MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 17: What Do We Want More Than Someone Who Understands Us?
I dropped my bag on the floor and hurried to my computer because my phone’s battery was dead. I opened my laptop screen, logged into Twitter, and searched for the account, ‘maboyfriend’, while scrolling through mentions thinking they might relate to the issue after my photo was tweeted not long ago.
Maboyfriend: Sorry for deleting the photo, the senior asked me to do it through a private message.
Hens: Which senior are you talking about?
Pete: @Darin, is it who I think it is? The one wearing the Ultraman mask?
ET: Yep, Phii Godt is definitely a third-year engineering student, always carrying different masks.
Ranee: Really? Does Phii Godt have a boyfriend?
34Beats: Bye!
Maboyfriend: Calm down, guys. I was told backstage it was deleted because the junior wasn’t okay with being secretly photographed. As for who the person in the mask is, Ultraman, I won’t say who it is.
Neena: @Rata, my heart hurts, my Phii Godt, T_T
Brex: Huh, when did you guys start dating? Why didn’t you say anything?
Neera: Wow, all the fans are dying now.
Mostin: Here we go again. Since the new crush, it’s not just friends talking like this anymore.
Lilalita: Just tell us straight if you’re dating, why keep it hidden?
What are you afraid of? Don’t you care about the fans at all?
FCgodd: Calm down, friends, no one has confirmed if it’s true yet.
Ging: @FCgodd, @Prae, friends from Phii Godt’s faculty confirmed it, definitely Phii Godt, he was wearing the mask, playing the drums at the canteen that day, in public, it’s definitely him, sis,
TT
FCgodd: “Squeal, dad!
Jjinthewood: Who’s stealing your boyfriend, sis? No way!
Kittaka: Fans who support should wake up. He doesn’t care about you all. Ask him, is he dating anyone? He never answers, never tells.
Anna: Calm down, wouldn’t it be better if he comes out and says it himself? It’s just a photo that was secretly taken.
Montra: Juniors are crazy these days, juniors don’t even give each other flowers anymore.
Geegee: @Vitamin, oh, your beloved has been exposed.
YouZa: It’s a bit yellowish.
Teetarat: Digging for gold.
FCgodd: @YouZa, hello, it’s 2019. We don’t discriminate anymore.
Fahfah: Even though I feel a bit sorry, I’m happy for him.
The junior is really cute T^T
Ging: @YouZa, @Teetarat. No discrimination, we’re intellectuals now. The fans are just sad. They never knew their senior was dating the younger one.
I closed my laptop screen and flopped onto the wide bed. I buried my face in the pillow, feeling anxious.
I know there are a lot of people who like Phii Godt, but I didn’t think it would be to the extent of having such extreme fans, because usually we only meet on the balcony, talk before going to bed, eat together, and it’s only been recently that we’ve been seeing each other more often.
I lay there watching young-master waddling around on the bed.
“Did I make the right choice, liking him? Am I making him act out of character like this?”
“Am I causing him to be attacked?”
“Will he be hurt by those words?”
“young-master… I don’t like this at all.”
My hand touched young-master’s shell, placing him back in his box before I hugged myself to sleep.
Or maybe, I shouldn’t like Phii Godt, or maybe both of us should just stop here…
I closed my eyes, letting all the chaos in my head fade away along with my fading consciousness.
Knock knock
The sound of knocking came from the door. I moved in the dark, fumbling to turn on the bedside lamp, glanced at the clock showing half past ten, then swung my legs off the bed, walking unsteadily to open the door.
The tall guy wearing a new pattern Ultraman mask was standing outside my room, holding a bag of the snacks he said he’d buy for me. I didn’t say anything, just opened the door wide and let him walk in.
But Phii Godt didn’t come in.
“What’s wrong?”
My lips tightened, my eyes lowered to look at my toes.
“Diew.”
“I’m fine…”
“Don’t lie to me.”
“I…” Did I do the right thing by liking him like this? Did I really do the right thing by making him act this way? Not being himself, forcing him to do things that make his life harder.
“Can I come in?”
“Hmm.”
Phii Godt walked into the room and sat on the floor, setting the bag of khanom bueang a little away from him. His eyes were fixed on the Ultraman mask, which was cracked, lying on the bed where I had forgotten to put it away.
His large hand picked up the mask he had entrusted to me. I didn’t know what expression he had on his face.
I just knew he would be angry if he heard what had happened.
“Who did this?”
I clenched my fists with concern, there was a moment I didn’t dare tell him because I was afraid the situation would escalate.
“Can you tell me?” But with his soft voice, I gave in completely.
“Jen… Phii.”
“Again?” His voice slightly rose, “This is going too far.”
“Phii Godt… I don’t want any trouble.”
“But she did this.”
“I won’t let her… I won’t let anyone do anything.”
“Diew.”
The warm hand of the person in front of me reached out, intending to touch my hair, but I flinched away out of fear, afraid of being scolded, afraid of being hated, afraid of doing something wrong. Phii Godt paused and withdrew his hand.
“Is there anything else?”
I turned to look at my phone, which was half-charged, opened Twitter to find the messages I had read earlier, and handed it to him.
“They… think… we’re dating.”
Phii Godt was silent, not saying anything, as if he was intently reading the Twitter mentions.
“I… don’t want… you to be attacked like that.”
“Are you worried about me?”
“Is it good… for us… to do this…?”
“Diew, no.”
“Really, Phii… both about our relationship… and what Jen said.”
“What did she say?”
My lips were clenched so tightly they hurt.
“Diew, tell me, what did they say? Why are you overthinking this so much?”
“…That you have to wear a mask… that I forced you to wear a mask… when you’re someone who’s proud of your appearance… I’m sorry… sorry for making you… have to wear a mask like this every day… you don’t have to wear it anymore…”
Thinking about Jen’s words hurt even more. I had already told Phii Wan that I didn’t want him to force himself to do something that wasn’t true to himself like this. We could just keep talking on the balcony.
“Diew.”
“I’m sorry… sorry for being selfish.”
My eyes stared at my trembling, pale hands until Phii Godt placed his hand over mine, his large hand enveloping mine, giving off a warmth that seemed to say everything would be okay.
“No. Don’t blame yourself.”
“I wasn’t forced to wear the mask, I chose to wear it myself, wearing it looks cool as hell, besides, it’s not troublesome at all, it’s kind of fun, like the ‘Mask Singer’ show.”
Even though he tried to make it sound funny, I could hardly smile.
“I’m sorry…”
“Diew… it’s just a thin plastic mask, look, it breaks with just a little twist. Easy to put on and take off, easy to slide up and down, more comfortable to breathe in than a PM2.5 mask. How is it troublesome? I only wear it when we meet face to face, I don’t wear it all the time. Not when I’m with friends. Not when I’m in class. It’s not troublesome at all. Besides, if you want me to take it off now, I don’t want to. If I don’t want to take it off, can you force me?”
I shook my head gently.
“You don’t need to apologize anymore. I won’t stop talking to you over something like this.”
“But…”
“Let them say, complain, or tease all they want. Don’t worry about it. Don’t pay attention to it, understand? You’ll just hurt yourself needlessly. I’m happy doing this, and I’ll keep doing it, understand?”
“But I… don’t want you to lose your identity… besides… I don’t want you to be sad… you have fans… so many people who love you…”
There’s hardly any need to care about a selfish person like me at all.
“Diew, I didn’t lose my identity or feel bad about anything. Sure, I have a lot of fans, but if they love me, they should accept my choices.
Let’s see who truly loves us or not.”
Can you really do that? Are you really okay with it? No one likes to be talked about badly.
“And I’m… not your boyfriend… you barely have any reason… to do this much for me.” Although our status now is ‘special’, I don’t even know what to do next. Should we keep this status, or should we step back?
Phii Godt sighed softly, muttering under his breath.
“You crazy kid, with your small frame, you think too much. So, here’s the deal… I’m your special person, right?”
I pressed my lips together, feeling an odd kind of pressure.
“Yeah.”
“Then, this special person wants to ask for one thing.”
“What?”
“Can I add something to our final promise?”
“Add?”
“Don’t think too far ahead, only in cases where the other person doesn’t think the same. But if we think the same…”
“Can I ask to flirt with you?”
I sat there, blinking, looking at him as if my heart had stopped for a moment, stunned by what came out of his mouth. Meanwhile, Phii Godt released his hands from mine and placed them on his mask, as if afraid it might slip and reveal his expression underneath.
“Don’t be quiet, it’s not good for my heart…”
“Do you… like me?” I looked down, afraid my face would show something strange.
The person in front of me didn’t directly say he liked me, but from the silence that formed…
It was a clear answer that he indeed had feelings.
“If I’m not imagining it, Diew must feel the same as me, right?”
I raised my hand to cover my face, feeling warmth spreading through my chest and throughout my body. This was bad, really bad.
I’ve been caught.
“Will you… really… flirt with me?”
“Uh-huh. If you allow it. We don’t have to tear up the agreement yet, let’s see if you can handle it if I really flirt with you.”
“I can… handle it…”
“Like, if we could get along in a different status. Since we both feel the same way now.”
His words made me feel a bit relieved. If that’s the case… then it means we can still talk like before, right? What should I call this? The contract is void because we both feel the same way, huh?
Something like that, I guess.
“Besides, I’m really good at flirting.”
“…”
“I’ve flirted with shrimp, pork, and crabs, I’ve flirted with them all.”
“Can you be serious for a moment?”
“Yes… I’ll flirt slowly. I don’t want to be too aggressive, or else you might run away from me.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Uh-huh means, is it okay or not okay?”
His teasing, no matter when, always annoyed me, but it was the kind of annoyance I wanted in my life.
“Okay…”
“Eh…” The person in front of me paused, “Really okay…”
Wait a minute…
“Phii Godt…”
The person with honey-colored skin raised both hands to his face and let out a high-pitched scream:
“Now!!!”
Can I take back what I said? I don’t want you to flirt anymore. This is giving me a headache!
Phii Godt chuckled a bit before ruffling my hair with satisfaction.
“And when I said I would court you, is that clear?”
“…”
“No one goes to such lengths for someone they don’t like, right? Are you crazy?”
I clutched my head where the warmth of his hand had lingered, the sensation still vivid in my hair, making me want to cry like mad.
Why does he do this? Is he the sun or something?
In the end, our nightly chat promise still stands, in case moving our relationship doesn’t go well or makes someone uncomfortable. We can always go back to being just chat friends before bed because neither of us wants to lose the other.
Phii Godt really knows how to win my heart over.
I don’t really know what Phii Godt means by courting me. Maybe he’ll do something crazy and bizarre to woo me, or something the common folk wouldn’t do, or perhaps it’ll be a normal kind of courting, just living our daily lives together, gradually developing feelings. I can’t imagine what form it will take.
But how did we end up in this situation, from being neighbors, to bedtime chat friends?
I yawned loudly in front of the noodle shop near the dorm, waiting for the old man who was packing stir-fried morning glory with pork into a bag. I didn’t forget to order hot rice to mix with the stir-fry. Before I knew it, a shadow loomed over me. I turned to see the tall figure under the Ultraman mask, approaching with a friend on this fine morning.
“Morning.”
“Good morning, Nong Diew,” Phii Beert gave his usual smile, his signature trait. Meanwhile, Phii Godt was rubbing his messy hair, with Phii Wan standing beside him.
“Why are you up so early? You don’t have any presentations today.”
The smaller guy asked his friend, and Phii Godt yawned again.
“Better ask if I even slept.”
“And you didn’t sleep?”
“Excited, couldn’t sleep.”
“Excited about what?”
“Not telling.” And the person with tanned skin left Phii Wan standing there looking bewildered while he moved to stand beside me, craning his neck to watch the old man scooping pork and hot soup from the pot.
“Today’s lucky color is green.”
I looked up at the person hiding his face behind an Ultraman mask. Phii Godt extended his right hand, which he had been holding closed, in front of me, then let the item hidden under his large hand drop down.
A cute soft tortoise keychain dangled from his index finger. I raised my right hand to catch it in my palm.
“Keep it with you, and you’ll be lucky.”
I gazed at the little tortoise keychain in my hand, smiling so wide my cheeks almost hurt.
So cute.
“Thank you.” If this is one of his flirting methods, then my heart is definitely not safe.
Hey, uncle, I’ll have the same pork with a little spinach in the fried rice.” Phii Godt ordered his fried rice from the vendor and then turned back to talk to me.
“Did you sleep well last night?”
“I did… how about you… couldn’t sleep?”
“Couldn’t sleep, my mind was restless.”
I didn’t respond to Phii Godt, letting his restless mind stay restless because my own heart was in a similar state. I turned to look for Phii Wan and Phii Beert, who should have been standing behind us, but they had already walked off quite far.
I don’t know why, but right now, I’d rather Phii Beert and Phii Wan be together.
Because when it’s just me and Phii Godt, my hands get all sweaty.
After buying the fried rice, we walked around to look at other food stalls. Initially, we planned to stop for some soy milk, but then I wanted something cold more. So, Phii Godt and I ended up standing at a juice blender stall not far from the fried rice shop.
“No classes today?” His deep voice asked, cutting through the sound of the blender.
No classes.”
“Have you stopped overthinking?” I looked down at my feet.
Not really, but I didn’t want him to worry.
“Uh-huh.”
“Lying to me again.”
I could only give a faint smile in response. They taught us not to lie, but if lying makes him feel at ease, I’m willing to be the little shepherd boy.
The atmosphere was awkward, with words hard to come by, gradually fading away when suddenly, Charcoal ran up to greet me, making a squeaking noise in his throat because he knew if he did that, people would soften up and forget that today he needed to buy sausages for Charcoal.
“I’ll go buy sausages… be right back.”
I walked over to pay for the sausages at the nearby food cart, and once I got two thick sausages, I returned to Phii Godt. Charcoal was wagging his tail, circling around me with his big eyes, begging for food.
This black dog is quite cute, and loves to act spoiled.
As Charcoal tried to jump on me, I had to squat down, pushing his nose away like every day, but today, someone else sat down beside me.
“You do this every day?” asked the tall guy. I nodded, “Otherwise, he’ll get spoiled and won’t eat his regular food.”
“But on busy days, I don’t give him any.”
After removing the sticks from the sausages, Charcoal devoured those two big pieces with relish.
“You really are friendly with animals.”
“Back in school… my friends used to call me… Snow White.”
“Huh, you are quite white. Compared to your skin and mine…” Not just saying it, he moved his arm next to mine to compare, not about skin color but about how much I like talking to animals. Speaking of which, I just noticed the contrast in skin color, realizing how white I really am.
But I like Phii Godt’s skin tone, it’s the color of someone who often plays outdoor sports, and it has its own charm.
“Your skin… is beautiful.”
I said softly, only then noticing that Phii Godt had gone quiet. I looked up to meet the Ultraman mask in front of me, and when I realized he was staring, my heart suddenly skipped a beat. I quickly looked away, pretending to mumble to Charcoal about what he did to get scratched, probably got into a fight with a cat and came back with three scratches.
Thank you, Charcoal, for running around here, it really helps distract from the awkwardness.
“But you beat Charcoal in terms of skin color.”
And who compares skin color with a dog, seriously?
We both stood up after Charcoal wandered off to find its owner. I watched the playful dog move away, the sound of the blender making fruit juice still humming in the background. The awkwardness made me feel like I had to say something, find a topic to talk about to ease the awkwardness, especially as our relationship becomes clearer, the more my heart races without letting me rest.
“Last night… I had a dream,” Phii Godt grumbled in his throat.
“What did you dream about? Did you dream of me?”
“I dreamt that… you were eaten by an anaconda.”
“Ha!”
“It was a huge anaconda… I dreamt we were fighting… then you chased me up to the rooftop… after that, you fell off the roof… below was flooded with a lot of water… and then you encountered the anaconda.”
“Did it constrict me?”
“You were in its mouth.”
“And then it bit off your arm… but you escaped in time… so we ran away… and because anacondas can sense body heat… we hid in a food stall.”
“Why a food stall?”
“Because when you stir-fry morning glory with chili, the heat masks human body temperature… snakes are afraid of fire, so they can’t tell us apart.”
“Prrr!” He laughed so loudly that I had to slap his arm.
“That’s a terrible laugh.”
“So, was it a thriller or a comedy?”
“I think it was a thriller.”
“But I thought it was comedy from the moment you mentioned stirfried morning glory with chili.”
“It makes sense, though.”
“But they say if you dream of a snake, you’ll meet your soulmate.”
“But it was an anaconda… not just any snake.” The ancient belief passed down that dreaming of a snake means you’ll meet your soulmate, and if it’s an anaconda, what kind of soulmate would that be? Or maybe, glancing at the person next to me, someone big, loud, and boisterous like Godzilla, when compared to an anaconda, it fits.
“Alright, got it.”
I took the glass of strawberry smoothie, sipping the cold, tangy flavor that Wan made, which helped to clear my foggy mind from the morning. All the chaos in my head slowly faded away when I got to enjoy my favorite treat like this.
“They say eating something delicious can heal your soul.”
Phii Godt’s warm hand gently rubbed my head, making me grip the smoothie glass tighter.
There you go again, don’t use your deadly charm so often.
Before we could continue talking, Phii Wan walked back, staggering slightly, but he seemed annoyed about something, his face was stern, and his eyes were glaring at the guy following not far behind. Both stopped beside us, but Phii Wan didn’t make eye contact with Phii Beert. “What’s wrong, why the long face?” Phii Godt held a watermelon smoothie while asking his smaller friend.
“Annoyed with that asshole, Beert.”
“Oh, what did you two argue about? What happened with Beert?”
“He wants me to go back and talk to Tan.” Phii Wan grumbled irritably.
Tan? Who’s Tan?
“I was just trying to help.”
“Tan chose to leave on his own, why should I go back and talk to him?”
“You still can’t forget him, can you?”
“I’ve forgotten everything, don’t remember, just annoyed.”
After venting, he walked off, with Phii Beert trailing behind him. I watched them quietly, not asking anything because I knew it wasn’t my place. It was Phii Godt who explained.
“Tan is the old friend I told you about, remember?”
Oh, the one you said was like me?
“He… came back?”
I heard he’s been messaging Beert for a couple of days now. But I think it’s best not to talk again.”
“Why?”
“Diew, you know Wan likes Tan, but Tan doesn’t like Wan back. Plus, he’s said things that hurt Wan’s feelings. It’s best they cut ties, especially since Wan gets hurt more by being around Tan. I don’t want to see him so down.”
“Oh.”
“Love, you know, it doesn’t work if it’s just one-sided.”
That’s true.
“Give me a high five.”
Khun Godzilla said, extending his hand towards me. I gently tapped his hand to signify that I wouldn’t leave him hanging. If he raised his hand, I’d reciprocate.
“Do you know why I feel good with you?”
I shook my head in a playful manner, looking down.
“Because you always listen to me.”
“I… do that?”
“Yeah. Who would be crazy enough to sit and listen to me talk about ‘One Piece’ from the first chapter to the latest one when they themselves aren’t even following the story?”
I let out a soft laugh.
That’s true. If it were anyone else, they’d probably be bored to death by now.
“So, don’t think about it anymore. You’re not forcing me to do anything; I do everything willingly, just as long as you’re by my side.
That’s all I need. Okay?”
“Uh-huh,” I responded quietly, glancing over at Phii Beert and Phii Wan who seemed to have reconciled. Seeing that, Phii Godt led me to join them to go back to the room for lunch. While in the elevator, Phii Godt spoke out of the blue:
“People don’t need much, really. Just someone who can listen to our complaints endlessly, that’s enough.”
“Complaining about what?”
“Figure it out yourself, who listens when you complain about your heartbreak every day?”
Phii Wan turned to look at Phii Beert.
And who listens to you complain about your troublesome little brother every day when you come back from home?”
Phii Beert looked back at Phii Wan.
“Let go of those you’ve left behind, the ones you should care about are those who are right next to you, right?”
They both fell silent for a moment, until the sound of the elevator moving could be heard. Then Phii Wan lightly tapped Phii Beert’s arm, speaking softly with a sense of guilt:
“Sorry, I guess I was too hot-tempered.”
“It’s okay, I apologize too, I won’t do it again.”
Phii Wan and Phii Beert are closer to each other than anyone else in the group, plus they are roommates. I don’t want to see the two of them fight either. Even though I’ve only recently met them, I can see how much they care for each other.
“By the way,” Phii Wan suddenly laughed, “You’ve been quiet lately, you brat.”
I was taken aback when I suddenly became the topic of conversation.
Phii Beert chuckled softly.
“What are you talking about?”
Lost your cool, huh? I just found out from Beert here that you sent something.”
“Stop.”
“Just Godt alone.”
“I told you to stop!”
“Diew, look, what did he send to Beert?”
“Hey, don’t!”
Phii Wan handed me Phii Beert’s phone before Phii Godt could grab it. I quickly took the phone and looked at the screen where Phii Beert’s LINE was open with a conversation with Phii Godt:
Godzilla
Hey Beert
The kid allowed me to flirt with him
Fuck, the kid allowed me to flirt with him I’ve completely lost my cool, fuck fjdsaklfjdsakljfdsakl
And so, today I learned one more thing about the creature next door, that Phii Godt is very good at hiding his feelings. His face might look calm, but who knows how much he’s screaming inside.
This might be another moment where I think… he’s… insanely cute.
Leave a Reply