MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 07: Friendship is like a bridge, whether it’s fragile or strong depends on the care given.
After talking for a while, the first thing I noticed was, “Honey-colored skin.”
Khun Godzilla has honey-colored skin and the back of a hand typical of someone who regularly plays sports. Phii Godt’s hands aren’t slender or beautiful, but they are large and seem warm.
I raised my hand to look at it under the soft orange light of the square room.
Compared to his hand, mine looked tiny.
After returning from university, I sat alone in my room, reading for a while before I found myself silently staring at the empty wall and the young-master figurine that was wandering around on my desk.
It felt like I was waiting for the time to talk to someone else.
Sigh.
I sighed and rested my head on the desk. Day by day, the one addicted to talking before sleep wasn’t Khun Godzilla in the next room, but this lonely guy right here. I had told him many times, ‘I don’t want you to get attached to me because one day I might stop talking to you,’ or ‘I don’t want you to be heartbroken if I ignore you later,’ but it turned out that I was the one starting to fear being ignored by him.
From thinking that it wasn’t necessary to talk every day, I found myself waiting to talk to him, as if it had become something I had to do daily. I just wanted to know what he did today, how his outside life was, how he was with his friends, if he was happy.
I didn’t want to think too much, so I picked up a novel to read leisurely before my silent phone rang. I looked at the name on the screen and automatically smiled, quickly moving from sitting on a chair to lying on the bed before answering the call.
“Grandpa.”
(“Hey, my clever grandson, how’s university?”)
“It’s good.”
(“Good how? You go to class and then straight back to your room?”)
“Yeah.”
(“Exactly like your father…”) I chuckled softly; I definitely got my traits from my dad. If I had inherited from my mom, living with her would have ended in a fight.
“I miss you, Grandpa.”
(“When you’re on break, come to Phuket. I’ll take you around the island, we’ll go snorkeling to see the coral.”)
“I don’t want to.”
(“That’s not good. You should get out of your room sometimes.”)
“I like staying in my room; it’s comfortable. I don’t have to see anyone.”
(“Do you have any friends? Don’t tell me you don’t talk to anyone.”)
“I do have friends, Grandpa. I talk to people in my major, but no close friends.”
(“Don’t you want to find someone? So you won’t be lonely.”)
“Grandpa you know I prefer being alone”
(“No one can be alone forever, at least there should be someone you feel comfortable talking to.”)
Comfortable talking to?
Suddenly, one person’s name floated into my mind. Recently, there’s only one person I’ve been talking to more than others. And that person is also my loud next-door neighbor.
“But I’m afraid that if we talk, one day we might stop talking and I’ll feel sad.”
(“Why do you think you’ll stop talking?”)
“Grandpa, you know, people these days stop talking to each other so easily.”
(“And haven’t you considered the other side? If you don’t start talking, and one day he’s gone, you’ll regret it later.”)
I lay quietly, staring at the ceiling, thinking about the lonely and sensitive creature next door. If one day Phii Godt disappears, I would feel an emptiness, but if I could choose, I’d rather he stayed here and we kept talking.
“And if we want to talk to him, do we need to step out of our comfort zone, Grandpa?”
(“No need, but there should be someone who can enter our comfort zone. If you find that person, hold onto them well. Regular friends are easy to find, but good friends who understand you, they’re rare.”)
“Thank you, Grandpa.” That’s why I love Grandpa the most.
Grandpa turned to mumble something to my mother before excusing himself to hang up.
Since I was little, Grandpa never forced or scolded me for being by myself. He never thought of dragging me out if I didn’t want to go, but he would slowly approach me, bit by bit, until I began to open up. Grandpa liked spending time with me in my room, whether it was reading books, teaching me about marine life, or even how to live life.
Thanks to Grandpa for making me grow up to be a strong person.
I took a deep breath and sat up, trying to be strong so Grandpa wouldn’t worry, before the sound of knocking on my door startled me.
Knock knock
“Diew… it’s Wan.”
The nasal voice I recognized well sounded from outside my room, my eyebrows furrowed in surprise.
Why is Phii Wan knocking on my door?
I slowly opened the door, the first thing I saw was a yellow box from a famous tart shop. I looked up at the person holding the box out to me; Phii Beert stood behind Phii Wan, while the smaller one was scratching his cheek in embarrassment.
Uh…
“Uh… What’s this?”
“It’s an apology. Since I didn’t mean it.”
“But…”
“Take it, it’s tiring.”
“Thank you.”
Phii Wan thrust the box of egg tarts at me, so I reluctantly accepted it, thanking him in a low voice. The smaller one turned to look at Phii Beert, who was smiling back at Wan from behind.
“Satisfied?”
They must have been forced to do this.
“Can we come into your room, Nong Diew?”
“Sure… but my room is kind of messy.”
I opened the door wider to let both of them in. Although I didn’t quite understand why Khun Godzilla’s crew suddenly decided to barge into my room, they seemed to be genuinely apologetic, and they brought snacks too. Plus, having Phii Beert here made it less intimidating than our first encounter.
“Is this what you call messy?” Phii Beert smiled dryly, “If this is messy, then my room must be a wet trash heap.”
Phii Wan sat down at the edge of my bed, his eyes scanning the room before stopping at the fish tank.
“You keep turtles too?”
“Uh… yeah.”
“So cute,” he said, playing with his finger at the young-master figurine. Meanwhile, Phii Beert sat on the floor with good manners, causing me to wave my hands, urging him to sit on the bed instead. But when Phii Beert saw Phii Wan busy with young-master, he too fell under the young-master’s charm.
“Does it have a name?”
“Young-master…”
I looked at the tall and short guys who were always stuck together like mischievous bananas, except that the heights of Phii Beert and Phii Wan were quite different; one was tall like a titan, the other only reaching the shoulder of the first. Both were playing joyfully with young-master, watching their strange behavior for a moment before I asked,
“Why are you guys here?” My voice made them jump, it was Phii Wan who spoke up first.
“Actually, we came to apologize.”
He pushed me to sit on the bed while he and Phii Beert sat on the floor. I sat stiffly in surprise.
“Seniors… what are you doing?”
“We just found out you made a promise to be friends with Godt.” Phii Beert bowed his head.
“Uh, please don’t stop talking to him,” Phii Wan scratched his cheek while looking away.
“Sorry.”
“Sorry.”
And then they both apologized to me like they had done something grievously wrong.
I quickly sat down on the floor with them, trying to pat their shoulders to indicate I wasn’t angry at all. I really wasn’t angry; if I was scared of ghosts and got pranked with ghost stories, I would be the one getting mad.
“Seniors… you don’t have to apologize to me… I was also wrong… for pretending to be a ghost.”
“That’s right. We were wrong, I couldn’t even sleep, you know?” Phii Wan turned to give me a stern look while scolding. I could only give him a dry smile in return.
“It’s good that we apologized, Nong Diew.” Phii Beert patted my shoulder.
“Before this, we had a friend like you,” Phii Wan started to relax and shared a story with me.
“Uh-huh…”
“He was the type who liked to be alone, didn’t socialize, wouldn’t make eye contact when speaking, everyone thought he was a black sheep, strange, for a while.” I nodded in understanding; that was me.
“But Godt really wanted to be friends with him, so he tried hard to take him out, to hang out with other friends until the third year, and then that friend just disappeared. We found out later he had transferred universities.”
My lips tightened. He must have felt terrible being forced out of his own world like that every day.
“But honestly, we were all wrong, right, Beert?”
“Yeah, seeing him not react much, we took him along, but who knew he was feeling uncomfortable deep down.”
“We feel guilty too, but Godt feels the guiltiest because he used to live in the same dorm as that guy. So, he moved here, and when he met you, it was like he could atone for his sins.”
Ah… I started to understand. That’s why Phii Godt was so dedicated to something intangible like me.
If he wants to atone for what he did to that friend, I don’t mind. In fact, it’s good that he wants to get to know someone like me because I’ve spent my whole life trying to understand extroverts—my mom, old friends—but no one has ever tried to understand me.
Phii Godt is the first person who has made that effort.
“I don’t want you to stop talking to Godt,” Phii Wan said with a sad face. I gently patted his leg to comfort him.
I’m not good at comforting people, not good at talking, and I think slowly like a turtle, but I wanted to tell him…
“I… never thought… of stopping talking.”
“Really?”
“Yeah… Phii Godt is… the only one who really understands me, so… I don’t want to see him.”
It took me a minute to get the words out. I could see Phii Wan was a bit nervous, even though I had a hundred words in my mind that I wanted to say in three seconds, but it took me a minute to finish one sentence.
“Why? If you want to be friends with Godt, it’s okay to see each other,” Phii Wan asked, but then Phii Beert interjected with his deep voice, seeming to understand my actions.
“It’s like talking online, right? If you don’t see each other, you won’t expect them to like you or not, chat as friends, just know each other superficially. You don’t have to worry about what your eyes might reveal; it’s more comfortable that way, isn’t it?”
I nodded rapidly at Phii Beert, almost crying because he understood what I felt, which few people do.
Everyone often thought I was too complicated, that it’s not hard to just meet face-to-face, but for me, aside from my classmates with whom I have superficial conversations, teachers, grandma, mom, and the regular shop where I buy things, my old school friends even called me Snow White because I don’t like talking to people, but I can have a proper conversation with animals. I talk to Charcoal, the dog in front of the dorm, young-master, the turtle, and all kinds of animals because they never say anything that hurts my feelings.
I’ve never had a conversation with anyone as well as I do with Phii Godt, including Phii Wan and Phii Beert, but in the case of these two guys in front of me, it’s very different from Phii Godt.
I have no expectations from them at all, that they would understand me. Even if they don’t understand, I wouldn’t care because they aren’t important to me.
But today, Phii Beert and Phii Wan successfully entered my world for the first time, and I felt good that they were willing to open their hearts to understand me.
“Then that’s okay,” Phii Beert smiled at Wan, and from sitting stiffly, I started to relax a little.
“Okay.”
“So you can be sure that as long as you don’t see Godt’s face, don’t see his eyes, don’t see his expression, you’ll keep talking to him.” I nodded again.
“And if you don’t see his face, but you’re beside each other, would you feel uncomfortable, Diew?”
“What do you mean, Beert?”
I didn’t quite understand what Phii Beert was saying. Does he mean not seeing the face but being next to each other like this?
“Actually, I should know… when I talk… I… don’t look at anyone’s face.”
That’s why Phii Wan initially said I was strange for not looking at people when I talked.
“And if I do this?” I looked up at Phii Beert, who pulled out an A4 sheet from his pocket. He poked two round holes in it before placing it over his face.
“Dare to look at my face now?”
His eyes looked like a young master’s.
“Uh… yes.”
“Are you wearing a mask?” Phii Wan asked, puzzled.
“Yeah, I get it now.”
“…”
“So, if you feel comfortable going outside anytime, you can line us.” Phii Beert handed his phone to me with the screen showing the ID for adding on LINE I slowly entered my details.
I had Line but didn’t use it much, more for following class news and updates from friends.
“Can I have one too?”
Then Phii Wan handed his phone over for me to add him on LINE as well.
After that, the three of us became friends in a somewhat confusing way, especially Phii Wan, who seemed to enjoy the conversation and was eager to see what I would say next, despite initially thinking he was harsh.
Actually, Phii Wan is very attentive to those around him.
Both Phii Beert and Phii Wan didn’t want me to talk to Phii Godt about today’s events. They told me to keep it a secret, but if I ever needed help, they said I could always contact them on Line as a way to atone for ambushing me at my door. I could understand Phii Beert because he didn’t bother me after adding me on LINE.
But with Phii Wan…
He could be as nerve-wracking as Phii Godt.
After talking to Phii Wan, he’s an extrovert on a level of 200, even higher than Phii Godt. He’s active on every social media platform, knows a lot of people like a celebrity, and is aware of everything happening in the university. Every time we talk, he’s the one who talks about this and that while I just send stickers back to let him know I’m listening.
At the same time every night, 10 PM, I sit on my balcony enjoying the cool evening breeze. The main reason I chose this dorm is because there are no mosquitoes to bother me. I can leave my balcony door open all day, sleep by the balcony without worrying about dengue fever. Since I’ve been here, I’ve never seen a gecko or any creepy creatures in my room, except for Godzilla next door.
I was casually reading when I heard the sound of the key in the next room’s door. Today, the creature next door was back alone because Phii Beert went back to sleep with Phii Wan.
Creak
The glass door opened, followed by a yawn.
“Diew, are you there?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m exhausted.”
Then I heard him drag a chair out from the room, and sit down with a loud screech.
“Aren’t you going to sleep?”
“Want to talk first.”
That’s how it is.
“About Wan that day, I’m sorry.”
“You’re apologizing to me again.”
“Wan is trying to understand because he once had a crush on someone similar.” I choked a bit, recalling what Phii Wan had told me. From what
I heard, it was a different story because Phii Wan only talked about Phii Godt. So, I sat quietly, listening intently.
“Yes.”
“But he’s moved to Chiang Mai now, so he doesn’t really like people who don’t make eye contact when speaking.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because you can’t tell what they’re thinking.”
Oh… I was starting to understand why Phii Wan said he didn’t like it when I spoke without looking into his eyes. It’s probably because of this.
“And how do you feel?” I asked the creature next door who was nibbling on something.
“I’m not like him, I just want to understand…”
“It’s not hard for me to understand.”
“Huh?”
“If we’re close, I’m not that hard to understand.”
A faint smile appeared on my face.
“So, don’t get bored and leave just yet.”
“Us.”
“What?”
“Don’t be lazy.”
I almost choked on my saliva and coughed.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Suddenly coming at me with that.
“With Beert.”
“Huh…”
“You know you feel comfortable talking to him.”
“And what are you?”
“I’m… an elastic punch!” And then he changed the subject so quickly I almost fell back.
“We’ve got to be gentle and reserved, you know.”
“What?”
“Don’t let guys touch you easily.”
And that night, Khun Godzilla next door transformed into a strict auntie, lecturing me about proverbs teaching women to be modest until I almost forgot that…
I-am-a-guy!!
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