canteen. I nodded to her, my brows still furrowed.
“Indigestion or diarrhea?”
“Probably… the first one.”
Hearing that, she rummaged through her small shoulder bag and handed me some white tablets. I took them and examined them. “Aerox, for bloating and stuff, chew it and swallow. If it doesn’t get better, go see a doctor later.”
I took one tablet out, chewed it, and swallowed it as Phii Ping instructed, suddenly thinking of what Phii Godt had said when he was drunk, that no one had ever taken care of him like that because he didn’t have friends to remind him to take medicine.
Now I understand why Phii Godt once liked Phii Ping; she’s very attentive to people around her.
Khun Godzilla probably likes being taken care of like this.
“Thank you… really,” I bowed my head slightly to the woman in front of me.
“No problem,” she dismissed it as if taking care of others was just a normal thing for her to do.
Of course, because Phii Ping was the one who told Phii Jen to apologize to me and Phii Godt. She was also worried about Sister Jen being attacked by Phii Godt’s fans. She’s truly a kind-hearted woman to everyone.
Or perhaps, from another angle, it might be because she knows how unpleasant it is to be attacked with harsh words.
“With Godt, how is it going?” Phii Ping asked during a moment of silence between us.
“It’s… good.”
“I’m not asking this because I want to go back to Godt, I’m asking because I’m worried. Diew, you don’t know why Jen attacked you, right?”
I shook my head left and right for Phii Ping. I don’t know; just not reviewing the bag shouldn’t make Sister Jen resent me that much, especially since we’ve never even met before. There must be another reason she dislikes me enough to vent on social media like that and get backlash in return.
“Jen is a fan of Godt.”
Ah… that makes sense. If it was just about not reviewing her stuff, she would have cursed me out a long time ago.
“Just not reviewing something, I think that’s a small matter. You might not like it, but it shouldn’t lead to acting like a child and demeaning others. But after that day when pictures were taken secretly, some fans were unhappy, like Jen. I just want to say, don’t pay attention to it.”
I looked up at the owner of the beautiful eyes in front of me. Phii Ping gave a small smile at the corner of her mouth and a playful wink.
“When I was flirting with Godt, I got attacked too. Godt has good fans, but he also has a lot of bad ones. At first, it was just normal things like saying I have a poker face because I don’t smile much. Once Godt’s fans knew I was talking to him, I got called arrogant. Arrogant for what? Do I need to smile at everyone in the world? That’s just too much.”
Phii Ping laughed as if the past was a funny story, but deep down, I could hear the tremble in her voice. I sat quietly, being a good listener, feeling like I met someone in the same boat, someone who had been in the same situation, someone who had once been overly concerned because of others’ words.
Only Phii Ping gave up first.
“I was told I wasn’t suitable for Godt, but I never thought about changing myself either. It might be because I didn’t think I did anything wrong. Having a poker face doesn’t mean I’m arrogant. This is just how my face is.”
I nodded in understanding. Phii Ping indeed looks very serious at first glance; you wouldn’t dare to approach her just walking by, but once you talk to her, she turns out to be a wonderful senior who cares about those around her, which is why she became the club president and is beloved by many. Even the tough Sister Jen wouldn’t dare to mess with this woman.
Compared to me, I’m like a lonely turtle who doesn’t look at his conversation partner, speaking in fits and starts as if riding a bumpy songthaew. Even my smiles are rare, reserved only for those close to me, so it’s natural for some people to dislike these behaviors.
Even the singer I like gets attacked, even though he doesn’t cause trouble for anyone. It’s just his personality – quiet, not daring to speak, always looking down, not making eye contact. It’s so hard to form each word that comes out of my mouth.
I don’t know how others live their lives, but I hate people who mock others’ flaws, whether it’s about skin color, appearance, personality, or lifestyle. You don’t know what someone has been through, what made them like this. They might smile on the outside but be suffering inside.
Why don’t those people live their own lives well before judging others?
“Back then, I thought it would be better to stop talking to Godt because I couldn’t handle his fans. Now, we’re just acquaintances, we greet each other normally when we meet.”
“And… are you okay… talking to me?” Because right now, I’m someone Phii Godt is courting. I was afraid Phii Ping might feel uncomfortable talking to someone her former crush likes.
“I’m okay. Now, I think of Godt as just a friend. Maybe it’s because when we were talking, we didn’t have a status of being officially a couple. When we stopped talking, I didn’t feel much pain, but for Godt,
I think he must have felt pretty bad.”
Phii Godt… the one who always laughs and tells bad jokes. I never knew what was going through his mind, just that he overthinks things just like I do.
“I admit I made a mistake back then by listening to Godt’s fans more than Godt himself. I cared more about what others said than who I should have cared about. So, I just want to say one thing: Godt, he means well. If possible, no, what you should do is focus only on Godt, don’t mind what others say. If Godt truly chooses you, everyone will have to accept it.”
“I… will only listen to Phii Godt.”
“Good. Since we’re not causing trouble for anyone, not making Godt feel bad, there’s no need to change anything. Love is between two people; don’t let a third, fourth, or fifth person give you a headache, understand?”
Phii Ping’s slender hand gently touched mine.
“Please take care of Godt for me, and if you have any problems or just want someone to talk to, you can talk to me.”
Her smile was beautiful, unlike what many people had said badly about her. I now understand that just a few words can completely change someone’s life. Despite Phii Ping being so suitable for Phii Godt, their future could have been bright. Even though she said she wasn’t attached, deep down, she must have regretted her decision.
“Phii Ping”
“Huh.”
The person about to leave turned back to look at me. I gave a small encouraging smile.
“Thank you… and also… you have… a very beautiful smile.”
Phii Ping let out a soft laugh.
“Same to you, smile a lot.”
I closed the door, placed my bag on the bed, and walked over to greet young-master, who had retreated into his shell. Are you sleeping? I peered left and right at the shy turtle for a while before gently tapping the shell, and young-master poked his head out to greet me. I smiled at young-master.
“The outside world is so chaotic, isn’t it, young-master?”
I muttered before changing my clothes and heading to sit on the balcony in the evening. I heard the soft strumming of a guitar from the next room on a day when the weather wasn’t hot, with wind chimes jingling along to the gentle melody.
“You’re playing the guitar again?”
“I just changed the strings, does it sound nice?”
“It’s nice.”
I sat munching on Pocky while reading and listening to the music played by the creature in the next room until the music stopped. I heard the sound of the guitar hitting something hard, indicating he had put it down.
“Phii Godt.”
“Hmm, what?”
“I met Phii Ping.”
As I mentioned Phii Ping, I instinctively rubbed my stomach, which was eased by the antacid medicine, and the stomachache subsided a lot.
Khun Godzilla was silent for a moment.
“Well, I had a stomachache, and Phii Ping gave me some medicine to take.”
“And is the pain gone?”
“It’s better now.”
I closed my book, set it beside me, and then stared out at the horizon where the sun was about to set. In the distance, I could see rain clouds approaching from afar, likely to reach where I am late tonight, so I would probably sleep with the sound of rain tapping against the clear windows.
“Phii Ping told me about how she was criticized by your fans…”
“Are you still worried about this?”
“No. I’m not worried anymore. I only listen to you now.”
“You’re good at flirting.”
It’s not flirting; it’s the truth.
“I know I overthink about those words, just like Phii Ping, but I want to ask, do you overthink about those words too?”
“I do think about them. There are times I feel not okay with it. Besides, no one wants to hear bad things about someone they like, right?”
“Uh-huh,” I murmured softly in response.
“So after the Ping incident, I stopped caring about the negative comments online. I choose to read supportive messages and good comments instead.”
“Okay.”
“Those people hide behind their keyboards; they can say whatever hurtful things they want. They don’t know if what they say will cause pain or leave lifelong scars; they’re just satisfied with spewing out bad words. But we can’t stop them. We have to avoid it ourselves, protect ourselves. That’s why I’m telling you, don’t look at it, don’t read it.”
“Okay. I won’t read it.”
“Promise?”
“Okay, I promise.”
I won’t read messages that make me feel bad, won’t read messages that make me question, “Was it right to get to know this guy?” This guy who is a public figure, who has many fans, because from the start, the answer in my heart has been clear.
It was right to have met him.
This being who entered my world without trying to drag me out.
Actually, since I’ve known Phii Godt, whenever I went out, it was entirely of my own free will.
“Listen to me, just this once. I want you to trust in me. I promise I won’t make you feel uncomfortable.”
“I’m not uncomfortable.”
“Okay, but if anything comes up, tell me, okay? I can’t guess on my own, so I want you to tell me like in the early days when we talked. If you don’t like something I do, or if you want me to do something, you must tell me, understand?”
“Yes.” I scratched the back of my neck lightly because I was suddenly feeling warm.
He emphasized, ‘Tell me,’ several times until I fully understood that if I was feeling uncomfortable about anything, I should tell him.
When encountering Phii Godt in his charming talk mode, I become completely helpless.
“Phii Godt.”
“Huh?”
Why do you care about me so much?”
“If I were to answer playfully, I’d say there’s no reason, I just want to take care of you, that’s all.”
“I want a reason.”
“Because I’m happy talking to you.”
My lips pressed together so tightly it hurt.
“No matter how many times I ask, you’ll give the same answer.”
“I’m… also happy talking to you.”
“Diew,” his voice was low and gruff, making all my hairs stand on end.
“Yes?”
“Why do you always make me blush?”
At his words, I accidentally dropped the Pocky box from my lap, the pink cream-coated crunchy sticks scattering on the floor like fortune sticks. He’s not the only one blushing; this lonely human here is as red as a frying pan for eggs. I looked at my reflection in the clear glass; my face was bright red due to my easily blushing nature. I touched my cheek, rubbing it gently.
Here we go again, how can I dare to look him straight in the eye like this when everything shows on my face?
I’m glad we don’t have to face each other right now because I surely would have done something awkward.
“By the way, how did you know I like pork floss bread?”
I scooped the Pocky back into the box, suddenly reminded of the person who had put the pork floss bread on my tray the other day.
“Phii Beert told me.”
“Beert again!”
“That’s my close friend,” he laughed softly when he heard him teasing his friend, “With Phii Beert, he’s just a lovely older brother.” He explained why he liked talking to Phii Beert, because of the comforting aura he exudes, making Phii Beert quite a comfort zone for me.
As for Phii Godt, I’d label him as a “danger zone.” My heart feels like it’s going to explode every time I get close.
“And what about you?” asked the person who never gives up when it comes to me.
He already knows he’s special to me, even putting an egg in for me, why does he need to ask again?
You know, right? The promises I made, I’m about to break them myself,” I said, looking down and playing with my sweaty palms.
“I know.”
“One of them is already broken. If the other two break, I don’t even know what I’ll say to you.”
“When the time comes, we’ll figure it out.”
Figure it out, huh? That’s right. If the time comes when I want to look at his face, see his expressions and eyes, see his smile, see his serious face, if that time comes, there would only be a few words I’d want to say to him.
Because if I were the one to take off Phii Godt’s mask…
It would mean I’m really confident then.
“But if you don’t know, I’ll make you know.”
“…How will you do that?”
“Want to know? Lean your ear closer.”
I leaned my ear towards the balcony, curious to hear what he would say, before Phii Godt whispered softly on the breeze,
“I think of you.”
Thud.
My right hand pressed against my chest; my heart was beating like a drum, oh my.
“I am thinking about you a lot.”
“Phii Godt…”
“Do you think about me?”
I clenched my lips tight, scratching the back of my neck to ease the awkwardness.
“Uh.”
“Not ‘uh’, do you think about me?”
My heart was about to explode.
“I… think about you.”
“Crazy, you’re making me blush so much.”
“Phii Godt!”
Khun Godzilla laughed with delight.
“If I like you and you like me, if I think about you and you think about me, we’re this much in sync. It’s not hard at all.”
And what words do you want to hear?” I sat there, waiting anxiously for him to come up with those words.
“Anything.”
“Huh?” Anything, huh? So, what should I say then?
“Yes, except for the words, ‘stop bothering me’.”
“Why would I say that?”
“Exactly, that’s absolutely forbidden. I think it’s cutting off opportunities; if you say you hate me, I can still win you back, right? If you’re angry, I can still make you not angry, but ‘stop bothering me,’ there’s nothing I can do about that.”
“I won’t say that.”
“Then try saying it, I’ll sulk.”
“Good at sulking.”
“See?”
“I think… if that time comes… I’ll have the best words for you.”
“Make it really good, like something that makes me fall in love and can’t back out.”
“Crazy.”
He’s crazy, always saying crazy things.
“But really, any words will do. As long as you say them, I’ll be happy.”
We sat sharing stories with each other on the balcony, with the conversation revolving around pork floss bread that he likes to eat, and today was a happy day as usual.
The light-hearted stories of each day, the happiness of talking to him, the comfort of talking to him.
This is the best relationship there can be.
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